While Guo Ping continuously negotiated with the client, Mai Ding occasionally managed to add something too. His desire to help An Zi Yan was so urgent that he resented how slowly he was growing. He could not catch up with everyone else. No matter what he did, he could not catch up. The negotiation still failed. As they left the building, Guo Ping cursed. Mai Ding walked with his head lowered, completely drained.
“Don’t take it to heart. This happens all the time.”
“Okay.”
At school, Mai Ding had never experienced this kind of pressure. Back then, most people worried about exams, relationships, entertainment, things like that. Only after entering society did Mai Ding realize how luxurious those worries had been. How to live, how to carve out a place for yourself in society, those endless pressures lit a fire inside his chest. He had to admit he had not been ready. This company was nothing like the small place where he had interned. Everyone here was capable.
He seemed to have grown accustomed to being ordinary, accustomed to disappearing inside a crowd. Now that ordinary Mai Ding had been placed among a group of outstanding people, he could not keep pace. It felt like an average passerby had suddenly been shoved onto a runway between professional models, with the humiliation of knowing the audience might laugh at him at any moment.
Without realizing it, Mai Ding fell asleep in the car. His dreams were filled with endless unfinished work and arguments between coworkers. He wanted to grab An Zi Yan through the floor-to-ceiling glass, but he only wanted to. He did not dare approach. He was afraid of disturbing him, afraid that if he grabbed hold of An Zi Yan, the weight of his own body would drag An Zi Yan backward too.
When he woke, he was already lying on the sofa at home. An Zi Yan sat near his feet with his eyes closed, impossible to tell whether he was asleep or thinking. For a moment Mai Ding felt disoriented, as though everything before this had merely been a dream and he and An Zi Yan had only just returned home from school. He sat up. An Zi Yan’s jacket slid from his body. Seeing the Public Relations badge pinned to it, Mai Ding hurriedly stood, and An Zi Yan opened his eyes.
“How did I get home? I need to go back to the company. There’s still so much to do. Same for you. Don’t waste time.” He fumbled with his clothes while hurrying toward the entryway.
“Stay home.”
“No!”
“Take a shower first, then sleep.”
“Everyone else is working and you want me to sleep? Shifu is already overwhelmed and still has to comfort me. You’re already overwhelmed and still staying here with me. You want me to sleep? How am I supposed to sleep? No. I need to work. Work.” Without giving An Zi Yan any chance to stop him, he walked straight out. He ran downstairs. The sun shone glaringly on his face. There was still so much work to do. So much.
His legs suddenly felt weak. Just as he began falling backward, An Zi Yan caught him from behind. Furious, An Zi Yan shouted, “That’s why I fucking told you to rest…” Mai Ding could no longer hear the rest clearly. He vaguely knew An Zi Yan was cursing him.
The next time Mai Ding woke, it was already noon the following day. Hunger had woken him. He opened his eyes and found Bai Xiao Si sleeping beside him instead of An Zi Yan.
“Why are you here?” Mai Ding asked with a sleepy, confused expression. Bai Xiao Si’s voice choked up. “You’re asking me? Yesterday I came over to check on you two. My ex-husband wasn’t home. You opened the door for me, and the moment I stepped inside, you locked the door and gave this disgusting rich-old-master laugh. Then I don’t know what came over you, but you threw me onto the bed, and then…” Bai Xiao Si could not continue, her expression looking as though she had survived a nightmare.
Mai Ding’s face went pale. He shook his head over and over. “Impossible. I wouldn’t. I don’t remember…” Had the pressure broken him mentally, making him lose control so badly he could not even remember what he had done? He did not dare imagine further. If he had done something beastly without even knowing it, then…
Bai Xiao Si had already seen the look of someone preparing to kill himself on Mai Ding’s face. She yawned in bed. “Mai Mai, how many times do you have to get tricked before you learn? This lie barely required any skill and you still believed it?” It was not that other people were brilliant liars. Mai Ding always supplied his own reasons for believing them. Bai Xiao Si stretched and sat up. “My ex-husband told me to keep an eye on you. I fell asleep without realizing it. Don’t tell him I slept beside you. With that possessiveness of his, he’d kill me.” Mai Ding rolled back and forth across the bed. “You, An Zi Yan, everyone else, all of you love lying to me! What’s so fun about lying?”
“Lying to you is what’s fun.”
Mai Ding stopped rolling and said sullenly, “I thought I’d lost my mind.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t think I’m very suited to working. The company has had problems lately, and there’s too much to do. Before one thing is finished, another appears. Sitting in the office, I’ve started getting scared whenever the phone rings. I’m also scared of stopping, and I don’t want to cause trouble for anyone.” Mai Ding sat up, bent his legs, and buried his head between his knees. The things he had not said to An Zi Yan could all be said to Bai Xiao Si instead. There were many differences between a friend and a lover. Some things were meant only for a lover, while other things were exactly the opposite.
Bai Xiao Si patted Mai Ding’s shoulder. “I don’t think it’s just you. A lot of people go through this stage. When you enter a new environment and face things you’ve never encountered before, of course you’ll feel lost. I was the same when I first joined my company. There was a period when I was so exhausted I wanted to quit. You slowly get used to it. We don’t grow up for no reason, and we don’t grow old for no reason. No matter where you try to hide, you can’t hide from life.”
“I’ve never understood what life is.”
“I think life is your own awareness. If you think it’s sad, then it’s sad. If you think it’s beautiful, then it’s beautiful.”
“I’m not used to you suddenly talking like a poet.”
“Doesn’t it make me sound elegant?” Bai Xiao Si stood and stretched. “What I really think is that my ex-husband’s been too busy to touch you lately, so your pent-up desires turned into accumulated stress.”
“Please go back to talking like a poet!”
“If you don’t want to admit it, fine.”
Mai Ding shouted anxiously, “Why would I admit something that isn’t true? It’s work. Work! I’m not sexually frustrated!” He emphasized “work” repeatedly. Still, after talking with Bai Xiao Si, the burning knot inside him had calmed considerably. He looked around. “Where’s An Zi Yan?”
“He’s been at the company since last night.”
“See? After all my teaching, even An Zi Yan has started caring about the company.” He wore the expression of a famous teacher who had successfully cultivated a pillar of the nation. Bai Xiao Si laughed at him. “You’re thinking too much. Based on what I know about him, he probably just wants to solve everything as quickly as possible so he can get you out of this exhausted, overworked state.”
Mai Ding’s expression became unbearably smug. “Please. He’s not that nice!”
“Go piss in a puddle and look at your face.”
“Then I should go too.”
“It’s the weekend. You don’t need to go.” Bai Xiao Si walked to the door and blocked it.
“Everyone else is definitely working overtime.”
“My ex-husband gave me strict orders to watch you. If you take one step out of bed, he’ll break my legs.”
“Why listen to him? Please?”
“Poisoning you in bed would still count as completing the mission. I’m absolutely not sacrificing my legs.”
Mai Ding argued until his mouth nearly wore out and promised he would accept all consequences before he finally managed to leave the apartment. Before going, he specifically asked Bai Xiao Si to teach Cao Cheng Yi a lesson and make him clear up the rumors he had spread at the company.