The two women trading barbs from a distance were both actresses. One was said to be Mr. Zhuang’s former girlfriend; the other was, apparently, the girlfriend before that.
The whole business was fucking hilarious. The more recent ex had struck first. One night, under cover of darkness, Lu Wan posted an enormous essay on Weibo about her former relationship with Mr. Zhuang. Old grievances seeped through every line. She described how wronged and helpless she had felt, how much she had given to the relationship without receiving the care and response she deserved, and how she still could not let it go.
Naturally, that long post blew up the fandom. Zhuang Xiao had only been back in the country for a few days and already an ex-girlfriend had jumped out crowing! What kind of wild pheasant was this, forcing herself into the show? Dragon Battles Heaven’s Pass was filming at full tilt and Zhuang Xiao had returned to the mainland action-film scene at the height of his popularity. Was she so desperate to get famous that she needed to borrow his buzz?
And what had the man at the center of it all said?
Nothing.
Zhuang Xiao had no Weibo account. In fact, he had no account on any domestic social platform. Plenty of people probably wanted to tag him in the post and watch whether he commented, reposted, liked it, reported a rumor, or fired back with a long essay of his own. They could not even find him.
Lu Wan had indirectly accused Mr. Zhuang of playing with her feelings, being emotionally cold, having a bad temper, and dumping her unilaterally.
Less than twenty-four hours later, the situation got even funnier. The other leading lady appeared: Chen Yin, an actress who had spent years working abroad and had lately begun acting in Chinese television dramas, an import returned for domestic sale. She was Zhuang Xiao’s earlier ex-girlfriend. Chen Yin posted a long Weibo response that went through Miss Lu’s accusations point by point.
What did Mr. Zhuang cheat you out of? Did he steal your money?
Your feelings? When two grown adults date, aren’t they both willing participants? Are you under eighteen? You’re almost twice eighteen! Nobody forced anybody, and you were both single, so how exactly were you cheated?
He’s emotionally cold? Funny, I think Mr. Zhuang is pretty decent and quite gentle.
He has a bad temper? Who did he ever get violent with? Did he beat you up? Did someone deserve a beating? If he’d really beaten you, would you still be alive?
You still can’t stop dwelling on him? Supposedly the two of you were "together" for less than three months, and you broke up more than twelve months ago. You wouldn’t even have had time to have a baby together. Who are you trying to blackmail by showing up now?!
On and on and on…
The gossip-hungry public went wild. Nobody had seen two actresses tear into each other quite like this.
Lu Wan shot back at Chen Yin: Ms. Chen, what’s it to you? What exactly are you to him?
Chen Yin replied across the internet: I can’t stand seeing people spread distorted half-truths and malicious lies.
Lu Wan said: This is private business between him and me. I’ll discuss it with him, not you.
Chen Yin said: Then go discuss it privately with him. If your dramas aren’t popular, don’t try to get famous through a scandal.
Lu Wan said: I gave so much and got nothing in return. Why shouldn’t I speak up for myself? Does everyone just flatter the powerful and trample the weak?
Chen Yin said: You’ve been broken up several times longer than you were ever together. If you’re so addicted to playing the grieving woman, maybe you’ll win an acting award. Hurry up and find your next boyfriend!
Lu Wan said: Feeling jealous? Were you with Mr. Zhuang for even five years? You didn’t manage to become Mrs. Zhuang, but you’ve started acting like you are!
Fuck…
Pei Yan pulled his eyes from the phone and closed the page. Both ladies had fearsome tongues and neither was easy to cross. This was Zhuang Xiao’s own fault for choosing girlfriends poorly.
Still, upon reflecting on his own past, Pei Yan admitted that the people he had once taken a fancy to weren’t exactly paragons of taste either. Everyone had been young once. Everyone had taken a wrong turn or two. Ahem.
Filming continued without much incident that day. After work they returned to the hotel in their separate vehicles.
The hotel lobby was piled with gifts fans had sent from far and wide, and assistants from different stars’ teams were rummaging through the treasures.
Zhuang Xiao went over and picked out a large box of custom dolls from his official fan club.
They were luxurious silk-cloth dolls, a set dressed as characters from ancient and Republican-era stories he had played, complete with matching hairstyles and costumes. Each chibi boy had thick brows, bright eyes, rosy pouting lips, and an unbearably cute face.
Zhuang Xiao sat on a lobby sofa, lined up the dolls on the coffee table, and carefully picked up each one to inspect, smiling as he did…
"Well, would you look at that. Cuter than I am." Pei Yan wandered past.
"About as cute," Zhuang Xiao answered lightly.
Pei Yan came over and sat down, deliberately leaving a little over two feet between them. "Feel like going out for dinner tonight?"
Zhuang Xiao answered truthfully. "Not in the mood."
Their eyes met, and each gave the other a bleak, mocking smile. Both had things weighing on their minds. What was there to say?
Pei Yan said, "Fine. I’ll have a boxed meal, then. I’ve got my Shuangfeng beef chili sauce and garlic chili sauce…"
Zhuang Xiao nodded. "As long as you like it."
"I really like it," Pei Yan said softly and firmly.
Zhuang Xiao’s brows drew together. His Adam’s apple seemed to move, but he said nothing.
As for Lu Wan, she was actually quite a good serious actress. She had not entered the industry as a conventional beauty and was known for skill rather than looks. She had won best actress for an art film at a major domestic film festival. Her films seldom sold many tickets, but industry opinion of her craft was strong. Proud and aloof, she rarely aired vulgar personal drama in public. Yet for Mr. Zhuang, she had descended into outright hysteria.
Chen Yin was more senior and had worked in the United States for years. A well-known Chinese-American actress whose English name was Vennesa Chen, she had long, narrow eyes and an imposing queenly presence. She frequently played supporting roles in American television shows and appeared on the Emmys red carpet.
None of this was the point.
The crucial detail grabbing everyone’s attention was that award-winning actress Lu was four years older than Zhuang Xiao. As for Queen Chen… Pei Yan deliberately looked up her Wikipedia entry. She was nine years older than Zhuang Xiao, and more than a full zodiac cycle older than Pei Yan himself. They almost seemed to belong to different generations.
The "unmarried former girlfriend" that director Fat Charles had once gossiped about was probably Ms. Chen Yin, who also worked in the Los Angeles film world. That matched up.
Some private matters simply weren’t a friend’s business to discuss.
Even when you understood something, it wasn’t your place to pass judgment.
And really, what did he understand anyway?
*
He spent a lonely, sleepless night. Pei Yan thought his fingers had become wonderfully nimble lately. His nails were already rounded without filing; it felt as though he had worn every sharp corner and thorn off his body…
Next morning he sprang up vigorous as ever for his usual exercise. He went downstairs to the hotel’s tiny, shabby gym and peeked inside. "Hey…? Where’s he?"
Several stuntmen were lifting weights, stretching, and using the treadmill. All knew whom Young Hero Pei came looking for each morning. "Brother Xiao didn’t come today. Haven’t seen him all morning."
"Maybe he’s still asleep," someone suggested.
"He’s definitely up," Pei Yan said.
He went upstairs again and walked to Zhuang Xiao’s room. He considered knocking, then decided he ought not disturb him. Hands in his pockets, he strolled back and looked up just as the production manager came upstairs.
The man carried a tray of breakfast, a thick stack of documents from various departments, and rough financial accounts for the production. He was running off his feet. He glanced at Pei Yan and, without even asking his business, pointed toward the hotel’s front entrance. "He went out early."
Everyone who worked in this industry was fucking sharp.
"Oh…" Pei Yan looked directly at the production manager. "Where?"
"Not really my place to ask." The manager half-smiled. "I think he took a motorcycle taxi toward Yanmen Pass… He didn’t have any scenes scheduled this morning anyway."
Pei Yan heard that and turned to leave immediately.
"Hey, aren’t you scheduled for two scenes this morning?" the manager called after him, but did not try to stop him.
The towering gate walls looked magnificent in the morning sunlight. Everything was quiet. At this hour, visitors were either drawn here by fate, driven here by private purpose, or lunatics who got up early to jog and climb battlements instead of sleeping.
Pei Yan wore a baseball cap and his morning training clothes as he climbed the wall. Construction on this section had begun as far back as the Han dynasty. Through years of warfare it had been destroyed and rebuilt again and again, continuing into the Ming.
Higher up, he had passed beyond the ticketed scenic area into a wild, unrestored stretch of the Great Wall, beyond even the bounds claimed by the tourist site. Nearby were rank wild grasses; in the distance stood majestic green mountains. It was beautiful beyond description.
Sweat soon broke out, soaking his back. He peeled off his light jacket, revealing the sleeveless undershirt beneath.
He knew he would find the man. Around a bend on the wild wall, he looked ahead and caught sight of an unmistakably familiar figure, far away and running madly along the earthen ramparts.
Fuck…
Pei Yan muttered in complaint. Brother, you climb fast. Catching up to you is going to take some work…
He touched his trouser pocket without thinking. He had even forgotten his phone. He couldn’t call.
He lengthened his stride, driving his thighs harder as he ran up. The steps rose at irregular heights. They had been crudely built even in their own time and were now weathered into broken ruins. They couldn’t bear the pounding of Young Master Pei’s long strides; some looked ready to collapse under his feet.
He practically climbed through the disintegrating steps, bits of earth pattering away before his eyes. On this road up, he might not even be able to get down again. But the person he wanted was ahead.
Pei Yan was sure the man above couldn’t hear his footsteps. He was still far too distant. Nor was Pei Yan such an extraordinary master that his presence could shoot two hundred meters into the sky and be sensed remotely. Yet the figure ahead suddenly turned!
Perhaps it was that mysterious thing people called a connection of hearts, if it deserved such a name.
They were far apart, no more than blurry black dots to each other, identifiable by hairstyle and clothing; shouting would do no good. The man above stopped and looked back for quite a while, then turned and resumed climbing.
Come on…
You really aren’t waiting for me…
Now sweating madly, Pei Yan tied his jacket tightly around his waist and climbed faster. The figure above never stopped, instead moving quicker, even changing pace deliberately. At this rate he’d run Pei Yan completely out of energy.
That was precisely what Zhuang Xiao was trying to do.
Couldn’t catch him? Then don’t chase.
Turn around and retrace the route. Go back where he came from…
Pei Yan flung away his jacket and hat to lighten his load. He was nearly tempted to strip off his trousers and run in his underwear. Gritting his teeth, he chased onward.
As he rounded a bend he nearly slipped. With all the proper brick and stone gone, the path was loose earth and rock, slick beneath his shoes. His legs shot apart into an enormous split right on the steps!
It was an absurd angle and a wretched posture. He held it for several seconds before giving up and tipping backward in slow motion to land flat on his backside. Pathetic as hell.
He felt terribly wronged. Zhuang Xiao just wouldn’t wait for him.
Pei Yan refused to surrender, the sort who would smash himself against a wall before turning back. If he couldn’t catch the man today, he’d raise a banner and jump from the battlements! If civil methods failed, he could fight; if gentle persuasion failed, he could throw a tantrum and make a scene.
He dragged himself up from the ground, caught his breath, and prepared to run again.
When he lifted his head, there on the distant tiers of steps stood Zhuang Xiao, turned toward him at the summit…
If Zhuang Xiao hadn’t turned back to wait, Pei Yan could have chased all around the mountain without catching him. By the time he made it down, night would have fallen and he’d have to go home.
Head down, Pei Yan gritted his teeth and trudged up.
He had planned to vent his grievances when he reached him, but once there, all he could do was bend over with his hands braced on his knees and gasp in front of Mr. Zhuang. Fuck, he didn’t want to talk at all.
"Keep running! Don’t you stop! I’ll catch you!" Pei Yan said between panting breaths, sulking.
"I looked back just now and you’d disappeared in a flash. I thought you’d rolled straight down the steps," Zhuang Xiao said.
"I just fell over once." Pei Yan pouted.
"Then stop chasing me," Zhuang Xiao replied.
"But I got up again, didn’t I? Let’s go on! Keep running!" Pei Yan glared at him fiercely.
In truth, Zhuang Xiao hadn’t done him wrong. Neither owed the other anything. Yet Pei Yan looked as though the man had committed some terrible offense against him…
They were both exhausted and collapsed on the ground, gasping.
"You threw away your jacket?" Zhuang Xiao pulled off the outer shirt he was wearing and handed it over.
That left Zhuang Xiao in just an undershirt.
Pei Yan accepted it, edged closer by a couple of feet, and shamelessly draped half across each of them. They leaned back against the wall, legs stretched out across the path.
At the summit of this wild section of the Great Wall, there wasn’t a third person in sight. The mountains rolled far into the distance, a cool breeze stirred, and the sweeping beauty made it impossible to stay angry longer than three seconds.
Pei Yan blinked sweat from his eyelashes. "Fuck, I’ve run myself into low blood sugar. I’m dizzy."
"Have breakfast?" Zhuang Xiao asked.
"No. If I’d eaten I might’ve caught you. I was in too much of a hurry to come find you."
"Why find me? I wasn’t going to run off and never return. We haven’t even finished filming."
"I was afraid that motorcycle-taxi driver would take you into some ravine and rob you," Pei Yan muttered.
"Oh, come on." Zhuang Xiao laughed. "I’d be more likely to rob him."
Zhuang Xiao told him a funny story. Only an hour ago, the motorcycle-taxi driver had actually tried to rob his out-of-town passenger. Zhuang Xiao didn’t know the area and wasn’t sure which direction Yanmen Pass lay. The road felt increasingly deserted, with open fields and fewer and fewer people.
In the middle of nowhere, the driver slowed down, pulled to the roadside, and glanced back. How about five hundred yuan?
They’d originally agreed on twenty.
Zhuang Xiao gave him a look. I only brought twenty.
The driver looked at him again. For twenty, I’m not going any farther.
Zhuang Xiao said, Why don’t you look at me again? Keep looking and see whether my twenty is enough to pay for the privilege of staring at me.
The driver turned slowly and studied his passenger. Are you an actor from the film base? What’ve you been in? You look familiar.
Zhuang Xiao told him, If you don’t want to drive, get off. I’ll drive this thing back myself. Is that three-wheeled motorbike of yours even worth five hundred at the morning market?
All the gloom in Pei Yan’s head scattered. He howled with laughter. "Did the bastard finally recognize you?"
Zhuang Xiao replied, "Anyway, he turned around without another word and drove me to where I wanted to go. I’d barely stepped down, hadn’t even pulled out my twenty yuan, when he hit the gas and fled."
Pei Yan slapped his thigh and laughed, mimicking Zhuang Xiao’s tone. "You want to rob me? Bring me another twenty fellows like you and come at me together! Hahahaha!"
Sunlight spilled over one corner of the wall, gilding the thousand-year-old remains. Its beauty was muted and hazy, utterly intoxicating.
Inevitably, they began talking about something troublesome: the recent online gossip.
Zhuang Xiao spoke frankly. "Sorry you had to watch such an embarrassing spectacle."
Pei Yan: "…"
He picked up a few foxtail-grass stems and rubbed them between his fingers. "What have you got to apologize to me for?"
"I really did wrong by them," Zhuang Xiao said. "There’s nothing to argue about."
"What did you cheat them out of, money or sex, that they hate you so much?" Pei Yan asked.
"I was the one who backed out. I brought up breaking up first. That’s the sort of thing people really hate. I deserve to be cursed."
"But why? What made you break up?"
Zhuang Xiao: "…"
Pei Yan stripped the seeds from the foxtail grass in his hands. "Like, I don’t know… incompatible personalities, being apart too long, feelings fading, things not working in bed…"
He realized he was babbling and swallowed. His eyes searched the sky for a bird, any bird willing to fly past and rescue him. Not one fucking bird appeared. He lowered his head and rubbed furiously at the back of his almost hairless skull. Even more embarrassing. There was practically nothing there to rub!
Zhuang Xiao answered with astonishing honesty. "None of it worked. Not any part."
Pei Yan nearly choked on his own saliva.
This was the first time since meeting that they had sat peacefully together and discussed such intimate matters of the heart.
"It’s nothing much," Zhuang Xiao said with a self-mocking laugh. "Maybe I really am rather cold toward people. Not warm enough. I don’t pay enough attention or look after people well, and I’m difficult to live with. I’m really not suited to being anybody’s boyfriend."
Pei Yan turned toward him and waved a hand vigorously in front of his eyes. Hold on, Mr. Zhuang. Who exactly are you talking about?
Who was that incredibly warm-hearted superstar who, surrounded by an enormous entourage at the airport, had signed a fan’s coffee cup and bent down to catch the bottle of water another fan dropped?
He had seen all those things online. He searched Zhuang Xiao’s name every day, missing even the smallest stories. Who knew how much of Zhuang Xiao’s search traffic and click count came from this hopeless fan alone?
"Eventually it just became impossible to get along," Zhuang Xiao continued. "Seeing each other face-to-face made both of us uncomfortable. Better to end it quickly. Maybe I’m better off single."
"You just haven’t met the right person. Why do you have to stay single?!" Pei Yan protested.
"What counts as right? You like how someone looks, you feel attracted, and then what? Living together day and night is another matter. After long enough, even a face you liked becomes irritating. Nobody feels good. Better not to date at all."
Pei Yan couldn’t help glancing at him. "Do you get tired of people as soon as the novelty wears off?"
Zhuang Xiao answered bluntly. "I really can’t stand people coming too close. I feel suffocated, trapped. Alone, I feel light and free without all those complications. What’s so bad about being alone?"
Pei Yan went quiet.
After a long time, he couldn’t help asking, "But when you’re by yourself, especially over there, don’t you get bored? Don’t you get lonely? Can having someone beside you really be the same as having nobody?"
Zhuang Xiao looked at him. "Lonely, yes. Terribly empty and lonely."
Pei Yan: "…"
At that moment something in Pei Yan went cold and he felt terribly sad. He couldn’t tell whether he was mourning his own inevitable bad ending or grieving for Zhuang Xiao too. The man seemed to be talking about feelings that had nothing to do with Pei Yan, yet every word pierced him as though spoken directly to him.
Sunlight spread more brilliantly overhead, washing over both of them and falling at a slant across their outstretched legs.
Zhuang Xiao picked up a pebble and tossed it toward a low wall opposite, aiming for a slightly protruding ancient brick. Tap! A direct hit.
Pei Yan picked up a pebble and aimed at the same brick. Tap! He hit it too.
They threw stones in silence, striking the same brick again and again, each one accurate. The wall never stirred. That cold, hard wall had stood for a thousand years. How could one little pebble bring it tumbling down?
By chance, Zhuang Xiao tossed his next stone just as Pei Yan, eager to get ahead, threw his own a moment early. Tap! His pebble struck Zhuang Xiao’s squarely.
The two pebbles collided and fell together, rolling to the foot of the wall and coming to rest side by side. Neither rolled away.
They were tossing stones to test the way ahead, but it was the heart they were knocking on.
Zhuang Xiao turned his face sharply aside and leaned back against the earthen wall in silence, the light of the sky caught on his eyelashes.
The next instant Pei Yan also turned his face, looking straight at the man before him. He leaned close and planted a firm, lingering kiss on the side of Mr. Zhuang’s face, right where his elusive dimple appeared when he smiled.
*
Fuck.
He had kissed him.
Would Zhuang Xiao kick him and send him tumbling all the way down the steps to the bottom of Yanmen Pass? Would they carry on as before? What the hell would happen now?
Whatever happened, happened.