Futile Devices Scans

Ke Bu had dragged out everything that needed to be said and everything that needed to be clarified for far too long. Not only had things failed to heal, they had worsened. Now that the fear had been exposed, he felt it was finally time to find Zhi Li and lay everything out openly. Maintaining their agreement through pity was never what he wanted. He was no longer the fragile child he had been in middle school. He would not beg Zhi Li to stay anymore. The mistakes of the past should be corrected now. Even if afterward… The stubborn Ke Bu no longer had the courage to continue thinking further.

In the end, Ke Bu found Zhi Li in the classroom. Just as he was about to walk over, he realized the empty classroom did not contain only Zhi Li. Gong Zhu was also standing in front of him. Unable to see Zhi Li’s face and unsure why, Ke Bu hid himself instead.

“Lord Zhi Li, in a few days it’ll be my birthday. Could I ask you to spend one day with me? Just one day is enough.”

“A reason?”

“I like you, Zhi Li. Isn’t that reason enough? Isn’t it normal to want to spend your birthday with the person you like? I know I’m being abrupt, and I’m not asking you to like me back. Actually, I’m very afraid of birthdays. They always remind me of betrayal from friends. In the end, I lost my friends, and because of the scandal about being gay, my boyfriend left me too. But I know you aren’t that kind of person. You wouldn’t hate me just because I like men. My request is very small. I only want you to stay with me for one day.”

“That reason won’t work.” Zhi Li rested his head against one hand.

Gong Zhu fell silent for a long time—so long that even Ke Bu no longer knew whether he should keep waiting there. Finally, Gong Zhu spoke emotionally, “Then what about Ke Bu? What reason did Ke Bu use to make you stay with him? Why can he do it, but I can’t? Is it just because my parents didn’t divorce, so I’m not pitiful enough for your sympathy? I don’t know exactly what’s going on between the two of you, but is this really okay? If it drags on too long, won’t you eventually mistake these feelings for nothing more than habit from being together? Won’t you hesitate to separate even if you want to? What kind of feeling is this, a relationship like a malignant tumor trapped in an endless cycle?”

Zhi Li fell silent. Silent at the worst possible moment to be silent. The burden became too much for Ke Bu’s body to bear. His stomach churned as though burning in fire, pain gradually eating away at him. He fled as though escaping. This was not what he wanted to hear. What was that silence supposed to mean? Was he seriously considering Gong Zhu’s words? So he admitted it then—his feelings toward Ke Bu were pity, staying with him had become habit, he hesitated to separate because of his concerns, and their relationship was a malignant tumor. That bastard Zhi Li. Admitting so many things in one breath—how was Ke Bu supposed to recover from that? Couldn’t he at least deny Gong Zhu a little? Even if it was only a lie.

Because he had been running too fast across campus, Ke Bu accidentally crashed into someone.

“Sorry,” Ke Bu apologized hurriedly. Without even raising his head, he tried to leave, but a voice stopped him.

“Ke Bu?”

Ke Bu turned around and saw Wang Xing, an upperclassman from high school. He had never expected Wang Xing to attend this university too. If he had not seen that face, Ke Bu might have almost forgotten such a person existed.

“I thought I recognized the wrong person, but it really is you. Long time no see. You came to this university too? You live in Building E, right? What’s your dorm number? I’ll come find you later so we can hang out. You’ve only been here a few months, so you probably still aren’t familiar with the area. I’ll show you around.”

Facing Wang Xing’s excessive enthusiasm, Ke Bu only wanted to leave as quickly as possible. He casually gave Wang Xing his dorm number and found an excuse to leave. But while running, Ke Bu gradually slowed down. Running like this… where exactly was he trying to run to? Where could he even run?

After wandering outside for a long time, Ke Bu finally returned to the dormitory, only to unexpectedly find Wang Xing waiting for him. How could Ke Bu possibly not understand why Wang Xing was being so enthusiastic? Over the years, it was impossible that not even one or two people had liked him. Wang Xing was one of them. He had confessed to Ke Bu back in high school, and of course Ke Bu had rejected him. At the time, Ke Bu did not understand why he rejected others. But now, he understood it perfectly clearly. If either side fell in love with someone else, they would break up immediately. He had only wanted to maintain that joke-like agreement, using the excuse that he simply did not like those people, when in truth all he wanted was to remain by Zhi Li’s side—no matter in what form.

“The people in the dorm said you weren’t here, so I waited around to see if you’d come back.”

“I didn’t think you’d actually come.”

“I told you I would, didn’t I? Want to go walk around for a bit?” Ke Bu wanted to refuse, but what could he even do staying in the dorm? He needed something to calm his mind down.

“Alright.” As Ke Bu walked side by side with Wang Xing, they happened to run straight into Zhi Li, who had just returned. Zhi Li did not even look at Wang Xing. He only stared coldly at Ke Bu with a frown. Ke Bu avoided his gaze and walked past him, but Zhi Li grabbed his wrist.

“You’re not allowed to go with him.”

“Exchange condition?” Ke Bu suddenly asked. If Zhi Li wanted him not to leave with someone else, then what kind of exchange condition would he offer to make him stay? What exactly was he still hoping to hear?

“Don’t go, Zhi Li, don’t go, Zhi Li, don’t go, Zhi Li.”

Ke Bu’s mind replayed the memory of himself pleading in that fragile voice for Zhi Li to stay. That had been the beginning of every mistake. Ke Bu forcefully shook free of Zhi Li’s hand, not giving him any chance to speak.

“How much longer are you going to pity me?” After saying that, Ke Bu followed Wang Xing away without looking back.

Along the way, only Wang Xing spoke. Ke Bu did not hear a single word. Then Wang Xing suddenly said, “That was Zhi Li, right? I heard underclassmen talking about him before. I didn’t expect him to really come to this university. You know him? A person like Zhi Li has always been strange, even back in high school. In summer, his temper would sometimes get terrible. Honestly scary. Just because he’s good-looking, he thinks he can do whatever he wants. I heard when he was in middle school, because he was too popular with girls, a lot of guys ended up hating him instead. That all-capable attitude of his—he’s more like a monster.”

Ke Bu stopped walking and looked at Wang Xing. This person was different from Zhi Li. Maybe he would be gentle. Maybe he would not pity him. Most importantly, he liked him. Wang Xing grabbed Ke Bu’s shoulders and slowly leaned closer.

Ke Bu raised one hand to stop the distance between them and said softly, “If you don’t understand Zhi Li, then shut your damn mouth and stop talking nonsense. How pathetic. Just because he’s better than you people, you reject him. Is that his fault? Does he have to change himself just to accommodate idiots like you? Zhi Li is Zhi Li—the Zhi Li who’s better than anyone else.”

Ke Bu angrily swung his fist into Wang Xing’s jaw, then ran back toward the dormitory. Every problem had always been with himself. What was the point of taking out his anger on Zhi Li? What more was Zhi Li supposed to do? He had saved the lonely him, quietly stayed by his side, helped him put up decorative boards, blocked the colored water stains for him, held his hand and ran toward the classroom with him… All those memories had gradually become the shape of happiness because of Zhi Li.

Not only that, he had saved Su You Yan too. Ke Bu had always felt Su You Yan seemed strangely familiar, and that expression of hers was exactly like middle-school-aged Zhi Li. Zhi Li had noticed it too, hadn’t he?

“Being alone is exhausting. Hey, follow me.”

The reason Zhi Li had said that back then was because he had seen himself in her. Such a wonderful Zhi Li—how could someone like him ever lose to anyone else? Ke Bu could not stay beside anyone except Zhi Li. Ever since that day. Ever since he cried in Zhi Li’s arms. In his eyes, his body, his mind, his heart—there had only ever been Zhi Li.

Ke Bu ran all the way back in one breath. Zhi Li’s dorm room door was not closed, so he walked in. It was as if Zhi Li had known Ke Bu would return.

“Finished comparing?” Zhi Li asked lightly.

Before Ke Bu could answer, Zhi Li continued, “Let’s break up.”

Ke Bu froze in place. This was the answer he got after rushing back to Zhi Li’s side?

“Got it. Just as well. I originally…” He could no longer force the words out stiffly. Even though he no longer had the strength to speak, he was still pretending to be strong.

Zhi Li closed the door and leaned against it. “Did you really think I was such a kind person?”

“You really aren’t a kind person. You’re always saying things that make people misunderstand. Even though I knew that was just your personality, it still frustrates me. It frustrates me that your words affect me. It frustrates me that I fell in love with you. It frustrates me that you were the one who suggested breaking up first.”

“Have I ever said those things to anyone else?”

“I… that…”

“Answer me properly.” Zhi Li’s gaze was overwhelming.

“No.”

“So you do know that,” Zhi Li said mockingly. “You think I’d kindly pity you to that extent? Do you think this agreement could have lasted this long based on simple sympathy alone? Do I need to pity you? On that day in middle school, you weren’t the only one who was saved. You weren’t the only one who wanted someone beside them. You realized that back then too, didn’t you? So think it through properly for once. All these years, what have you been afraid of? Afraid of hearing the answer from me? What exactly have you been running from? Even if you run to another man, all it’ll do is make you understand even more. Ke Bu, you can’t leave me. Just like…”

Zhi Li stepped forward, grabbed Ke Bu, and pulled him into his arms.

“Just like I can’t leave you.”

Every single word from Zhi Li made Ke Bu unable to think. What was this? Everything had been taken away from him so easily. Ke Bu kept repeating Zhi Li’s name over and over.

Suddenly, Ke Bu pushed Zhi Li away and shook his head. “No… those aren’t the words I wanted to hear. No…”

Seeing Ke Bu lose control, Zhi Li grabbed his wrist. His deep, beautiful voice bloomed through the air.

“I like you, Ke Bu.”

Ke Bu quieted down.

Yes. This was the only sentence he had wanted to hear.

Because Zhi Li had once said:

“If I like someone, I’ll directly say I like them.”

So in the end, everything could be resolved with just one simple sentence. All the unease in his heart could be soothed with just one simple sentence.

His feelings for Zhi Li had always been violent and overwhelming, never once stopping. Long ago, Ke Bu had already lost any chance of escape.

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