Earlier that afternoon, between takes, Xing Rong had found a wrapped present inside his own trailer. It was a small box of imported cigars and an exquisite gold-plated lighter. He’d originally bought it to ingratiate himself with Sir Zhuang, knowing that the man smoked.
Now he was thinking of giving it to Master Xiao-Sa, who had taught him to ride, when filming wrapped and the crew dispersed.
Xiao-Sa smoked too.
Giving Sa Risheng a present as a gesture of thanks wouldn’t make him look like a snob who flattered the powerful and ignored everyone else. Sa had no fame or name to speak of, was several years younger than Xing Rong, and looked like a university student, although he probably hadn’t attended university himself. They could simply talk to one another without any pressure, and Xing Rong found that wonderfully relaxing.
“Fine, fine, I’ll go take a look… What, do you want me to bring him a bath scrubber and long johns?”
Driven to exasperation by the man endlessly nagging at his ear, Xing Rong suddenly snapped, stood up from the table, and marched outside, leaving everyone staring at each other in confusion.
Unseen currents were already churning beneath the calm surface. There was bound to be trouble tonight.
Nomadic herders followed the grass and water. As it happened, there really was a lake near the camp. That lake was where this whole accidental encounter began.
Xing Rong walked toward the water in a sulk, carrying something that might have been a towel or an oversized bath scrubber. He planned to stroll beside the lake, with its lush water plants and grass, and find himself some peace and quiet. If he happened across a horse, maybe he’d give the animal a scrub.
He deliberately wandered this way and that until he’d lost the assistant following him.
Who would possibly bathe in freezing lake water at this time of year? You’d have to be insane. Surely nobody would be there.
Xing Rong knew perfectly well that Zhuang Xiao wouldn’t actually come to this lake to bathe. That had just been an excuse. Pei Yan was undoubtedly following him off to some private meeting, where they could talk in secret.
Every one of those people was so shrewd, hiding their own affairs and never telling anyone a truthful word. Who believed Zhuang Xiao was really bathing in the wilderness? Nobody in that tent, not the director or the cameramen or the production manager, believed it, yet none of them said a word. They were there to finish a movie, collect their pay, and leave. What other people did together was none of their business. Who would bother spreading gossip?
He rounded the shady side of a hill and headed toward the last light of the setting sun.
He saw horses grazing lazily beside the lake, a layer of mountain flowers swaying across the meadow and blue ripples spreading into the distance. Everywhere he looked was so beautiful it seemed like heaven.
Beneath the curtain of that heavenly scenery, out in the open beside the water, crouched a figure. Golden-red sunset light spilled over broad shoulders and back, highlighting the muscles. A straight line of spine ran all the way down toward the cleft of the buttocks…
The meadow grass was tall, swaying teasingly in the wind, so Xing Rong didn’t realize someone was there until he was very close. He stopped abruptly, startled, and let out a faint sound.
Black hair, a strong, straight back, a body facing the broad lake and turned away from the hills, bathing by the shore. In the sunset, it made a handsome silhouette.
The build and hair looked terribly familiar. Wasn’t that Mr. Zhuang?
No.
Behind the man’s ear was a row of tiny, neatly braided plaits hanging over his shoulder. Zhuang Xiao would never braid his hair like that. It was far too characteristic of the grasslands.
The man was startled too. He turned sharply and stared at young Xing.
Xing Rong didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. It was already too late to turn around and pretend he hadn’t been there. The other man had seen him. The situation was unbearably awkward. Xing Rong cursed inwardly. Fuck me. Little Prince of Milk Tea, aren’t you cold? This is practically winter swimming!
Someone actually was taking a cold bath beside a great lake on the Huitengxile Grassland, in the chilly autumn evening. The man must have grown up on mare’s milk and eaten so much mutton that his body was overflowing with heat. He really wasn’t afraid of the cold.
Sa Risheng looked bewildered and wary as he stared at Xing Rong. He grabbed his close-fitting tunic and hurriedly pulled it over himself.
“Sorry. I went the wrong way.”
Xing Rong nodded apologetically.
“I don’t know my way around, I didn’t bring a GPS, and there aren’t any road signs out here. I got lost. I’m heading back to the tents for dinner.”
He hurried to explain himself.
“Want a bath scrubber?”
Without thinking, he offered Xiao-Sa the enormous scrubber he’d brought along for the hypothetical horse.
The moment he’d offered it, the whole thing sounded even more ridiculous. What was he doing? He’d supposedly “lost his way” and yet happened to be carrying a bath scrubber? Had he come here specifically to scrub the man down?
“I don’t need that,” Xiao-Sa said.
Silence fell between them. The lakeside was instantly awkward, and the little breeze made it feel even colder.
Xing Rong felt this day had become one long string of bad luck and absurdity. He said, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to intrude.
“I’ll go, then. I’m going back for dinner.
“Xiao-Sa, don’t catch cold out here.”
“…”
Sa Risheng lowered his eyes, uncomfortable. He wasn’t used to having someone catch him bathing outdoors. It felt far too private. Stop staring, would you?
His horse was standing at the entrance to the lake, with his Mongolian saber and outer robe hanging from the saddle. That was the grassland’s version of a “road sign.” It meant somebody was already bathing at the lake, or a man and woman were enjoying a private moment there, and other people should stay away. But young Xing, blundering along, had failed to recognize the obvious living signpost.
* * *
Meanwhile, only a few hundred meters away, Pei Yan and Zhuang Xiao were tucked behind another sheltered slope, out of sight of anyone passing by.
“I knew you couldn’t have ridden very far!” Pei Yan swung down from his horse, gathering a fistful of fragrant wildflowers and grass with one sweep of his hand.
“I didn’t want to ride too far in case you couldn’t keep up, got lost, and couldn’t find your way back,” Zhuang Xiao replied.
Pei Yan laughed. Both of them had come out to get some air, following one another in quiet understanding.
Zhuang Xiao slid off his horse, flung himself into the grass, and lay on his back in the hollow of the hill, gazing toward the blood-red sunset edged with gold. How beautiful the evening sky was.
Zhuang Xiao had wanted a moment alone, but he’d known Mr. Pei wouldn’t leave him in peace and would certainly follow.
Pei Yan imitated him, throwing himself into the grass with equal nonchalance.
Then he let out a pained grunt.
His expression contorted. Slowly he rolled over and meekly settled facedown instead… The injuries across his back still hadn’t completely healed. They hurt.
Zhuang Xiao turned to look at him. Without moving closer or saying a word, he held out a hand and pulled him toward him.
They held hands.
Drawn by the warmth he longed for, Pei Yan crawled across the grass until he lay beside Zhuang Xiao. They smiled at each other. He sorted through his bunch of wildflowers, picked out the prettiest ones, cleaned them up, then carefully laid them one by one across Zhuang Xiao’s chest in a neat row.
It was his little attempt at romance. He didn’t say a word, and eventually succeeded in making Zhuang Xiao laugh. His chest shook and all the flowers slipped off…
Their two horses grazed beneath the sunset, their necks crossing.
The horses seemed to fulfill their owners’ wishes, arranging themselves against the evening sky in a peaceful, beautiful picture.
At Hohhot Airport, Zhuang Xiao had met Miss Lu. The two hadn’t seen each other at all in more than twelve months.
The first thing Lu Wan had done was apologize: I’m sorry. I know it was awful to trick you into coming all the way here from your set. Such a long trip. You must be furious with me, right? And that post I wrote online… do you want to hit someone?
Zhuang Xiao had shaken his head. Whatever you have to say, say it.
Lu Wan admitted: I was impulsive at the time. I just wanted to vent my feelings. I didn’t expect Ms. Chen to jump in and mock me. Originally I only meant to write one post, but the more she argued back, the angrier I got. I couldn’t back down without losing face, so I kept going.
Zhuang Xiao replied: I understand.
Lu Wan said: I just wanted to see you one more time. I probably won’t get another chance. You hardly agree to meet anyone.
She went on: You yourself said you were going back to America and would never work in the mainland entertainment industry again. We broke up because living on opposite sides of the world made a relationship impossible. Now you’ve come back and you’re making movies here again. It feels like I’ve been made a fool of. I just can’t accept it.
Zhuang Xiao said: I broke my word, and I apologize. But it’s in the past. We can’t go backward, no matter where I live in the future.
Lu Wan said: Xiao, there’s something I find terribly strange about you. Is it really, really difficult for you to let yourself feel anything deeply for someone? If you have no feelings for any woman, that’s one thing, and I won’t blame you. But if it’s just me you couldn’t feel anything for, was there something wrong with me? I genuinely want to understand what the problem was back then.
Zhuang Xiao shook his head, absolutely certain: There was nothing wrong with you. The problem was with me. I’ve had this problem with everyone.
If Miss Lu hadn’t pressed him for answers, Zhuang Xiao might never have had another opportunity to examine his own heart so closely and confirm what he’d been learning. “It’s my own problem. In the past I’d never considered certain possibilities, never really understood what I needed or what kind of person I was looking for to share my life with.”
He spoke somewhat indirectly. It would have been difficult to tell Miss Lu the whole unvarnished truth: something fundamental about him had been wrong all along, as though a false skin had finally been stripped away to expose the real flesh of his heart. Perhaps he genuinely lacked that powerful kind of desire for women. Being with them never felt natural, never quite worked or fit together.
He had never known which direction to travel. He hadn’t found the right road, or met the right person.
Sitting in a corner of the airport café, Lu Wan looked sorrowful. I visited your father again in Beijing. Where he’s living now is even shabbier and worse than before. I bought him a few things, sat with him and listened to him curse you out yet again. He said you have no heart, that you ignore him and refuse to see him, and every day he can only search for traces of you in photographs, bank cards, and news reports online. He can’t get hold of the real, living you. He says you only send him money and never visit.
Zhuang Xiao replied: He’s already disabled and in that condition. His life can only get worse. What would I gain by arguing with him? Let him say whatever he likes. I’ve been cursed at so much that I’m tempered steel by now.
Lu Wan said: Sometimes I feel so sorry for you. It hurts me to think of what you’ve been through, and I wish I could be there to care for you. Unfortunately I’m not the right person to do that.
Zhuang Xiao said: Don’t go to see him anymore. Let me be the only one he curses.
At last Lu Wan asked: Have you found the person who truly suits you, someone who can look after you?
Zhuang Xiao said: I think perhaps I have. I’d like to try.
Lu Wan asked: Where are they? Who is it? Can you tell me, so I can see how I measure up?
There was no way he could answer the final question truthfully.
Zhuang Xiao said: That person is in my heart. I’ll make sure he knows.
Finally, Zhuang Xiao had personally seen Miss Lu onto her flight back to Beijing, said goodbye, and apologized again. The past had flowed away like water. Rivers never flowed backward, and neither should people keep trying to retrieve what was gone.
Zhuang Xiao had been completely honest, telling Mr. Pei everything exactly as it had happened, holding nothing back.
At first Pei Yan listened with lowered eyes and pursed lips, endlessly snapping little stems of grass between his fingers. Halfway through, he suddenly raised his head and stared at Zhuang Xiao, twisting an entire fistful of wild grass into pulp. Finally he discarded it, his hands stained with green juice, and glared hungrily at the tempting morsel right beside his mouth.
He flipped over and pressed Zhuang Xiao down hard. Zhuang Xiao tried to dodge but couldn’t, and warned him in a low voice, “Are you crazy? Aren’t you afraid somebody will see?”
“No,” Pei Yan said. “Those people are all eating lamb. They don’t have time to come looking for us.”
He grabbed Zhuang Xiao’s face, turned it toward him, and forced them to look directly into each other’s eyes. “You’ve found somebody who can ‘take care’ of you now?”
Zhuang Xiao frowned. “Your hands are green. Why are you smearing that all over my face? Get them off me.”
Pei Yan glared at him. “Be serious. Tell me the truth. I’m asking you something!”
Zhuang Xiao said disdainfully, “Someone like you? Who could you possibly take care of?”
Pei Yan: “…”
“So the person you meant was me, right? I didn’t misunderstand, right? I’m not imagining things this time, am I? Never mind whether I know how to care for someone. I can learn on the spot. For you, I’ll start learning today! Anyway, you’re mine now, right? After all this going around in circles, that’s what we’re saying, isn’t it?”
The questions burst out of him one after another. He gripped Zhuang Xiao’s cheeks and was determined to make him nod and say yes.
Hehehe…
Another helpless burst of genuine, unabashed laughter escaped between their coats, accompanied by the faintest breathless sound…
Both men slipped their hands inside the other’s military greatcoat and down jacket, slowly closed their arms, and gathered each other firmly into an embrace. Warmth suffused them, driving away every trace of the cold air on the high meadows beyond the pass. Each was a walking hand warmer, shining with heat produced entirely by his own feelings.
Instinctively they began seeking out more intimate, sensitive places. Lips brushed gently over ears and necks. Driven by a rush of joy, their movements grew more urgent, until they found the corners of each other’s mouths and kissed a dimple.
At last their lips met fully. Both men trembled unmistakably as they tasted each other and kissed with deepening passion.
They didn’t want to talk.
What was there left to say?
For the next half hour they wanted to use their mouths for nothing except kissing.
Pei Yan seized Zhuang Xiao’s head with both hands and kissed him fiercely, bearing down from above. He felt Zhuang Xiao’s arm lock around his waist, drawing him tightly into his embrace, while the other arm held the back of his neck. That lower hand moved restlessly over his waist, chasing his warmth, slipping past his belt and inside the waistband of his trousers.
The warm, broad hand almost caught his backside, but at the last instant it changed direction, quietly withdrew, and circled back up to his waist. Eventually it settled on his back and stroked the places covered in tattoos…
Zhuang Xiao retained a little reason and released his lips. “Where do you think we are? We ought to go back.”
Pei Yan said, “Go back…?”
He thought perhaps Zhuang Xiao wasn’t being held back by reason alone. Maybe he still wasn’t ready to accept those kinds of physical acts between men. Perhaps they would remain in a Platonic relationship for a very long time.
And what of it? One kiss from Zhuang Xiao left his whole body weak and tingling. He could watch mountains of porn and never experience feelings like this. This was genuine love…
Which parts of things didn’t fit together?
Pei Yan couldn’t help laughing. “Was it really that bad? You’re making me nervous! Hey, that woman you met at the airport… did you two ever actually do it? Ever sleep together?”
Zhuang Xiao replied, “You really want the truth?”
“Go on. Give your boyfriend the full history.”
Zhuang Xiao looked deeply conflicted about discussing the subject. “We went to bed together. But I never fired a shot.”
Pei Yan knocked his forehead against the ground.
Then he opened his mouth and bit Zhuang Xiao on the neck. He felt an urge to avenge Miss Lu by beating the man up. What kind of way was that to treat someone? He really knew how to make people hate him.
Pei Yan asked, “Is there actually something wrong with you?”
“No.”
“I think there were some lamb testicles and ram’s penises in the dinner pot. You ought to have a little tonic.”
“No need.”
“That won’t do. I need to test the goods before I place an order…”
“Get the fuck off me!”
Zhuang Xiao kicked him aside, and Pei Yan rolled happily across the grass about eight times…
Soulmates were good enough too. Beautiful, really.
Mr. Zhuang, will you ever find another partner and rival who’s better at fighting, more impressive, or better suited to you than I am? I doubt you’ll meet another. And I’m unlikely to find another man like you, which is why I treasure you.
It was almost a pity that such a magnificent, attractive, perfectly functional spear between his legs had been left unused from the beginning. What a waste of good equipment.
But he didn’t dare keep pestering him and say, Brother Xiao, I want to fuck you. I’ve wanted to properly fuck you ever since I met you. Wanting to fuck you is how I know I love you.
* * *
They deliberately rode back one after the other. Zhuang Xiao sent Pei Yan ahead and brought up the rear. “I’m afraid you’ll get lost and won’t find your way back.”
“Me, get lost?” Pei Yan laughed at himself. “A planet goes around a star. As long as I don’t leave my orbit, I won’t get lost.”
Pei Yan was probably the first person to stumble across the explosive rumor that evening. He simply couldn’t stop himself from searching for Zhuang Xiao on his browser and Weibo, peeking at other people’s descriptions, drawings, and photos of the man. He was obsessed.
This time he hadn’t even gotten around to searching. The instant he refreshed Weibo, hundreds of mentions and over a thousand comments blew up his screen. What the hell had happened?
He burped, tasting lamb, and leaned against a corner of the felt-walled tent. He scrolled through his phone without expression, then spat out a three-character curse.
Then he stopped. Wait a moment. What?
The uproar came from another revelation with photographs attached. Pei Yan stared at the screaming red headline being shared by marketing accounts: Prince Rong Intimately Bathes and Dresses Hero Zhuang by the Grassland Lake, Handing Him a Towel as They Chat Affectionately?!
The trending list was exploding with clicks, and the situation had gone out of control. This time the pictures weren’t composites. They were real photographs.
There were pictures, too. The images were grainy, clearly taken on a phone from far away, but you could make out long black braided hair, a muscular back, and bare buttocks. Xing Rong was smiling, looking a little shy as though chatting intimately, bending to hand the other man something…
Pei Yan frowned, crooked a finger toward Zhuang Xiao, who was drinking milk tea in the distance, and handed him the phone.
Zhuang Xiao took one look and frowned too…
The two exchanged a look that defied description.
What the hell was this? Who was supposed to be with whom here?