If they were not meeting their parents tomorrow, Saturday night would have been a perfectly suitable time to make love.
But with tomorrow in mind, Jiang Ji restrained himself and reminded Lu Xingyan that they should stop after once and not leave any marks on skin that would normally be exposed.
Lu Xingyan only listened to half of that. Not leaving marks was fine; doing it only once was not.
From the moment he pushed inside he was already overexcited, his rational mind mostly gone. But the countless “how-to” articles he had studied beforehand all insisted that the first time had to be gentle—partly to avoid injury, partly to leave his lover with a perfect first-night memory that would benefit them later.
So Lu Xingyan forced his mush-for-brains to obey the gentle rulebook: slow in, slow out, gradually working deeper. Then, in one unguarded second when the pleasure piled up past the point of endurance, he couldn’t hold back and drove in hard.
“…”
Jiang Ji gasped in surprise. The arm around Lu Xingyan slid from his shoulder to clutch the sheets.
Thinking he had hurt him, Lu Xingyan considerately slowed again, sweating with the effort of restraint,not daring to act recklessly again.
Jiang Ji wanted to say “It’s fine, it feels good,” but for some reason the words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t bring himself to speak, and so he endured that agonizingly slow pace for nearly half an hour until his whole body was limp and tingling, his breathing ragged. Meanwhile Lu Xingyan still thought he was being an exemplary, attentive lover. Finally, when he couldn’t take it anymore, he asked pitifully,
“Bro, can I go faster? Can I use a little more force?”
Jiang Ji: “…”
This guy always got clever at the wrong moments and turned into an idiot at the right ones. Jiang Ji furrowed his brow, hooked an arm around his neck, and kissed him hard.
If Lu Xingyan still didn’t get the hint after that, he was beyond saving. He caught the heat in the kiss and answered with even hotter movement. The rhythm finally found its stride; the air itself thickened. The big bed shook violently; gasps came one after another.
Jiang Ji felt himself losing control too. The intensity was embarrassing and brand-new at the same time.
Only in moments like this was Lu Xingyan not a younger brother but a grown man—one who showed unconscious aggression in the details: gripping Jiang Ji’s legs so he couldn’t escape, thrusting to the absolute limit and still not easing up, as if he wanted to drive straight through him.
The first time lasted a long while. Jiang Ji drifted in and out of clarity.
When he was clear-headed he watched Lu Xingyan, quietly appreciating this side of his little brother that never appeared in daily life. He had no idea what his own face looked like—whether it was disheveled and unlike himself.
It wasn’t that Jiang Ji couldn’t stay in control; keeping a clear head and managing the other person was simply tiring. Sometimes he wanted to taste the pleasure of letting go—throwing away everything he could, becoming hard or soft as the moment dictated, even clinging a little to Lu Xingyan and admitting outright, “I’m enjoying this too,” “You can do whatever you want to me.”
By the time they finished, the sheets were almost soaked through.
Jiang Ji showed a rare softness—like a scoop of ice cream melting into the bed.
Lu Xingyan, a dedicated ice-cream lover, had promised not to leave marks on his skin, not to suck or use teeth. He only licked gently, affectionately, murmuring obsessively,
“Jiang Ji…”
“Mm.” Jiang Ji answered with a nasal hum to show he was still awake.
And so the second round began.
They were more practiced this time. Lu Xingyan was full of energy; Jiang Ji was both pleasured and exhausted, half-conscious for a good portion of it. They changed positions several times and exchanged countless kisses.
Lu Xingyan alternated between calling him bro and calling him by his full name, then threw in a few “wife”s and demanded,
“Why won’t you call me husband?”
Jiang Ji laughed and played along.
“Husband.”Before Lu Xingyan could get too happy he added, Little husband. Be good.”
And gave his cheek a light pat for good measure.
The pat sent a full-body shiver through Lu Xingyan. Some strange urge suddenly flared up; he wanted to say “Hit me a couple more times,” but it was too embarrassing, so he hinted sideways,
“Out of strength?”
Jiang Ji really was out of strength; even lifting a hand felt like too much effort. Lu Xingyan, still unsatisfied, bit his fingers and wrist, leaving a neat row of tiny teeth marks across the back of his hand, then grew even more unrestrained, thrusting as if he meant to shake every bone in Jiang Ji’s body loose.
By the time they were truly finished it was already the small hours.During the tender aftermath they traded endless soft words; “like” and “love” had been said countless times. Lu Xingyan, half-dreaming, said whatever floated into his head:
“Bro, you’re so cute.”
“Idiot,” Jiang Ji laughed.
“You’re adorable.” Lu Xingyan leaned in and kissed him. “You’re beautiful, gorgeous, charming, gentle, elegant, pure, talented, graceful, magnetic, so—”
“Stop.” Jiang Ji couldn’t take any more. “Ifyou don’t know how to say sweet things, you don’t have to.”
“I was being completely sincere with those compliments,” Lu Xingyan said, thoroughly pleased with himself. “Come on, praise me a little too.”
“Fine.”
Jiang Ji thought for a few seconds.
“You’re so dumb. You’re so dense. You’re so stupid. You’re such a—”
He didn’t get to finish. Lu Xingyan sealed his mouth with a fierce kiss and threatened,
“I’ll bite your mouth off!”
However, Jiang Ji’s mouth was not actually bitten off. It was only slightly swollen, and by the next morning the swelling had gone down, so it did not affect him going out.
Today, they each had their own appointment to attend, both at around noon.
Lu Xingyan went home to see Lu Yong, while Jiang Ji had arranged to meet Jiang Wanyi at a park.
Jiang Wanyi had chosen the location. There was nothing particularly special about the park itself, but it was near the old apartment where they used to live. After her divorce, Jiang Wanyi had been busy working to support them alone. Whenever she happened to have a day off, she would bring Jiang Ji to this park for walks and buy him snacks and drinks from the little stalls.
Those had been Jiang Ji’s favorite treats from childhood through adolescence. Later, once both mother and son became well-off, they never came back again.
Returning to the old place today made Jiang Wanyi unusually nostalgic. When Jiang Ji received her message, his heart sank slightly. He could not tell whether the solemn choice of location was a good sign or a bad one.
When they parted that morning, Lu Xingyan had comforted him. “Look on the bright side, Bro. At least they aren’t going to knock us out and stuff us into sacks. What are you afraid of?”
“…” Jiang Ji smiled and mocked him. “You’d better not try being funny in front of your dad. Be careful he doesn’t get so angry that he really does stuff you into a sack.”
“Don’t worry, don’t worry. I know what I’m doing.”
They kissed goodbye and went their separate ways.
Jiang Ji arrived at the park half an hour before the agreed time. There were plenty of people there on the weekend. Aside from older people sunbathing, playing cards, or exercising, most were parents who had brought their children out to play.
Children were everywhere—playing ball, riding skateboards, chasing each other around—while their parents watched from behind and occasionally called out a name to warn them not to run into anyone.
Standing among all those children, Jiang Ji found himself thinking back to when he was young. He had never liked running around and almost never went more than five steps away from Jiang Wanyi. When other children asked him to play, he would silently shake his head in refusal, and Jiang Wanyi would encourage him, “Don’t you want to play soccer with them? It looks fun.”
“It’s not fun,” Jiang Ji would say quietly. “I want to stay with you.”
“…”
Back then, Jiang Wanyi spent very little time at home. Jiang Ji was alone much of the time and missed his mother terribly, so whenever he had the chance to be with her, he did not want to separate.
Many years later, Jiang Wanyi had once teased him, “You were so clingy when you were little, but after growing up you started acting cool and forgot how to act spoiled.”
Jiang Ji did not think what he had done back then counted as acting spoiled. Compared with now, he had simply been more straightforward about expressing his dependence, letting his mother understand that he could not bear being apart from her.
Over the past few years, he really had become a little too “cool.” He had not expressed anything like that in a long time. After all, he was already an adult capable of handling things on his own and did not want Jiang Wanyi worrying about him.
Jiang Ji lit a cigarette beneath a large tree in the park while Jiang Wanyi had yet to arrive.
He had just finished smoking it when he saw a familiar car stop by the roadside.
Jiang Wanyi did not like driving. Lu Yong’s driver had brought her. Seeing this, Jiang Ji went to his own car, took out the flowers he had prepared in advance, and walked toward her.
They had only been apart for a few days, yet Jiang Wanyi had visibly lost weight. Her already deep-set eyes made her serious, preoccupied expression look even heavier.
“We’re just meeting to talk. Why did you bring flowers?”
“Aren’t I trying to get on your good side?”
Jiang Ji deliberately kept his tone light and led her toward the shade.
Every bench in the park was occupied, leaving mother and son with nowhere to sit, so they stood and watched the children running across the square.
After a long silence, Jiang Wanyi held the flowers and asked, “Jiang Ji, do you know why I asked you to meet me here?”
“This is where we used to live.” Jiang Ji looked toward the residential complex across the street.
Compared with the villa neighborhood they lived in now, the complex looked old and shabby. Strictly speaking, it was not really their old home either. He and Jiang Wanyi had lived there for less than five years, and they had only rented the apartment.
Jiang Wanyi said, “No. It’s because this was the first home I had after my divorce.”
Without looking at Jiang Ji, she stared ahead and continued, “Back then, every time I brought you to this park and saw you looking enviously at the other children’s toys, I would think about it and realize that the biggest mistake I made in my life was marrying Lin Kaiyang.”
“…”
“He ruined my youth. I studied for all those years only to spend ten years as a housewife, and even after divorcing him, I still couldn’t live well.”
Jiang Wanyi paused. “These past few days, I deliberately looked into some information about… that sort of thing.”
Jiang Ji turned to look at his mother.
“Although I don’t really understand why a man would like another man, taking ten thousand steps back, even if you liked a monster, you’d still be my son.”
“Mom…”
“Do you understand what I’m trying to say? Although I resent Lin Kaiyang, I also know that I chose that road myself. I misjudged him, and I was the one who ruined my own life.”
Jiang Ji understood. “You’re afraid I’ll choose the wrong path too.”
“Yes. I’m afraid you’re acting on impulse and will regret it later.”
Jiang Wanyi sighed. “Mom has been in love too. I know how beautiful love can be. But when people are young, it’s easy to let passion go to their heads and mistake impulse for true love. If it were a girl, that would be one thing. As long as you both wanted it and were happy, then even if you divorced someday, it wouldn’t be that serious. But for you to do this for a man… I’m afraid it’ll affect your reputation and your future.”
Jiang Ji remained silent for a while. “Mom, I’m not being impulsive.”
Jiang Wanyi finally turned and studied him seriously.
“No one can have a perfect reputation, and my career wasn’t built on reputation either,” Jiang Ji said frankly. “I’m very clearheaded. I know what I’m doing. And you should believe me too. I wouldn’t cause a scene in front of you and hurt you just because of some temporary impulse.”
“…”
“Lu Xingyan might not look especially reliable, but he’s serious about me too.”
Jiang Ji tightened his fingers. “You know what kind of person he is. We’re family. We know each other inside and out. Actually, he’s liked me for many years. He was just too stupid to know how to express it. He can’t do without me, and I need him very much too. If it were anyone else, I can’t even imagine what my future life would look like.”
Jiang Wanyi’s eyes reddened. In a hoarse voice, she asked, “Are you sure you really can’t be with a girl?”
Jiang Ji said helplessly, “I can’t.”
“All right.” Jiang Wanyi wiped her eyes, brushing away her tears, and did not speak again for quite some time.
She had already thought through everything that needed thinking over the past few days. She wanted to help Jiang Ji solve the problem, but there was no solution when it came to sexual orientation. There was only acceptance or rejection.
And if she refused to accept it, then what? Was she supposed to sever their mother-son relationship over this? Or remain distant and cold, dragging it out while they tormented each other until the day she died?
At last, Jiang Wanyi relented. “Jiang Ji.”
“When you were little, you always knew to stand on my side. You never opposed Mom.” She let out a long sigh. “No matter what, Mom won’t oppose you either.”
“…”
Jiang Ji’s eyes grew wet. Jiang Wanyi hugged him. “No matter who you’re with, Mom just wants you to be happy. Live well together.”
Leave a Reply