After returning to his old school as a teacher, Shao Wu’s strongest impression was this: kids these days had it rough.
Evening self-study now ran until 10:20 p.m., and Saturday had become a fixed day for extra classes. That month, Shao Wu was temporarily covering geography for a senior-year humanities class. Every student had little self-motivation notes stuck to their desks. Some were famous quotations, some named the universities they wanted to attend. He even saw a photograph of Weiming Lake at Peking University on one girl’s desk, carefully covered strip by strip with clear tape, like some fragile, delicate dream.
Longlong had a note on her desk too, just like the other students. It read: Central Academy of Fine Arts, wait for me!
So whenever Shao Wu supervised evening self-study, sitting at the lectern and looking out over the rows of dark-haired heads bent below him, he felt a little unsettled. Sister Shan said No. 2 High had been declining for the past few years. It was not that the teachers did not work hard; the quality of incoming students simply was not what it used to be. After the high-school entrance exam, the very best students went to Chongqing No. 1, No. 3, and No. 8 High Schools. Those a little below them could still get into one of Chongqing’s municipal key high schools. Even parents of weaker students found ways to send their children elsewhere, either using connections to squeeze them into a Chongqing high school, paying for private school, or even sending them to Mianyang High School as guest students before bringing them back for the gaokao. As a result, Yongchuan’s local high schools were getting weaker and weaker intakes, and naturally their gaokao results were no longer what they had once been.
“Seems like it started with your year,” Sister Shan said. “Remember your old homeroom teacher? The class he had before yours sent several students into Qingbei-Fujiao. Then your class came along, and there was only you, Wang Congning, Han Huiyuan…” She abruptly hit the brakes and fell silent, her expression turning awkward.
Shao Wu understood. Even counting Han Huiyuan, who had repeated her senior year, only three people in their class had scored highly, and he meant truly high scores. That year Wang Congning went to Fudan. Han Huiyuan repeated a year and then went to Fudan too. Shao Wu, meanwhile, had quietly enrolled at Chongqing University.
Shao Wu smiled at Sister Shan, his expression relaxed. “What about after that? How did Teacher Cui’s classes do later?”
“It really was one class worse than the last. Why else do you think Teacher Cui left? He said there was no point staying here.” Sister Shan sighed. “Take now. Going by last year’s results, fewer than half the students in my class can clear the first-tier university cutoff. Tsinghua or Peking University? Forget it. If one of them makes it into Zhejiang University or Nanjing University, I’ll be thanking heaven.”
So when Shao Wu looked at the students below him with their heads buried in their work, he felt a little unsettled. Fewer than half could clear the first-tier cutoff. Tsinghua and Peking were out of the question. What did that mean? It meant that most of the students in this classroom would ultimately fail to get into the universities they dreamed of. It meant the girl with the photograph of Weiming Lake taped to her desk would very likely never make it to the shore of Weiming Lake.
Shao Wu even tried to comfort himself with a little self-deception. Back when he was in high school, he had not really understood the deeper meaning of working hard to get into university either. Everyone else studied hard, so he studied hard too. He almost hoped these students could be a little more blind about it, that they had simply chosen a dream university without thinking too deeply, then casually written it on their desks. If that were true, perhaps when the day came for them to check their gaokao scores, they would not be quite so disappointed.
Then Shao Wu thought again that he was really judging others by himself. Maybe the only person who had truly been blind was him. Changing his university application, giving up postgraduate recommendation, giving up graduate school. It was not that he blamed Yang Shuyi. It was just… just how much had he lost, without even realizing it, by doing all those things? Maybe only after enough years had passed, when he could finally turn around and look back, would he be able to answer that question. But by then, perhaps it would already be too late.
By October, Yongchuan was still getting summerlike stretches of rain, but after a few downpours the temperature suddenly dropped. Shao Wu put on a new khaki sweater with a shirt-style collar. The girls in his class had praised him several times already: “Teacher, you’re so handsome! Do you have a girlfriend?”
Girls these days.
He had bought that sweater with Zhu Jingjing the previous weekend. Zhu Jingjing, as a PE teacher, did not have to work overtime, while Shao Wu still spent his weekends in the school dormitory with nothing much to do anyway. More than four months had passed since graduation in June, and Shao Wu had been living in the dormitory assigned by the school the entire time without going home once. The day they bought the sweater, he and Zhu Jingjing ran into his parents at the mall. Neither of them had expected such a coincidence. His mother was carrying an HLA shopping bag. She froze when she saw Shao Wu, then immediately looked at Zhu Jingjing.
Shao Wu froze too. Zhu Jingjing reacted quickly, taking Shao Wu by the hand and walking over. “Uncle, Auntie, you’re shopping too?” Her voice was sweet.
“Ah, yes, we…” His mother looked uncomfortable. “Just looking around.”
Zhu Jingjing smiled. “So are we. The temperature dropped, didn’t it? We came to buy him a sweater.”
His father stood beside her without speaking. His mother answered stiffly, “Yes… it did get colder.”
Only then did Shao Wu finally come back to himself. He called softly, “Dad. Mom.”
His parents had not learned that he was returning to Yongchuan to teach until graduation, and they had been furious all over again. His father had told him to get out, so Shao Wu had no choice but to get out and move into the school dormitory.
At Shao Wu’s greeting, his father turned his face away, his expression rigid. His mother looked as though she could not quite harden her heart. Her lips moved, and in the end she asked softly, “Is work tiring?”
Shao Wu’s heart twisted. “It’s fine. Not tiring.”
The three of them fell silent again. In the middle of the crowded mall, the atmosphere was painfully awkward. Zhu Jingjing secretly squeezed Shao Wu’s fingers. He knew she was prompting him to say something, but he genuinely had no idea what to say. His parents were angry, and he felt guilty. All he could do was quietly accept their anger.
“Uncle, Auntie, we’ll get going then,” Zhu Jingjing said brightly. “We bought movie tickets and it’s about to start.”
“Oh, all right… Then hurry along.”
Only after they left the mall did Zhu Jingjing release Shao Wu’s hand. She shook out her wrist and shot him a look. “Could you be a little sweeter with them? Didn’t you see your mom was already softening up?”
Shao Wu said sheepishly, “I was too nervous… Thanks, Jingjing.”
Zhu Jingjing shook her head and said carelessly, “Then buy me an ice cream.”
So Shao Wu bought Zhu Jingjing an ice cream. After that, one of them went home and the other returned to the dormitory. On the way back, Shao Wu received a text from his mother: Are you dating that high-school classmate of yours?
Shao Wu hesitated for several minutes before replying: Yes. Her name is Zhu Jingjing. You probably met her before at one of the parent-teacher meetings.
His mother replied: I vaguely remember her. She looks like a good girl. If you’re dating, then date properly. Be serious about it. Don’t be willful the way you are about everything else.
Willful. Yes, he was willful.
Shao Wu: Okay. I understand, Mom.
His mother did not send another message.
They were in a meeting now, with all the teachers from the senior-year humanities class present, Sister Shan included. The heads of each subject group were reporting to her on how teaching had been going lately. When it was one history teacher’s turn, he spoke slowly because of his age and rambled on without end. Shao Wu sat in a corner, distracted. His parents now knew that he and Zhu Jingjing were “dating.” Maybe that would make them a little happier? But this was not a long-term solution. As Sister Shan had said, in a small place like Yongchuan, it became much harder for a woman to find a good partner after thirty. Shao Wu was afraid he would end up holding Zhu Jingjing back.
“All right, I’ve got the general picture. History is still pretty stable. It’s math that’s the problem. Their math is just too weak.”
“Exactly. One of the girls in our class was crying to me yesterday. She said she’s done endless practice problems and spends every evening self-study doing math homework, but she still can’t learn it. What are we supposed to do?”
“Teacher Kong, that’s still a problem with study methods. If you ask me, brute-force problem drilling really isn’t working anymore…”
The teachers discussed it back and forth until the bell rang. Only then did Sister Shan announce the end of the meeting.
“Xiao Shao,” she said. “Wait a second.”
“Hm?”
“There’s something going on with Guo Yulong lately.” Sister Shan leaned closer, frowning slightly. “You signed a leave slip for her the other day, didn’t you?”
“Mm. I did.”
“I went and asked her art-studio teacher. I know that teacher too. She said Guo Yulong never went to the studio that day!”
“What?” Shao Wu said. “But she told me she was going to the studio.” It had been a Saturday, and Sister Shan had not been at school, so Longlong had come to Shao Wu for the leave slip. She told him the studio had invited an outside teacher to come give them instruction.
“She lied to you. That little girl…” Sister Shan said. “I suspect she’s dating someone.”
“Now?” She was already in her senior year. She actually had time to date?
“I’ve been watching her lately, and something’s off.” Sister Shan lowered her voice. “She spaces out in class all the time.”
“Then…”
“Here’s what I’m thinking. You go have a chat with her and feel her out. Aren’t you two close?”
“Oh… all right.” Shao Wu could only agree. “I happen to be supervising evening self-study tonight.”
“Right. Be gentle with her, okay? They’re under a lot of pressure right now, and they’re pretty fragile.” Sister Shan reminded him.
“Okay.”
So two minutes before evening self-study began, Shao Wu called Longlong into the office.
He was actually a little angry. For one thing, Longlong had lied to him. For another, if Sister Shan was right and Longlong really was dating someone… then she was being far too thoughtless. Her brother had even given up his postgraduate-recommendation opportunity so he could support her art studies, and here she was dating? During senior year, when every minute counted?
But angry or not, Shao Wu still could not bring himself to be harsh with her. Remembering Sister Shan’s warning, he thought it over and finally handed Longlong a bottle of Nutrition Express first. “How has Grandma been lately?”
Longlong propped her chin on her hand. “Pretty good. She went to the park with Great-Aunt yesterday.”
“That’s good. If anything comes up at home and you need help, call me…” Shao Wu paused, then asked, “What about your brother? How is he?”
Fine. He had to admit he had an ulterior motive too. Since they were talking anyway, naturally they could talk about Yang Shuyi. He wondered how Yang Shuyi was doing in Chengdu. Shao Wu normally had no way to stay in contact with him. The only thing he knew was the weather forecast for the city where Yang Shuyi lived.
As for why he did not contact him, the reason was simple enough. Yang Shuyi knew how Shao Wu felt, so Shao Wu could no longer contact him openly and naturally, not even just to exchange a few words the way old friends would. Once his intentions had been judged “ulterior,” everything he did would simply become one more action driven by those “ulterior motives.”
He did not want to make Yang Shuyi feel bothered. Or disgusted.
“Hey, Brother Shao Wu.” Longlong twisted open the cap and took a sip. “Why don’t you just ask my brother yourself?”
Shao Wu choked on the question.
“…We’re both busy, aren’t we? Your brother’s busy, I’m busy. Who has time to call every day?” Shao Wu gave two guilty little laughs. “Long-distance calls are expensive too.”
Luckily Longlong noticed nothing strange. Instead, she nodded. “My brother really is super busy. He has to go on business trips all the time too.”
“Oh, really…” Business trips all the time? That had to be exhausting.
Longlong took another sip of her drink and said with an offhand smile, “I just remembered. My brother asked me the other day how Shao Wu was doing too… You two are really funny.”