He had thought it was Feng Xuanyi’s betrayal, his heartlessness, but he had never imagined his helplessness and how he had been forced into it. He had never imagined that Feng Xuanyi would even be willing to give up the splendid glory, wealth, status, and position before him for Ning Xuan’s sake. Ning Xuan had no time to think carefully about what all of this truly meant, but he knew that as long as Feng Xuanyi had said that one sentence, then even if mountains of blades and seas of fire lay ahead, even if he knew he would never recover from it, he would still jump in without blinking.
If Feng Xuanyi could sacrifice so much for him, why couldn’t he do the same?
“Ning Xuan…” Feng Xuanyi’s brows were tightly furrowed. His eyes were deep and dark, filled with a complicated, stifled emotion that refused to disperse.
“The empire and the throne. Do you want them?”
“…” Feng Xuanyi’s brows twisted together, his thin lips pressed tightly shut.
The corners of Ning Xuan’s lips lifted slightly, his gaze burning bright. “You have to want them. And you have to succeed.”
“…” Feng Xuanyi’s expression froze in astonishment.
“If I can help you accomplish your great ambition, will you love me?”
He wanted to know whether Feng Xuanyi would love him, yet he did not dare ask directly. So he attached a condition to Feng Xuanyi’s love, hoping that this condition could become the reason Feng Xuanyi loved him. As long as he loved him…
“…” Feng Xuanyi still said nothing. Only the expression in his eyes grew even deeper and heavier.
“This servant takes his leave.” Ning Xuan bowed deeply.
I am willing to endure humiliation for you. I am willing to compromise myself for you. All because of that one sentence from you—that even without any chance of victory, you were still willing to let the fish die and the net break for my sake.
Perhaps you will never know in this lifetime exactly how much I love you. Perhaps even I myself do not know that I could love you this much, willing to abandon the dignity and pride I treasure most for the sake of your honor and disgrace. At that time, neither of us knew that by missing this chance to be honest with each other, the two of us would forever stand on opposite shores.
That single “this servant” seemed to draw a clear line between them from that moment onward.
“Ning Xuan—” Feng Xuanyi seized Ning Xuan’s wrist and pulled him fully into his arms. He held him with such force, as though desperately suppressing something, and even his voice grew slightly choked.
Ning Xuan did not know whether he had owed Feng Xuanyi something in a previous life. As long as Feng Xuanyi spoke one ambiguous sentence, as long as he showed one hesitant expression, then even all the humiliation and trampling Ning Xuan had endured could vanish like smoke. It had clearly hurt so much. Everything was clearly still vivid and fresh in his memory. Yet his body seemed to embrace Feng Xuanyi instinctively, missing that warmth, clinging to that embrace, wanting to hear that low voice murmur beside his ear, even if it was nothing more than a faint hum.
He knew perfectly well that he should push Feng Xuanyi away. That embrace was an abyss from which there would be no return. He knew perfectly well that the humiliation and insults of these past days had nearly made him wish for death several times. Yet at this moment, with nothing more than one embrace, Feng Xuanyi stripped him of all strength to resist. The dull ache in his heart was bitter, yet warm. Ning Xuan reached out and wrapped his arms around Feng Xuanyi’s back, resting his chin against his shoulder. He embraced him back with equal force, his heart filled with countless tangled emotions.
Ning Xuan did not know when he had sunk so deeply that he could no longer pull himself free. And now, it no longer mattered. He only knew that he could no longer turn back. Feng Xuanyi was a prince and would one day ascend the throne. Devotion to one person was simply a fantasy. Whether Feng Xuanyi had long plotted for the throne or Ning Xuan was now forcing him to take the path of seizing it, the struggle for the imperial seat would end with one side crowned and the other defeated. It could never perfectly match Ning Xuan’s ideals. Since nothing in this world could be perfect, he could only settle for less. He would not ask for Feng Xuanyi to love him wholeheartedly without the slightest impurity. He would only ask for one trace of sincerity and care…
“Yihua…” He did not know whether he would still have the chance to call him this in the future. He did not know whether he would still be able to call him this in the future.
Only if Feng Xuanyi won this struggle for the throne would he be able to take Ning Xuan back from Prince Yi’s Residence. Only if Feng Xuanyi ascended to the highest position would Ning Xuan be able to have a moment of peace—provided that by then, Feng Xuanyi still needed him. Provided that by then…
I thought this was the decision I forced you to make, so we had to face it together. I thought I had finally received the answer I had been longing for day and night. I was willing to pay any price for it. I only hoped to win you a little more time, to let you make plans, prepare yourself, and find a way to respond. I thought… I thought many things. Only years later did I realize that it had all been only what I thought. What I thought was merely what I thought. It would never become reality.
The person who falls in love first suffers. The person who loves more deeply suffers. That saying was indeed not wrong. Only, the person who said it never mentioned that once one fell in love, there was no longer any question of suffering a loss or not. Unless one suddenly awakened, one would only walk down a single road until it turned black.
One embrace, and both of them held on with such force, as though they wished to melt each other deep into their own bones and blood. Somewhere in the unseen, it seemed they both knew this might be the last time. Once drawn into the struggle for the throne, there would be no way to retreat unscathed. The difference in status and position would become a gulf they could never cross, leaving them forever standing on opposite shores. It also meant bidding farewell to so-called peace and tranquility, growing used to schemes and intrigue, used to knives hidden behind smiles, used to flattery and fawning, used to disguise, taking pleasure in calculation, and accepting being calculated against in return. This was the road Ning Xuan had chosen for his future, a road of no return.
Yihua, you believe me, don’t you? You believe I can fight for this world on your behalf. You believe I can lend you my strength and help you ascend the throne, don’t you?
…Yes.
Yihua, this decision was made by me for you. I am the one who decided to go to Prince Yi’s Residence. It has nothing to do with you. You are only helpless, only unable to refuse, only forced to obey orders. That is all… Do not think of resisting. Do not think of those unrealistic ideas of mutual destruction. Those are not suited to you, and they should not be things you do. Calm, indifferent to fame and profit, unwilling to contend—that is the role you should occupy. At least on the surface, it should be so…
You will be the ruler of the Hua Dynasty. So you need not do anything, nor care about anything. I will pave the road for you…
How long can favor last when one serves others with beauty alone? Since, in the eyes of outsiders, he was nothing more than someone who had climbed upward by relying on his face, then at least that proved he still possessed a little beauty and a little bargaining power. Even if this had once been what he most hated facing, what he most hated admitting, and what he most urgently wished to avoid, now he actually regarded it as one of his weapons. Only, unlike others, what he possessed was not merely beauty, but also a way of thinking that ancient people could never understand and could never surpass.
When Mo Qi and Qing Zhu heard the news that Ning Xuan was going to Prince Yi’s Residence, they rushed over in shock, only to see Ning Xuan sitting calmly and indifferently in his small room without the slightest ripple in his expression, leisurely drinking tea at an unhurried pace.
Given Ning Xuan’s status in the manor, being sent to Prince Yi’s Residence made the reason behind it obvious. In the eyes of outsiders, Feng Xuanyi must have sent him over under the pretext of providing Prince Yi with a personal attendant, but in truth, it was to curry favor with Feng Xuanzhe by giving him someone who could whisper good words for Feng Xuanyi by his pillow. The people of the Prince’s Manor all discussed it privately with scorn and contempt, but Ning Xuan acted as though nothing had happened, calm and composed as he lived his own leisurely life, as though he stood apart from everything.
“Once I’m gone, no one will keep an eye on you, and no one will give way to you. You do things recklessly and without using your brain. Learn more from Mo Qi in the future. Don’t die before I do.” Patting Qing Zhu on the shoulder, Ning Xuan smiled in a way that practically begged to be punched. But before Qing Zhu could open his mouth to say anything, Ning Xuan beat him to it, turning to Mo Qi with a roguish smile. “Remember to miss me.”
Futile Devices Scans 
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