Feng Xuanzhe made Ning Xuan unable to guess or understand him. His every movement and action came too suddenly. Although Ning Xuan’s heart was filled with countless shadows and doubts, at this moment, he knew very clearly that the only thing he could do was remain firm. He absolutely could not waver in the slightest.
“There’s no need to be so guarded. Sit down and eat.” Feng Xuanzhe looked at Ning Xuan in amusement as he stood there stiffly, his face frosted over. Even the way Ning Xuan looked at him carried a hint of vigilance, though he clearly did not want Feng Xuanzhe to know he seemed to be guarding against him. Feng Xuanzhe could not help finding it funny. “I said I want you. From now on, you are mine. But I have no interest in forcing others against their will. I will wait until the day you are willing, because everything you want, I will give you. And only I can give it to you.”
What I want? Ning Xuan raised a brow and said nothing. Even I don’t know what I truly want. Even the person I most want to give it to me doesn’t know. You are nothing more than a stranger who has exchanged a few polite words with me. How could you possibly know what I want?
With a wave of his hand, Feng Xuanzhe dismissed the servants waiting nearby. Then, with a grip gentle yet brooking no refusal, he took Ning Xuan by the arm and pulled him down to sit beside him. “You need not doubt me, and you need not disbelieve me. Since I have said it, I can do it.”
Ning Xuan did not know whether Feng Xuanzhe had grown so used to arrogance and pride since childhood that he truly believed he could always control everything in his hand. He had originally wanted to pretend he had not heard, but he truly found it hard to suppress the anger that rose from deep within him at having his thoughts casually peered into and judged. The corners of his lips lifted into a beautiful smile, but it was also an icy one. “Then may I ask Your Highness, what is it that I want, and what is it that you can give me?”
Feng Xuanzhe was not the least displeased by Ning Xuan’s attitude. The corners of his lips held a smile as he ladled a spoonful of hibiscus tofu custard into Ning Xuan’s bowl. “Try it. I specifically had the kitchen make this new dish today. On such a cold day, eat something hot first to warm your stomach.”
Ning Xuan obeyed and did not refuse. He picked up the spoon beside him and began eating.
“Although I already have a princess consort, I can likewise promise you the position of empress.” That single sentence revealed far too much information: Feng Xuanzhe’s ambition, the overthrow of the imperial seat, his confidence in seizing power, and the promise of future wealth and honor. Even if it was only a lie woven from beautiful words, it was still a deception countless people could not obtain no matter how much they begged. Unfortunately, Ning Xuan did not care for it in the slightest.
“The position of empress. Heh. How lofty and supreme. I truly like it so much.” Ning Xuan smiled without warmth, his eyes almost freezing into ice in an instant because of those words.
“I know you disdain status, position, glory, and vanity. But you cannot help caring about the focused and singular affection behind that status. I cannot be your only one, because my princess consort was appointed by Imperial Father. In this lifetime, she will always be my responsibility. Caring for her until old age is my duty, but that is also where it ends. As for you, I will regard you as my only wife. After you, I will have no other concubines or attendants, even if I become emperor.”
“You need not rush to refuse, nor rush to say how impossible this is. The struggle for the imperial throne far exceeds your imagination. Since I am already determined to obtain the throne, how much more so this promise to grant you a lifetime?” Feng Xuanzhe smiled proudly, as though he had no awareness at all that in this age, where having three wives and four concubines had become normal, and even male wives and male concubines were ordinary, devotion to one person was an act both immensely difficult and shocking to the world.
Picking up a lock of black hair from Ning Xuan’s temple, Feng Xuanzhe lowered his head and kissed it, so serious and devout that it seemed like a vow sealed to prove his oath. “All right. Don’t overthink it. Eat properly for now.”
Hearing this, Ning Xuan woodenly moved his chopsticks. Feng Xuanzhe kept smiling as he placed food into Ning Xuan’s bowl. In an instant, all the rare delicacies on the table tasted like wax. That bitterness was both warm and sour. Ning Xuan had never expected that amid such chaos, where desire and power intertwined, where flesh and blood turned against one another and brothers fought, there would actually be someone who could see through the layers of worldly shackles and understand what he truly wanted: a persistence, a singularity, an eternity. Yet what was equally bitter was that among the vast sea of people, the one who understood him was not the person he deeply loved, but someone he had made up his mind to scheme against with every means possible, someone whose everything he intended to seize.
Was I wrong? Was I wrong from the very beginning… Is he acting too convincingly, or have I fallen again and again into traps I wove for myself?
Only now did Ning Xuan realize that every dish on the table was something he liked. Even the tea had been replaced with plain boiled water out of consideration for the fact that he was not accustomed to the bitter taste of tea. And this man, who was used to standing high above others and having everyone accommodate him, was actually drinking tasteless water alongside him.
At the first night watch, the two of them lay down to sleep, fully clothed. Just as Feng Xuanzhe had said, he would wait until Ning Xuan completely opened his heart. He would wait until Ning Xuan accepted him. Ning Xuan could not see clearly or guess what the true nature was behind this repeated indulgence and accommodation, but he genuinely, clearly felt a long-lost respect. It was the word “dignity,” something he had been forced to comfort himself into letting go of and forgetting ever since he learned he had transmigrated into such an era and existed in such a humble identity.
Looking at Feng Xuanzhe’s sleeping profile beneath the moonlight, Ning Xuan several times almost thought that the person beside him was still Feng Xuanyi. They were blood brothers after all, and there were indeed many similarities between them, whether in temperament or appearance. Only, Feng Xuanyi was too wild and unrestrained, while Feng Xuanzhe possessed a few more parts of restrained dominance and authority.
The belief in Ning Xuan’s heart had not changed. He could still calculate and guard against Feng Xuanzhe. But people’s hearts were made of flesh, and perhaps from now on, he would no longer be able to remain as still as dead water. Ning Xuan knew that this was what he needed to avoid most. He had never doubted his love for Feng Xuanyi, nor would he think he had transferred his affections because of a few words, attitudes, or gestures from Feng Xuanzhe. It was only that another person had been forced into his heart, standing somewhere between friend and enemy. But at least he still understood that many things would not change according to his will. Once this game began, it had to have an outcome. From the very beginning, he had already chosen a side. A decision once made could not be taken back. Besides, Feng Xuanyi was still waiting for him, waiting for Ning Xuan to send him step by step down the road toward emperorship.
He fell asleep in a daze. That long-lost warmth of an embrace and breath made one feel rare ease and rare peace. Although somewhat unfamiliar, it was not detestable.
He slept until the sun was high and woke naturally. As always, he sat before the window, but it was not as quiet as usual.
“This servant Heming greets Young Master.” Heming, one of the young servants who had served by Feng Xuanzhe’s side for years, had hurried over not long after Ning Xuan had risen. “Master recently obtained a black jade hairpin with blood-red veining. Master thought Young Master would certainly look beautiful wearing it, so he sent this servant to bring it to Young Master.”
As he spoke, he opened the sandalwood brocade box carved with hollowed golden flowers. A simple hairpin that could not conceal its extraordinary quality lay quietly upon the brocade. The black jade was glossy and warm. Even on this snowy day, when the light was not strong, one could still see that its surface was smooth and lustrous as though coated with a layer of oil. The dark red bloodlike veins were sometimes dense and sometimes sparse, naturally forming a cloud pattern at the head of the hairpin.
Xiao Dong accepted the box Heming handed over and brought it before Ning Xuan. Ning Xuan picked up the hairpin and gently stroked it twice before asking, “Where is His Highness?”
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