The night gradually faded. Around four or five in the morning, the first faint light of dawn began to appear. Xia Liu Yi sat propped against the headboard, his head resting on He Chu San’s shoulder as he slept deeply. About an hour earlier, while the two of them had still been murmuring to each other, he had unknowingly begun to snore softly. Before that, he had spent three days and two nights strung tight with pain and anxiety and had barely slept at all.
He Chu San, however, remained awake. Sitting alone in the darkness, he gently stroked and played with Xia Liu Yi’s long fingers while listening to the slow, warm breathing beside his ear. He stayed like that for a very, very long time.
He had indeed concealed the harsh and painful arguments. Father He had not merely asked him those two questions. Father He truly did not dislike Xia Liu Yi and genuinely cared about this gangster who had once saved his son, but that did not mean he approved of what Xia Liu Yi had done or could accept his son being with a man like him. He Chu San’s tender, heartfelt defense had not moved him. At the time, Father He had lowered his eyes, smoked his pipe, and continued.
“Fine. Let’s say he really does treat you well and is willing to do this and that for you. I still have two things to ask. You will answer me truthfully. If you lie to me even once, not only will I never agree to this relationship, I will never acknowledge you as my son again.”
Still kneeling on the floor, He Chu San nervously straightened his back. “Ask me, Dad. I won’t lie to you.”
“First: since you’ve been with him, have you ever done anything that went against heaven and conscience? Have you harmed anyone?”
He Chu San firmly shook his head. “No. I never did before, I haven’t now, and I never will.”
“Good. I believe you. But the second question—what about him?”
He Chu San’s expression stiffened.
“…”
“Can’t answer?” Father He set down his pipe and stepped toward him, looming over him. “You don’t know? He worked as an enforcer, became a Boss, spent years ‘walking the underworld.’ Has he never done those blackhearted things? Never hacked anyone with a blade, never collected debts, never run brothels, never sold heroin, never stuffed money into an inspector’s pocket? If he did none of those things, how did he build that society of his? Has he harmed people or not? You don’t know?! Do you genuinely not know, or are you pretending not to know?!”
“…”
“Speak!”
“He has. I know… I know everything.”
Slap!
The heavy slap crashed across his face, far harder than the beating he had received the night Father He discovered the ring, filled with even greater anguish and fury. Father He trembled all over as he pointed at his nose and roared, “He Chu San! From the time you were a child… all these years! Have you forgotten everything I taught you?! Did I teach you to confuse right and wrong?! Did I teach you to throw righteousness aside for romance?! If you wanted to be his friend, I couldn’t stop you. If you didn’t know and weren’t involved, I could have let it go! But you know exactly what he’s done, and you still stay with him. You ignore what he’s done, you indulge him, you even pursued him! You bought a ring and moved in with him! Have you been helping him hide things from the police too?! Are you insane?! Have your eyes, your ears, and your conscience all been eaten by dogs?!”
He Chu San remained on his knees, bent low over the floor. Father He’s curses reached him through the thunderous ringing in his ears. Five vivid red finger marks had risen across his cheek. He lowered his head, and a tear struck the floor. Through all those days and nights, had his own heart not tormented him in exactly the same way? How could he not know that this was the true reason Father He was so furious about his relationship with Xia Liu Yi? His panic when Father He discovered the diamond ring, his fear on the way to see Father He that night, even that absurd suggestion that Kevin buy him a bottle of liquor—all of it had come from knowing he could never answer these questions openly and without shame. He should never have fallen in love with a man like this. Even less should he have allowed himself to pursue those feelings and be with him.
But he could not control himself.
Tears fell one after another onto the floor. Choking, he said, “I know. I know he’s done wrong. I know his crimes are terrible. You taught me from childhood that heaven’s justice goes in cycles and retribution never fails. I know that when someone does wrong, they have to pay the price. Every drop of blood on his hands is a debt he has to repay. I know all of that… But I can’t bear it. I just can’t bear it. He was born in the wrong place and followed the wrong person. Someone once showed him kindness, and all he wanted was to repay it, to avenge that person. But he’s already stopped. He stopped for me… I know what he did was wrong, but I want to save him. I don’t want to see him locked in prison. I don’t want to see him die violently in the street. He treats me so well. He risks his life to protect me. He genuinely loves me… I hate that I didn’t meet him more than ten years earlier. I hate that the person who saved him all those years ago wasn’t me…”
He sobbed so violently that his words were swallowed by spasmodic breaths. It took him a long while before he could force himself to continue. “That night, he got drunk and sat on the floor holding the card I gave him, crying until he fell asleep. I held him in my arms. His body was so hot, but his tears were so cold. None of you have seen him cry. He isn’t the Dragon Head. He isn’t the Blood Asura. He’s just an ordinary person. He can fall in love with someone. He cries too… My heart hurts for him. I want to take care of him. I want to save him… Dad, I’m begging you. I only want to save him. I really love him…”
He bent deeply until he was prostrated at Father He’s feet, forehead pressed against the floor, his hoarse, trembling sobs full of desperate pleading. Mother Wu and Xin Xin, standing nearby, could not help secretly wiping their own tears. Father He stood over him, his expression still furious and stern, but his own eyes had reddened. Born on the mainland into a scholarly family, Father He had ended up stranded in Kau Lung Walled City, a place where darkness blotted out the sky and every kind of person mixed together. He had renamed himself Bing Xian to remind himself constantly that even if he spent his entire life poor and displaced, he must never sink into corruption or destroy himself, never lose his conscience, and must always put virtue first. He Chu San had been orphaned at birth because of underworld entanglements. Before his birth mother died, she had clutched Father He’s hand and begged him never to let her son become entangled with the underworld again. Yet in the end, this child who had been obedient and sensible from childhood, intelligent and disciplined, had still followed his mother in being unable to escape that single word—love.
At last, Father He let out a deep sigh and bent down, somewhat stiffly, to lift his son’s bowed head. He Chu San’s face was covered in tears, his grief almost unbearable. He quietly called, “Dad…”
Father He sighed. “Has he really stopped? Is he truly willing to stop being a Boss for you?”
He Chu San froze, unable to believe Father He would even ask such a question. Then he nodded frantically. “He is! With my help, his companies have completely transformed. There isn’t a single illegal business left now! He won’t touch any dirty work again! He promised me he’ll live safely and stay with me!”
Father He had absolutely no faith in that unbelievably unreliable promise. Looking at his foolish son, who had cried himself into a miserable mess yet still wore such a naïve, unwavering expression, he could only conclude his foolish son had been completely bewitched by that rotten brat Xia Liu Yi’s good looks. He was ten or a hundred times stupider than Xin Xin had been when she ran away with Da Gao.
But what could Father He do? His foolish son had already said this much and gone this far. Could all those genuine feelings he had already poured out simply be taken back?
Father He sighed. “If you insist on being with him, then stay together for a while and see how things go. I cannot stop your heart, but I will not support what you’re doing either. This is your own choice. A’San, you’re grown now. You must take responsibility for your own life. If one day you have to pay the price for the choice you’ve made, I only hope you won’t regret it.”
…
A tear fell onto He Chu San’s chest. He jolted out of the memory, nervously turned to look at the sleeping Xia Liu Yi, and secretly wiped his face.
He brought Xia Liu Yi’s hand to his lips and kissed it, then held it against his chest, using that fleeting warmth to suppress the turbulent emotions rising inside him. He kept telling himself that although the road ahead would be difficult, he had the confidence and ability to protect their relationship. He was already very happy. He treasured what they had right now.
Turning his head, he pressed his cheek against Xia Liu Yi’s forehead, closed his eyes, and finally drifted into a light sleep.
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