At this hour, there was no one else in the cemetery besides them. Only row after row of gravestones stood there in solitude. Grandpa held a bouquet of flowers and struggled to rise from his wheelchair. When Mai Ding tried to help him, he waved him away, indicating that he could manage on his own. He got to his feet, carefully arranged the flowers in front of the gravestone, then sat down beside it. Looking at the photograph of Grandma in her youth, Grandpa reached out with an aged, trembling hand and gently stroked it. “Xiu, look at me. I’ve gotten this old, but you’re still so beautiful. Every time I see Zi Yan, I think of you. Your eyes look so alike. I’ve watched the children grow up all these years. Aren’t you jealous? Who told you to leave so early? Xiu… all these years, I’ve missed you so much. I’ve really missed you…” A tear slipped through the wrinkles on Grandpa’s face and fell to the ground.
Mai Ding had always thought of Grandpa simply as Grandpa. He had never thought of him as a man, nor had he ever thought about Grandpa’s love. But did growing old mean a person no longer needed love? What did it feel like to watch the person you loved die before your eyes? Grandpa had told Mai Ding many stories about the past, but he had never spoken about anything concerning Grandma. Perhaps those memories were private, belonging only to the two of them.
After sitting there for more than twenty minutes, Grandpa began to cough. An Zi Yan stepped forward and helped him up. “It’s about time we left.”
“I want to look around some more. I’m feeling pretty good today. It’d be a shame to go straight back. If you two won’t agree, I’ll just lie down here and keep your grandma company.”
“Where do you want to go?”
“Anywhere. As long as it isn’t the hospital.”
Mai Ding and Grandpa chatted constantly in the back seat of the car, talking only about happy things. No one mentioned death. Whenever Grandpa saw somewhere he liked, he would tell An Zi Yan to stop. Grandpa learned about all sorts of trendy things popular among young people, while Mai Ding learned plenty about the traditions of Grandpa’s generation. Grandpa seemed full of energy that day. There was no trace of the illness that had tormented him.
They spent a peaceful and happy day together.
Mai Ding was genuinely happy, because Grandpa was going to get better soon.
But Mai Ding never got the miracle he was waiting for. Miracles were not things that came so easily.
Grandpa’s condition worsened the very next day. It seemed that when a person was nearing the end of their life, they somehow knew they were about to leave. Mai Ding used to think scenes like that on television were made up. Now he knew they were real. Grandpa called everyone into his hospital room. Even speaking had become difficult for him. His eyes were half-open as he stared at the ceiling. “My time is almost up.” An Su threw herself onto him, wrapping her arms tightly around Grandpa as she burst into tears. “Grandpa, hold on a little longer. Please. You can do it.”
“Su’er, don’t be stubborn anymore. Grandpa wants to go.”
“No! I don’t want you to!”
“Let Grandpa finish saying what he needs to say. Su’er, Grandpa regrets that I won’t be able to wait until the day you get married. Maybe if you fixed that temper of yours, you could marry a little sooner.” Grandpa’s joke was not funny. No one could laugh. He looked toward An Xun and Wu Xin. “You two are adults. I don’t need to give you any more instructions, do I?”
“Dad, I…” An Xun tried to speak, but no words came out. He covered his eyes with one hand. Wu Xin was crying too. “I’ll go get the doctor.”
“There’s no need. No matter who you call, it won’t help. I know my own condition.”
“Fu Shu, I’d like you to handle my funeral arrangements. After that, you won’t have to keep working for this troublesome old man anymore. Spend more time with your children.” Fu Shu clenched his hands tightly but said nothing. Grandpa continued, his voice growing weaker and weaker, though he still struggled to finish what he wanted to say. “There’s one last thing I want to ask you to do.”
“Whatever you ask, I’ll do it.”
“Zi Yan is still too young. From now on, I hope you’ll help…” Grandpa broke into a fit of coughing. Fu Shu finished for him. “Even if you hadn’t said it, I would.”
“Then I can rest easy.” Grandpa’s fingers moved slightly, but he no longer had the strength to lift his arm. He could not reach Mai Ding, who had been leaning beside the bed and crying. “Xiao Ding, I’ve said so much to you that now, when the time has come, I suddenly have nothing left to say. Grandpa really likes you. And I’m very happy that the person beside Zi Yan is you. Stop crying. You look awful. All of you look awful. Grandpa is actually excited. I’m about to see your grandma again.”
Grandpa’s speech began to break apart. Everyone suppressed their sobs, afraid they might miss his final words. Those last words were for An Zi Yan. An Zi Yan had not approached the bed. He stood beside the window, never once looking in their direction.
“Zi… Zi Yan… Your grandma lent me to you for more than twenty years. It’s about time you… gave me… back to her. I know you… don’t like… sentimental things. So let me… torment you one last time… Even if Grandpa goes somewhere else… I’ll still… be with your grandma… and love you… just as we did in this world…”
An Zi Yan finally turned around. His face was expressionless in an entirely different way than usual, as though he were about to be dragged into an abyss. His voice was colder than the dead of winter. “Don’t leave me. Please, Grandpa.”
“I won’t…”
With a peaceful smile on his face, Grandpa closed his eyes. He stopped speaking. He would never speak again. Mai Ding gently pushed him. “Wake up, Grandpa. You’re tricking me again, aren’t you? How many times are you going to use the same trick? I’m not going to believe you. Where did you hide the recorder? Are you holding your breath again? Grandpa, you’ve already tricked so many tears out of me. You’re fooling me again this time too, right? Get up. Otherwise An Zi Yan is going to expose you again. This isn’t fun, Grandpa. It isn’t fun at all. Wake up and trick me. Use some other trick on me. Come on, lie to me. Lie to me…” His voice became hoarse as he screamed, shouting with everything he had, but no matter how loudly he called, Grandpa would not wake up.
Grandpa lay on the hospital bed as though he were merely asleep. Mai Ding did not know what to do. He had not been prepared. A human life needed ten months of nurturing before it could enter this world, yet it could leave in an instant. You did not want to believe that person was gone, but he truly was.
What could you do? There was nothing left except to accept it.
A life was something that not even an entire country could buy back.
Do not ask why Grandpa had to die, because people fucking die.