In less than a month, Xiao Bai was back on GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR. The sheer speed of his return, the twists and turns along the way, and the completely unexpected reversal at the end were enough to make anyone sigh in wonder.
Only two days ago, Shi Da Ming had been complaining about having no partner and how exhausting it was to carry an entire show by himself. Now he was already regretting that he had failed to appreciate how blessed he had been. Compared with partnering with Xiao Bai, he would rather work himself to death carrying the show alone.
He could still remember, with painful clarity, the answer Xiao Bai had given Great God that day.
“The auntie upstairs” had already become the internet’s latest catchphrase.
Chen Fei shared exactly the same opinion.
He, more than anyone, understood the destructive power of Xiao Bai’s remark. The very next day after that episode of GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR, he had encountered Great God again while filming New Songs This Month.
From beginning to end, Great God had continuously “showered him with concern” through his gaze, allowing Chen Fei alone to enjoy the unique experience of being simultaneously plunged into boiling water and scorching fire.
Ever since then, every adjective involving the word “Bai” had become taboo to him.
Who could have guessed that this time he would successfully defend against the adjectives, only for a noun to breach his defenses—and for the noun in question to be Xiao Bai himself.
“Da Ming.” Before Xiao Bai arrived, Chen Fei earnestly instructed Shi Da Ming, “When the time comes, I’ll try to keep the camera on you and the guest. Interact with the guest as much as possible. Try not to let Zeng Bai cut in, understood?”
Shi Da Ming hesitated. “Wouldn’t that be a little inappropriate?”
Such obvious exclusion might offend Yimate. After all, Yimate carried considerable weight in the industry.
“Don’t worry. I’ll give him plenty of shots where he sits there smiling stupidly.” Chen Fei patted him on the shoulder. “Besides, even if I give him a chance to speak, do you really think he can spit out ivory?”
Elio’s Notes: The line abbreviates the Chinese proverb “A dog’s mouth can’t spit out ivory,” meaning that nothing good or refined can be expected to come out of someone’s mouth. The narration immediately continues the “spitting ivory” image as a joke about Xiao Bai.
“……”
Shi Da Ming was immediately convinced.
Classmate Zeng Bai had only ever managed to spit out ivory once, and that one time had been enough to make them repent for the rest of their lives.
Seeing that Shi Da Ming had agreed, Chen Fei finally relaxed halfway. He was just turning around when he saw the assistant approaching with a worried expression.
Chen Fei frowned, then suddenly lit up with joy. “Don’t tell me Zeng Bai ran off to elope too?”
“Not Zeng Bai. Gossip Kid,” the assistant said miserably. “They both got food poisoning and ended up in the hospital. They’ve been admitted to the hospital together.”
“Fuck!” Was Chen Fei clashing with Tai Sui this month or what? First something happened to his host, and now it was the guest’s turn. “What are we supposed to do? It might not be live, but it airs tomorrow. We can’t exactly move the whole studio to the hospital!”
Elio’s Notes: “Clashing with Tai Sui” (犯太岁) refers to being astrologically in conflict with the deity governing the current year and is traditionally associated with a period of unusually bad luck. Chen Fei is essentially wondering whether the universe has cursed his month.
The assistant stammered, “Gossip Kid’s agency already asked another artist from the same company to fill in.”
Chen Fei breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. It wouldn’t happen to be that kid Zhan Kun, would it?” Back when Zhan Kun had wanted to join the production, Chen Fei had thought he was still a little lacking. Looking back now, if Zhan Kun were willing to come, it would practically be a blessing cultivated over three lifetimes.
Unfortunately, Chen Fei finally realized that he must have spent all three of his previous lives cultivating bad luck instead. Otherwise, how could he possibly have ended up with someone like Xiao Bai?
The assistant looked at his hopeful face and solemnly shook his head.
A terrible premonition flashed through Chen Fei’s mind. “Then who is it?”
“Zhou Min Li.”
“……” Chen Fei went berserk. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!”
Even if he never read gossip magazines, he knew about the scandal that had been raging these past few days. Wonderful. Now the love rivals were meeting face-to-face. Time to watch them see red.
He had originally planned to give Zeng Bai fewer shots. At this rate, they would be lucky if Shi Da Ming managed to get any screen time at all.
“SHI DA MING!” Chen Fei roared.
Shi Da Ming’s drooping eyelids snapped open. He hurried over. “What? What happened?”
“You need to prepare yourself mentally.”
“Huh?”
“In a little while, this place may become a battlefield of life and death.”
Shi Da Ming was so alarmed by his expression that every trace of sleepiness vanished. “Did you call the police?”
“The police can’t solve this. Only you can.”
Shi Da Ming looked troubled. “I think we should let the police handle it. The people’s police serve the people. We have to believe in them.”
Chen Fei remained firm. “They can’t do this. Only you can.”
“……What exactly happened?” Shi Da Ming was becoming thoroughly frightened.
“The guest changed. Gossip Kid isn’t coming.”
“Don’t tell me it’s Great God again?” Great God, is your heavenly tribulation due lately or something? Why do you keep coming here to suffer?
Elio’s Notes: A “heavenly tribulation” (天劫) is the supernatural calamity, often involving heavenly lightning, that cultivators or immortals face in Chinese fantasy when undergoing a major breakthrough. Shi Da Ming jokingly wonders whether repeatedly appearing on their disastrous show is Great God’s personal tribulation.
Chen Fei slowly shook his head, then said gravely, “It’s not Great God.”
Shi Da Ming patted his chest in relief.
“It’s Zhou Min Li.”
It took Shi Da Ming a full three minutes to process this. Then he said solemnly, “We should still call the police and put it on record, just in case.”
The moment Zhou Min Li entered the studio, she sensed how stiff the atmosphere was. She did not need to ask why.
When her company had asked her to fill in, her manager had advised her not to come. Feng Ya Lun might already have held a press conference and clarified the situation, but they were still in a sensitive period. The slightest disturbance would make reporters swarm around them like flies.
Zhou Min Li, however, did not see things that way.
Whether she and Feng Ya Lun had been a real couple or a fake one, she could not tolerate the humiliation of a dignified Heavenly Queen like herself being pushed aside by some green young brat who had barely entered the industry.
“Director Chen. Long time no see. You’re looking as distinguished as ever.” Zhou Min Li knew how to conduct herself. Even after becoming famous, she had always remained polite to people she had worked with before and never put on airs. After all, fortunes changed hands. Nobody could guarantee they would stay famous forever. Making more friends and offending fewer people was never a bad idea.
Approaching thirty, she was at the height of her beauty and allure. Even Chen Fei, who was accustomed to seeing beautiful women, found himself momentarily dazzled. “Just as punctual as ever.” He glanced at his watch.
Zhou Min Li swept her gaze around the studio and smiled faintly. “Oh? Mr. Zeng hasn’t arrived yet?”
“He’s probably planning to arrive right on the dot.” Chen Fei laughed it off.
“Then I’ll have to ask Director Chen to take good care of me again today.” She reached out and lightly squeezed his shoulder. It was an utterly ordinary gesture, yet when she did it, somehow it carried a hint of flirtation.
Chen Fei heard himself swallow hard.
“I’ll go say hello to Da Ming.” The corner of her lips lifted, and she gracefully walked toward Shi Da Ming.
Behind her, the assistant sighed admiringly. “Ah. Now that’s a beautiful woman.”
Chen Fei rolled his eyes at him. “Not like you have a chance.”
The assistant said aggrievedly, “I just feel bad for Feng Ya Lun. If you want an example of someone who doesn’t appreciate how lucky he is, this is it.”
“Hello.”
Just as the assistant finished speaking, Xiao Bai walked over with a small bag slung diagonally across his body.
The assistant looked at him, then at Zhou Min Li, and sighed again.
“This is how we’re doing it this time.” Chen Fei patiently explained the script to Xiao Bai. “When Da Ming reaches this part, you follow with this line. It’s mainly there for the punchline. But remember, your tone has to sound natural. And keep watching me during the show. I may change or add material at any time. You remember this cue card, right?”
At the mention of the cue card, he suddenly remembered the characters Xiao Bai had misread last time. “Right. What’s your educational background?”
“Huazhou Vocational Senior High—”
“Vocational high school, right? Got it.” Chen Fei tapped the script with one finger. “If you went to vocational high school, then don’t misread characters in ways only an elementary-school kid should.”
Xiao Bai seemed to remember that cue card too. “Then write more clearly.”
Write more clearly…
Chen Fei nearly stopped breathing.
Seeing him turn around and walk off, Xiao Bai casually asked, “Where are you going?”
“To practice my handwriting!”
The show was finally about to begin.
Chen Fei felt as though he had been transported back to the very first episode of GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR. He was so nervous that his palms were pouring sweat.
Shi Da Ming looked at the man sitting beside him and the woman sitting opposite him and felt equally tormented inside.
The music began.
Facing the camera, Shi Da Ming put on an excited expression. “Ever since Luo Pei Jue eloped, I’ve been single for a very long time. Today, I’ve finally remarried! Viewers who feel sorry for me, please remember to send your red-envelope money to the television station.”
Xiao Bai lowered his head and looked at the script. His own part had been circled in red:
Xiao Bai smiles: ……
“All right! Now let us introduce today’s guest—a true SU… SUPER STAR! The ultimate heartthrob among heartthrobs! The ultimate beauty among ultimate beauties! Zhou—Min—Li!”
Zhou Min Li smiled faintly. “Hello, Brother Shi. Hello, Xiao Bai.”
Shi Da Ming was just about to speak when Xiao Bai answered crisply, “Hello.”
Since Xiao Bai had already spoken, Shi Da Ming could hardly ignore his own partner. He had no choice but to continue, “This should be your first time meeting Min Li, right, Xiao Bai?”
Xiao Bai looked at her uncertainly. “I feel like I’ve seen her before.”
“Seen her before?” No kidding! Shi Da Ming wanted to swear. Never mind Zhou Min Li’s television dramas; her advertisements alone were plastered all over shopping malls. Of course she looked familiar. But the conversation had to continue, so he could only laugh. “Heh heh. Maybe you saw one of her ads while buying lipstick?”
“Ah.” Xiao Bai suddenly exclaimed. “Wasn’t she Xiao Qing in that show from ten years ago, I Have an Endless Date with Summer?”
Elio’s Notes: The fictional title I Have an Endless Date with Summer (《我和夏天约个没完》) is a comic riff on the well-known Hong Kong drama I Have a Date with Spring (《我和春天有个约会》).
Ten years ago…
Ten years ago…
Ten years ago…
Chen Fei watched in horror as the flawless smile on Zhou Min Li’s face slowly developed a hairline crack.
Shi Da Ming hurried to salvage the situation. “That’s right. Min Li debuted very young. Xiao Qing really was a classic role. It’s amazing that Min Li’s acting was already so good when she was so young.”
Zhou Min Li smiled modestly. “Brother Shi, you flatter me.”
Xiao Bai remembered Jia Zhi Qing telling him that a host needed to contribute appropriately to the conversation, so he racked his brains until he finally came up with something. “You looked pretty much the same back then as you do now.”
You looked pretty much the same back then as you do now…
You looked pretty much the same back then as you do now…
You looked pretty much the same back then as you do now…
Chen Fei swayed where he stood.
If saying, “You look no different now from how you did back then,” was a compliment implying eternal youth and excellent self-care, then saying, “You looked no different back then from how you do now,” was pure mockery—because it implied she had already had an old face as a child.
Shi Da Ming no longer dared look at Zhou Min Li’s expression. He immediately cut in. “I heard Min Li recently released a new album. Could you tell us a little about it?”
Zhou Min Li picked up the album and slowly said, “This album is called The Me I Used to Be.”
Uh…
Shi Da Ming looked toward Chen Fei.
Chen Fei was biting down on the cap of his pen, furiously scribbling on the cue card.
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