When Gao Qin relayed Ma Rui’s words to Jia Zhi Qing, he immediately met with enormous resistance.
Jia Zhi Qing pounded the table bang, bang, bang! “Such a great opportunity! Such a popular show! We worked so hard to get it! How can we just give it up because someone says so?!”
Gao Qin idly twirled a pen between his fingers. “No matter how popular a show is, the host still has to be able to carry it.”
Jia Zhi Qing was gradually developing an immunity to his poisonous tongue.
Feng Ya Lun’s method was simple: whenever Gao Qin insulted someone, mentally replace the target of the insult with Gao Qin himself and assume he was engaging in self-criticism.
“Xiao Bai can’t carry it?” Jia Zhi Qing gave two cold snorts. “Have you even gone online? The GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR website is full of discussions about Xiao Bai. Go see how many threads there are about Shi Da Ming!”
“Then why don’t you post a poll asking that if one of the two hosts absolutely had to leave, would people choose Shi Da Ming or Xiao Bai? Or make another thread asking whether they would choose Luo Pei Jue or Xiao Bai?”
Jia Zhi Qing stubbornly argued, “Every show hits a bottleneck eventually. If viewers keep seeing the same routines and the same situations over and over, they’ll get bored. I think Xiao Bai is doing perfectly well right now.”
“Offending a Heavenly King and a Heavenly Queen and earning a reputation throughout the industry as a loose cannon counts as doing well?” Gao Qin sneered.
“There’s publicity everywhere nowadays. The more hype you create and the more people talk about you, the more famous you get.”
“You want hype and attention? Easy. Have Xiao Bai strip naked and run through downtown. I guarantee he’ll become famous all the way overseas!”
“You…” Jia Zhi Qing was so furious he nearly jumped up, yet he had absolutely no way to refute him.
“Do you want Xiao Bai to be a flower that blooms spectacularly for one night, or an evergreen pine that lasts for years?” Halfway through saying it, Gao Qin suddenly found the situation absurd. It was as though his earlier meeting were being reenacted, except now he had become Ma Rui while Jia Zhi Qing had become him. “If you want him to be a one-night flower, then let him keep firing away. From Great God all the way down to the smallest fry, don’t spare a single person. When the entertainment industry is eventually flowing with blood, we’ll see whether Xiao Bai still has anywhere left to stand.”
Jia Zhi Qing’s lips moved twice. “At worst, I’ll tell him to be more careful when he talks.”
“He hasn’t had any proper training yet. How careful can he possibly be? The most he can do is stop talking altogether. What kind of host doesn’t talk? Are viewers supposed to turn on their televisions just to stare at his motionless smile? They might as well stare at the memorial portrait of their own ancestor. At least that might bless them and protect their descendants.”
“……” Jia Zhi Qing fully realized that Gao Qin’s tongue had reached a realm where it could attack anything and remain undefeated.
“I think if you and Xiao Bai ever hosted a show together, it would be amazing. I’ve already thought of the title. We can call it No Poison, No Man or Cult Master of the Five Poisons.”
Elio’s Notes: 无毒不丈夫, rendered here as “No Poison, No Man,” plays on a saying about ruthlessness being necessary for a real man, while the Five Poisons are a familiar motif in Chinese folklore and wuxia. Jia Zhi Qing is joking that Gao Qin’s famously “poisonous” tongue is enough to build an entire show around.
Gao Qin ignored the mockery and continued, “I’ll call the television station in a while and explain the situation. You keep a close eye on Xiao Bai. If you want him to get ahead and become famous, then make sure he takes his training seriously.”
Jia Zhi Qing deflated. “So all Xiao Bai has left now is print modeling.”
Gao Qin raised an eyebrow. “You should be saying happily, ‘Thank goodness Xiao Bai still has print modeling.’”
“You ¥#%@#%#!”
Gao Qin rubbed his chin. “You and Feng Ya Lun really are fellow sufferers. Neither of you ever improves. Your repertoire of insults hasn’t changed in years.”
Jia Zhi Qing said resentfully, “Do you want me to go online and download the latest version and update myself?”
“You’re sure you know how?”
“I ¥#@##¥!”
When Jia Zhi Qing returned home, Xiao Bai was sitting on the bed diligently studying English vocabulary.
Jia Zhi Qing considered how to bring it up. “Xiao Bai.”
“Mm?” Xiao Bai raised his head blankly, with A-B-C-D-E bouncing around his eyes like fleas.
“Were you happy working on GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR?”
Xiao Bai thought hard about it. “It was okay.”
“If—and I mean if…” Jia Zhi Qing licked his lips. “You couldn’t host that show anymore…”
“Then Director Chen absolutely has to settle what he owes me.” Xiao Bai clenched his fist.
“…Huh?”
Xiao Bai held up two fingers. “Last time plus this time. He already owes me two payments.”
Jia Zhi Qing breathed a sigh of relief and collapsed onto the sofa. “Fine. I promise I’ll get the money back for you.”
Once he relaxed, exhaustion gradually washed over him. He felt his eyelids beginning to droop.
Xiao Bai’s hand suddenly reached over, touched his forehead, then withdrew.
“Zhi Qing.”
“Mm?”
“You remember why we entered the entertainment industry, right?”
Jia Zhi Qing became a little more alert. “Mm.”
“So all we have to do is work hard and make money.”
He forced his eyes open.
Xiao Bai was sitting cross-legged on the sofa, that long lock of bangs hanging over his forehead and half-covering his eyes as he studied. His face was completely focused and serious.
Xiao Bai quit GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR, and the official website immediately filled with wails of grief.
Complaint threads, mourning threads, protest threads, schadenfreude threads… every imaginable variety appeared one after another without end.
One fortune-telling charlatan even popped up claiming that Luo Pei Jue’s departure had destroyed the feng shui of GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR. Anyone wishing to restore the show to its former glory should call 134********.
Other netizens volunteered themselves, proactively submitting photographs and résumés in hopes of being selected as the next host.
In short, if the current state of the official website had to be summarized in a single word, it would be—chaos!
The person at the center of it all had absolutely no idea that in a single morning, discussion of why he had left had already reached page fifty-six. At that moment, Xiao Bai was completely preoccupied by only one question—Why do I have to come somewhere like this just to eat?
Yan Su Ang finished ordering and smiled at him. “We were trapped in an elevator together, so you could say we’re fellow survivors. Going out for a meal together to celebrate escaping alive is perfectly reasonable. Why are you sitting there looking like you’ve been kidnapped?”
Xiao Bai stared miserably at the menu in his hands. “But everything here is too expensive.”
Snap!
Yan Su Ang snapped his fingers. “My treat.”
The moment he finished the gesture, he regretted it slightly. What he had just done felt exactly like one of those nouveau riche men on television showing off in front of his girlfriend. It lacked all refinement and even felt a little insulting. He thought for a moment and was just about to explain when Xiao Bai happily said, “Then I’m incredibly grateful.”
Yan Su Ang glanced at the menu. “How about an order of ice cream for dessert too?” Seeing Xiao Bai nod, he thought smugly, Add everything together and it’ll definitely cost more than five hundred yuan, right?
Xiao Bai rarely spoke while eating.
From Yan Su Ang’s perspective, Xiao Bai approached food with something close to religious devotion. Watching him eat was an enjoyment in itself.
The meal passed without incident.
After Yan Su Ang paid the bill and they walked out of the restaurant, he casually joked, “Mm. That meal cost six hundred and seventy-eight yuan. A little more than Feng Ya Lun’s shirt. So I should count as a really, really good person now too, right?”
Xiao Bai said, “But more than three hundred of that was what you ate.”
“……” Yan Su Ang turned toward the parking garage and spoke with his back to him. “Then we’re coming again tomorrow!”
Although NCC had officially announced Xiao Bai’s departure from GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR, Jia Zhi Qing still could not quite let it go. It had been such a good opportunity.
So when he received a call from Gao Qin, his tone was not particularly friendly.
“…Did you swallow gunpowder?”
“Weren’t you the one feeding it to me?” Jia Zhi Qing was still angry.
Gao Qin said leisurely, “What a shame it didn’t blow you up.”
“……” Jia Zhi Qing squeezed his phone with all his strength. The company had issued it, after all. If he were strong enough, he would not mind crushing it out of shape.
“I have something to tell you.”
“If it’s bad news, don’t bother. Burn it as an offering to our ancestors instead.” Under Gao Qin’s influence, Jia Zhi Qing’s own poisonous tongue had improved considerably.
“NCC is starting a new show and wants Xiao Bai as a guest co-host. If you think that’s bad news, burn it for your ancestors yourself.” Gao Qin hung up with an impressively crisp click.
Less than two seconds later, Jia Zhi Qing’s call came chasing after him.
“Really? What show? What’s it about? Who’s he working with?”
“It’s a lifestyle program devoted to denouncing faithless men, unfilial children, and people like that. The director thinks Xiao Bai’s destructive power is strong enough to handle such an important responsibility.”
“…That doesn’t really fit Xiao Bai’s image, does it?” Their Xiao Bai was supposed to follow the idol route—wearing the trendiest clothes, sporting the most “open” hairstyle, commanding the fiercest fans, and saying the most “fashion” things… No. Whatever he says, that becomes fashion.
Gao Qin punctured the fantasy with one sentence. “Nothing suits his image better than being broke. One question: are you taking the job or not?”
Jia Zhi Qing curled his lip. “We’re taking it!”
Xiao Fu Ping had worked at NCC for twenty-two years and was one of the station’s most veteran hosts. So although he did not command the kind of influence Yan Su Ang did at NCC, he still held considerable status there.
He took the new program, Nemesis of the Shameless, very seriously.
Although NCC’s executives had already decided that Xiao Bai would serve as his guest co-host—and promised to replace him immediately if his performance was poor—Xiao Fu Ping still wanted to personally see what Xiao Bai was made of.
So he specifically arranged through Yimate to meet Xiao Bai alone.
Jia Zhi Qing had originally wanted to go with him, but Gao Qin stopped him. His exact words were, “You can’t bring a nanny onto the show. Xiao Bai needs to get used to handling situations like this on his own.”
And so Xiao Bai had no choice but to go to the meeting alone.
Xiao Fu Ping chose a teahouse.
At seven or eight in the evening, there were few customers. Only a scattering of elderly men sat together playing chess.
When Xiao Bai arrived, Xiao Fu Ping was chatting with a skinny old man about fishing and seemed not to notice him come in.
Xiao Bai found a seat beside the window, ordered the cheapest pot of tea, and quietly waited.
When Xiao Fu Ping saw that Xiao Bai had been sitting there for quite some time without becoming impatient or coming over to interrupt him, he began to like the young man. He said goodbye to the old man, walked over, and sat opposite Xiao Bai. “You’re Zeng Bai, right?”
Xiao Bai’s large eyes fluttered, and he obediently nodded.
Xiao Fu Ping was soon to become a grandfather and was currently at precisely the age when he had the least resistance to cute younger people like this. Seeing Xiao Bai’s obedient manner, he silently began to feel that all the people speaking badly of him had treated him unfairly. No matter how I look at him, he doesn’t seem sharp-tongued at all.
“Do you know why I asked to meet you?”
“Mm. Zhi Qing said I’ll be hosting a new show with you.”
“Do you know what kind of show it is?”
“It’s about faithless men, unfilial children, and people like that.”
Xiao Fu Ping nodded. “In short, shameless scumbags. Our goal is to expose them and ridicule them—and, of course, hopefully persuade them to abandon their bad ways and become decent people.”
Xiao Bai nodded with only partial understanding.
Seeing his foolish expression, some of Xiao Fu Ping’s enthusiasm faded. “All right. Let me ask you something. Suppose—and I mean suppose—a son cheated his parents out of all their money, then threw them out of their home and left them homeless on the streets. What would you think about that?”
Xiao Bai thought for a moment. “Install a lightning rod on the son’s head. Then whenever there’s a thunderstorm, send him outside so heaven can strike him with lightning.”
“……” He really is a cannon. Xiao Fu Ping solemnly extended his hand. “I look forward to working with you.”
Later, someone asked Xiao Fu Ping why he had chosen Xiao Bai.
Xiao Fu Ping said, “Every performance needs a black face and a white face. I’ve always played the white face, so having Xiao Bai as the black face suits me perfectly. Besides, there aren’t many young people nowadays who can sit quietly wasting their time waiting for someone without complaining once. He respects his elders and cares for the young. He’s a good kid.”
Elio’s Notes: “Black face” and “white face” are traditional Chinese performance-role metaphors that developed into something similar to “bad cop” and “good cop”: one person takes the stern, confrontational role while the other takes the gentler one. There is an extra joke here because Xiao Bai’s name contains Bai, “white,” yet Xiao Fu Ping assigns him the black-face role.
When this explanation eventually reached Jia Zhi Qing, he curiously ran over to ask Xiao Bai, “Why did you sit there so obediently waiting for him instead of going up to say hello?”
Xiao Bai scratched his head in confusion. “Because I didn’t know him.”
“……” Sure enough, some truths are better off being swept away by the tide of history.
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