Zhou Min Li absentmindedly introduced the songs on her new album while secretly considering how she could win back some ground.
She had never imagined that before she could even make her move, Xiao Bai would deliver such a vicious opening blow. She was a Heavenly Queen who had spent years in the entertainment industry, yet a complete rookie fresh out of the gate had effortlessly made her lose face—and on a program with ratings this high. There was no way she could swallow that humiliation.
“Xiao Bai.” Halfway through her introduction, she suddenly paused and smiled. “I heard that you used to sell pork at a market. Do you think my album would be popular there?”
Shi Da Ming immediately turned his head back toward them.
What he had feared had finally happened. The smoke of battle was indeed beginning to gather over the GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR studio. A magnificent war to defend love—and counterattack in return—was about to begin.
Sigh. How he wished he were sitting at home right now, eating potato chips, drinking beer, and leisurely enjoying the show instead of being roasted alive in the middle of it.
Xiao Bai thought about it very seriously. “Probably. Brother Da Zhang, who sells chicken next door, is always playing your song Loneliness Keeps Me Company as I Sleep. He says it sounds a lot like Cluck-Cluck Chicken Goes Right in My Mouth… It makes a really good promotional song.”
Elio’s Notes: The joke is phonetic in Chinese. 孤寂伴我入睡 (gūjì bàn wǒ rùshuì, “Loneliness Keeps Me Company as I Sleep”) is twisted into 咕咕鸡伴我入嘴 (gūgūjī bàn wǒ rùzuǐ, roughly “Cluck-Cluck Chicken Goes into My Mouth”). The similar sounds turn Zhou Min Li’s melancholy song into an advertisement for the neighboring chicken stall.
“……”
Chen Fei finally finished writing and happily raised the cue card—
Xiao Bai: I really like listening to your songs… especially Loneliness Keeps Me Company as I Sleep. Whenever I’m feeling down or lonely, I put it on. It’s really inspiring. 😀
The instant Shi Da Ming saw the cue card, his heart started twitching ominously. His eyebrows contorted desperately as he repeatedly raised his eyelids, trying to signal Chen Fei that… in the less than one minute it had taken him to write that card, the battle had already escalated.
While Chen Fei was still completely baffled by Shi Da Ming’s strange facial contortions, Xiao Bai had already begun reading the cue card word for word. “I really like listening to your songs… especially Cluck-Cluck… Loneliness Keeps Me Company as I Sleep. Whenever I’m feeling down or lonely, I put it on. It’s really inspiring.” When he finished, he even threw in a broad, cheerful smile.
But when the entire speech reached Zhou Min Li’s ears, it instantly transformed into a scorching provocation and insult. Her eyebrows twitched several times, barely visibly. “Oh? Is that so? Then while that song of mine was popular… what were you doing? Slaughtering pigs? Cutting meat? Scrubbing pigskin?”
“Sleeping,” Xiao Bai replied. “Isn’t it supposed to keep me company while I sleep?”
“……” Sleep, my foot! It’s not a lullaby! Zhou Min Li tilted her head slightly away from the camera and shot him a vicious glare.
Shi Da Ming finally found an opportunity to ease the atmosphere while the two were exchanging looks. “Uh, I think we should listen to Min Li’s new song first—The Me I Used to Be!”
Once the song ended, the atmosphere finally appeared to have returned to normal on the surface.
Chen Fei held up the cue card to tell them that another ten minutes or so would be enough.
This time, Shi Da Ming decided to turn defense into offense. Under absolutely no circumstances would he hand control back to either Zhou Min Li or Xiao Bai.
“Let me tell you something. On my way to the television station today, I saw something really strange. Ha ha… It was honestly hilarious.” As he spoke, Shi Da Ming signaled Xiao Bai with his eyes to hurry up and respond.
This time, Xiao Bai finally lived up to expectations and quickly asked, “What strange thing?”
“Well…” Shi Da Ming deliberately paused. “When I passed Subway Station No. 2, I saw a middle-school student riding his bike really fast, with his hair sticking straight up as high as Sendoh’s. His friend was riding a little slower, about half a bicycle behind him. Then his friend said something, and the kid got really excited and turned his head around… and then, ha ha, he rode straight into a utility pole! Ha ha…”
Elio’s Notes: Sendoh is Akira Sendoh (仙道彰) from Slam Dunk, recognizable for his tall, sharply spiked hairstyle. Shi Da Ming is describing the student as having exaggerated manga-style hair.
Xiao Bai stared blankly at him. His eyes plainly said, What exactly are you laughing at?
Zhou Min Li at least gave a token smile. “That’s why, whether you’re riding a bicycle or driving a car, you have to stay focused and pay attention to road safety. Trying to look cool on the road is actually the least cool thing you can do.”
Why had a perfectly good entertainment variety show suddenly turned into a youth-issues talk show?
Shi Da Ming gloomily reflected on the terrible story he had made up. “Heh heh. Right. Especially around Subway Station No. 2. It’s very crowded there, so you have to be careful when riding and not blindly chase speed.”
Xiao Bai suddenly called out to Zhou Min Li. “Subway Station No. 2? Ah! I’ve seen your poster there.”
Zhou Min Li arched an eyebrow, looking distinctly pleased, though the smile on her face remained perfectly polite. “Heh heh. Really?”
“Right. Actually, I’ve always wondered what that poster was advertising.” Xiao Bai frowned in concentration. “Why did they make you fall flat on your back with all four limbs in the air?”
Fall flat on your back with all four limbs in the air…
Fall flat on your back with all four limbs in the air…
Fall flat on your back with all four limbs in the air…
Chen Fei toppled straight backward.
Zhou Min Li’s smile instantly became extremely strained. “It was an advertisement for a refreshing drink. I wasn’t falling down. I was playing in the ocean.”
Shi Da Ming looked at her with profound admiration. He had never imagined that even after all this, she could still remain composed.
Xiao Bai nodded in understanding. “That makes sense. I was wondering where they could possibly find a puddle that big for you to fall into.”
I said I wasn’t falling! I was playing in the water, playing in the water, PLAYING IN THE WATER! Zhou Min Li’s fingernails dug deeply into her palms.
Shi Da Ming suddenly clapped his hands. “Talking about Min Li’s Loneliness Keeps Me Company as I Sleep just now has made me desperately want to hear her perform it live again. Why don’t we ask Min Li to sing it for us right here?”
Chen Fei resurrected on the spot and immediately fixed Zhou Min Li’s unwilling face with a pair of brilliantly pleading eyes.
Other than making her sing, they genuinely could not think of any method capable of stopping Xiao Bai’s earth-shattering remarks.
Zhou Min Li slowly relaxed her right hand. Four distinct crescent-shaped nail marks stood out sharply in her palm.
“Fine.”
Once the song ended, Shi Da Ming hurriedly delivered the closing remarks.
“That’s a wrap!”
The instant those words rang through the studio, everyone felt as though they had shed their old skin and been reborn after surviving a catastrophe.
Zhou Min Li strode over to Xiao Bai in her high heels and sneered. “As a man, you’re really one of a kind.” After everything she had endured during the show, she could no longer maintain her gentle mask.
Xiao Bai looked awkwardly at her aggressive expression. “Huh? Thank you for the compliment.”
Compliment? Which eye of his saw that as a compliment? She was obviously insulting him!
What was more frustrating than insulting someone only to have them insult you back?
Insulting someone viciously and having them completely fail to understand that they had been insulted!
“What do you like about Feng Ya Lun?” She decided to stop beating around the bush.
Without the slightest hesitation, Xiao Bai replied, “He bought me a shirt worth more than five hundred yuan.”
If Feng Ya Lun had been there, he would undoubtedly have regretted buying Xiao Bai a shirt worth five hundred rather than fifty thousand. At least fifty thousand would have been worth showing off.
A shirt worth only five hundred-something yuan?
Zhou Min Li stared fiercely into Xiao Bai’s eyes, searching for even the slightest trace of sarcasm. After searching for a long time, however, she discovered that he was actually sincere! “Then if I buy you a shirt worth more than six hundred, will you like me too?”
Xiao Bai turned his head and glanced at Chen Fei, who appeared extremely busy even though the radius of all his activity remained suspiciously within two meters of them. Then he answered seriously, “You’re the guest. Even if you don’t buy me a shirt, I still have to like you.”
Flames seemed to roar above Zhou Min Li’s head.
Wasn’t he obviously saying that if she weren’t the guest, he wouldn’t like her even if she bought him a six-hundred-yuan shirt?!
“You—you just like being around men that much?!” She was beginning to say whatever came to mind.
Xiao Bai thought for a moment. “That way I won’t turn into a playboy.” Jia Zhi Qing had not imparted many pieces of wisdom in his lifetime, but one of them was that a man should never spend all his time surrounded by women. Otherwise, he could easily become a playboy and never find a wife.
Zhou Min Li finally realized that she and Xiao Bai belonged to completely different worlds.
And the rules of her world simply could not conquer his.
“You—hmph! I’d like to see how long you and Feng Ya Lun last.” She threw down the bitter parting shot and turned toward the exit. Still furious, she had clearly forgotten to maintain her excellent manners to the very end and did not even say goodbye to Chen Fei and the others.
Only after she left did Chen Fei walk over with a dark expression. He understood perfectly well why love rivals became especially hostile when they met, but! If Xiao Bai continued hosting like this, it would not be long before GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR could produce its grand finale—and one where the entire cast got wiped out.
When he reached Xiao Bai, he deliberately gave a cold snort to strengthen his imposing aura. But just as he opened his mouth, Xiao Bai beat him to it. “Ah, you! When are you going to pay me the money you still owe me from last time?”
When are you going to pay me the money you still owe me from last time…
When are you going to pay me the money you still owe me from last time…
When are you going to pay me the money you still owe me from last time…
Chen Fei’s eyes rolled back, and he toppled straight to the floor again.
Xiao Bai turned to Shi Da Ming. “Should we call an ambulance?”
Shi Da Ming considered it for a moment. “No. He’ll have to get used to it sooner or later.”
Director Chen, hang in there. This is only the beginning! Look at me—I’m surviving through sheer force of will too!
Getting off work was something worth celebrating, especially since Xiao Bai did not have to return to Yimate for classes today. So when he stepped into the elevator, he was in an exceptionally good mood—so good that he failed to notice Yan Su Ang standing beside him and giving him three meaningful looks in succession.
“Ahem, ahem.” Yan Su Ang finally could not resist making a sound.
Xiao Bai turned to him in surprise. “When did you get here?”
Yan Su Ang’s self-control was clearly several levels above Zhou Min Li’s. At the very least, he could still maintain his good manners. “Before you did.”
Xiao Bai suddenly understood. “No wonder I felt like there was something weird in here when I entered the elevator.”
“……Are you saying I’m some weird thing?”
Xiao Bai finally realized that he had said the wrong thing and hurriedly explained, “Of course you’re not a thing.”
The “thing/not a thing” joke had been circulating for far too long, so Yan Su Ang had no intention of getting tangled up in it. “Forget it. We—”
Elio’s Notes: 东西 means “thing,” but 不是东西—literally “not a thing”—is also a common Chinese insult meaning that someone is no good or a bastard. Xiao Bai tries to reassure Yan Su Ang that he is not a “weird thing” and accidentally tells him, idiomatically, that he is a terrible person.
CLANG!
The elevator jolted, stopped dead, and the lights abruptly went out.
Xiao Bai looked around at the pitch-black interior. Just as he was about to speak, an arm suddenly locked hard around his waist, and Yan Su Ang’s voice drifted eerily beside his ear. “Quick. Make some noise.”
Prrt…
Yan Su Ang quickly realized that the sound had come from below.
Xiao Bai said awkwardly, “I had some sweet potato at lunch.”
Yan Su Ang slowly released him, covered his nose, and retreated to the other side of the elevator. In a deep voice, he said, “Thanks. I’m not so afraid of the dark anymore. I’ve heard of people being gassed to death, but never of anyone dying from the dark.”
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