Yue Jingming opened his eyes, and a burst of agony tore through his dantian. A hand had punched through his waist and abdomen, and blood instantly soaked through his robes.
He raised his head and saw an aged face. The man was not Su Ji, yet Yue Jingming heard himself call, “Master?”
Shock and grief filled his chest. “Why?”
“Changsheng.” Tears stood in Cangyangzi’s eyes, his voice trembling. “Don’t blame Master for being cruel. If you must blame something, blame your fate for being too good, and yet too poor. You’re only an ordinary person with neither power nor influence. You lost your parents when you were young, and Master raised you. Just consider this… repayment for the kindness of raising you.”
Cangyangzi’s face became Su Ji’s, while the disciples standing around and watching coldly turned into Zhu Jinghui, Xin Jingleng, and the rest of his junior brothers and sisters. Yue Jingming could no longer tell who he truly was, but turbulent, unfamiliar emotions flooded over him like a tide. He seized Su Ji’s wrist. “You are not my master.”
Su Ji’s and Cangyangzi’s faces shifted back and forth, somewhere between weeping and smiling. “Trade your life for Zhou Ran’s. Zhou Ran is an imperial prince. Your yuan core can save him.”
Yue Jingming shook his head. “Why should I?”
Cangyangzi sighed. “Save him alone, and he may one day save tens of thousands of people under Heaven. How about that?”
Yue Jingming fell silent.
Cangyangzi affectionately stroked his head. “Changsheng, Master has wronged you.”
The agony robbed him of consciousness.
When he opened his eyes again, he was in a tiny room. A sliver of sunlight entered through a small window and fell across his hand, which could not move. Voices came from outside.
“Is that meal for Senior Brother Cen?”
“What Senior Brother Cen? He made a mistake and lost his yuan core. Now he can’t move, so how is he any different from a living corpse? Judging by his pulse, I doubt he’ll live much longer.”
“What a pity. Senior Brother Changsheng was so dazzling at the competition. Everyone said Master was raising him to become the sect’s future leader.”
“What future sect leader? Master’s biological son, the one who was lost outside, was found a few days ago. What place is there now for an orphan like him? I’d say…”
Cen Changsheng stared hollowly at the ceiling and tugged at the corner of his mouth in self-mockery.
At first, he was still given food. The younger disciples complained, but they could not quite bring themselves to be cruel. Yet he could neither chew nor swallow, so eventually they gave him only broth and water. He ate, drank, relieved himself, and slept all on the same bed. The tiny room became filthy beyond description.
Cen Changsheng lay there unable to move or speak. He shed many tears and suffered greatly, but his will was strong and he refused to submit to fate.
Master wanted to exchange his life for Zhou Ran’s. Zhou Ran was of the imperial clan and would one day save the people. Cen Changsheng had no power to refuse. Perhaps all this suffering was a trial sent by Heaven. He had to endure it. There were still so many things he wanted to do and so many sights he had yet to see.
He wanted to live. Even if living was worse than death, as long as there remained the slightest chance, he would never give up.
Later, no one came to bring him food anymore. Flies and insects filled the cramped room. He had been forgotten and could do nothing but wait for death to arrive.
He did not know how long had passed before the little window opened and Zhou Ran’s face appeared.
Cen Changsheng still remembered how frail Zhou Ran had been when he first arrived. Every day, Cen Changsheng had taken him around Cangyang Mountain to play. The two became close friends who could talk about anything and even promised to attend the next competition together.
“Senior Brother.” Zhou Ran lay against the window, crying uncontrollably. “It’s all my fault. I harmed you. Master wouldn’t let me come see you. I was bedridden for a long time, and I didn’t know the person whose yuan core they were going to give me was you. If I’d known beforehand, I never would have agreed no matter what.”
Cen Changsheng gave him a weak smile.
“Senior Brother, I’ll definitely find a way to save you.” Zhou Ran stretched his arm as far as he could through the window and reached for him.
Cen Changsheng laboriously raised his hand. His filthy fingers were gripped tightly in Zhou Ran’s, and Zhou Ran’s tearful voice sharpened with emotion. “Don’t die. Wait for me.”
That little bit of warmth vanished in an instant, and the room fell into darkness again.
Cen Changsheng no longer wanted to wait.
He wanted to die.
He had thought he could endure it, that he could face the injustice and darkness of the world, that he could hold fast to his original heart and refuse to hate anyone. But when Zhou Ran cried and clutched his hand, insisting he would save him, Cen Changsheng came to hate Zhou Ran with all his heart, and Cangyangzi too.
Why?
Why, when he had been reduced to his most wretched and hopeless state, did the person who wanted to save him have to be Zhou Ran, the very source of his ruin?
After another unknown length of time, the small window opened again.
“Senior Brother, I found a way!” Zhou Ran leaned against the window, excited. “I read in an ancient text about a demon called the Undying Demon. If someone whose allotted lifespan has not yet run out uses it, then no matter what happens, they won’t die. I’ll go find one for you!”
Cen Changsheng had no idea what methods Zhou Ran used, but in the end he truly found an Undying Demon and passed it to him through the little window.
Cen Changsheng disdained the thought of associating with demons. He would rather die. But lying there unable to move, he did not even have the power to kill himself. He had had enough of a life worse than death.
The agony of the Undying Demon burrowing into his eye was beyond description, but he had endured worse. The moment Cen Changsheng managed to rise from the bed again, he broke down sobbing.
The door opened. He saw Zhou Ran, and behind Zhou Ran stood Cangyangzi and all his senior and junior brothers.
Cangyangzi looked at him with relief. “Changsheng, you truly are as Master expected, steadfast and pure of heart. I never intended to trade your life for Zhou Ran’s. I wanted to use the Undying Demon to make the two of you share a fate. From now on, when you cultivate and comprehend the Dao, you will progress several times faster than ordinary people.”
Ignoring the filth covering Cen Changsheng, Zhou Ran rushed forward and hugged him tightly. “Senior Brother, in the future I’ll share all my wealth and honor, everything I have, with you. I’ll treat you well.”
The sunlight was painfully bright. Standing amid green mountains and clear waters, Cen Changsheng smiled, but the expression looked uglier than crying.
He pushed Zhou Ran away, raised his sword, and stabbed himself through the heart. Blood sprayed all over Zhou Ran.
Everyone froze, but Cen Changsheng did not die.
Cen Changsheng… could no longer die.
Zhou Ran cried and begged him, Cangyangzi’s eyes held pain and guilt, and the senior and junior brothers who had once been affectionate toward him now looked at him with both fear and disgust.
He could not understand it. The more he thought, the less he understood.
Perhaps there was one person who would know.
He ran to Zushan to find Yue Jingming. Yue Jingming was the opponent he admired most, and a fellow Daoist who shared his aspirations. After the competition, the two of them had once spent an entire night discussing scriptures and the Dao. Yue Jingming understood life more clearly than he did. Surely he could give him an answer.
“Eldest Senior Brother entered seclusion,” said the disciple called Zhu Jinghui. “Just two days ago. Before going in, he even mentioned you. He said he wanted to practice swordsmanship and discuss the Dao with you.”
Cen Changsheng opened his mouth helplessly. His eyes hurt badly. “When will he come out?”
“I don’t know. Eldest Senior Brother seems to be trying to comprehend No-Thought One-Mind. It could take three or five years.” Zhu Jinghui suddenly slapped his forehead. “Right, don’t leave yet. I’ll get you a bag of red bean cakes.”
Cen Changsheng froze.
Zhu Jinghui soon came running back and stuffed the bag of red bean cakes into his arms. “Eldest Senior Brother said you like these too. He told me that if you came again, I had to treat you properly.”
Holding the warm bag of red bean cakes, Cen Changsheng left Zushan and returned to Cangyang.
Cangyangzi sighed. “Why put yourself through this? Changsheng, I wasn’t the one who found you back then. You were a child personally sent here by the imperial family. Your life was something the Zhou family had decided upon from the very beginning.”
Cen Changsheng suddenly understood. How could Zhou Ran, a mere child, have found a great demon like the Undying Demon? For Cen Changsheng to have kept his life until now, Cangyangzi must have done a great deal behind the scenes.
“Everyone has their own fate. Master, I accept mine.” Cen Changsheng sank to his knees. In an instant, the endless hatred and unwillingness in his chest went utterly still. His eyes widened, yet he could no longer shed a single tear.
Several more years passed.
“Senior Brother, I asked Imperial Brother to secure a position for you. From now on, how about serving at Shangyun Pavilion?” The grown Zhou Ran invited him warmly.
Zhou Ran had always treated him gently and thoughtfully, granting him anything he asked. Cen Changsheng smiled faintly. “All right. As long as it is for your good, Senior Brother is willing to do anything.”
Zhou Ran half-knelt before him and looked up. “Senior Brother, I’ve wronged you.”
“There is no need to say such things between us,” Cen Changsheng said.
“Look. This is the cloak you put around me at the Zushan competition that year. I had someone alter it, and now it fits you perfectly.” Zhou Ran handed him the cloak. “Back then I thought, if only this immortal-looking person could become my senior brother. I never expected it really would be you.”
Cen Changsheng smiled. “Let’s go.”
He turned and closed the door to that tiny room, hiding the blood-red interior from sight.
Since he himself could not die… then let those who could die do so.
Death ought to be the kindest thing in the world.
After that, corpse after corpse fell beneath his sword. Those jade-green eyes smiled, and at last he found his answer.
One sword thrust after another pierced those people, and countless times pierced his own heart as well.
Bones piled like mountains, and blood flowed like rivers.
Cen Changsheng, or rather Yue Jingming, stood before those corpses and bones as the Clear Breeze Sword in his hand transformed into a dead branch.
The branch cut through Song Shiqi’s throat, and corpse after corpse accumulated inside Xingyang Daoist Temple.
“Yue Jingming!” A furious shout came from the void.
Standing beneath the cypress tree, Yue Jingming calmly lifted his eyes.
Cen Shuang stood there just as calmly. “Look. You killed just as many people. You and I are the same.”
Hatred and resentment still churned in Yue Jingming’s chest. Even the No-Thought One-Mind Art could do nothing against them. He said, “Yes.”
“You killed every person I killed.” Confusion finally appeared on Cen Shuang’s otherwise calm face. “Why?”
Even though he had merged with Yue Jingming’s consciousness, Yue Jingming could not be completely controlled by him. Although Cen Shuang did not want to admit it, he had still been hoping Yue Jingming would make a different choice.
“What has already happened cannot be changed. Besides, in your heart, they were already dead.” Yue Jingming said, “I cannot do better than you did.”
Cen Shuang froze. “What did you say?”
“I experienced everything you experienced. The hatred and resentment in my heart are even stronger than yours.” Yue Jingming said frankly, “I cannot find the answer either.”
Fear appeared on Cen Shuang’s face. “Impossible. That’s impossible! Don’t you pride yourself on belonging to the righteous path? Aren’t you the Number One Daoist Under Heaven? You said right is right and wrong is wrong, so why can’t you find the answer either?!!”
“What you suffered at the beginning was not your fault, but later you slaughtered innocent people, and that is equally unforgivable.” Yue Jingming frowned. “What I cannot understand is Cangyangzi’s claim that everyone has their own fate, and that once destiny is fixed, one should simply accept it.”
“So I shouldn’t have accepted my fate?” Cen Shuang grabbed his shoulders in agitation. “Is that it? Tell me what I should have done. What exactly would have been right?”
Yue Jingming looked at him with pity and sorrow, but still shook his head. “I don’t know.”
If it were him, he could not have chosen not to hate.
Cen Shuang stared at him in disappointment, his voice shrill and breaking apart. “You comprehended the No-Thought One-Mind Art. You’re the undisputed Number One Daoist Under Heaven, and you don’t know?!”
Yue Jingming looked at him quietly. “You should not have slaughtered innocent people.”
Cen Shuang stared back, shattered, and gritted his teeth. “I don’t regret it! I have never regretted it for even one moment! I will never regret it for all eternity! I killed them, yes. I was weak once too, so why were they allowed to do it and I wasn’t? I did nothing wrong! I did nothing wrong!!!”
Yue Jingming said, “There are many roads between right and wrong. Death is not the answer, and neither is trying to grind away pain through death. Why cling to the idea that there must be one single correct road?”
Cen Shuang abruptly raised his head and stared at him blankly. Then he covered his face and began to sob. His cries were raw, unwilling, and heart-rending.
The little fox lying across Yue Jingming’s shoulder slowly revealed itself, its tail wrapped around his neck while the hanging white-tipped end pressed firmly over the Shanzhong vital point in the center of his chest.
Yue Jingming turned and met its gaze.
Xiao Chunhe sighed in relief and spat the phantom stone from his mouth into Yue Jingming’s hand.
Yue Jingming stroked its ear. The little fox leaned forward and rubbed its head vigorously against his face. “You scared me to death.”
Yue Jingming smiled. “Thank you.”
A moment earlier, Yue Jingming had experienced everything Cen Changsheng had experienced within the illusion, and calling it extraordinarily dangerous would be no exaggeration. Fortunately, Xiao Chunhe had risked his life to enter after him and used the stone to protect Yue Jingming’s primordial spirit from being completely controlled.
Xiao Chunhe sighed again and sprawled across his shoulder. “No need to thank me. Even though I kept my memories while I was in there with you, I still had no idea what we were supposed to do.”
For a while, he had thought the two of them were finished. He had never expected Yue Jingming to choose such an unexpected method: to faithfully experience everything Cen Changsheng himself had done.
Yue Jingming sighed softly.
Cen Shuang and the Undying Demon slowly dissolved before them.
Those who cling too greedily to life will never attain long life.
Elio’s Notes: The final line plays on Changsheng (长生), which means “long life” or “longevity” and is also Cen Changsheng’s name.