“I keep feeling like I’m still dreaming,” He Chu San said, stroking Xia Liu Yi’s hand. “You really came. I’ve been dreaming about you every day.”
Xia Liu Yi rubbed his face gently against the hair at He Chu San’s temple. Unlike He Chu San, he had not dreamed about him these past two days, because he had barely slept at all. No matter where he was or what he was doing, his mind was filled with the image of He Chu San lying in his arms drenched in blood.
He caught the fresh scent of recently washed hair at He Chu San’s temple. His face and body were clean and fresh as well, nothing like some bedridden patients who, lacking proper care, were left sweaty and sour-smelling. Xia Liu Yi asked quietly, “Who’s been taking care of you these past few days?”
“Kevin.”
“The kid who stopped me in the ancestral hall?” Xia Liu Yi still remembered the young man who had told him, “Mr. He took two knives. He didn’t do that so you could ruin his plan now!”
“Mm.”
“He washes your hair and wipes you down? Did he buy the robe too?”
“Mm.”
Xia Liu Yi remained silent for quite a while. He Chu San turned his head and kissed him, smiling. “Jealous?”
“No,” Xia Liu Yi said gloomily. “I’m grateful to him.” His chest felt painfully tight, but not because he was jealous. It was guilt. “He’s better than me. At least right now he can stay beside you and take proper care of you. I don’t know how to look after people, I have a terrible temper, I’m no good at anything. All I ever do is hurt you. I…”
He Chu San covered his mouth. “Don’t say stupid things. In this entire world, aside from Dad, you’re the one who cherishes me most. You’ve never hurt me. When I saw you cry that day, I regretted it. No matter how useful that trick was in gaining Master Qiao’s trust, I shouldn’t have used it. I shouldn’t have made you hurt so badly. I was selfish and cunning. I was the one hurting you.”
Xia Liu Yi shook his head slightly, his trembling lips brushing He Chu San’s palm. He wanted to speak, but He Chu San would not let him. Xia Liu Yi looked as though he might cry again, like some ridiculous crybaby—and he had once mocked He Chu San for being the crybaby. Those reddened eyes were both heartbreaking and unbearably alluring.
He Chu San could not resist kissing him. He did not have much strength, so the kisses were light and lingering, as though he were carefully kissing a curled-up cat trembling in his arms.
He wanted badly to press this cat beneath him right now, lick the tears from the corners of its eyes, stroke its soft belly, bury himself inside it, and make it narrow its eyes and let out slow, languid little sounds until the pleasure made it forget all about crying.
His last shred of reason forcibly suppressed that dangerous impulse. He conserved his strength and continued kissing him lightly. Xia Liu Yi, mindful of his wound, did not dare respond too fiercely either. His warm, soft tongue only brushed He Chu San’s lips, retreating after a moment before slipping out again as though inviting another kiss.
He Chu San felt his blood pressure climbing.
He did not dare keep kissing him. He rested against Xia Liu Yi’s firm, resilient chest and spent quite a while catching his breath before recovering. Then he rubbed his face affectionately against the Boss’s chest, utterly content, and murmured in a clingy voice, “Brother Liu Yi…”
That one call melted Xia Liu Yi’s heart into syrup. “Mm.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t do anything this stupid or self-destructive again. Everything I know and everything I plan to do next, I’ll tell you.”
“Mm.” Xia Liu Yi kissed the top of his head. “I’ll tell you everything too.”
Pressed together on the narrow hospital bed, they spoke quietly for a long time. Xia Liu Yi told He Chu San everything about the Old Shopkeeper without holding anything back. He Chu San likewise told him everything he had uncovered and his entire plan going forward, including his cooperation with Lu Guang Ming. It had been Lu Guang Ming who met them inside the villa’s secret passage that day and helped get Cui Dong Dong and Xiao Luo out.
Xia Liu Yi did not mind that He Chu San had cooperated with an ICAC investigator. What worried him was the plan itself. “No. It’s too dangerous for you.”
“Trust me. It isn’t dangerous. I can do this,” He Chu San said firmly but gently.
“…” Xia Liu Yi stroked his hair, bitterness flooding his heart. He Chu San was protecting him. That once-naive, skinny, powerless student who had stood far away from the storms of the underworld had seemingly broken free of his cocoon and transformed, becoming a man willing to give everything to shield Xia Liu Yi from wind and rain. Did Xia Liu Yi believe He Chu San was capable of doing it? Of course he did. He was simply ashamed. He simply could not bear to let him take such risks for his sake.
He Chu San turned and gave him another reassuring kiss near the lips, then changed the subject to coax him out of his thoughts. “I went to see Dad before.”
Xia Liu Yi jolted out of his guilt. “What? You… he… did he hit you again?”
He Chu San laughed. “No. Dad said you led me astray. I told him I was the one who pursued you first. Then Dad asked me, ‘Why would you fall for a piece of work like that? What do you even like about him?’”
“…” Xia Liu Yi was speechless. Fair enough! A crude, ignorant gangster like him, with dirty hands and a life spent in the underworld, compared with Father He’s clean, accomplished son from a respectable family—what else was he but a piece of work?
Anxious and unable to let go, he tightened his arms around He Chu San. He knew he did not deserve him, much less all the wholehearted devotion He Chu San had poured into him without regard for the consequences.
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him there was no answer to that question. In mathematics, every problem has an answer. Every phenomenon leaves some trace, and someday everything can be calculated perfectly. That was what I believed from childhood until I met you. Then I understood that feelings can’t be measured or explained. They have no origin and follow no law. They happen beyond your control. Did I suddenly fall for you at one particular moment because of one particular reason? I don’t think so. Every moment with you, every side of you, makes my heart move. In my eyes, everything about you is good. I even like that terrible temper of yours.”
“Mm,” Xia Liu Yi said quietly. “I like you too. I like all of you.”
“…”
“What are you laughing at?”
“I’m not used to you suddenly saying something this mushy…”
“Hey, you’re allowed to be mushy but I’m not? You even said that kind of mushy nonsense to Dad!”
“Stop touching me, stop, that tickles—hahaha…”
They laughed and fooled around for a while. Xia Liu Yi did not dare wear He Chu San out, so after pinching his earlobe for a bit, he stopped and hugged him, gently biting the back of his neck. “Then what did Dad say after that?”
He Chu San coughed lightly. “He said, ‘I worked myself half to death sending you to school just so you could make something as stupid as falling for a piece of work like that sound so pretty?’”
“…”
“Don’t mind him. He was joking,” He Chu San said with a smile. “Dad has never hated you. He’s always cared about you. Behind your back, he calls you ‘Cavity Kid.’ Every so often he’ll ask me, ‘How’s Cavity Kid doing lately?’ He just… thinks it’s a shame you ended up in the underworld.”
Too embarrassed to show his face, Xia Liu Yi buried his head against the back of He Chu San’s neck. In truth, every time he met Father He, he could feel that elder-like concern beneath all the scolding and admonishment—even though it usually made his teeth ache with embarrassment until he wanted to flee.
“And then?” he asked gloomily.
“Then Dad asked me, ‘Are you really happy with him? What kind of life can he give you?’”
Xia Liu Yi was even less willing to raise his head. If he had been there, he could only have flattened his face against the floor and apologized to Father He. What kind of life had he given He Chu San? He was willful and irritable, older than He Chu San yet constantly being cared for and accommodated by him. Every so often he would recklessly throw himself into danger, get hurt, and make He Chu San sick with worry. Worst of all, he had stubbornly pursued revenge at all costs and dragged He Chu San into his present condition. He had wronged Father He. He was the biggest bastard among bastards.
Sensing his guilt and self-reproach, He Chu San took his hand, gently stroked his long fingers, and intertwined their hands. “I told Dad: he really doesn’t know how to live properly. He can burn down the kitchen just making noodles. He still smokes and drinks when he’s sick. He’s stubborn, and at first he would lose his temper at me whenever we argued about anything. He only understands underworld loyalty and doesn’t understand right and wrong, so he doesn’t know how to walk the proper path or be a good man…”
Xia Liu Yi’s weathered face turned bright red. He silently tried to pull his hand away, but He Chu San gripped it tightly and continued. “But if someone gives him even the smallest bit of kindness, he repays it tenfold. If someone helps him or cares about him, he’ll repay them with his entire life. He takes care of every brother and sister under him without the slightest selfishness, so everyone respects him and likes him. He’ll throw himself beneath a falling beam without thinking to save me. When someone points a gun at him, he puts me behind him. He’ll catch a blade barehanded for me, even ruining one of his own hands. He indulged me when I liked him and approached him, and little by little he accepted my courtship. Because he wanted to kiss me, he brushed his teeth properly every day. For me, he quit smoking, quit drinking, and even learned to control his bad temper. He took me to the movies, to nice meals, to the seaside, to the mountains. He knows absolutely nothing about romance, but he still set off fireworks for me…”
As he spoke, He Chu San pressed Xia Liu Yi’s warm palm against his own cool cheek. “He doesn’t know how to cherish himself, but he has always cherished me. He’s willing to change himself for me, to learn how to be loved and how to love someone. I’m very happy with him.”
“All right, all right,” Xia Liu Yi said, finally lifting his head. His face and ears were burning hot. “I-I’m not as good as you make me sound, not that… that…” He was too embarrassed to continue and buried his face again like an ostrich. In a tiny voice he said, “I really do love you. I’ll make you happy from now on.”
He Chu San smiled. “I’m already very happy.”
“Then… what did Dad say?”
“He agreed. He said we could stay together for a while and see how things go.”
Xia Liu Yi’s eyes widened in disbelief. Someone like me? And that melodramatic speech from Best Actor He was enough to convince him? Did the old man get his head caught in a door?
He knew Father He would never have agreed that easily. He Chu San had probably hidden some of the harsher, more painful arguments from him. Xia Liu Yi also knew he owed Father He an explanation and apology from his own mouth. Both overjoyed and guilty, he buried his face again. After a while, he murmured, “A’San.”
“Mm?”
“Next time you go see Dad, take me with you.”
He Chu San smiled. “All right.”
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