Outside the classroom, several female students were leaning against the doorframe and peering inside, pushing and teasing each other as they occasionally let out clear, ringing laughter.
“Zhi Li is sitting over there?”
“You call him.”
“Why don’t you call him? He turned his head. Look, look.”
Unconvinced, Chu Hao Yu took out a mirror. “I’m not bad-looking either, so why don’t I have crowds of girls following me?”
Ke Bu was writing down the notes left over from last class in his book. “These days, just having a pretty face is useless. You belong to the type that girls would abandon after spending two days with you.”
“Yo, I’m impressed you can still be so calm. You have a popular boyfriend, and aside from us, no one in the school knows you two are dating. Because you’re always hanging out in a group, it’s confused everyone’s line of sight. Some people are even guessing whether Zhi Li is together with You Yan or Xin He. After all, one is always by his side, and the other makes thoughtful bentos.”
“That’s where your usefulness lies. Otherwise, what else would I keep you all around for? Of course, the fewer people who know about this kind of thing, the better. Being pointed at behind my back, being looked at with strange eyes—that isn’t the life I want.”
“It’s true that once people know, there’ll be a lot of trouble. But in the future, there are still both your parents. That’s the price, isn’t it?” It was rare for Chu Hao Yu to be so serious. Ke Bu stopped writing and raised his head. “I know. When it’s time to face it, I won’t run.”
“Are you scared?”
“Would you believe me if I said I wasn’t?” As soon as Ke Bu thought of the faces his parents would make after finding out, his heart felt uncomfortable. Wanting parents to accept that their own child was homosexual was not an easy thing. What else had parents asked for in this life? When their child was little, they hoped he would grow up healthy; after he grew up, they worried about his studies and hoped he could get into a good school; after he got into school, they worried about employment; after he got a job, they began worrying about marriage, family, and children; only after everything had been settled could their hearts, worn down from worrying, finally settle a little. Parents was a great word. They put all the energy of their lives into their children. But now, Ke Bu could not respond to that feeling. He had no way to marry a woman, no way to form a complete family, and even less way to give birth to Zhi Li’s children.
“Do you think the price is high?” Chu Hao Yu continued asking.
“Whether it’s high or low can only be known through comparison. If I were together with you, then the price would be too high. But if it’s Zhi Li, I somehow feel like no price is a problem.”
“I want to spit at you.” Chu Hao Yu placed both hands behind his head and drifted gloomily back to his seat. Outside the door, the girls called Zhi Li’s name. Ke Bu did not feel anything at all. The lead of the mechanical pencil in his hand snapped against the book.
During P.E. class, Zhi Li had just finished playing basketball when the girls gathered around him, some handing him water and others giving him towels. Zhi Li took the water and looked at the girl for a moment. The girl smiled happily, a sweet smile. Ke Bu clearly knew that there was no deeper meaning behind that action. Zhi Li was simply that kind of person. He would take the water only because he was purely thirsty. Ke Bu understood this more clearly than anyone, but this sour feeling—who had rubbed a ruined lemon into his body? He turned his head away with an expression of complete indifference on his face.
After P.E. class ended, Ke Bu washed his face. The morning classes were basically over. He walked alone toward the school building and pushed open the door. Su You Yan was inside reading. Ke Bu dragged a stool over and sat beside Su You Yan. For some reason, staying beside Su You Yan, even though she said nothing, gave him a quiet, steady feeling.
“You Yan, do you want to touch me?” Ke Bu suddenly said. Su You Yan coldly raised her eyes and struck Ke Bu in the abdomen with her elbow. His stomach let out a muffled groan, and he clutched it while shouting, “I was just joking!!”
“Don’t make that kind of joke with me. Whether it’s you or Zhi Li, I have no interest in that aspect. I don’t have a thing for children.” Those words struck too hard at his pride as a boy.
“If you were interested, I wouldn’t even be asking, damn it.” Ke Bu grabbed the table with both hands and started shaking it. “What is this irritating feeling? It’s not fair. Why am I the only one who feels this way? It’s too unfair.” Ke Bu became childish. The sour lemon was working its side effects on him. Su You Yan stared at Ke Bu as if she were staring at a lunatic, then immediately dragged her stool two steps farther away. Ke Bu stretched out a hand for help. “Why does he have to be liked by girls? And why does he have to look all gentle, and accept water, and walk together with them? Why? Hurry up and touch me, then go tell him. Let that guy taste what jealousy feels like too.”
Su You Yan stared at Ke Bu in the middle of his rampage. He was like an accumulated bomb that had suddenly exploded. “So you’re jealous.”
“Wh-What? I am not.”
“Then go tell him properly. What’s the use of telling me?”
“I’m not jealous. Listen when people talk!!” Ke Bu, having been exposed, was a little embarrassed and a little flustered. He grabbed Su You Yan’s wrist. “I told you to touch me.” Su You Yan pressed down, trying to pull her hand back. Ke Bu used both hands with all his strength, trying to lift that hand. Speaking of it, this was truly disgraceful. What exactly was he doing?
“Hurry up. Touch me.”
“No.”
“Touch me, touch me, touch me~~ You Yan!!! Touch~~~~ me~~” It seemed he had already lost his reason. Zhi Li leaned behind the door, arms crossed, staring expressionlessly at the two of them. “What are you doing?” The moment his voice reached them, all the reason Ke Bu had lost returned to his brain. The current scene was this: Ke Bu was holding Su You Yan’s hand, and its position happened to be not far from his own body. Originally, he had only wanted to ask You Yan to touch his shoulder or something like that, and yet he had been shouting like a madman, forcing You Yan to touch him. He swallowed, then stiffly turned his head. “Th-This.” Su You Yan pulled her hand back, stood up, walked over to Zhi Li, patted Zhi Li on the shoulder, and calmly said, “Don’t worry. I won’t do anything to wrong you.” After saying that, she left.
The sarcasm in those words was too strong. Ke Bu felt as if an arrow had struck his chest.
“Haha, You Yan and I were just messing around.” Ke Bu rubbed his head. Zhi Li shrugged. “I didn’t say anything.”
Ke Bu froze for a moment, his hand falling down. Was he the only one acting like an idiot? The only one who felt uneasy, the only one who got jealous? “You don’t care?”
“I don’t care.” Zhi Li said it directly. Ke Bu’s heart was clenched hard, and he shoved Zhi Li away and ran out.
“Hey, Ke Bu.” Zhi Li reached out to grab Ke Bu, but he escaped. Ke Bu hurried down the stairs. His foot accidentally twisted, and he fell in the stairwell. A passing girl saw him and crouched down. “Classmate, are you alright?”
“I’m fine. I think I twisted my ankle.”
“I’ll help you to the infirmary.” Just as the girl’s hand was about to reach over, another hand behind Ke Bu blocked it. Zhi Li frowned as he looked at the girl, then picked Ke Bu up. Ke Bu struggled. “Hey, this princess-carry thing is too weird. Put me down.”
“Shut up. Or do you want that girl to help you?” Zhi Li’s tone carried displeasure. Ke Bu froze. Was that line jealousy? Ke Bu tugged at the corner of his mouth. “She didn’t mean anything by it. She just wanted to help me.”
“No.”
“You’re too overbearing!”
“Other than me, no one is allowed to touch you. Do you understand?”
“But…”
“I’m asking if you understand.”
“Weren’t you indifferent about You Yan just now?”
“You Yan is an exception.” So that was what “I don’t care” meant. He would not get jealous over You Yan and Zhi Li, and of course, Zhi Li would not think anything would happen between him and You Yan either. You Yan’s existence between the two of them no longer seemed to be that of a girl. As for what she was exactly, Ke Bu could not say either.
“Zhi Li, I’ll give you an exchange condition.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“In exchange for not letting anyone else touch me from now on, you have to stop getting too close to those girls who like you.”
“Getting close?” As expected, he had absolutely no self-awareness.
“Even accepting water they hand you isn’t allowed.”
“But I’m very thirsty.”
“Then endure it.”
“How willful.”
“You have no right to say that about me!!” In Zhi Li’s arms, Ke Bu could feel the rhythm of Zhi Li’s heartbeat. The clean scent of laundry detergent blurred Zhi Li’s pure face, and a blush dyed Ke Bu’s cheeks crimson. His breathing was a little hurried. “So strange. Why does it still feel like first love?” Zhi Li stopped and lowered his head. “Like first love?”
“Ah?”
“I’m your first love, aren’t I?” He did not use a questioning sentence; he used an affirmative one. To think he would pick apart his wording at a time like this, when Ke Bu had only happened to use it as a description.
“I’m your first love, aren’t I?” Zhi Li asked again. Why did Ke Bu have to answer something so hard to say? Seeing that Ke Bu did not answer, Zhi Li said lightly, “I might as well throw you down.”
“You’re too cruel.”
Zhi Li did not speak. He raised his hands toward the stairs, and Ke Bu, who was in his arms, was badly frightened. He grabbed tightly onto the clothes at Zhi Li’s chest. “You’re really going to throw me? I’ll say it, I’ll say it. It’s you. It’s always been you. First love, youthful love, young adult love, adult love, twilight-years love—it’s all you!!”
Futile Devices Scans 
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