Futile Devices Scans

Zhang San could hardly explain to Elder Sister exactly where Sisi hurt. In truth, he did not even know where someone was supposed to hurt after that sort of thing, so he could only endure the beating in silence.

Elio’s Notes: The chapter title comes from the classical idiom 青出于蓝—“blue comes from indigo yet is bluer than indigo”—meaning that a student can surpass the teacher.

Still, since Zhang San really had rubbed Sisi’s “saber” raw and had also sprinkled that agonizing medicinal powder on it, he more or less deserved the beating.

In the end, Sisi saw him being beaten too harshly and felt sorry for him. He struggled up to stop Elder Sister, and only then did she lower her hand.

＊

After dinner, Elder Sister sent Brother-in-law to clean the bowls and stove and ordered Zhang San to chop firewood, while she pulled Li Si inside. She lit the lamp, found medicinal oil, and began rubbing it over the blue and purple bite marks covering Li Si’s face and neck.

As she worked, Elder Sister sighed. “Good Si’er, I know the two of you care deeply for each other, but you can’t simply let him mistreat you. When he tries something wicked, dodge if you need to dodge and hit him if you need to hit him. If you hit him, would he really have the heart to hit you back?”

Li Si thought of the two fights they had when they first met in the earthen fortress and answered seriously, “I can fight Brother Xiao to a draw.”

Elder Sister’s eyes widened. “He really dares hit you?” She wiped her hand on her sleeve and made to rush back outside.

Li Si hurriedly caught her. “Sis, we don’t fight anymore. Don’t hit him. He hurts too.”

Elder Sister never pulled her punches. Brother Xiao now had one tiger-paw print on each cheek and several bruises on his arms from the rolling pin. After Elder Sister finished with the medicinal oil, Li Si carefully gathered it up, still intending to rub some onto Brother Xiao too.

Elder Sister cursed Brother Xiao several more times for being senseless, but Li Si defended him. “Brother Xiao cherishes people. Brother Xiao treats me well.”

Elder Sister sighed deeply. Just look at this good child—so obedient and sensible! How had he taken a liking to Third, that greedy imp who ate anything he could and carried off anything he could take?

At first, Elder Sister had felt somewhat worried about Third falling in love with a man. It was not because she feared the Zhang family line ending, but because she worried that she and her husband might die early, leaving no descendants to care for Third in old age. But Fourth truly was a good child. Since Third genuinely loved him and wanted to live this way, she was willing to let Third follow his heart.

Looking at them now, however, Fourth was almost too obedient, which instead made her worry about that senseless dog Third, who knew only how to bully him.

She earnestly instructed Li Si, “Good Si’er, listen to your sister. Don’t listen whenever he coaxes you with that honey-smeared mouth. From now on, you cannot simply do whatever he says. Don’t be fooled just because he’s a few years older. He’s used to bluffing and putting on airs. Sometimes he doesn’t understand anything at all and has absolutely no sense of measure!”

Li Si was exceptionally obedient and took Elder Sister’s words seriously to heart. Thinking hard, he felt that she truly made sense—although Brother Xiao was incomparably wise and mighty, incomparably talented and handsome, and incomparably gentle and caring, when it came to “two people loving each other and fooling around at night,” he really did not seem particularly skilled.

Li Si completely believed that Brother Xiao had never sincerely intended to hurt him, much less injure him, but Brother Xiao’s hands were truly powerful, and the strength of his bite was even greater. At the height of excitement that night, he had locked both arms around Li Si so tightly that Li Si nearly could not breathe. Had Li Si not practiced martial arts for years and possessed strong bones and sinews, someone else might have had his waist crushed in Brother Xiao’s embrace.

＊

While nursing his “saber wound,” Li Si silently pondered the matter.

Elsewhere, Zhang San was pondering in complete bewilderment too. After injuring the little horsewhip, he no longer dared unleash his tiger nature or behave wantonly and lecherously. At night, he merely held his precious little colt, kissed his forehead tenderly, and obediently pulled up the blanket so they could sleep.

He behaved himself for several days. Seeing Sisi’s treasured little saber almost recovered as good as new, his lecherous thoughts rose again. Yet although he had the heart of a thief, he no longer had a thief’s courage. Even he had become afraid of himself.

His heart filled with melancholy. When two people loved one another, how exactly were they supposed to fool around at night in a way that was both pleasurable and comfortable?

The county’s customs were simple, and there were no entertainment quarters or brothels where he might observe. He certainly did not dare ask Elder Sister or Brother-in-law, afraid Elder Sister would beat lumps all over his head and Brother-in-law would report him. No matter how thick-skinned Zhang San was, he could hardly seek instruction on this from elders like Cook Wu, Senior Clerk Chen, the local gentry, or the village headmen.

After turning it over in his mind, there seemed to be only one person in the entire county who might possibly answer him.

One day, he and Liu Wu happened to be patrolling the southern city gate together. As they walked, Zhang San said earnestly, “Brother Liu, we are brothers who have faced life and death together. I have no one else to rely on, so I can only come seek your instruction.”

Liu Wu was overwhelmed by the favor. “Commander, please speak freely.”

Zhang San said, “I heard you were once betrothed several times?”

Liu Wu coughed. “I was.”

“But you never married?”

Liu Wu coughed again. “There were certain reasons.”

Zhang San immediately sensed something was wrong. “Then, Brother Liu, have you ever engaged in bedroom matters?”

Brother Liu did not immediately understand. “What bedroom matters?”

“That business under the blankets at night!”

Liu Wu coughed. “No.”

Zhang San clicked his tongue. “What’s wrong with you? You’re several years older than me, yet you’ve also lived all these years untouched? Haven’t you felt unbearably pent up?”

Liu Wu: “…”

Brother Liu had reached the end of his patience. He reached for his saber. Zhang San hurriedly held him back and coaxed, “Good Brother Liu, don’t be angry, don’t be angry. We’re almost at the city gate. Don’t let the soldiers see us brothers harming each other. I was insulting myself too. I’ve been celibate too long. I’m unbearably pent up.”

Both embarrassed and furious, Liu Wu cursed, “What does your frustration have to do with me? Go find Envoy Li! The two of you embraced like that atop the city gate, yet you haven’t even done that sort of thing?”

Zhang San answered openly, “Isn’t that exactly what I want to do? That’s why I came to ask you beforehand. Even if you’ve never done it yourself, you know everyone in the county and have seen a lot. Have you ever heard how—well—how a man and another man are supposed to do it…”

Liu Wu snapped, “How would I know? I don’t even know how a man and a woman are supposed to do it!”

Zhang San sighed. “No wonder we’re brothers! Look at the two of us, so plain and untouched that if you put us in a temple as two plates of vegetarian fare, you couldn’t squeeze one drop of oil from either!”

Liu Wu could no longer bear listening to his filthy talk. He lengthened his stride and prepared to flee, only for Zhang San to cling to him. “Good Brother Liu, good Brother Liu, I have no other way. You know so many people in the county. Go around and help me ask about this…”

Liu Wu’s voice rose in outrage. “Commander! You want me to go around the county and help you ask! About! This!”

Zhang San calmly spread both hands and widened his eyes. “Why not?”

Liu Wu shouted, “Do you think everyone is like you? All so, so…” Shameless! Utterly shameless!

Chen Lu asked, “So what? Brother Wuzhi, why are you this angry?”

Liu Wu, still in a towering rage, was so startled that he jumped sideways and nearly slipped down the stone steps. Chen Lu and Zhang San each grabbed one side of him and quickly pulled him back.

“A’Lu! Why are you here?”

Chen Lu narrowed his eyes in a lively smile and shook the little bamboo book case on his back. “I’m going to the city gate to settle accounts with the foreman. What were you two talking about? What does the Commander want to ask?”

Elio’s Notes: A 笈 is a portable book box, traditionally associated with scholars traveling away from home to study. Here 书笈 simply means a book case.

The Commander’s face brightened. He asked amiably, “Little Chen, you came at just the right time. You’ve read so many books…”

Liu Wu shouted, “You! Are! Not! Allowed! To ask him!”

Zhang San himself was broad-minded in his lechery and did not think this was anything shameful. Liu Wu, however, was solemn and upright by nature and could no longer bear listening, much less allow the innocent and lively A’Lu to be corrupted by the Commander. He seized Chen Lu and fled in a flash.

Chen Lu cried, “Hey, slow down. I can’t breathe…”

Commander Zhang remained behind alone, gazing forlornly at their retreating backs.

What am I supposed to do now? Maybe I can only write and ask Brother Xu?

No. Brother Xu is the best at taking the little colt’s side. He might personally sneak out of Kuiyuan at night and, just like Elder Sister, beat lumps all over my head…

＊

Zhang San spent the day gloomily handling official business. That night, he held Li Si beneath the blankets and slept innocently. He was a ravenous great tiger, while Sisi was a sleek, glossy little colt—close enough to touch, yet forbidden to eat. He was going to starve to death.

He had no idea what catastrophe his frank lechery had caused. Early the next morning, strangely enough, Brother Liu could not be found anywhere.

Riding Big Black Ghost, Zhang San circled the whole county, but everyone said County Commandant Liu had not come to inspect anything that day. He was not in the yamen runners’ duty room either. The runners said County Commandant Liu had not been on duty the previous night and had gone home to sleep.

Zhang San did not know where Liu Wu lived. The runners said only Junior Clerk Chen knew, so Zhang San went to the clerks’ duty room in the side courtyard to find Little Chen… yet strangely enough, Junior Clerk Chen had vanished too!

These two brothers, one civil and one martial, were Commander Zhang’s principal subordinates in Ant County, each capable of holding up half the sky. Ever since the county magistrate’s property had been confiscated, Junior Clerk Chen, under the guidance and teaching of his father, Senior Clerk Chen, had led the county clerks and forcefully upheld the county’s countless minor affairs. As for County Commandant Liu, there was even less need to explain; every matter of city defense depended on him.

With both men absent, Commander Zhang felt as though his entire sky had collapsed.

＊

It was almost noon when the two finally arrived late.

—County Commandant Liu kept his legs apart and dared not bring them together, walking slowly and carefully. Junior Clerk Chen followed behind with guilt and embarrassment written all over his face, guarding him with extreme nervousness.

Zhang San stared at them in confusion.

Why does this scene look so familiar?

Could Junior Clerk Chen’s delicate little deer hooves possess the same ferocity as tiger paws?

Zhang San approached curiously, intending to ask what had happened. Unexpectedly, the moment Brother Liu looked up and saw him, he gave a heavy snort, pushed Junior Clerk Chen aside, entered the yamen runners’ duty room by himself, and slammed the door.

Liu Wu was normally steady and good-tempered and had always deeply respected the Commander. Zhang San had never seen him this furious before—not even yesterday. Completely baffled, he turned toward Junior Clerk Chen.

Chen Lu stood a head shorter than Zhang San, thin and slight. He shyly lowered his gaze and buried his head. Looking down, Zhang San could see only the round, dark crown of his head, which looked exceptionally clever.

Too embarrassed to raise his head and meet Commander Zhang’s eyes, Chen Lu glanced around. Seeing that the courtyard was relatively empty and his colleagues were all busy in their respective rooms, he took a booklet from inside his robe and secretly stuffed it into the Commander’s hand.

Zhang San looked down. It was a paper book with several characters written on the cover that he could not recognize. The pages were yellowed and curled, clearly old, and had been handled so often that they were thoroughly worn.

Chen Lu said shyly, “Commander, actually, I heard what the two of you were discussing yesterday. If you really want to, well, ‘do it,’ this book can help you.”

“But I can’t read…”

“I-it’s fine. The book is full of pictures. There are some little characters beside them, but they’re only poems. It doesn’t matter if you can’t read the poems. Just look at the pictures. Just look at the pictures.”

Zhang San lifted a hand to open the book.

Blushing furiously, Chen Lu hurriedly pressed it shut. “No, no. Hide it first and find somewhere deserted to look at it secretly.”

Zhang San: “…”

Very well.

＊

He tucked the miraculous secret manual from Junior Clerk Chen into his robe and went out to attend to his duties.

He could not find an empty corner anywhere. Finally, while inspecting the construction outside the Buddhist hall and Daoist temple, he saw that the Buddhist hall itself was silent and empty, with only incense burning inside.

So he strode casually before the Buddha, dropped onto one of the kneeling cushions used by worshippers, pulled out the booklet, and opened it right in front of the Bodhisattva.

“Whoa!”

The craftsmen and villagers were all working in the courtyard and could faintly hear Commander Zhang repeatedly exclaiming inside the Buddhist hall.

“…Whoa… oh… you can even do that… so that’s how it works… tsk… my, my…”

＊

The first book Zhang San ever “read” in his life was this indescribably marvelous secret manual, and he was delighted. He turned through it page by page as though he had found a priceless treasure, then returned to the beginning and studied it carefully a second time before finally closing the book with a wealth of emotion.

Raising his eyes through the open doors of the Buddhist hall, he saw an endless blue sky ten thousand fathoms high.

All matters beneath Heaven suddenly became clear!

—This is what they call sudden enlightenment!

—It’s getting late. Time to collect Sisi for dinner! Feed him until he’s full, wash him clean, and hurry into amorous business! Hehe!

He carefully put away the secret manual and tucked it back into his robe, not forgetting to turn and bow toward the Bodhisattva. “Sorry for the disturbance! Many thanks, many thanks!”

Then he happily stepped toward the door.

The Buddhist hall stood open from front to back. A sudden gust rose behind him, blowing both dust and Zhang San straight out through the doorway.

＊

That night, the two returned to the main room. Zhang San coaxed Sisi onto the bed without haste, first soothing him with a long round of kisses. Then he inspected the little horsewhip—it looked completely recovered, lively as a dragon and fierce as a tiger!

Yet the instant his palm touched it, Li Si trembled all over in fright.

Li Si could not bear to actually hide from him, but his voice still shook. “Brother-Brother Xiao, it-it only just healed. Are we doing it again?”

It had indeed felt good, but one night of pleasure had been followed by three or four days of pain!

Zhang San coaxed him. “Shh, shh. Don’t be afraid. Brother Xiao learned a new method. I guarantee this one won’t hurt. You don’t know, but it isn’t done only with hands. You can use your mouth too…”

Li Si stared in horror as Zhang San lowered his head toward his much-abused little horsewhip and bared two pointed tiger teeth.

“Aah!”

“Hey, I haven’t even touched you yet! Why are you dodging?”

“N-no, I don’t want it!”

“Don’t be afraid! It’ll definitely feel good!”

“It’ll hurt! It’ll hurt!”

“How do you know without trying?”

“…”

His teeth are so sharp and he uses so much force. Anyone can tell just by looking! Do I have to wait until he bites it off to know?!

＊

The two fought another battle on the bed, making a lively racket of bang! clatter! bang! clang!

Cook Wu and her husband had already grown accustomed to it and slept peacefully.

＊

Zhang San was not truly some lust-crazed lecher. Before meeting Li Si, he had never cared especially about this sort of thing, or else he would not have understood nothing. His heart had merely awakened for the first time, and the person he loved was right in front of him, making desire impossible to endure.

He had racked his brains and even earnestly studied a book, though he normally never read, yet Sisi simply did not trust him and still refused to be intimate. Was he truly that hopeless?

No matter how thick-skinned Zhang San was, even he could not withstand being rejected again and again by the person he loved. Deeply wounded, he stopped fighting on his own, sighed heavily, climbed miserably off the bed, and sat at the table drinking tea.

The heart that had basked in enlightenment all day suddenly dimmed.

He had not even managed to remove the single robe on his body, and the struggle had pulled it into complete disorder. His hair had come loose too, hanging messily over his shoulders.

His expression was lonely, his back desolate.

If he truly possessed a tiger tail, it would now have drooped sadly along the floor, sweeping back and forth in sorrow. His furry ears would probably have hung listlessly too.

Li Si knelt on the bed with the blankets clutched protectively around himself, peeking secretly at Zhang San. Seeing Brother Xiao upset made him feel terrible too. But Elder Sister was right: sometimes Brother Xiao understood absolutely nothing yet still pretended to know everything. If Li Si truly let him open that tiger mouth, his horsewhip might not survive the night!

Most of the time, Brother Xiao was the one who coaxed and pampered him. Li Si thought for a while, sighed inwardly, then climbed off the bed, deciding to coax Brother Xiao for once.

He pulled over a stool and sat beside him, first wrapping his arms intimately around Zhang San’s waist, then burying his face against Brother Xiao’s shoulder and rubbing gently.

Sure enough, after that single rub, Brother Xiao’s breathing deepened and his waist was no longer quite so stiff.

“Brother Xiao,” Li Si called softly.

Brother Xiao’s angry breathing softened too, and he gave a muffled hum through his nose. “Mm.”

Li Si lifted his face and gently kissed his earlobe, then whispered beside his ear, “It isn’t that I don’t want to be intimate with you. I only just recovered, so I’m still a little afraid. Wait a few days until I’m not so scared anymore, and then I’ll let you bite me. All right?”

Brother Xiao sighed and turned slightly, wrapping Li Si in his arms. The two held each other warmly, and both their hearts settled.

Brother Xiao sighed. “Forget it. If you’re afraid, then never mind. It isn’t as though I absolutely have to do it. From now on, everything follows your wishes. Even if we never do it, that’s fine. I love you. As long as I’m with you, anything is good.”

Every time Li Si heard the words I love you, his face grew hot, and he adored them beyond measure. He buried his face beside Brother Xiao’s ear and rubbed fiercely against his hair, taking several deep breaths before sighing, “Brother Xiao, I also want to do it with you. When it doesn’t hurt, it truly feels good. It just needs to be gentler, like this…”

Imitating what Brother Xiao had done several days earlier, he loosened Zhang San’s sash. His cool palm slowly stroked over the swelling planes of his chest, then over the tight muscles of his abdomen…

Li Si’s hands were different from Brother Xiao’s. They were hands accustomed to drawing a bow, with calluses along the fingers and knuckles, but nowhere near as rough as the tiger’s palms. Had these hands been born into a scholarly family instead of a military household, they would surely have been fine hands for caressing a zither and plucking its strings.

Brother Xiao immediately discovered the pleasure in it. He buried his face beside Li Si’s ear and released deep, heavy breaths.

＊

Li Si pleasured Brother Xiao through one round beside the table, then led him back to the bed and joined their two “sabers” together for another round. Only this time, the hand “wielding the sabers” belonged to Li Si.

The student had surpassed the master, and the pleasure was far from ordinary.

This time, everything was pleasurable and safe. Li Si himself discovered the enjoyment in it and secretly thought, It seems I’m better at this than Brother Xiao. Just like archery and training soldiers, when it comes to intimacy between the two of us, there are things I’m better at too.

His confidence soared. Happily, he kissed Brother Xiao several more times, then asked quietly, “Didn’t you say a mouth can be used too?”

Brother Xiao was still lost in the lingering pleasure, returning the kisses against Li Si’s neck in a daze and gnawing several more blue-purple bite marks into him. He answered vaguely, “Mm.”

“Let me try.”

Li Si pushed Brother Xiao down onto the bed and lowered his head.

Brother Xiao’s eyes widened as he stared at him in astonishment. After a moment, he helplessly raised his head, closed his eyes, and covered his face with one arm.

＊

The room fell silent, broken only by wet sounds and heavy breathing.

＊

After that round ended, Brother Xiao was utterly convinced of Li Si’s superiority. Catching his breath, he pulled Li Si into his arms and kissed him repeatedly, asking in bewilderment, “How are you this skilled? No one even taught you.”

Li Si also felt extremely skilled. He had pleased Brother Xiao until his face was flushed, sweat running from the corners of his hazy eyes like tears of joy. Brother Xiao’s whole body was red and burning too, his heaving chest covered in sweat and dripping as though washed in water. He looked like a red lotus emerging from the water, bright and full, on the verge of blooming—extremely beautiful.

The sight made Li Si’s blood boil, and his own need became unbearable. He did not know what should happen next, so he could only burrow into Brother Xiao’s arms and plead softly, “Touch me too. Gently…”

＊

Brother Xiao said, “Don’t rush. That was only the beginning! I learned plenty more today, much more pleasurable than this. You don’t know, but two people can also do it like this, using here…”

As he spoke, his hand reached toward Li Si’s backside.

Li Si’s eyes widened.

Instinct screamed that something was wrong!

The same sense of danger he had felt when tiger teeth approached his horsewhip surged through him again.

“Aah!”

“Hey, I haven’t even put anything in! Why are you dodging?”

“N-no, I don’t want it!”

“Don’t be afraid! It’ll definitely feel good!”

“It’ll hurt! It’ll hurt!”

“How do you know without trying?”

“…”

Then why don’t you try it on yourself?!