Dinner was ready, but An Su still had not come back. Mai Ding checked the time. It was already eight-thirty.
“Forget her. Let’s eat.”
“But maybe if we wait a little longer…”
“You won’t be able to wait for her tonight.” Mai Ding had no choice but to set An Su’s portion aside and cover it with plastic wrap. After the two of them finished eating, Mai Ding cleaned everything up and sat beside An Zi Yan. Fortunately, An Zi Yan did not impatiently insist on going home just because An Su had not returned. He simply waited too.
It was sometime after midnight when An Su finally came back. She opened the door weakly and did not seem surprised to see An Zi Yan and Mai Ding. She nearly fell while kicking off her high heels. Mai Ding hurried forward to support her. She did not resist, only muttering that she wanted water. Mai Ding quickly poured her a cup of warm water. She collapsed onto the sofa.
“What are you doing here?” She asked the question without caring about the answer.
“What do you think drinking is going to solve?” An Zi Yan asked coldly. Mai Ding glanced at him, signaling that he should be gentler. “Solve what? I don’t want to solve anything. I can’t solve anything. I can’t sleep, so I went out for a drink. Who does that hurt? It’s all your fault. Don’t think I don’t know. The other day I saw Fu Shu at the park with Xiao Jie and a woman. I know Fu Shu never brings Xiao Jie when he’s handling work, so I looked into her. She’s from your company. You must have gotten Fu Shu involved in something, and that’s how they met. They’ve known each other for what, one week? Two? And he already brought Xiao Jie to meet her?” An Su knew blaming An Zi Yan was absurd, but she simply wanted something to blame. The feelings bottled inside her hurt too much.
“What does she have that I don’t? I’m younger, prettier, and I love Fu Shu more. Why did I lose? Why did I lose? Why did I lose?” An Su pressed both hands to her temples, desperate for someone to give her an answer. Mai Ding’s heart ached. Lately he had seen so many unfamiliar sides of An Su. Right now she looked so fragile and helpless that he almost wanted to tell her she still had a chance.
“Maybe…” Mai Ding had barely begun when An Zi Yan looked at him, and he understood the warning. Mai Ding was not Fu Shu and had no right to give An Su false hope, even if he wanted her to feel better. An Su turned urgently to An Zi Yan. “There’s still a way, isn’t there? If you tell Fu Shu to end things with Ji Meng, he’ll listen to you. He will.”
“And that would make you happy?” An Zi Yan asked coolly. The question only deepened An Su’s shame. “I don’t care. I’m your sister, so you should help me. Call Fu Shu now. Just help me this once. I’m your real sister.” She repeated the bond between them again and again. An Zi Yan’s expression never changed. “Fu Shu doesn’t belong to me, and he doesn’t belong to you either.”
“You’re so cold. Do you really want me to be miserable? Would you rather I never be happy? It would only take one sentence from you. If Fu Shu left Ji Meng, then I…” An Su’s emotions were running away with her. Mai Ding knew the words came from pain. He had also said ugly things when feelings overwhelmed him, almost as though another self had taken over.
An Zi Yan kept his eyes on the television. “Then what? Wake up. Even if he and Ji Meng never get together, he still won’t choose you. He doesn’t love you. Even if you were lying in the same fucking bed as him, he still wouldn’t touch you.” Mai Ding wanted to stop him because every word landed too hard. An Su raised a hand, but An Zi Yan caught her wrist. “If you don’t want to hear it from me, should I call Fu Shu and let him tell you himself?”
“Stop!” An Su’s voice was almost a scream. A moment later, the strength left her and tears spilled from her eyes. She whispered painfully, “Don’t call him. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t…” Mai Ding wanted to run out and beg Fu Shu to return An Su’s feelings, or beg Ji Meng to step away. But the thought died almost immediately. If someone came to Mai Ding and asked him to stop loving An Zi Yan and love somebody else instead, how would he feel?
“An Su, listen to me. Give up.” An Zi Yan’s tone was no longer as cold. He had told her this more than once, and part of him was angry that she kept refusing to hear it and kept driving herself into this state.
Cruelty was the only thing left. Right now, being cruel was the only way to save An Su. This time, An Zi Yan had finally decided to destroy every last shred of hope she was clinging to.
“I told you, I can’t! Mai Ding, whose side are you on?” An Su turned to him. Mai Ding could have answered that he wanted to stand on her side, but he no longer knew what that meant. Did forcing a relationship count as helping her? Did giving her hope and encouraging her count as kindness? The questions were too difficult. “I…”
“Don’t drag him into this.” An Zi Yan spared Mai Ding the impossible choice.
“Is there really nobody willing to help me?”
“Su’er.” A calm, steady voice came from outside the door. An Su’s expression changed instantly, and her shoulders began to tremble. She glared at An Zi Yan. “Why did you call Fu Shu?!” An Zi Yan said nothing and stood. An Su grabbed him in panic. “Don’t open the door. I don’t want to see him right now. Don’t open it. Tell him to leave.” An Zi Yan simply removed her hand and opened the door. Fu Shu stepped inside and looked at An Su. His eyes held pain and helplessness, the way an adult might look at a child or younger sister. Mai Ding had seen the way Fu Shu looked at Ji Meng. It turned out love and familial affection could be distinguished that easily.
An Su stopped making a scene. Much of her drunkenness seemed to vanish, and she became quiet. After a long time, she said, “Why are you here? Don’t listen to Yan talking nonsense. I didn’t…” Fu Shu answered directly, “This is because of Ji Meng, isn’t it?” An Su shook her head, then nodded. “I know you’re not serious about her. You have some other reason…” Her tone changed, becoming meek and cautious. As she spoke, she kept glancing at Fu Shu, afraid she might make him angry. The last scraps of Mai Ding’s desire to help An Su complete this love story disappeared. The An Su in front of him was not the An Su he knew. She seemed to have become someone else.
When someone changes beyond recognition just to gain love and please another person, that love becomes tragic because the price is too high. Some people might swear that they would pay any price for love. One day, time would show them how immature that declaration was. If gaining someone requires losing yourself, all it proves is that the person they love is not truly you.