Elio’s Notes: The title echoes Xin Qiji’s He Xin Lang: Listening to the Pipa. The poem invokes the Rainbow Skirt music and later says that although the strings can speak, grief itself is hard to tell.
Li Congjia looked at Nüying without speaking. She stood frozen where she was, never having imagined that her elder sister had become so unmoored. For a moment she did not know what else she could say. She stepped backward until her heel nearly touched the threshold, then suddenly saw Ehuang struggle upright from the bed and reach for Li Congjia.
Ehuang screamed his name. He was still dressed in the Crown Prince’s court robes, the apricot-yellow dazzling to the eye, and he wrapped both arms tightly around her to soothe her. Yet no matter what he did, Ehuang could not regain herself. In the struggle she collapsed to the floor, and he went down with her. Nüying stood there stupidly watching as he lifted her sister back onto the couch. From the corner of his eye Li Congjia caught the flash of green at the doorway and frowned faintly. “This is not a convenient time. Second Miss, please go back.”
Instead of leaving, Nüying walked straight toward the incense burner in the corner. Li Congjia looked at her in puzzlement. “Nüying!”
She neither answered nor looked at him. Reaching the burner, she lifted its golden lid and directly smothered the red-sandalwood incense. The faint white haze that had hung almost invisibly in the room slowly disappeared. Nüying said quietly, “Elder Sister is ill. She should not be burning red sandalwood.”
His irritation rose. He had no patience left for a discussion of incense. “Nüying, go outside.” The girl by the wall’s corner gave a slight start. It was the first time he had called her by name, and it was because he was angry.
Li Congjia looked away from her, only to realize that Ehuang truly was beginning to calm in his arms. Nothing remained except a few broken sobs. He murmured softly until she settled. Nüying withdrew from the room and slowly closed the door, but her hands were trembling so badly she could not control them. She had clearly taken the sachet back. How had Elder Sister still fallen this seriously ill? Fear overwhelmed Nüying. She was young after all and had judged the gravity of what she was doing far too lightly. Seeing her sister’s attack with her own eyes had frightened her senseless.
Everyone in the palace was occupied with the Crown Princess’s illness, so no one came to attend to her. Nüying turned to leave on her own. As she came out of the bedchamber she met Piaopeng leading several servants toward her. They carried exquisitely colored brocade and several boxes of incense materials. Piaopeng had not noticed her and was still turning to give instructions as he led them inside. “Store the brocade first. As for the unusual incense Minister Han sent, take it to the Crown Prince and let him look it over…” Before he finished, the group crossed paths with Nüying. A light breeze lifted a familiar fragrance. That was… Piaopeng had not even had time to see who had passed when the girl stopped dead. So Second Miss had come after all. Truly unfortunate timing, always arriving just when the Crown Princess was ill. He was about to speak when Nüying seemed to remember something and rushed toward the incense boxes, staring straight at them. “What incense is this?”
Piaopeng had no idea what she meant. Startled, he answered honestly, “Minister Han originally wanted to invite the Crown Prince to his residence to select incense. His Highness could not go out today, so Minister Han sent over some of the newly arrived stock first.” Nüying immediately reached into the box, pinched up a small piece, and held it beneath her nose. Piaopeng hurried to stop her. “Second Miss, this is not something to play with. His Highness always treats gifts from Minister Han seriously. Please do not make trouble.” She ignored him. Helpless, Piaopeng tried coaxing her, afraid her spoiled temper might suddenly erupt and leave him with an impossible mess. “Let the Crown Prince look at it first. If Second Miss likes it, we can ask His Highness to give some to you afterward, all right?”
The figure in green went rigid. She knew more clearly than anyone that this was the very fragrant wood she had placed in the embroidered sachet she gave her sister the previous month. The Zhou household kept trading caravans abroad year-round, so strange treasures were always stored somewhere in the residence. Nüying had stumbled across this exotic fragrance by chance. It was made from the root of a foreign jialuo tree and used mostly as medicine in the Western Regions, not truly as incense. Worn by itself, it caused no harm at all. But if… Her fingers clenched. She hurled the fragrant wood viciously to the ground. Its peculiar scent filled her nose, and disgust rose for no clear reason. What use was any of it? Nüying stared at the pond beneath the nearby covered walk. The last time, on those slick jade steps, her sister had been that lost and broken and still he had persisted. And there was more. There was what she had seen just now.
Nüying had caught him in a moment of utter exhaustion and helplessness, yet it was still the face she had engraved into memory since childhood, the same clean, refined bearing. She had never imagined Li Congjia’s sorrow could move her so deeply. She had always wanted to see him different. Her brother-in-law, who with effortless calm won renown as though it were nothing, had become almost an obsession to her. She wanted to see a real Li Congjia, someone different from the figure everyone had described to her since she was small. So she had tried, almost uncontrollably, to break something, wondering whether even a little destruction might buy her one glimpse of something real. If she destroyed Elder Sister, what would he become?
Today Nüying had seen his sorrow, and it was like seeing her own despair. Only after something had truly been destroyed did she begin to feel afraid.
Afraid that because of this, he would withdraw even farther from the mortal world.
＊
Piaopeng saw Second Miss’s expression shifting unpredictably and then saw her throw Minister Han’s gift onto the ground. His displeasure finally showed. “Second Miss, please go back. The Crown Princess is ill today. We truly cannot receive guests.”
Nüying’s fingers dug hard into her own skirt. The grief on that turned-away face kept rising before her eyes. Taking advantage of everyone’s distraction, she snatched the entire box of fragrant wood and flung it into the pond beside her. With a splash and a chorus of startled shouts, every piece Minister Han had sent disappeared into the water, scattering the koi in all directions.
＊
Piaopeng panicked and hurriedly ordered people to fish it out. “Second Miss, what are you doing!” He had no room left for courtesy and openly blamed her, already frantic over how he would explain this to the Crown Prince. Sweat broke across his face.
Then, from behind them, a clear voice cast out a single sentence. It sounded exhausted beyond measure. The words were quiet, yet everyone present heard them distinctly. Li Congjia said, “All of you, leave.”
No joy or anger could be heard in his tone. Everyone turned and saw the blaze of his robes beside a decorative rock at the bend in the path. His expression was perfectly still, and in an instant the crowd’s panic broke apart.
Piaopeng hurried over to report, distraught. “Minister Han said His Highness had mentioned these rare fragrant woods when looking at incense at the residence a few days ago, so he especially sent them for Your Highness, but Second Miss, she… It was Piaopeng’s fault for failing to watch them properly…” Li Congjia lifted a hand. “I saw it all. It was not your fault. Go.” Piaopeng immediately waved the servants away and left with them.
Nüying remained where she was, staring at him. Li Congjia walked slowly over and stopped several paces away. “She is your elder sister.” Beneath the daylight, the man’s double pupils were deep and bewitching, impossible to see through. His face was so calm it was as though he were discussing some trivial, irrelevant matter. This was the Li Congjia she hated seeing most: fully aware of everything yet outwardly untouched, as though no person could wound him and no event were more than a childish game, while he stood alone beneath a bright and open sky, elegant as ever, even the tone between his lips unchanged by a fraction. Nüying suddenly went wild. She shouted at him, “So what if she is my sister? Anything she can have, I can have too! Anything she can do, I can do!”
Li Congjia shook his head. “But there are things you can do that she cannot. Nüying, you are so young, and yet you frighten people.”
The girl in green suddenly began laughing. “Frighten you… Hahahaha. Brother-in-law, you are afraid of me? Afraid of what, that I hurt Elder Sister?” The man before her looked toward the pond. “Last time, you really did mean to push her into the water, didn’t you? You stopped only because you saw me return.” Nüying neither admitted nor denied it. He continued, “There is something wrong with the sachet you gave her.”
Nüying looked directly into his eyes. “Brother-in-law, how can you still be so calm? Everything you said is right. I gave her the sachet. Inside was fragrant wood made from the root of a Western jialuo tree that I found at home. It is harmless by itself, only…” Li Congjia finished for her. “Only incense has properties of its own. This jialuo wood clashes naturally with red sandalwood. Together they can cause the mind to break down.” As he spoke, the sorrow in his eyes could no longer be hidden. “I did suspect it. I simply did not want to think further. That day I happened to visit Minister Han’s residence, mentioned it by chance, and only today did he manage to find some and send it to the Eastern Palace. Then you happened to see it.”
No wonder the imperial physicians had never been able to determine what caused Ehuang’s illness. Li Congjia suddenly thought of the nightmares and shadows buried in Ehuang’s heart. His own sins had helped the damage along. Otherwise, a mere sachet worn for a few days could never so easily have made her illness this severe.
“Why did you not ask me just now? I extinguished the red sandalwood. You plainly suspected something, yet you still told me to leave.” Nüying stepped closer and searched his face. “Brother-in-law, I thought you would be furious.” The sorrow in Li Congjia’s eyes deepened, yet the edge of his mouth curved faintly. “I did not want to believe it. But after the red sandalwood went out, Ehuang truly calmed and fell into peaceful sleep. You forced me to come after you, and then I saw what happened here. Whether I wished to believe it or not, I had to.” He sighed softly and looked at her with profound disappointment.
He remembered that he himself had once tied that very thing onto Ehuang. That day Li Congjia had bent down, his fingers crossing delicately as he worked a knot to fasten the sachet to her sash. Somehow, without warning, it had fallen to the ground.
A peony in proud bloom.
＊
Nüying could no longer bear it and burst into tears, yet her eyes remained stubbornly fixed on him, refusing to show weakness. “Your Highness the Crown Prince, does this count as plotting to harm the Crown Princess? If Your Highness wishes to punish Nüying, then say how.”
Li Congjia did not move. He stood before her with effortless grace. She searched desperately for some anger, some shock, but he remained himself, the court robes covering him unable to conceal that faint hue of mist and rain. His stillness made her suffer even more. Li Congjia spoke word by word in his ordinary tone, almost as though telling her a story. “I was seventeen when I met your sister in the main hall of the Zhou residence. One pipa performance, peerless in all the world, stirred my soul. When she lowered her veil and smiled, I remembered it so clearly that I still remember it today.”
Tears rolled from Nüying’s eyes like beads. “Am I truly not as beautiful as she is?”
“This has nothing to do with whether one face is more beautiful than another. Perhaps you will understand one day. There is always one person who is like a ray of light. Once that light enters your eyes, you can no longer see anyone else. So, Nüying, I want you to understand this. Ehuang is the last person I mean to protect. No matter what she becomes, even if from this day onward she never recovers, even if she hates me, resents me, loses herself completely, she will still be the girl I saw when I was seventeen, lowering her veil with a smile, one startling glimpse of beauty in the mortal world. So…” He turned slightly and gave her one last look filled with regret before leaving. “Remember this. I am your brother-in-law.”
His disappointment struck Nüying hard enough to send her retreating to where she had begun. Everything had been nothing more than her own absurd fantasy. Li Congjia was disappointed in her. She knew nothing of what had happened between him and Li Hongji, knew nothing of the rift that also existed between him and Ehuang. In truth she understood nothing at all. She had only believed that if Elder Sister could keep this man beside her, then she could keep him too.
She watched him turn to leave without rage, punishment, or even accusation. This Li Congjia was more painful than anger could ever have been. By refusing to blame her, he seemed to hand her the harshest sentence under Heaven, telling Nüying without words: You are not even worth my anger. You are not worth disturbing my heart in the slightest.
In despair, Nüying chased after him and caught his sleeve. “If you truly care for her this much, why will you not punish me? I hurt her so badly…” The rest caught in her throat. Li Congjia kept his back to her and did not turn. His voice floated quietly back, lower than before. “In truth, you won. I hate blood kin turning against one another, and you did make me angry. Just now I wanted very much to give you a crime to answer for. But if I punish you, when your sister wakes she will suffer beyond measure. I do not want to make her sad again.” He lightly swept his sleeve free, brushing away the last sliver of hope within her reach. From beginning to end, he never turned to look at her, only walked slowly back toward the bedchamber.
Nüying’s tears fell into the earth.
From far away she heard his voice carry back, astonishingly calm. “If you truly wish to repent and want a punishment, then go write the words ‘brother-in-law’ a thousand times. Remember them well.”
How foolish. Nüying went home alone, crying and laughing in a daze. After the pond incident she had clearly seen how determined he was. She had known there was no hope and had taken the embroidered sachet back. Elder Sister had already been fine. Who could have known why the illness would suddenly return today? She no longer wanted to defend herself. She had planted the cause. She had believed that no matter what fruit it bore, all three of them would be hurt. Yet in the end, the only person truly wounded was herself. One sweep of Li Congjia’s sleeve was enough to leave her unable to breathe, while Elder Sister, lying upon that sickbed, had won everything.
What use had any of it been? It had never been your story at all.
What had he looked like at seventeen? How different had he been from the pale, indifferent shadow he was today?
He had told her that there would always be one person like a ray of light, and once that light entered the eyes, no one else could be seen. Li Congjia had spoken gently, almost consolingly. But he did not know, had never known, that he himself was Nüying’s light, illuminating the sea she had struggled to swim across. The two words brother-in-law extinguished every last remnant of hope.
＊
Afterward, the Eastern Palace forbade the Zhou family’s Second Miss from entering.
That evening Ehuang woke faintly, though her head hurt terribly. After taking medicine she fell asleep again. Li Congjia could not put his mind at ease. Now that he had found the cause, he ordered every trace of red-sandalwood incense removed. He told Liuzhu to inspect all the clothes Ehuang commonly wore and confirmed that the peony sachet was gone. Only after searching for a long while did Li Congjia suddenly remember that after Nüying fell into the pond that day, she had rushed inside in a fluster, torn the sachet away, and left.
Li Congjia sat heavily in a chair and watched Ehuang frown even in sleep. He decided that she must never be told. He remembered seeing Nüying throw all the fragrant wood into the pond today. Her nature was not truly cruel. In the end she had still stopped short of the final step. If Ehuang learned any of this, what would it do to her?
He knew too well that she was the same kind of person he was. He decided not to tell her.
A peach tree speaks in blossoms. Even fallen petals can overturn a city. Watching bloom and fall, every secret of the heart is steeped in hidden fragrance.
＊
Two days later, at the Grand Tutor’s residence in Bianjing, Zhao Guangyi finished preparing everything and was about to accompany his elder brother north to meet the combined Han and Liao invasion. Just as he was leaving, he turned and looked at the tightly shut gates of Autumn Pavilion. It looked again as it had when he first came here. Zhao Kuangyin had not returned to the residence for days. The palace might erupt at any moment, and he had no leisure to come back.
Zhao Guangyi hesitated, then finally walked toward Autumn Pavilion. Standing on the other side of the vermilion gate, he wondered whether he ought to say farewell to Yunjie. Success or defeat on this campaign could not be known. By the time he returned, whether they rose as kings or fell as defeated rebels was uncertain. But what did any of that have to do with her? After thinking it through, he decided there was no need and turned to leave.
The door behind him opened. Zhao Guangyi looked back. Yunjie stepped out dressed entirely in mourning white. She gave a faint bow, enough to serve as farewell. Zhao Guangyi inclined his head. “You look much better.” Yunjie smiled. “Mother’s illness has improved a little. Yunjie can finally set her mind at ease for now.” He glanced around and saw nothing else amiss, so there was little left but to take his leave. Yet when the words reached his mouth, he deliberately spoke as though reminding himself. “If this campaign goes smoothly, Miss Yunjie’s wedding will be near by the time we return. From then on, we will be one family.” Yunjie lowered her head, took a deep breath, then looked into his eyes again. “On the day my lord goes to war, Yunjie will not keep you any longer.”
Zhao Guangyi turned and left. He rode hard all the way until he joined his elder brother.
＊
The night wind was fierce. The northern expedition marched in a vast column until it reached Chenqiao Post, forty li northeast of Kaifeng Prefecture. Seeing that night had fallen, Zhao Kuangyin ordered the army to camp there. Tents went up and the troops rested. Before long, firelight glowed all around Chenqiao. Soldiers hauled war drums into place beneath assigned guards. Throughout the army everything was orderly, and on the surface not a ripple disturbed the calm.
Zhao Guangyi entered his own command tent. Once certain no one else was present, he took out the yellow imperial robe he had secretly prepared and concealed it carefully. When the moment came, whoever wore this would become the true dragon Son of Heaven, command the Six Armies, force the palace, and seize the throne. A seven-year-old child knew nothing of military danger, and the Empress Dowager, merely a woman, had handed over the tiger tally with astonishing ease and asked no further questions.
Years before, Li Siyuan had been acclaimed by his own troops at Weizhou and borne by them toward the imperial throne in the name of Heaven’s mandate. Tonight, once Zhao Guangyi and Zhao Pu stirred the soldiers into action and draped the yellow robe over Elder Brother, the old maneuver would be played again and would surely win the people’s allegiance. Zhao Guangyi stared at a corner of brilliant imperial yellow. He was waiting for Zhao Pu to finish arranging everything outside and enter the tent to join him. Sitting alone, he suddenly thought that once they left Chenqiao, the realm would change masters. If everything under Heaven was truly about to fall into Zhao Kuangyin’s hands, then… what about Yunjie?
All around him came the unbroken sounds of men and weapons. The army had only just made camp and nothing was yet secure, yet Zhao Guangyi sat waiting inside the tent and began thinking of that woman.
By his reckoning, on ordinary evenings when he had nothing to do and wandered the residence, he could always find her sitting alone before the Buddhist hall. He would walk over and say nothing. Both of them carried memories too complicated to explain, and somehow each drew a silent kind of comfort from the other. The world was helpless, and the human heart impossible to read.
For example, sitting in that chair tonight, one turn of thought was enough to make him begin considering how to keep Yunjie from marrying Elder Brother. His fingers tapped the tabletop. Outside, the strategist Zhao Pu was gathering support in every direction, while Zhao Guangyi sat perfectly still inside the tent staring at the imperial robe in a daze. There was no question that this night was destined to contain countless possibilities.
Was there any way to stop the marriage? After a moment’s thought, there were only two possible paths.
Something happened to Madam Wang, or something happened to Elder Brother.
Zhao Guangyi smiled faintly. If anything happened to Madam Wang, Yunjie would suffer too much. It was not that he believed Madam Wang did not deserve death, nor that arranging such a thing would truly require much time. He simply knew Yunjie did not want anything else to happen to her mother, and so he did not want it either, as though one wish from Zhao Guangyi were enough to let a person meet a peaceful end. If paper and ink lay before him, Madam Wang would be nothing more than a stray drop of ink accidentally splashed across the page, irrelevant to the larger picture, discarded and never looked at again. He cared only whether what Yunjie had done was worth it, whether one sincere heart could truly be exchanged for Zhao Kuangyin’s cherishing. Elder Brother was plainly acting out of spite toward himself. No one knew exactly what had happened between him and the person in the painting during that southern journey, but Zhao Guangyi had seen the fury Elder Brother could not control after returning and had watched him stubbornly agree to this marriage as though to end the matter in one stroke.
Yunjie did not deserve that.
Since Madam Wang could not be touched, there remained only the final possibility. Zhao Guangyi’s fingers closed around the imperial robe.