Zhao Kuangyin smiled faintly. “I know you do not believe me. So I will not explain.”
Liuzhu, on the contrary, no longer knew what to do. “Ruler…”
“Do not keep Jingchan here.” Li Congjia instructed Liuzhu. “I know what sort of man the Prince of Jin is. He knows a few things and thinks a handful of words like these can hurt me. Unfortunately, there is far too much he does not know… He misjudged it.”
A trace of melancholy entered his voice. “Jingchan is still loyal… and I do not blame her. Everyone has someone they are loyal to. There is no right or wrong in that. Let her go.”
Liuzhu agreed, then turned toward Zhao Kuangyin. “Your Majesty, may Liuzhu remain here to attend Ruler? Someone should stay beside him, especially now that his eyes are unwell…”
Li Congjia answered first. “Let her stay.” Zhao Kuangyin was left with no choice. “I will inform the Imperial Medical Bureau about the henbane.” With that, he turned and left.
By nightfall, the palace still had not released the Marquis of Disobedience. Nüying stood alone on a high pavilion holding a qin.
She understood roughly what had happened, yet still did not dare think too deeply about it. In any case, she was not worried for his life now. That man would not harm him.
Looking into the distance, she saw that even after sunset the snow-covered Bianjing lost none of its scale. Lamps gradually lit in the depths of its streets and lanes, orderly layers of shadow and light, a different sort of city from Jinling with all its elegance, extravagance, and intoxicated dreams. Standing alone on the high pavilion, Nüying drew a small breath and closed her eyes. The air belonged to a place she could never return from. There were no soft flower-scents carried on the wind, only the simplest smoke and warmth of a prosperous mortal city.
The homes of ordinary people looked much the same, and truly there was not such a great difference. Once her heart quieted, this was far removed from the panic and destitution she had imagined. It was only that when you had once stood at the very summit, every grief and joy, after being pressed to the limit, suddenly swelled several times over and spread through you. Nüying drew her outer robe a little tighter and slowly moved her fingers.
It was a tune from many years ago.
Perhaps she was the only one who still remembered it now.
In the courtyard of the Zhou residence, when she had only just begun practicing fingering, she had followed her elder sister through a simple, shallow little melody. She had not even been able to hear its rises, falls, or turns, yet the memory itself was clear and distant.
Back then, everything was only beginning.
No one could have imagined the present day, as though all at once they had been pushed to a place from which there was no return. Yet looking back carefully, every step had carried something hidden within it. The water was still cold, threads through a dream; that figure in pale blue-green robes unfolded verse and sang clear songs to console himself, but when joy passed and sorrow came, it tore at the lungs and liver.
Elio’s Notes: The closing phrase here echoes Cao Pi’s second Yan Ge Xing (Song of Yan): singing to console oneself, only for joy to give way again to grief. The novel folds the old line directly into Nüying’s memory.
She had wanted to stay beside him through the worst stretch of his life. She had believed that to be her greatest fortune.
Now the high terrace stood empty, as though this had never been her own story at all.
Elder Sister… a wish wrested into being was never truly my own memory, was it…?
A messenger from the palace arrived in the distance with word that Liuzhu was attending the Marquis of Disobedience. Now that the cause of his eye ailment had been found, perhaps he would recover before long. Madam was asked to set her mind at ease.
Jingchan sat in her room without lighting a lamp.
Nüying entered. “Go.”
“This was not what I wanted… Jingchan had her own difficulties too…”
“He has never blamed anyone lightly. He does not believe that people are wholly good or wholly evil, so… go back. Return to the Prince of Jin.”
Seeing the smoky haze from the lamps, Nüying frowned faintly. “In the old palace, Ruler never allowed this kind of smoke to fill the rooms. It stung the eyes.” The walls of the Jinling imperial palace had been hung with precious pearls from the South Sea, enough to keep the rooms softly lit even without lamps. Nothing here could compare. “The Prince of Jin thought Ruler too simple… Perhaps he was wrong from the beginning. This was never a story the Prince of Jin truly understood. He spent all that calculation in the wrong place, and now that the journey to the southern kingdom no longer poses any threat, why keep doing this…?”
“Queen, if Jingchan leaves… the Hall will become too quiet. His Majesty will not let Ruler return… then…” She still did not want to go back. This time, the reluctance was sincere.
In truth, every time Jingchan had drawn close to Jiangnan, some part of her had been sincere.
She was even a little older than Nüying, yet now, beneath those warm robes that seemed wrapped in embroidered splendor but were only an illusion, Nüying’s gaze made her heart tremble. “This time… Jingchan wants to try choosing her own life.”
Nüying smiled instead. “Sometimes the choice you make may not be right, and it may be far less beautiful than you imagined. But once you step onto that road, you have to walk it to the end. You cannot regret it…”
She insisted on sending the maid away into the vast night.
None of their hearts were at peace.
Nüying suddenly smiled again and beckoned. In the end, she was still young enough to feel the sorrow of parting, even if she refused to let anyone see it. “Jingchan.” She gestured from a distance, and Jingchan came back.
“From the time I entered the palace and married him, you were always the one who stayed beside me…” Her smile held a beauty rare even among people. Jingchan knew how far her elder sister’s fame had traveled, yet Nüying now had lost none of her own grace. Slowly, she unfastened the piece of jade she had always worn at her waist. “I was sickly as a child. Father and Mother gave me this and said it would keep me safe. Now that I have left Jiangnan… these things are useless to me as well. Take it. Keep it as something to remember me by.”
The stone was half bright red like blood and half pure white like jade. Jingchan froze. She had never imagined Nüying would so easily give her something this precious. “Queen… Jingchan is ashamed… I absolutely cannot take this now.”
“No. From the moment I entered that palace, you were always beside me… Perhaps you did not understand, but at the time I was full of hesitation and grief… So Jingchan, take it. Whatever happens… Ruler does not blame you, and neither do I. From now on, wherever you go and whatever life you choose, follow your own heart.”
Jingchan’s eyes reddened. Moonlight lay cold beneath the night sky. The Queen’s long hair was still arranged in the southern style, a loose strand stirring in the wind beside her Jinghu coiffure. In the end Jingchan accepted the stone and clenched it tightly. After taking several steps, she looked back. “Ruler… truly did not blame me?”
Elio’s Notes: The Jinghu coiffure (惊鹄髻), literally a “startled-swan” or “startled-bird” bun, was an old high coiffure styled to evoke a bird spreading its wings.
“He sent word. It was the same thing he said that day. He said to live well.”
“Queen, take care. Go inside. Do not let yourself freeze.” Jingchan never looked back again and walked away resolutely.
In the Prince of Jin’s residence, lamps burned through the entire night as figures moved constantly in and out.
Near dawn, a side gate slowly opened. Wang Fu stepped out and suddenly noticed several withered branches and dead leaves beside the threshold. “Someone come here! How can none of you tend this place properly? If His Highness sees the front of the residence looking this desolate, what will it look like!” Several servants hurried over to sweep everything away, privately wondering why the Prince would ever enter or leave through a side gate like this. While they were still thinking, they suddenly saw Wang Fu wave a hand. Several men darted out, dragging something heavy wrapped in a mat.
When they tried to look more closely, they saw a woman’s hair beneath the mat and immediately fell silent in shock, not knowing what to do.
Jingchan died without a sound.
Wang Fu harshly ordered everyone away. A lonely, shabby cart used to haul night-soil buckets came around from the side, and several men threw the corpse, still wrapped in the mat, onto it.
“Do not chatter. Once you are outside the city, find any place and bury her. Come back quickly. Be clean about it and do not cause trouble.” His voice was full of impatience. Then the gate was shut again.
When Zhao Guangyi saw that daylight had fully come, he gently blew out the candle. On the table lay an extraordinarily rare piece of jade, half bright red like blood and half pure white like jade.
Wang Fu entered to report. “Your Highness, men have already been planted around the Hall of Honoring the Worthy. Please rest assured.”
Zhao Guangyi turned the stone between his fingers. A true spirit stone formed naturally from the qi of Heaven and Earth still felt cool no matter how long one held it. “Something belonging to Nüying…”
Zhao Guangyi smiled, carefully put the stone away, and opened the door to leave.
“Your Highness is leaving the residence so early?”
“Entering the palace.”
Zhao Kuangyin had just entered the Sandalwood Pavilion with an imperial physician following behind him. “Your Majesty, this truly is an extraordinary coincidence. The Marquis of Disobedience’s eyes differ from those of ordinary people. He was born with this unusual sign, with channels so abnormal that one would hardly find another among ten thousand men. I never expected an ordinary herb to cause that unusual condition to break down and become illness…”
“Just tell me whether this medicine will work. Everything else is useless!”
“Yes. From the standpoint of medicinal theory, if this medicine is taken on schedule there should be no problem. As the saying goes, one treats the illness according to its cause…”
The door opened. Li Yu was standing by the window with a cup of tea cupped in both hands. Hearing the voices, he turned slightly toward them. The imperial physician had served in the palace for many years. Though he did not understand why His Majesty was so deeply concerned over the Marquis of Disobedience’s eyes, he knew what mattered. Who could ever explain the affairs of a palace? If His Majesty wanted someone well, then the physician had better do everything he could. Understanding the advantage and danger at once, he stepped forward attentively. “My lord Marquis, have you been able to see anything today?”
Li Congjia straightened when he heard the question. He no longer had the silk cloth tied over his eyes. “No.”
The physician found this strange as well and could only bring the medicine over again. “Perhaps the dosage has not yet accumulated enough. It must still be taken regularly.”
“You may leave first.” Zhao Kuangyin took the bowl and waved everyone else away.
“Now that the cause has been found, it can be cured. They said the vessels themselves were not damaged. It will get better.” The words sounded almost like reassurance directed at himself. Looking at the emptiness in Li Yu’s eyes, Zhao Kuangyin’s heart still ached. “Take the medicine.”
Li Congjia moved away from the window, slowly picked up the silk band, and sat beside the chair. Ever since that day when Zhao Kuangyin had tied it over his eyes to protect them from light, he seemed to prefer wearing it. Zhao Kuangyin had assumed Li Yu would care that such a thing made his weakness obvious at a glance, but instead he clung to it with a certain stubbornness.
Zhao Kuangyin set the bowl down and slowly tied the silk in place for him.
“If I cannot see… then I should look like someone who cannot see.” The words came softly and were cold enough to hurt. Zhao Kuangyin sighed. “Take the medicine. If I say your eyes will recover, then they will.”
“Yes. Everything you say, you manage to do. This time, though, I am afraid…” A faint smile touched the corner of Li Yu’s lips, and he said no more. Zhao Kuangyin tightened his hold and drew him back into his arms. Medicinal steam rose between them as Li Yu slowly drank.
“Once the henbane is counteracted, you will recover.”
Li Yu ignored him. After finishing the medicine, he lightly rinsed the thick bitterness from his mouth with water. “Today I am returning to the Hall of Honoring the Worthy.” He did not ask to be released, nor did he ask permission to go. He merely said that he was going back.
The sword-browed man paid no attention. “Very bitter?” He covered Li Yu’s lips with his own and lingered there, then smiled with a hint of regret. “Good medicine tastes bitter. So it truly is… bitter…”
Li Yu pulled free in his silver fur. “I will be going back shortly. Your Majesty has affairs of state to attend to.”
Zhao Kuangyin lowered his voice. “What if I do not permit it?”
“Whether I return is my affair. Whether you permit it is yours. The two matters… have nothing to do with each other. Even if you do not permit it, I will still go back, will I not?” He smiled. The scar on his wrist had faded after several days of ointment. Zhao Kuangyin took his wrist and examined it, brushing it lightly with his fingertips. “Much better.”
“What I remember is the fact that I was injured, not whether the scar remains.” Li Yu pulled his hand away and turned.
“Li Congjia!”
“Today I am returning to the Hall of Honoring the Worthy.”
“Your eyes have not recovered. I will not permit it.”
“They will not recover… There is no point in wasting effort.”
Behind him, Zhao Kuangyin sounded helpless. “Again? You were perfectly fine yesterday. What are you angry about now?” Looking at that thin figure, he remembered that whatever Li Yu might claim about not caring, he had been famous throughout the realm from childhood, peerless in every way, and now he could no longer see beyond the darkness before him. His insistence on wearing the silk band was itself a kind of suppression. He was always like this: when something hurt or enraged him beyond measure, he would deliberately give up hope in it and force himself to face the worst.
Zhao Kuangyin’s tone softened. “Congjia… your eyes will recover. If you…” Enough. He simply pulled Li Yu into his arms. “It is all right… I know you do not want to. Will you take off the silk?”
Li Yu turned his body away and did not answer.
“All right. Then keep it on. Do not let strong light hurt you again.” Zhao Kuangyin actually forced down his temper and yielded to everything Li Yu wanted.
“Your Majesty, this guilty subject has been kept inside the palace for many days. Even if I remain obedient, the officials watching all this will inevitably grow resentful. This has gone too far, and this guilty subject cannot bear the consequences. Today I will return to the Hall of Honoring the Worthy on my own.” As he spoke, he moved farther away and prepared to bow.
“Li Congjia!” Zhao Kuangyin finally could not bear it. Li Congjia thought, So in the end he cannot bear it. When had Zhao Kuangyin ever spoken to anyone at such close range with something almost like pleading? Sure enough, he exploded. “What else do you want me to do! Every day I personally bring your medicine because I am afraid of the slightest mistake. I have tried everything to reassure you and every possible way to put your mind at ease. Yesterday I even had the candles removed from this pavilion and ordered luminous pearls brought out to the corridor! What is still unsatisfactory? What is still wrong?”
Zhao Kuangyin truly had been thinking about it every day. Yesterday he had replaced the candles according to the customs of Li Yu’s old Jinling palace, using precious pearls for light so there would be no smoke. Remembering Li Yu’s sensitivity to brightness, he had deliberately placed them out in the corridor, where their reflected glow was soft but sufficient and would not trouble his eyes.
That pale, distant figure suddenly showed anger as well. “I never asked you to do any of this! When you marched your armies south and destroyed the land and waters of my Tang, why did you not think of today then? Zhao Kuangyin, if you intend to be ruthless, then there is no need for this guilt! What lies between you and me can never be explained away by the warmth of a single bowl of medicine!”
Once emotion stirred, he could no longer stop coughing. He bent slightly and returned to the couch. “I am leaving the palace. Today.”
“No!”
“You have confined me here for all these days, and you still want to…”
“You think I am detaining and imprisoning you?” Rage almost struck him full in the face. Zhao Kuangyin slammed a palm onto the table and shouted the question.
“You…”
“You actually have not wanted to stay here for even one moment these past few days?” He walked step by step toward the man wrapped in silver fur, his voice growing more dangerous with every pace. “Is that it? You never wanted to stay here at all! You think I have been holding you prisoner? Have I threatened you with anything, Li Congjia?” Suddenly he burst into laughter, giving Li Yu no room at all to take anything back. “Your heart… do you have no heart at all…? What else do you want from me…? Fine! If you think I have been forcing you to stay in the palace, then I cannot very well disappoint you!”
“Someone come! Post guards outside the Sandalwood Pavilion. The Marquis of Disobedience is not permitted to take a single step outside!” He flung open the door and shouted the order, then turned back toward Li Yu. “Do not even think of going back! If I say no, then it is no!”
“Zhao Kuangyin…” His lungs already hurt too badly for him to breathe freely, yet he refused to let Zhao Kuangyin see it. He deliberately propped himself against the couch and smiled lightly. “Good. So everything has shown its true face in the end… What else do you intend to do?”
He heard the wooden door slam shut.
Li Congjia collapsed onto the couch and covered his face. “I do not want this either… only… I cannot quiet my conscience. I cannot endure the dead wailing in my dreams night after night… the soldiers who gave their lives for the country, three thousand li of Jiangnan soil… Would Father blame me? What would Elder Brother Hongji think if he saw me today…?” He could only curl in on himself behind the hanging gauze. “There is no way… The more you do this, the deeper my sin seems to become…”
He struck the couch in helplessness and tormented himself over and over. I have no choice either… Zhao Kuangyin.
It was as though only by driving them into opposition could he find a position in which he himself was justified, yet the grief beneath it could not be hidden. Li Congjia began coughing violently.
A soft knock came from outside. It was Liuzhu’s voice. “Ruler…”
His face streaked with tears, he hid on the couch in utter dejection. Hearing someone about to enter, he tried to force himself upright but had no strength. All he could do was raise his voice. “Do not come in!”
Liuzhu lowered her voice. “Ruler… Liuzhu will not come in. Only… Ruler must not anger yourself any further. Take it as Liuzhu begging you…”
Anyone could have heard the furious quarrel just now. Even without understanding everything, Liuzhu could guess enough. She knew Ruler’s nature too well. At a moment like this, he would never allow anyone to see him. She could only plead softly, yet then she clearly heard the broken breaths from inside. “Ruler… Ruler!” With a thud she dropped to her knees. “For the bloodline of our Tang royal house, Ruler must protect yourself! If the late Emperor’s spirit in Heaven saw Ruler harming yourself like this, what would he think?”
“I… I am doing this because I cannot disappoint them… Get up! Get up!” As though driven nearly mad, he suddenly seized the pillow and hurled it straight out. Liuzhu was truly at a loss now. In all the years she had known him, she had never seen Ruler like this. It was as though every layer of protection had finally been stripped away, leaving only a helpless, abandoned man.
Li Congjia had always been elegant and gentle, and there had never been anything pitiable about him. But today he was already beyond endurance and still forcing himself to hold on. There was too much he could not let go. He had lost his country and become the fallen faith of too many people. Eternal infamy after death meant nothing to him. He simply could not bear to fail anyone else’s heart again.
Liuzhu suddenly began to understand the Queen’s words of comfort that day. Before Weiyang Hall, already reduced to ash and ruins, Nüying had told him: this time, live for yourself.
But Li Congjia was not a man who could easily indulge himself. He saw things too clearly. He was unhappy, and because of that he could not live merely for himself.
Liuzhu pulled the door tightly shut. She would rather stay outside and cry with him than enter. “Ruler… no one will see…” This was the greatest comfort she could give him.
A man with pride in his bones like that could never allow anyone to see him brought low.
Far outside the pavilion, the guards saluted in unison. “Greetings, Prince of Jin!”
“Mm.”
Liuzhu turned around and immediately frowned in helplessness. The Prince of Jin had come at a time like this. Without thinking, she wiped away her tears and went out to meet him. The man’s formerly disordered hair had been put neatly back in order. It had only been a matter of days, yet the compassion and carefree ease once visible between his brows had already vanished.
Today Zhao Guangyi concealed the viciousness filling him, maintaining only the appearance of perfect gentleness. Seeing Liuzhu, he even smiled and spoke first. “Is that not Liuzhu? Imperial Brother is certainly thoughtful. He even remembered to summon the Marquis of Disobedience’s maid into the palace to serve him.”
Liuzhu bowed and blocked the corridor. “This servant greets the Prince of Jin. Your Highness holds high rank and has countless matters to attend to. May this servant ask what brings Your Highness here today…?”
Zhao Guangyi looked completely at ease. He lifted his head slightly and gazed at the sky with leisurely pleasure. “The first lunar month is nearly here, and the weather has been good these past few days. I had nothing pressing to do, so I came into the palace to visit Imperial Brother, and while here… to visit the Marquis of Disobedience as well.”
“This servant dares report that His Lordship has only just taken his medicine and fallen asleep. His eyes have shown some improvement these past few days, and the imperial physician ordered him to rest as much as possible. I ask Your Highness to understand… it is not convenient…”
“This Prince has come to visit a Marquis of Disobedience whose country has fallen, and even servants like you dare block the way?” His tone changed in an instant. Liuzhu started. “This servant would not dare, only…”
“Or is it that… relying on Imperial Brother’s favor, the Marquis of Disobedience now dares refuse even to see this Prince?”
“Your Highness!” Liuzhu immediately flared with anger. Zhao Guangyi, having achieved exactly the reaction he wanted, looked all the more pleased. He swept past her and entered the Sandalwood Pavilion without another thought.