“I originally thought it was nothing more than a passing whim. True feelings… haha. Eighth Brother, you were also born into the imperial family. Although you have never involved yourself in such things, do you think people like us truly have something like true feelings? Are we qualified to have them? Even blood brothers can turn on one another and kill each other. True feelings—what are they?” There was a trace of self-mockery and a trace of helplessness in his words. The way he looked at Feng Xuanzhen was so heavy it made one feel stifled.
“Fifth Brother, stop talking. I know you’re in a bad mood. Go back to your room and rest.”
“Not talk? Haven’t I always kept silent… I’ve never said this to anyone. Except you… I’m afraid that if I can’t even tell you, then I…”
The two fell silent. They were brothers who had grown up together since childhood. Though they were not blood brothers of the closest kind, they were even closer than true brothers. Feng Xuanzhen, who had never seen Feng Xuanyi in such a state, knew that this Ning Xuan had truly entered Fifth Brother’s heart, and yet…
With a helpless sigh, Feng Xuanzhen sat back down and took a shallow sip of tea. At this moment, the only thing he could do was listen.
“I originally thought he was only a servant, a slave. No matter how much I liked him, it would be no more than two or three days of interest, just like all the men and women who had once been by my side. I could treat him well, spoil him, give him everything he wanted—status, position, power. As long as he wanted it, I could give it to him. And that was how I spoiled him. But…”
He drew in a deep breath, then let out a soft sigh tinged with bitterness.
“So when Eldest Brother asked me for him, I couldn’t refuse at all, nor would I have refused. On one side was Eldest Brother, a powerful contender for the throne. Perhaps one day in the future, he would become emperor. On the other side was nothing more than a servant, a slave. It was not worth clashing with Eldest Brother over a slave. Besides, it was only a matter of sudden interest. At least, that was what I thought at the time…”
“I had spoiled him for three months. It wasn’t as though I didn’t know how much trouble the women in my rear courtyard had caused because of him. Eighth Brother, being born into the imperial family, it is impossible to be devoted to one person, and even more impossible to be faithful to only one. I had always believed that. So naturally, I couldn’t simply watch the fire spread in my own backyard. But do you know? I, Feng Xuanyi, actually held a beauty in my arms and felt not the slightest interest! Do you know what that means? Do you know what filled my mind at that moment?”
Feng Xuanyi’s emotions were somewhat out of control. Even Feng Xuanzhen, who had grown up with him since childhood, had never seen him so hysterical. For a moment, he was stunned and did not know how to respond. Fifth Brother had always been famous for his romantic reputation and effortless charm. Forget the beauties and young masters of the capital—even all the beauties of the Hua Dynasty longed to enter his eyes. He prided himself on being amorous, always passing through flowers without a single leaf clinging to him. Yet now, perhaps this was karmic retribution. Who could have imagined that such an unrestrained, flirtatious, and fickle-hearted man would unknowingly leave his heart behind?
“Haha. Fortunately, no one knew. Fortunately, no one noticed. Because I am an imperial prince. Because I am a prince. How could I let others guess my thoughts? Apart from you, who else could I say these things to? Just like that night—even though my mind and heart were filled entirely with thoughts of him, he would never know.”
“Fifth Brother, morning court was exhausting. Rest early.” Feng Xuanzhen only wanted Feng Xuanyi to calm down alone. Seeing Fifth Brother lose control like this made him worried. Even if Feng Xuanzhen did not bind himself to worldly conventions, he still knew that being born into the imperial family meant living on the edge of a blade. You could choose not to harm others, but you could not choose not to guard against them. Every weakness could become fatal.
“Rest? Calm down?” Feng Xuanyi looked at Feng Xuanzhen in amusement. “You don’t need to worry. I am very calm. I know what I’m saying, and I know what I’m doing. He’s avoiding me, so I won’t appear in front of him. He doesn’t want to see me, but I can still go see him myself. Only when he doesn’t know it.”
“Fifth Brother, if you truly don’t want to, you can keep him. Tell Eldest Brother your true feelings for him. Eldest Brother shouldn’t take away someone you love. At least you would have tried.”
“You really are simple when I say you think too simply. If those words could be said, do you think I wouldn’t have said them? In Eldest Brother’s eyes, Ning Xuan is my servant, the servant I specially chose in order to win you over. If I go tell him that, there will only be two outcomes. Either he truly believes that day was merely a misunderstanding and that Ning Xuan is actually my person, not someone I prepared to give to you to win you over, or he plants a knot in his heart and becomes even more certain that Ning Xuan must be someone I prepared to win you over with, thereby suspecting and guarding against both of us. Perhaps he would endure it for the moment and not take him away, but as long as he goes to Mother Empress and says that he has taken a liking to a servant in my residence and asks Mother Empress to transfer that servant to him, do you think Mother Empress would defy Eldest Brother’s wishes? And with Eldest Brother’s temperament, which of those two possibilities do you think is the real answer?”
“But—” Feng Xuanzhen, who had only seen Feng Xuanyi’s unusual behavior, had not thought of this layer. Now that it was mentioned, he could not help frowning. “I can also go to Eldest Brother and explain that there is nothing between Ning Xuan and me.”
“Haha. You going to explain? Wouldn’t that only make things worse? If you go explain, it will only make Eldest Brother even more certain that you and I have already joined forces. That knot in Eldest Brother’s heart will be tied for certain.”
“Is there really no other way?”
“Do you think that if I still had another way, I would be sitting here telling you all this?” Feng Xuanyi laughed bitterly. “He should have been sent to Prince Yi’s Residence long ago. I only used Ning Xuan’s injuries as an excuse to keep delaying it, just so I could think things over properly and weigh them again. At worst… at worst, I’ll let the fish die and the net break.”
“Mutual destruction? For him?” Feng Xuanzhen frowned. “Must things really go that far? You’ve endured Eldest Brother for so many years. If you tear things apart now, how many chances of victory do you have?”
“How many?” Feng Xuanyi laughed softly. “Does that matter?”
A crisp sound rang out. The teapot shattered in response. He was dressed in a servant’s short outfit, neat and practical yet old and worn, but it could not conceal the sudden flash of noble brightness and radiance in him.
“It matters.”
Who else could the person entering at that sound be, if not Ning Xuan?
Feng Xuanzhen raised his head, his gaze shifting between Feng Xuanyi and Ning Xuan as their eyes met. He set down his teacup and quietly left. When passing by Ning Xuan, he paused briefly.
“Prince Yi’s Residence. I’m willing to go.” Step by slow yet firm step, Ning Xuan walked into the main hall. His gaze remained fixed on those deep eyes that were also looking at him. His expression was calm and indifferent, without the slightest ripple, yet inside, waves surged and churned without end.
He had asked himself more than once why things had suddenly changed like this. But no matter how much he thought, he could not make sense of it. He was only a servant, a lowly attendant. Aside from accepting his fate, he had no room to resist. So he had been unable to ask and unable to learn the truth. He could only, whenever his emotions surged with resentment, tell himself that such a fickle and unfaithful man was not worth loving. Yet when he remembered the moments they had spent together, remembered Feng Xuanyi’s compromises, indulgence, and concern, he could not stop telling himself that perhaps Feng Xuanyi had difficulties too, perhaps he had no choice.
But no matter how hard Ning Xuan racked his brain, he had never imagined this. That hurried glimpse that day, the three great figures gathered in one room—he had never imagined there would be such dark currents surging beneath the surface. He had recognized feudalism and oppression, but he had failed to see the struggle for the throne and the force of power.
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