Ke Bu sat cross-legged on the stool, propping up his chin with one hand while the other hand clicked the mouse rapidly. The computer music played a cheerful melody. Sunlight came in through the window, making the computer screen reflective. In the pen holder on the desk were Zhi Li’s colorful drawing pens. His skin had settled into a comfortable state, and Ke Bu’s head swayed slightly along with the music. What exactly was being in love all about? What did being in love need to contain? Online, everyone had their own opinions. Ke Bu read one piece of information, then tilted his head and asked Zhi Li, who was sitting beside him with his legs bent on the stool, his back to the light as he drew, “Hey, Zhi Li…”
Zhi Li, who was in the middle of drawing, did not seem to hear Ke Bu calling him. Dissatisfied, Ke Bu sniffed, lowered his legs, stood up, and circled around behind Zhi Li, blocking the light. The sketchbook was covered in shadow. Ke Bu pounced onto Zhi Li’s back from behind, pressing the weight of his body forward, and looped his arms around Zhi Li’s neck. “Hey, Zhi Li.”
“What is it?” Zhi Li’s tone was very light, like the current season, like a spring breeze brushing across one’s face. He placed his hand over the back of the hands circling his neck and turned his head slightly. His lips were almost about to brush against Ke Bu’s cheek. It was ticklish and very comfortable.
“Let’s exchange diaries.”
“What would we write that stupid thing for?”
“I heard it’s really useful.”
“When did you become so girlish?”
“Stop saying useless things. Just tell me if you’ll do it or not. Don’t waste my saliva.” Ke Bu’s true form was exposed.
“Exchange condition.” The scene from just now had been illusory, like a dream. This was the most essential way the two of them got along.
“Are you extorting me? It’s not like doing this is only for my sake, so what exchange condition are you talking about? I finally managed to pay you back once last time, and now you want to fleece me again.”
“Then forget it.”
“Tch, who cares.” Ke Bu loosened the arms wrapped around Zhi Li and pressed down even harder, reaching out to snatch Zhi Li’s pen and aiming it at the sketchbook. It was a rather abstract drawing. He threatened, “If you don’t agree, I’ll scribble all over it.”
“Go ahead.”
Even Ke Bu himself felt that this threat did not have much power. Even if he scribbled all over Zhi Li’s drawing, it would basically have no effect. Everything Zhi Li drew was an unidentified object. Sometimes, Ke Bu could not understand it. Zhi Li was wise, so how could he have been drawing for so long and still not improved at all? Was he truly an idiot at drawing, or was he only willing to draw this way? What exactly was Zhi Li thinking when he drew? As expected, he still did not understand Zhi Li enough. He could not control that unfathomable heart of his, and this only intensified Ke Bu’s desire to exchange diaries. He got up from Zhi Li’s back, crossed his arms, and looked arrogant and overbearing. “What’s the exchange condition?”
“I’ll let you owe it for now.”
“I knew it. Just when exactly are you planning to use all these things you’re piling up?”
“What?”
“But the diary has to be handwritten. It’s very possible that you’ll get someone to ghostwrite it, especially You Yan.”
“I’m not that kind of person.”
“You are exactly that kind of person!! You lie without even blinking!!” Ke Bu delivered his judgment.
After the conditions were settled, Ke Bu dug out a draft notebook from who knew what trash heap. There was even an ugly stick-figure drawing on the cover. He picked up the pen in his hand and, with wild, flying strokes, wrote four big words on the cover: Exchange Diary! Then he added his and Zhi Li’s names in a note beside it. Ke Bu only cared about making this idea happen and did not care at all about the quality of the idea itself.
Ke Bu’s Diary: Year X, Month X, Day X, Sunny
Today is the first day of the exchange diary. I got up, washed my face, brushed my teeth, ate breakfast, and then started writing on the way to class. What should I write? It seems like I’ve never written a diary before, so I don’t know how to write this kind of diary that someone else is supposed to read. Don’t tell me you actually think I’ll really write down my feelings for you, and then fill the whole page with romantic words that make people blush and their hearts race. Dream on. Today’s tentative beginning ends here. Goodbye.
Zhi Li’s Diary: ……………….……
It’s raining. Raindrops strike the window bit by bit. The sky is gray, and my mood has been affected too. I stood up from the desk and opened the window, took a deep breath, and looked toward Ke Bu. Yesterday, after reading Ke Bu’s diary, I felt a subtle stirring in my heart, feeling that we had drawn closer to each other. Out of the corner of my eye, I looked toward Ke Bu. Last night, he did not call me. Like a sick person, I waited for Ke Bu’s call, and only then did I suddenly realize that love was originally such an intense, irresistible thing.
Ke Bu flipped through the diary. It was Zhi Li’s handwriting. Biting his lower lip, he thought, writing such embarrassing words down like this—this guy, seriously. In comparison, wasn’t he being far too insincere with the diary?
Ke Bu’s Diary: Year X, Month X, Day X, Sunny
Saying you were waiting for me to call is too strange. It’s not like anyone made a rule that I definitely have to call you. If you make that rule now, that’s fine too. Although I’ve never waited for a call as intensely as if I were sick, and I can’t imagine what it feels like for you to wait for a call, if I don’t call, can’t you call me instead? Alright, enough nonsense. Today, just like usual, nothing major happened. Being with you, being with them, talking normally during the day as if nothing had happened, but at night hiding under the blanket to read your diary—this feeling can’t be written out, can’t be spoken aloud.
Zhi Li’s Diary: ………….…….
Today I was with Ke Bu, watching his cuteness, cleverness, intellect, and mischief. What I like is not any single part, but all of him. It makes me feel happy, happy! Yes, those are the two words, and they can only be those two words. I am afraid that one day he will slip through the gaps between my fingers. I am afraid, afraid that day will inevitably come. This deep fear torments me. I comfort myself: don’t be stupid, what is wrong with loving each other? We have done nothing wrong at all. Yes! I have to be braver. Hasn’t he placed all his trust in me? How can I be the one to shrink back first? Together. We have to be together, holding hands until the sky grows old and the earth grows barren, until the seas dry up and the rocks crumble.
Gradually, Ke Bu felt that something was not quite right. After more than ten days passed, when he opened the diary again, he no longer had the enthusiasm he had at the beginning. Writing daily accounts every day—he himself was too lazy to write on his side, yet he was very enthusiastic about hiding under the blanket every night to read Zhi Li’s diary. He felt a little guilty about this lazy attitude, and a little guilty toward Zhi Li. It had clearly been his idea in the first place.
Ke Bu’s Diary: Year X, Month X, Day X, Sunny
I didn’t expect us to be able to keep this up for so long. To be honest, I thought that with your personality, you would get tired of it very quickly. After all, having to rack your brains every day thinking about what to write isn’t exactly easy. Besides, I clearly have no secrets from you. In your eyes, I have always been transparent. What I’m willing to say, you’ll know; what I’m not willing to say, you can guess. What kind of feelings do you hold every day when you read my diary and reply to it?
Zhi Li’s Diary: ……….………
What kind of feelings do I hold when I read his diary and reply to his diary? He asked me this question, but I painfully do not know how to answer. It is not that I am unwilling. It is that I cannot answer. This shy feeling churns in my heart, panicked. I only know that if someone wanted to kill him, I would rather they killed me too. I cannot endure the loneliness of not having him. I cannot endure it. Just thinking about it makes my chest burn like flames, burning so painfully, so painfully. He lit a fire in my heart. One day, I will take him to a tall building and tell him, “Look, the world outside is so vast, making us seem so small. So we must cherish every bit and piece of being together, even one minute, one second. We must not miss any of it.” I will hold him from behind and tell him, “I love you, Ke Bu.”
After he finished reading, the suspicion that had been accumulating in Ke Bu’s heart finally took shape. On the day it was Zhi Li’s turn to write, after evening self-study ended, Zhi Li left first. Ke Bu quietly followed behind him and discovered that Zhi Li had entered Su You Yan’s classroom. Ke Bu crouched outside the window and secretly watched. Su You Yan closed the book in her hands. “You’re writing again today?”
“Mm.”
At that moment, Su You Yan took out a thick book from her desk drawer. The title was written in several large characters: Collected Novels of Qiong Yao. She opened the book and began reading from it, while that Zhi Li, that bastard Zhi Li, wrote absentmindedly according to what Su You Yan was reading. Ke Bu’s little face puffed up, and he charged inside. “I knew it! So this is what was going on!! What is this thing!! Too much. I’m angry.” Ke Bu grabbed the book, threw it onto the floor, stomped on it hard twice, snatched up the diary, and left.
Su You Yan looked in the direction Ke Bu had left. “He isn’t angry.”
Zhi Li looked in the direction Ke Bu had left. “He isn’t angry.”
That night, Ke Bu once again hid under the blanket, flipping through the diary. Looking at Zhi Li’s beautiful handwriting, he narrowed his eyes and smiled. What understanding? He had known long ago that something like this was useless on Zhi Li. There was no need to understand. That unfathomable heart was also one of the parts he liked. What he understood, he liked; what he did not understand, he definitely liked too. Because he was his Lord Zhi Li. At least, Ke Bu hugged the diary to his chest. At least, he was willing to do this for him.
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