Yang Shuyi was subdued the entire way back to Chongqing, as though something was bothering him. But if he did not say anything, Shao Wu had no way to ask. Around noon, Yang Shuyi fell asleep sitting up, just like on the trip there, his head resting against the bus window. Shao Wu thought, Why does this guy always sleep against the glass? Can’t he lean on my shoulder for once?
Bright sunlight poured in through the window, making Yang Shuyi frown faintly in his sleep, looking restless. Shao Wu reached out and held his palm in the air just above Yang Shuyi’s eyes. He thought that if he were a little more open about it, he could simply move Yang Shuyi’s head onto his shoulder and would not have to hold his arm up until it ached.
Sunlight gilded Yang Shuyi’s wheat-colored skin in bright gold, while the shadow of Shao Wu’s palm covered his eyes. At the border between light and shadow were his clean, straight brows. When Shao Wu’s arm grew sore, he lowered it, rested for a few minutes, then raised it again.
It went on until the coach pulled into Shapingba Bus Station. Other passengers stood to retrieve their luggage or called loudly, “We’re here!” and “Made it!” Yang Shuyi’s eyelids fluttered, and Shao Wu whipped his hand back.
Yang Shuyi opened his eyes. “We’re here?”
“We’re here,” Shao Wu said. “Let’s go.”
The two of them stood and got off the coach.
Shao Wu was grateful he had worn loose athletic shorts, and equally grateful that the city bus stop was right beside the coach station. He had been hard from the time Yang Shuyi fell asleep until he woke up, then stayed hard from the time Yang Shuyi woke until they each boarded their separate buses. For the few hundred meters between the coach station and the bus stop, Shao Wu walked hunched over.
Luckily, Yang Shuyi did not notice.
Shao Wu thought he really was being ridiculous. He could not understand how he had stayed hard for so long when Yang Shuyi had not even done anything. Shao Wu himself had been unable to stop looking at his face, and for a few minutes he had nearly lowered his head and kissed him. They had been too close, far too close. He could even see the fine lines on Yang Shuyi’s lips.
Fortunately, he had restrained himself. Feelings arise naturally, and stop at—Yang Shuyi likes girls.
Elio’s Notes: Shao Wu is twisting the classical phrase 发乎情，止乎礼, roughly “feelings may arise naturally, but should be restrained by propriety.” His version replaces “propriety” with the much more immediate problem that Yang Shuyi likes girls.
After the May Day holiday, finals were almost upon them. Shao Wu had six major courses that semester, plus exams for his geography minor, and he was run off his feet. On May 10, he made time to go to Southwest University, partly to look for specimens and partly to see Yang Shuyi. Unfortunately, Yang Shuyi was even busier. The finals for the urban-planning competition were coming up, and he and his classmates spent every day in the study room. When he did go out, it was usually to sign people up for SIM cards or change their service plans.
Shao Wu did not manage to see Yang Shuyi. He only had a meal with Zhu Jingjing. Two days later came May 12, Shao Wu’s twentieth birthday. That morning, Zhu Jingjing texted him happy birthday, and his mother called and said, “Our Shao Wu is twenty now.” His father said nothing at all and simply transferred eight hundred yuan into his bank account.
At noon after class, Shao Wu bought a large bag of snacks from the campus supermarket and handed them out to his roommates. Ning Xiao tore open a bag of potato chips and laughed. “You really like Copico this much?”
Shao Wu was chewing chips with a loud crunch. He gave an “Mm.”
“Hey, I think Ya! Tudou tastes better than these,” another roommate said. “I’ll buy you a bag this afternoon. Try them.”
Ning Xiao leaned over, lightly put an arm around Shao Wu’s shoulders, and asked quietly, “Let’s go out tonight. It’s your birthday.”
“I still have a class on Friday—”
“You’re turning twenty,” Ning Xiao cut him off. “You’re not seriously going to self-study tonight, are you? Shao Wu, think about it. Twenty. Your next birthday with a zero at the end is thirty. By then you’ll be old and faded and won’t be able to hook a guy even if you try. What fun will be left?”
Shao Wu said, “…”
“Now’s the time. Come on. Du Si and the others happen to be going tonight too.”
Shao Wu was silent for a moment, then said softly, “All right.”
“That’s more like it.” Ning Xiao crooked his index finger and lightly scraped Shao Wu’s chin. “Dress yourself up.”
There was only one class that afternoon. Afterward, Shao Wu returned to the dorm, took a shower, and changed into an oversized white T-shirt, sky-blue utility jeans, and Adidas sneakers. When Ning Xiao came in, Shao Wu had just finished drying his hair. His hair was a rich black, cut not long ago, and looked clean and fresh.
“Not bad.” Ning Xiao whistled and circled him once. “So this is your style.”
Shao Wu was a little embarrassed. “I just threw something on.”
“Yeah, right. You’re obviously going out to hook a guy.” Holding an eyebrow pencil, Ning Xiao leaned toward the mirror and carefully traced the shape of his brows. “Seriously, be careful when we get there, especially with drinks people give you. Don’t just take anything. Sometimes they’re drugged.”
Shao Wu clicked his tongue. “It’s that dangerous?”
“It’s not too bad. It’s all men, you know. People play a little harder.”
This was Shao Wu’s first time going to a gay bar. Hearing Ning Xiao say that made him want to back out a little, but since he had already agreed, it would be awkward to run away at the last minute.
After eating a few soup dumplings for dinner, Shao Wu followed Ning Xiao to meet up with the people from Sichuan Fine Arts outside the university. Shao Wu had long known there were a lot of gay students at the art institute, but he had not expected this many. Seven or eight boys came toward them from a distance, every one of them dressed brightly and stylishly. Leading them was Du Si, small and slender in bright-yellow overalls, his lips an unnaturally vivid red, probably from lipstick.
“Wow, do you guys have to be this dramatic?” Ning Xiao tugged at Du Si’s overalls. “Way too flashy.”
Du Si rolled his eyes. “You’re not flashy? Look how much makeup you’ve got on.”
“Come on, come on.” Ning Xiao raised a hand and stopped a taxi. “We’ll need two cars.”
Shao Wu, Ning Xiao, Du Si, and two other boys took the same taxi. The air-conditioning was on and all the windows were shut, and only then did Shao Wu notice the perfume on them. There was the scent of roses and something like sandalwood, though he could not tell whose was whose. Shao Wu sat in the front passenger seat listening to the others chatter in the back.
Ning Xiao asked, “Why did he come too?”
“No idea what wire crossed in his head. Suddenly said he wanted to come with us.” Du Si grinned. “Maybe his sugar daddy is away on business.”
The boy in the tight low-cut T-shirt said, “He’s been acting weird these past couple days. He’s actually been staying in the dorm.”
“We’re doomed.” Du Si burst out laughing. “Don’t tell me his sugar daddy really dumped him.”
“No way, right?” Another boy, wearing a skull necklace, shook his head. “They’ve been together all these years. It can’t just end like that…”
“Those old men, who knows? Last time we went out, one of them started texting me every day afterward. Said he bought me clothes and wanted to take me out to eat… I ignored him for a few days and then he vanished.”
“Fuck, seriously? How come you never told us…”
The four boys chattered nonstop. Shao Wu quickly glanced at the driver.
The driver was a middle-aged man staring straight ahead, his expression perfectly normal.
Shao Wu secretly let out a breath of relief.
The situation embarrassed him a little. How could they talk about these things so brazenly in front of a stranger? Or maybe it was precisely because the driver was a stranger that they could be so brazen. Shao Wu did not know whether he was simply being overly self-conscious.
At last they reached Guanyinqiao. Shao Wu volunteered to pay the fare and did not even take the two yuan in change. He hurriedly opened the door and stepped out, almost fleeing the taxi.
The other taxi arrived too, and four boys got out. Du Si asked, “Where is he?”
“Didn’t want to squeeze in with us. Took a cab by himself,” one of the boys answered lazily, both hands in his pockets.
He had barely finished speaking when another taxi pulled up. It stopped, and the door opened.
A very tall, slender boy stepped out, dressed in black and white, wine-red hair tied in a ponytail, his expression so cold it almost did not count as an expression.
Shao Wu understood. The “he” they had been talking about in the taxi had to be this person. Shao Wu had heard about him long ago but had only seen him once from a distance: animation major, supported by an older man since high school…
“Everyone’s here,” Du Si called loudly. “Let’s go.”
Shengshengman was on a bar street, a narrow road lined with equally small bars. Most were two-story buildings with narrow entrances, colored beams flashing back and forth outside and casting jumping patches of light across the pavement.
From the outside, Shengshengman looked surprisingly ordinary. It was brick, with a faint early-Republican Chinese style, and did not even have the usual colored lights. There was only a screen-like sign standing by the door, the three characters for “Shengshengman” glowing in regular script.
Inside, however, was completely different.
The first floor was dominated by a large dance floor, with scattered seats around it. The second floor was all booths, some for two, some for four. It was a little after eight, and the dance floor was already packed. It was the first time Shao Wu had ever seen so many men crowded together, swaying their bodies under beams of light that spilled over them like water, rising and falling with the electronic beat.
The group scattered. Some went upstairs to drink, while Du Si and Ning Xiao dragged several boys straight into the dance floor. At first Shao Wu could still see them, but before long they disappeared completely into the crowd.
Shao Wu did not want to drink and did not want to dance, so he sat alone on a high stool beside the dance floor. Most of the men around him were in pairs. One or two who were alone kept giving him looks, and he turned his head away each time.
After sitting for a while, Shao Wu heard faint kissing sounds behind him mixed with hurried breathing. He knew someone was making out. Two men kissing openly, yet no one here cared. The entire bar seethed like a pot of boiling water, and everyone inside was a tiny, overheated bubble.
So this is my twentieth birthday? Shao Wu felt like a snail that had lost its shell, trembling as he was thrown into this unfamiliar world.
A cold hand landed on Shao Wu’s shoulder. He jolted so violently he nearly fell off the stool, but the person caught him.
It was him.
“Aren’t you dancing?” His voice was nothing like his cold appearance. It was low and gentle. “I’ve watched you sit here for ages.”
“I… don’t want to dance.”
“I don’t either.” He nodded. “Your name is Shao Wu, right?”
“Mm.”
“My name is Chen Yimang.”
“Oh. You… hi.”
Chen Yimang finally curled his lips into a faint smile. “Yi as in ‘one.’ Mang as in ‘boundless.’”
“Boundless?” Shao Wu thought the character was unusual in a given name.
“‘Let the reed of a boat drift where it will, crossing ten thousand acres of boundless haze.’”
Elio’s Notes: Chen Yimang is quoting Su Shi’s Former Rhapsody on the Red Cliffs (前赤壁赋). The line contains both 一 (yi, “one”) and 茫然 (mangran, “boundless haze”), echoing the characters in his name.
“Huh?” Shao Wu froze for a moment before realizing Chen Yimang was explaining where his name came from. “Oh… it sounds nice.”
Chen Yimang sat down beside Shao Wu. “You don’t usually come out to places like this?”
“No. This is… my first time.”
Chen Yimang turned his face and looked at Shao Wu. “Why’d you come, then?” Up close, Shao Wu noticed his eyes were sharply black and white, with thin single eyelids.
Shao Wu answered honestly, “Because it’s my birthday today.”
“Today?” Chen Yimang paused. “Today is the third anniversary of May twelfth.”
“Mm.”
“That’s not the best day for a birthday.”
“Mm.” Shao Wu lowered his head and looked at his hands. “I know.”
“But who cares? A birthday is a birthday.” Chen Yimang suddenly put an arm around Shao Wu’s shoulders. “Want to go outside and get some air? It’s stuffy in here.”
“…Okay.”
The two of them walked out of the bar. Damp, hot, fresh air rushed over them. Shao Wu sneezed and felt his nose itch.
“How are you like a little kid?” Chen Yimang pulled a packet of tissues from his pocket. “Here.”
“Ah… thanks.”
Across from Shengshengman was a hotpot restaurant. A hotpot restaurant on a bar street was only natural in Chongqing. Shao Wu blew his nose and tossed the tissue into a bin. Then he heard Chen Yimang laugh behind him. “How old are you, anyway?”
“Turned twenty today.”
“You’re kind of like my little brother. I mean… my actual brother.”
Shao Wu said, “…”
A few seconds later, they both laughed. In the darkness, Chen Yimang’s wine-red hair was not nearly as conspicuous. His eyes curved when he smiled, his arm still draped over Shao Wu’s shoulders. “The second I saw you, I was thinking, what the fuck is wrong with Du Si? Why’d he bring a middle-school kid here?”
Shao Wu laughed too. “Do I look that stupid?”
“Not stupid. Just too honest. One look and you can tell you’re not the same kind of person as us.”
Shao Wu tugged at his loose utility pants. “I thought dressing like this was already pretty noticeable, but then…”
Chen Yimang asked, “Then what?”
Shao Wu suddenly stopped talking, his gaze fixed straight across the street at the hotpot restaurant.
Chen Yimang followed his gaze. Several young people were standing outside the restaurant. Looking more carefully, there were two men and two women. One of the boys still had a backpack on, probably a student. Just then, a tall, slim girl with short hair took the backpacked boy’s hand. The other young man and woman were clearly a couple too, the girl affectionately linking her arm through his.
The two couples walked down the restaurant steps at an easy pace and gradually moved away. The bar street was too noisy for Chen Yimang and Shao Wu to hear what they were saying, but they could see the smiles on the girls’ faces and the gentle looks in the boys’ eyes.
Only after their backs disappeared completely did Chen Yimang fold his arms and say knowingly, “Someone you know?”
Shao Wu gave an almost imperceptible nod.
“I’ve seen this kind of thing plenty of times.” Chen Yimang sighed softly, his tone gentle. “Why fall for a straight guy? You’re just asking to die. People like us can only date people like us. You understand?”
Shao Wu still stared in the direction they had gone, his gaze frozen.
“Seriously, Shao Wu.” Chen Yimang raised a hand and very, very gently wiped the tears from Shao Wu’s cheek. “There’s no point loving a straight guy… Do you want to try it with me?”