They spent so much time teaching you how to use a spoon and chopsticks, how to eat…
Teaching you how to dress yourself, tie your shoelaces, fasten your buttons…
Teaching you how to wash your face and comb your hair…
Teaching you how to be a good person…
Do you remember how you used to keep asking them where you came from?
…So…
So when one day they grow old…
When they can no longer remember things or keep up with a conversation…
Please don’t blame them…
When they begin forgetting how to button their clothes or tie their shoelaces…
When their hands begin trembling as they comb their hair…
Please don’t rush them, because while you are slowly growing up, they are slowly growing old…
As long as you are there before their eyes…
Their hearts will feel warm…
And if someday they can no longer stand steadily or walk properly…
Please hold their hands tightly and walk slowly beside them…
Just like…
Just like they once held your hand and walked beside you…
Early Sunday morning, Mai Ding refused to let An Zi Yan sleep. He rolled around on the bed and made such a racket that An Zi Yan had no choice but to get up and accompany him to follow Mai Ding’s father.
To explain why, they had to go back to the day before. As usual, Mai Ding had gone home for a visit when he heard his mother sighing. “I don’t know what your dad’s been up to lately. He’s always sneaking around, leaving early and coming home late, and whenever I ask him anything, he won’t tell me.”
“Don’t tell me he’s having an affair,” Mai Ding joked.
His mother glared at him. “Shut that unlucky mouth of yours.”
“I’m joking. Don’t worry. Maybe something really did happen and he just doesn’t want you worrying about it. You know Dad. You two have been married all these years. When has he ever done anything to betray you?”
Mai Ding’s words put his mother somewhat at ease. After eating his fill at home, Mai Ding prepared to leave. It was already evening, but he knew the road well and was in no hurry, so he walked leisurely. Suddenly, he spotted two men sitting on a wooden bench in the square. Mai Ding would have recognized one of them even if he had been reduced to ashes—it was his father. The shock was enormous. Mai Ding immediately began imagining the worst. He’s out in a park with another man this late instead of going home. Don’t tell me… Don’t tell me seeing An Zi Yan and me every day somehow influenced him? But he has a family! How could he do this? Unable to bear watching any longer, Mai Ding sprinted home, kicked open the door, and stared at An Zi Yan as though the apocalypse had arrived. “An Zi Yan! We’re doomed! Something terrible happened! My dad inherited it from me!”
“You’re not afraid lightning will strike you dead for saying that?”
“My parents’ marriage is in crisis! Do you know what I just saw? You won’t believe me when I tell you.”
“Your dad chopping your mom up?”
Mai Ding shook his head violently. “My dad was with another man!” He grabbed his own hair and paced frantically back and forth in front of An Zi Yan. “We’re finished. This is serious. How am I supposed to tell Mom? How am I supposed to face Dad? An Zi Yan, what am I supposed to do?”
An Zi Yan did not take him seriously at all. “Who told you that two men being together automatically means they’re in that kind of relationship?”
“What else could it mean? Only an innocent person would think they were just friends.”
“Seems to me you’re the one who’s far too dirty-minded.”
“No. I have to find out the truth. Tomorrow you’re coming with me to follow him.”
“Stop screwing around.”
“This concerns my family. How is that screwing around?”
“Either way, I’m not accompanying you on something this boring.”
And that was why Mai Ding had been making trouble since first thing in the morning, insisting that An Zi Yan come with him. Whenever An Zi Yan refused, Mai Ding prevented him from sleeping. Eventually An Zi Yan surrendered and very reluctantly went along. The two first hid in the bushes near Mai Ding’s house. Mai Ding crouched low and furtively watched the house, then turned and saw An Zi Yan standing upright. He grabbed him and tried to pull him down. “I told you we’re undercover. Why are you standing up? Someone’s going to see us.”
“Undercover, my ass.”
Just then, Mai Ding’s father came outside carrying a vegetable basket and whistling cheerfully. He did not take the bicycle, merely strolled slowly toward the market. Mai Ding dragged An Zi Yan along behind him while carefully keeping their distance. “Whenever Dad’s home on Sundays, he usually helps Mom buy groceries.”
An Zi Yan said nothing and simply followed. There was no point saying anything anyway.
Mai Ding watched his father brace one hand against his waist as he bent down to buy vegetables. His father had always had problems with his lower back, and seeing him like this suddenly made Mai Ding’s heart ache. How long had it been since he had really looked at his father? He had always taken it for granted that Dad would be there treating him well, taken it for granted that Dad would give him spending money, taken it for granted that Dad would nag him until Mai Ding found him annoying. And while Mai Ding had been taking all those things for granted, his parents had slowly grown old. Dad now had to squint at the newspaper because of presbyopia, and age spots had somehow appeared on his hands. Mai Ding had always thought Dad would never grow old, as if he would remain thirty forever.
It was only when you suddenly noticed that familiar figure beginning to stoop and shuffle that regret arrived far too late.
An Zi Yan noticed the look in Mai Ding’s eyes. “Starting now isn’t too late.”
Mai Ding turned toward him in surprise, then smiled and nodded. After buying the groceries, Mai Ding’s father returned home first. Mai Ding still refused to give up, prompting An Zi Yan to curse at him. “Weren’t you just thinking about being filial to your dad?”
“Being filial is one thing. Finding out the truth is another.”
Before long, Mai Ding’s father came out again. This time his expression looked suspicious. He glanced left, then right, made sure nobody was watching, and only then headed down the other end of the street. Mai Ding immediately sensed something fishy and dragged An Zi Yan after him. They eventually arrived at a café. Mai Ding shook his head knowingly. “See? Something’s definitely going on. My intuition was right.”
“I can’t even be bothered talking to you.”
Another man around Mai Ding’s father’s age entered the café. The two sat together drinking coffee and discussing something in a furtive manner.
“Ambiguous. Extremely ambiguous. You see that?”
Then another man arrived and sat with them. Mai Ding could no longer accept what he was seeing. “Don’t tell me they’re doing it with more than two people?”
An Zi Yan smacked him hard on the back of the head. “There has to be a limit to how filthy your mind can get.”
“One side is my dad and the other side is my mom. They’re both family. What am I supposed to do? I can’t bear seeing my family fall apart.”
An Zi Yan rolled his eyes beside him. Was this person completely insane? They were acting slightly secretive, sure, but where exactly was the supposed sexual tension? An Zi Yan had no idea what was wrong with Mai Ding’s eyes.
“No. Women are always the victims in these situations. I can’t hide this from Mom.” With that, Mai Ding dragged An Zi Yan back toward his house.
“Mai Ding, the only reason your family is ever going to fall apart is because they gave birth to you.”
Mai Ding could no longer hear anything An Zi Yan was saying. His thoughts were a complete mess. If he told his mother, how would she react? But if he kept it secret, the longer this continued, the more deeply she would be hurt. An Zi Yan made no attempt to stop him. He was bored anyway and curious to see what kind of disaster Mai Ding could create.
Mai Ding rushed into the house in a panic. “Mom, I… Mom, I… Mom, I…”
“Are you trying to die?”
“This isn’t the time for jokes. There’s something I don’t know whether I should tell you. Whatever you do, don’t be too shocked.”
“If you’re about to tell me you’re pregnant, then yes, I’m definitely going to die of shock.”
Mai Ding heard An Zi Yan laugh softly behind him. He turned around to glare at An Zi Yan before facing his mother again. “Mom, um…”
How was Mai Ding supposed to say something like this aloud? After all, the person involved was his own father. His thoughts were in complete chaos. He struggled and hesitated for a full twenty minutes before his father finally came home. Seeing Mai Ding and An Zi Yan there, he found An Zi Yan sitting on the sofa watching television while Mai Ding anxiously trailed his mother around the kitchen as she cooked.
When An Zi Yan saw Mai Ding’s father, he greeted him. “Uncle, you’re back?”
“Mm. How come you two had time to come over today?”
The moment Mai Ding heard his father, he walked out with an exceptionally grave expression. “Dad!”
Before Mai Ding could say anything, his father spoke first. “Come into the study. I have something to tell you. Zi Yan, you come too.”
“Perfect. I have something I need to tell you too.” Mai Ding was extremely serious.
After Mai Ding and An Zi Yan entered the study, Mai Ding’s father closed the door. Mai Ding could no longer hold himself back. With an earnest expression, he said, “Dad, you really need to think this through. Giving up your family for a man isn’t an easy road. Look at how miserable An Zi Yan and I are together. Every day we have to endure other people staring at us. He’s become depressed—he smokes, he drinks, we fight constantly, and sometimes we even hit each other. Don’t think we’re actually happy. It’s all an act. Yesterday he even slapped me. I regret choosing this road, so please don’t follow me. I’m begging you.” Whatever happened, Mai Ding first wanted to invent an image of how miserable life was for two men together and frighten his father away from the idea. He completely failed to notice An Zi Yan’s face growing darker and darker behind him.
Mai Ding’s father stared at him in confusion. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Didn’t you call us in here because you wanted to confess?”
“Confess what? I called you in because your mother’s birthday is in a few days and I want to throw her a big party. I just met with some of her old friends and former colleagues to arrange a surprise. I’m telling you two because I’m afraid that brain of yours will ruin the plan, and I need you to help me.”
Apparently Mai Ding’s father really did know his son. A little more and that surprise would have become a genuine shock.
“Whaaaat?!” Mai Ding’s mouth fell wide open. He was so embarrassed he had no idea what to do with himself.
“What are you yelling about? And what was that you were saying just now? You two hit each other?”
“Ha ha ha! I was only saying all that to scare you. You actually believed me? Ha ha! An Zi Yan, look, we really scared him.”
Mai Ding’s father looked at his son as though he were insane. He opened the study door. “I’m going to help your mother cook. Remember, keep this secret.”
Once the study door closed, Mai Ding stiffly turned around. “I-I was making all that up.”
An Zi Yan smiled—that particular kind of smile. He shook his head and slowly approached Mai Ding. “You weren’t making anything up. You explained it very well.”
“An Zi Yan, ha ha… You’d never really hit me, right? You couldn’t bear to. Right, good husband?” Mai Ding blinked his eyes innocently. Pretending to be cute was his only remaining option.
“‘Don’t think we’re actually happy. It’s all an act.’” After repeating Mai Ding’s own words, An Zi Yan shoved him down over the desk and gave him a thorough beating.
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