Cui Dong Dong and Xiao Luo lived in an upscale apartment with elegant, tasteful furnishings. Shelves, corners, coffee tables–everywhere around the home stood strange and interesting decorations the two of them had collected from around the world. Warm spring sunlight streamed through the windows, filling the room with brightness and warmth.
Cui Dong Dong carefully browsed the record shelf before finally pulling out a Mandarin album released the previous year, Unforgettable Teresa Teng. The record player began to turn, and a sweet voice drifted gently through the room.
Don’t forget tonight,
Don’t forget tonight…
…
She carried two cups of coffee over to Xia Liu Yi and He Chu San on the sofa, then turned toward the kitchen to help. “Sit for a bit. Food will be ready soon.”
“Sister Dong Dong, let me help.” He Chu San set down his cup and started to rise, but Xia Liu Yi pulled him back.
“Are you completely better yet?” Xia Liu Yi pinched his cool cheek.
“But…” He Chu San felt rather uncomfortable letting the two women work while he and Xia Liu Yi sat grandly on the sofa drinking coffee. He tried to get up again, only for Xia Liu Yi to yank him straight into his arms and hug him tightly.
“Don’t move. Stay here and listen to music with me.” Xia Liu Yi covered his mouth before he could protest again. “Listen.”
Don’t forget tonight,
Don’t forget tonight.
I’ve given you my whole heart,
I’ve given you my whole self.
Without you, life is far too empty,
without you, the whole world is dull.
Except for you, only you,
there’s nothing else I want.
Xia Liu Yi gazed intensely into He Chu San’s eyes, overflowing with emotion. “Did you hear that?”
To his surprise, the corner of He Chu San’s mouth twitched. “Pfft…”
“What are you laughing at?”
“You’re so cheesy. Hahaha!”
“You’ve got the nerve to call me cheesy? What about every time you get cheesy?”
“When have I ever been cheesy?”
“You’re cheesy every single–shut up!” Xia Liu Yi refused to continue sparring verbally. He shoved He Chu San down against the sofa and started attacking his lips. After only a few kisses, He Chu San reversed their positions, rolled over on top of him, and gave him a deep French kiss.
Xiao Luo walked past carrying a pot of soup. She glanced at them, expression unchanged, placed the soup on the dining table, then went back into the kitchen and calmly reported to Cui Dong Dong, “Those two gay guys are fooling around on our sofa.”
Cui Dong Dong immediately raised her voice. “Boss Xia! Consultant He! If you want to ‘play ball,’ go home and play!”
Elio’s Notes: “Play ball” (打波, literally “play ball”) is slang here for having sex.
Xia Liu Yi’s face was flushed from being kissed. He pushed He Chu San off enough to shout, “Damn it, I can’t even kiss him at your place?”
“You want to ‘play ball’ with your mouth in my house? That’s pretty kinky.” Cui Dong Dong came out carrying bowls and chopsticks. “So are you eating lunch now, or are you eating ‘sausage’?”
“What sausage?” Xia Liu Yi did not understand for a moment. He Chu San, still lying on top of him, immediately burst out laughing.
Cui Dong Dong looked at the enormous difference in how quickly the two men understood the joke, then looked at their current positions. A flash of realization struck her. So that’s how it is! Well, well, Sammy-boy–you really can’t judge a book by its cover. I knew it! How could Xia Liu Yi, that awkward, painfully innocent, practically frigid bastard, possibly be the one on top? No wonder he threw away that little blue bottle I gave him last time!
He Chu San met her questioning gaze and blinked shyly, which was as good as confirmation. Cui Dong Dong burst into delighted laughter and threw Xiao Luo an exaggerated look. Xiao Luo understood immediately and stared at He Chu San in surprised amusement. The three of them exchanged knowing looks and dissolved into laughter.
Boss Xia sensed something was wrong and immediately became embarrassed and furious. “What the hell are the three of you plotting?!”
…
Even after everyone had eaten and drunk their fill and taken the yacht out that afternoon, Xia Liu Yi was still brooding over the matter. Unfortunately, all three of them refused to explain. Unable to do anything to Cui Dong Dong or Xiao Luo, he pinned He Chu San down on the deck sofa and kissed him senseless again.
“Are you going to tell me? What were you three laughing about at lunch? Hm?”
He Chu San was kissed until he could barely breathe. Laughing, he struggled beneath him. “Hahaha… not telling…”
“You’re asking for it!”
The two gay men rolled around together on the sofa in broad daylight, doing things no decent person should have to witness. Cui Dong Dong sat near the edge of the deck in a sunhat, tank top, and shorts, guarding her fishing rod. She glanced back, clicked her tongue, and patted Xiao Luo beside her.
Xiao Luo was wearing sunglasses and a cute, sexy pale-yellow bikini, with a gauzy wrap over her shoulders and a short skirt around her hips. Her generous cleavage and smooth pale legs were on full display as she lay on her back sunbathing. She rolled over, lifted her sunglasses to take a look, then lay back down.
“Men,” she said disdainfully.
The two men on the sofa continued kissing as though no one else existed. He Chu San lay on his back, his face covered in Xia Liu Yi’s saliva, laughing as he wiped it away. Xia Liu Yi began nibbling at his neck. He Chu San grew hot and ticklish and turned his face aside with a laugh. His nose brushed the sofa cushion. He stopped. Then sniffed carefully.
“Why does this smell like perfume?” He Chu San frowned.
He raised his voice toward the other two. “Sister Dong Dong, Xiao Luo, did either of you wear perfume today?”
“No! Neither of us!” Cui Dong Dong shouted without turning around. “If you smell perfume, another woman definitely left it there! Oh, right–there’s also an electric bed down in the cabin that was specially ordered from Brazil. Better go inspect that too!”
He Chu San shoved Xia Liu Yi aside and shot toward the cabin like a rabbit. Xia Liu Yi yanked off his slipper and hurled it at Cui Dong Dong. She seemed to have eyes in the back of her head; she ducked, and the slipper sailed past as she burst into gleeful laughter.
Barefoot, Xia Liu Yi chased He Chu San into the lower cabin. He found him bent over the enormous round bed, sniffing around, lifting the pillows and blankets in search of even the tiniest clue. Xia Liu Yi shut the cabin door behind him and locked it. Then, like a tiger pouncing on prey, he lunged forward and knocked He Chu San into the soft mattress.
Laughing, Xia Liu Yi hugged him and rolled them over until they were lying face-to-face. “Find anything, Detective He?”
“I found out you changed the sheets.”
“Hahaha! I changed the whole bed!” Xia Liu Yi said smugly, pinching his cheek. “Silly boy. I bought this yacht for business and entertaining guests. It used to have an electric bed down here for those old perverts who couldn’t manage on their own. Since I knew you were coming, I had the place thoroughly cleaned and replaced it with a brand-new bed.”
He Chu San’s frown disappeared. “You bought a bed especially for me?”
“Yeah.”
“Did it come with bedding?”
Xia Liu Yi looked exceedingly proud. “Of course. Whatever kind of ‘bedding’ you want, we’ve got it.” He pulled open the bedside cabinet. Inside were little blue bottles, little green bottles, and condoms in every imaginable flavor.
“It didn’t come with the most important piece of bedding?” He Chu San remained dissatisfied.
“What?”
“You.” He Chu San rolled over and pinned Xia Liu Yi beneath him, immediately beginning to strip off his trousers.
Xia Liu Yi put on a show of coy resistance, grinning. “Little bastard, what do you think you’re doing in broad daylight?”
“Eating ‘sausage,’ Boss.”
…
Xia Liu Yi indulged in shameless daytime debauchery and comfortably let He Chu San take one mouthful of “sausage” after another. He Chu San ate with wet, skillful enthusiasm. Xia Liu Yi sighed in pleasure yet still had enough attention left to continue his questioning. “I obviously know what ‘eating sausage’ means. I’m asking what the three of you were sneaking around laughing about.”
He Chu San released the wet “sausage” from his mouth and leaned closer with a wicked smile. “You really want to know?”
“Obviously.”
“Take a bite of ‘hot dog,’ and I’ll tell you.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
He Chu San yanked up Xia Liu Yi’s fitted tank top, exposing two firm, full pectorals and two proudly erect nipples. He pushed the jade Buddha hanging in the middle aside, gripped both pecs, kneaded them hard, and squeezed them together. “The buns around the ‘sausage,’ Boss.”
…
“Got one!” Cui Dong Dong shouted, jerking up the fishing rod and bracing herself. “Baby! Come help!”
She reeled the line in. Gradually, a grouper weighing well over ten catties broke the surface–almost the size of a washbasin. Even after being hauled onto the deck, it thrashed furiously. Cui Dong Dong hurriedly pinned it down while Xiao Luo brought over a bucket and helped dump it inside.
“Done! Dinner’s sorted!” Cui Dong Dong planted her hands on her hips, delighted, then glanced toward the cabin. “Why haven’t those two come back up? How long does it take to inspect a bed?”
“They’re probably eating ‘sausage,’” Xiao Luo said calmly.
Cui Dong Dong clicked her tongue dramatically. “In broad daylight? Surely not.”
“Men.” The lesbian once again expressed her contempt for the entire gender.
“Exactly! Stinking men!” Cui Dong Dong immediately agreed, wrapping an arm around Xiao Luo’s waist and taking the opportunity to grope her. “My baby is still the sweetest-smelling…”
“Go wash your hands. You just touched fish. You stink.”
Cui Dong Dong’s face collapsed. She slunk away to wash her hands, then slunk back a moment later. Xiao Luo sat at the edge of the deck with her back toward her, enjoying the sea breeze. Cui Dong Dong wrapped her arms around her from behind and whined, “Baby, why are you being so cold to me today? I didn’t go out fooling around, and I didn’t come home particularly late last night. What did I do to upset you?”
Xiao Luo kept a stiff face and said nothing. Cui Dong Dong shamelessly teased and coaxed her, moving around to make silly faces and act cute in front of her. When Xiao Luo still refused to speak, Cui Dong Dong simply buried her face straight into Xiao Luo’s cleavage. “Little Ball-Balls, could the two of you please tell me why your beautiful, adorable owner is unhappy? If you don’t tell me, I’m going to squeeze you both until you burst.”
“I’m going to squeeze your head until it bursts!” Xiao Luo smacked the back of her head. “Get up!”
“Not until you tell me.” Cui Dong Dong spoke shamelessly from inside the soft valley.
“You’re not getting up? Fine. I’m counting to three. One, two… three!”
Cui Dong Dong shot upright. “I’m up!”
Seeing Xiao Luo’s expression grow darker by the second, Cui Dong Dong finally stopped pretending she had no idea what was wrong. Sheepishly, she admitted, “I know I messed up. Are you unhappy because I invited them along today?”
Xiao Luo’s cheeks puffed up like an angry little goldfish, and she finally spoke. “Ever since you became Deputy Hall Master, you’re busy every day. We used to go out together once a month. Now we only go out once or twice in half a year. Even when we’re in Hong Kong, you’re never home. You’re either with some brother or some boss, and you work weekends too.”
“I don’t dislike them. Boss and Mr. He are both nice. But we agreed that today you’d only work in the morning, and then the two of us would go fishing and spend the afternoon alone together. But you had to open your mouth and invite them.” As she spoke, tears suddenly began pouring down her face. She wiped them pitifully with the back of her fair hand. “I specifically went shopping for a new bikini and a thong a few days ago. I wanted to take them off for you on the deck. Now there are two stinking men here. How am I supposed to strip? Waaaaah… And they’re downstairs ‘playing ball.’ What are we supposed to do, do it on the deck? Waaaaah…”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. I thought more people would make it livelier. I didn’t think about what you wanted. Blame me…” Cui Dong Dong hugged her and coaxed her.
“Of course it’s your fault!” Xiao Luo burst into loud sobs. “Your brothers are more important than me! Your Boss is more important than me! Even your ‘Sammy-boy’ is more important than me! I’m just some girl you keep at home for fun! Waaaaah!”
“Shh, shh! Keep it down, or they’ll hear!” Cui Dong Dong frantically tried to soothe her. “You’re the most important. You’re the most, most important. Forget those two–let them get lost! You’re my most precious baby! It’s all my fault. If you’re still mad, hit me. Beat me to death if you want…”
“Easy for you to say! Waaaaah… Tomorrow you’ll still tell me to make breakfast and treat me like your little maid…”
“I’ll make breakfast tomorrow! I will, I will. You’re my little princess. What do you want? If you wanted to eat the stars, I’d pluck them out of the sky for you.”
“I want egg tarts and fruit-oatmeal congee. You have to make them yourself,” Xiao Luo said tearfully.
“Fine, fine, fine. Anything else?”
“Go shopping with me tomorrow.”
“Yes, yes. We’ll go.”
“Then you’re not working tomorrow?” Xiao Luo asked through her stuffy nose.
“No work. No work. Work can go to hell!”
Satisfied, Xiao Luo sniffled. “Fine. Then I suppose I’m not angry anymore.”
“Good, good.” Cui Dong Dong hurriedly hugged her, then turned her head and secretly sucked in several breaths. Coaxing someone was more exhausting than chopping people up.
When she looked up again, she saw the Boss and Sammy-boy hiding by the cabin entrance, eavesdropping. Who knew how long they had been there. The Boss wore a wickedly delighted grin and silently mouthed at her: Serves… you… right.
Cui Dong Dong shot him a murderous glare. Up yours!
…
Boss and Big Sister continued sniping at each other right through dinner, exchanging verbal stabs even after the steamed grouper reached the table.
“What happened to that tight tank top you were wearing earlier?” Cui Dong Dong tugged at Xia Liu Yi’s jacket.
“It gets cold at night. I’m not allowed to put on a jacket?”
“Really? I thought maybe the two ‘cherries’ underneath got chewed so thoroughly that the shirt started rubbing them sore.”
“Cherries? You mean the two you spent the entire night playing with when Big Fool invited us to karaoke last week?”
“Boss, you must be remembering wrong. I don’t remember anything like that. What I remember is some pretty girl sitting on your lap all night, grinding around…”
He Chu San and Xiao Luo stood at exactly the same time. One ladled Xia Liu Yi a bowl of soup; the other filled Cui Dong Dong’s bowl with rice. Smack! Both bowls landed in front of them.
“Shut up and eat!” the two said in perfect unison. “Childish!”
…
After dinner, Xia Liu Yi took He Chu San home early. He Chu San had caught some sea breeze and sneezed several times, frightening Xia Liu Yi half to death with the thought that his illness might return. They shut the windows and doors, drew the curtains, turned on the warm lights, and sat together on the sofa, each hugging a cushion as they watched a horror movie. Somewhere along the way, He Chu San began hugging Xia Liu Yi instead, resting his head on his shoulder and using him as his cushion.
“You’re scared of this?” Xia Liu Yi laughed.
No one answered. He Chu San’s eyes were closed, his breathing already slow and deep.
Xia Liu Yi quietly picked up the remote and lowered the volume almost all the way. Then he slowly leaned back, letting He Chu San settle naturally into his arms.
He lost interest in the horror movie entirely. Lowering his gaze, he studied He Chu San’s peaceful sleeping face, tracing those gentle brows and features with his eyes.
Little bastard really is ridiculously nice to look at. That nose. That mouth… Weird. He doesn’t look much like his dad at all. Who was his mother? She must’ve been some earth-shattering beauty.
Thinking of He Chu San’s mother naturally reminded him of Father He, who had discovered their relationship and flown into a rage. His teeth immediately began aching again. The supposedly ordinary, mild-tempered, frail-looking old man had always had a bizarre effect on the so-called Blood Asura from hell. Merely thinking of Father He made his teeth ache; seeing him gave Xia Liu Yi a headache. His fangs, claws, and enormous imaginary tail all tucked away with terror, and he wanted nothing more than to cover the horns on his head and flee. And now it was even worse. Father He had discovered that Xia Liu Yi had stolen away his precious son.
The thought of what would come next made the shriek of a dentist’s drill start up in Xia Liu Yi’s head again. He shuddered involuntarily, swallowed, and decided like a turtle retreating into its shell that he would drag things out for as long as possible and pray Father He did not come looking for him.
He was still letting his thoughts wander when the brick phone on the coffee table suddenly rang. He Chu San stirred in his arms. Before He Chu San could fully wake, Xia Liu Yi reached over and cut the call.
“My phone?” he murmured sleepily, eyes still closed. “Who is it?”
“It’s mine. Probably something from the company.” Xia Liu Yi carefully lifted him and laid him flat on the sofa, then stood. “Go back to sleep. I’ll take it in the bedroom.”
He Chu San murmured an acknowledgment and seemed to drift back to sleep. Xia Liu Yi entered the bedroom, gently closed the door, switched on the brick phone, and returned the call in a low voice. “Hello? Master Qiao?”
On the sofa in the living room, He Chu San’s eyes opened abruptly. His expression was calm and completely awake.
On the television, the male and female leads fled through a moonlit forest while ghosts relentlessly pursued them, eerie lights and shadows flashing in every direction. The changing glow illuminated He Chu San’s face. In his deep eyes, light and darkness shifted endlessly.
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