We seemed to have stepped into one of those scenes that only appears at the ending. Every corner, every second became precious, impossible to give up.
When the graduation ceremony was declared over, it also placed a full stop at the end of their school lives. Thunderous applause and cheers erupted among the students. Some sighed, some grew emotional, but this was unavoidable. From kindergarten through university, they had passed through one stage after another. Every graduation had felt different, but this was probably Mai Ding’s last.
He walked out of the university auditorium and let out a long breath. It was over. The two of them headed toward the classroom again because Mai Ding supposedly needed to collect a few things. In truth, that was only an excuse. He barely had anything there. He simply wanted to drag An Zi Yan back to the classroom one more time, though even Mai Ding did not know exactly why.
Sitting in his seat, Mai Ding held a book and looked at the blackboard. Suddenly he said, “An Zi Yan, take a picture of me. I’ve never taken a photo of myself seriously studying in the classroom before.” As he spoke, he opened the book, picked up a pen, and put on an extremely studious expression.
“What’s the point of taking fake photos?” An Zi Yan cruelly exposed him. Mai Ding argued back. “That’s not right at all. What do you mean fake? I usually studied so seriously that I never had time to leave photographic evidence. If I don’t take one now, how will anyone know how hardworking I was at school?”
“Nobody wants to know.”
“There are still people in this world who care about me and pay attention to me! My parents will want to know!”
“Not to discourage you, but your parents probably want photos of me more.”
“I think you’re specifically trying to discourage me!” Unconvinced, Mai Ding took out his phone and called his mother. To deliberately embarrass An Zi Yan, he even switched on speakerphone. The moment she answered, Mai Ding rushed in. “Mom, I took lots of graduation photos today. You and Dad definitely want copies, right? I’ll print an extra set for you to keep.” Mai Ding’s mother yawned. “We already have enough pictures of you at home. Bring us more photos of Little Handsome. There are barely any of him. Don’t bother bringing yours back. They take up space.”
“His photos don’t take up space?” Mai Ding asked, struggling to control his emotions. He thought his mother would finally realize how badly she had wounded her own son. Instead, she answered without hesitation, “No.”
After hanging up, Mai Ding glared at An Zi Yan. “I’m only giving her my photos now. Let’s see what she can do about it. Hurry and take one. If somebody comes in, it’ll be embarrassing.” So even he knew it was embarrassing. An Zi Yan impatiently used his phone to snap a few random photos of Mai Ding. Then Mai Ding went up to the podium and wrote four large characters on the blackboard with chalk: ACADEMIC REPRESENTATIVE. Standing properly in front of it, he said, “Take one here too. Sigh. Starting today, I’m not the Academic Representative anymore.”
“Nobody cares.” An Zi Yan pulled out a chair and sat down exactly as he always did. Mai Ding walked back from the podium and returned to his seat. He stared at the blackboard, trying to search his heart for some feeling, but there was nothing. The sighs and reluctance he had felt earlier seemed to have been produced only by the ceremony and its music. Now he felt calm and secure, probably because Mai Ding knew perfectly well that after leaving school, his deskmate would still share his bed.
“Do you feel anything special about graduating?” Mai Ding turned and asked An Zi Yan an unnecessary question. He already knew what the answer would be. Sure enough, An Zi Yan said, “No.”
“Knew you’d say that.” Mai Ding smiled. There was no sunlight, yet the air was still warm. His movement was completely natural as he placed one hand on An Zi Yan’s thigh. An Zi Yan caught it. Was An Zi Yan being unusually gentle today? Unfortunately, Mai Ding was wrong again. He discovered his hand slowly moving upward, guided by An Zi Yan toward the most wicked place between his legs. Mai Ding hurriedly yanked his hand back. “Do you have no basic decency whatsoever?! This is a classroom. A place for studying. Can’t you keep things wholesome for once?” An Zi Yan revealed a nearly invisible wicked smile. In Mai Ding’s eyes, he looked like a naughty child. “No.” Mai Ding looked like a helpless parent.
This deskmate who made him love and hate in equal measure. When would Mai Ding finally be able to hate him without loving him?
“Are we going home now?” Mai Ding asked as they walked out of the classroom.
“Zhou Ge and the others said we should celebrate.”
The moment he heard Zhou Ge’s name, disgust appeared on Mai Ding’s face. These days, the sight of Zhou Ge and Ellen, those two lust-drenched beasts, made him nauseous. Wait. Today was not over yet…
“Don’t tell me you set another trap for me.”
An Zi Yan could not have looked more contemptuous. “Persecution complex.”
“And whose fault is that?! You really didn’t do anything?” Mai Ding confirmed yet again. An Zi Yan’s expression remained impossible to read, neither admitting nor denying anything. When he refused to answer and simply kept walking, Mai Ding had no choice but to jog after him.
“Then what was Uncle Fu’s phone call about?”
An Zi Yan stopped so abruptly Mai Ding nearly smashed his nose into him. An Zi Yan turned his head slightly. “Maybe somebody should give you an award for being slow.” What did that mean?! Mai Ding’s muddy brain struggled to straighten out the threads. Could it be…? No! Impossible! He could not possibly have been this stupid! An Zi Yan had deliberately let Mai Ding overhear the call with Uncle Fu. Then, without spending any effort at all and without hiring a single person, he had made Mai Ding spend the entire day suspicious of everyone and wound up tight with nerves. With the cheapest, most energy-efficient prank imaginable, An Zi Yan had sent him spinning in circles all by himself! Mai Ding had actually thought An Zi Yan had changed. Changed, my ass. He had only found a new way to play with him!
“Ha… haha… hahaha… I figured that out ages ago. I never took it seriously at all.” His laugh had lost every trace of smugness and contained nothing but bravado. An Zi Yan said nothing and continued walking. Mai Ding followed behind, continuing to protest far too much. “I never cared who you were talking to on the phone, much less what you were talking about. When I left this morning, I was so calm and carefree you wouldn’t believe it. My mood was fantastic. I never worried for one second that you might be planning some prank!”
An Zi Yan merely shrugged while Mai Ding kept talking. But when Mai Ding stepped through the school gate, he stopped. He turned around and looked back at the campus. His heart was strangely calm, like listening to a slow, beautiful piece of music. Graduated. Graduated. He had graduated… Mai Ding repeated it inside himself over and over as though confirming the truth of it.
Mai Ding had graduated. What did graduation look like for everyone else? Would someone proudly show off to his roommate, then happily run toward the person waiting not far away, calmly smoking, eager for praise as he called that person’s name and smiled with shameless self-satisfaction? Would someone lean over the balcony on the eighteenth floor, looking down to see when the person in spotless clothes would return from graduation and fill the whole balcony with a sweet presence, then smile faintly when that presence appeared behind him? Would someone lie in bed asleep, not even interested in attending graduation, then freeze when a naturally innocent person suddenly burrowed under the covers, afraid that person might turn dark at any moment, only to smile helplessly when he heard another remark utterly devoid of common sense? Would someone tuck long hair behind one ear, then, the moment that person walked out of the auditorium, ignore everyone’s astonished looks and leap into his arms while wearing a dress, catching his lower lip lightly between canine teeth and smiling wickedly? Would someone hide beside another person in the deepest darkness, using bright, clear eyes to tell the apparently emotionless face beneath a hat all his thoughts about life after graduation, while in that darkness the person holding paper and pen looked dazzlingly white, almost painfully so, and smiled with innocent happiness? Would there be even more, more and more people graduating?
You are smiling. Every time I finish writing a word, I can see all of you in front of me. How strange and wonderful. Nobody can say what the future will become. Maybe things will be altered. Maybe the outside world will hurt you. Maybe you will gradually be forgotten. Maybe… But I want to tell you this: no matter what you become in the future, I will stay with you in this world. All of you are where my feelings live.