After getting off the bus, entering the residential compound, and going upstairs, Shao Wu raised a hand to knock, then stopped just before his knuckles touched the door.
Through the door, he could faintly hear his parents arguing.
The front door of Shao Wu’s home was a thick security door with very good soundproofing, yet even through something that heavy, he could still catch fragments of their argument.
It was his mother’s voice: “You’re doing it on purpose… What’s so difficult about it? Huh?”
His father shot back, “I’m doing it on purpose?! Don’t you know what kind of person your son is?!”
His mother said, “He already… and you’re still saying you’re not doing it on purpose?!”
Shao Wu pressed his ear tightly to the crack beside the door, startled and uneasy. He had sensed it for a while now: something seemed to be wrong between his parents. His father had been going on business trips and working overtime again and again, almost as though he were avoiding someone. And who else could he be avoiding? If he kept finding excuses not to come home, naturally it was his mother.
But what could they possibly be fighting about? His father had been doing exceptionally well at the bureau these past few years, climbing steadily through the ranks, while his mother’s job at the kindergarten had also been stable and smooth. Everyone in the family was healthy, they were comfortably well-off, and his parents had always seemed loving. Just last Valentine’s Day, his father had even given his mother a diamond ring that made all their relatives and friends envious.
His parents were still arguing. Shao Wu was just about to listen a little longer when there was a sudden click from upstairs, the sound of a door opening. A moment later, Auntie Wang came downstairs carrying a bag of trash. Seeing Shao Wu standing outside his own door, she asked in surprise, “Little Shao, what’re you doing standing out here?”
Shao Wu said awkwardly, “I… my classmate just texted me. I was checking it.” In fact, he had not even brought his phone.
Fortunately, Auntie Wang was getting on in years and hard of hearing, so she could not hear the argument through the door. She smiled and said, “Hurry home and eat. You hungry?”
“Mm, mm… I’m hungry.”
Shao Wu had no choice but to brace himself and knock.
His father opened the door.
Shao Wu went inside and saw his mother sitting on the sofa with her arms folded, saying nothing. His father awkwardly put an arm around Shao Wu’s shoulders. “Son, your mom and I didn’t have time to make lunch. Go buy yourself something to eat, all right?” As he spoke, he stuffed two hundred yuan into Shao Wu’s hand.
“Dad, Mom.” Shao Wu set the money on the coffee table and remained standing. “What were you arguing about just now?”
His father sighed. “All right, it’s nothing. A kid doesn’t need to ask so mu—”
“Son, haven’t you noticed? Your father barely dares come home anymore,” his mother cut in suddenly. “He keeps finding ways to avoid me. Business trips, inspections from the higher-ups, research trips. Anything, as long as he doesn’t have to come home.”
Shao Wu’s heart lurched. Could it be that his father was having an affair?
He looked at his father and asked stiffly, “Why?”
“Why? I’ll tell you why.” His mother stood up, her voice a little hoarse. “I asked him to help Wang Yujun find a job. Son, you don’t know how badly off your brother is… His father lost money in business, and now no one even knows where he ran off to! I only asked your father to help him find work. He agreed so nicely to my face, and now look, he’s started avoiding me.”
“Why don’t you take a look at what kind of person that son of yours is!” His father’s voice suddenly rose. “You think I don’t want to help him find a job? Huh? With the way he is, where am I supposed to recommend him? Then everyone will find out that Shao Jianhai has a relative who’s one of those! Sick! Maybe you don’t find it embarrassing, but I do!”
Two lines of tears suddenly slid down his mother’s face. Her voice was hoarse, but she still screamed, “Fine! I understand now! Compared with Director Shao’s precious reputation, what the hell am I? What am I worth? I gave birth to your child, raised him, held down a job and still did all the work of a housewife. How much have I given to this family? And in the end, I’m still not as important as Director Shao’s reputation!”
“Listen to yourself! How does me not finding Wang Yujun a job suddenly mean I’m rejecting you too?! Shao Wu, listen to what your mother is saying. If I don’t help Wang Yujun, that means I don’t want her either, is that it? So neither you nor I matters as much to her as her other son!”
The two of them shouted back and forth until Shao Wu’s head throbbed. He frowned and yelled, “Stop! Both of you, stop arguing for a minute!”
His parents finally fell silent, each standing at one end of the living room. His mother wiped her tears while his father stood there with a dark expression and said nothing.
“I want to ask something.” Shao Wu’s heart pounded. In the end, he still had to ask. “Just now you said Wang Yujun was ‘that,’ and that he was sick. What illness does he have?”
His father gave a cold laugh. “Ask your mother.”
“He…” His mother turned her face away. “It’s just a small problem. He doesn’t listen to adults. It wouldn’t take long to change.”
“A small problem.” His father shook his head. “Can you put your hand on your heart and honestly call that a small problem? He was out on the street with his arms around a man, kissing him, and you call that a small pro—”
“Shao Jianhai!” his mother cut him off sharply.
Shao Wu fell silent.
So they really did know. They both knew.
No wonder his father refused to help Wang Yujun find a job. He was a deputy bureau chief, accustomed to being respected and flattered wherever he went. If other people found out that someone in his family was gay, and not just anyone but his wife’s son from her previous marriage… how could he stand it?
They already knew Wang Yujun was gay.
And this was what they thought of it? Sick. A small problem. Something that could be changed quickly?
Shao Wu bent down, picked up the two hundred yuan, and said softly, “Then I’ll go buy lunch. Do you two want anything?”
“We’re not eating.” Perhaps realizing he had said too much, his father lowered his voice considerably. “Just take care of yourself, son. This is between the adults. You don’t need to worry about it.”
So Shao Wu had KFC for lunch. His parents usually discouraged fast food, always saying KFC chicken was full of hormones. There was even a rumor going around in those days that KFC chickens had six wings and four legs. But what kid did not like fried food? This time, though, Shao Wu chewed and chewed at his Original Recipe chicken and found it completely tasteless.
After filling his stomach and dozing for a while at KFC, it was time to head to school.
Shao Wu remained listless all afternoon, partly because of his parents’ argument and partly because of Wang Yujun. Even Yang Shuyi noticed. While they were arranging the classroom for the exams, he came over and asked, “What’s wrong?”
Shao Wu rubbed his face. “Just a little sleepy. I didn’t nap at noon.”
“Oh.” Yang Shuyi stood in front of him, tall as ever, and held out his palm.
Shao Wu stared at him blankly.
“Phone number.”
“Ah.” Shao Wu smacked his forehead. “I’ll write it now. Do you have a piece of paper or a notebook?”
“I just stuffed all my homework in there. Can’t be bothered digging for one.” Yang Shuyi’s bulging backpack stood on the desk, crammed with test papers, workbooks, and exercise books of every kind. Their teachers had gone completely insane assigning winter-break homework. The holiday was not even a month long, yet they had somehow managed to assign enough work for two.
“Then I’ll tear off a piece of paper for you,” Shao Wu said.
“No need.” Yang Shuyi pressed a hand to Shao Wu’s shoulder. “Just write it on my hand.”
“Huh?”
Yang Shuyi’s fingers were long and slender, his palm flat and dry.
“Carbon is stable, and you don’t sweat in weather like this.” He smiled. “I’m not wrong, am I, Teacher Little Shao?”
Shao Wu’s pen slipped slightly. The tip dragged across a callus on Yang Shuyi’s palm, hard beneath the nib. It felt almost as though Shao Wu’s own fingertip had brushed across that callus instead.
By the time he finished writing the string of numbers, the hand gripping his pen had grown sweaty.
Yang Shuyi drew his hand back. “Want to leave together later?” There was no evening self-study today. Once they finished setting up the examination room, they could go home.
“I… I’m going to see a classmate from middle school after school. He wants to borrow my Five-Three,” Shao Wu said in a voice barely louder than a mosquito. “You go ahead.”
Elio’s Notes: “Five-Three” (五三) is the common nickname for Five-Year Gaokao, Three-Year Simulation (五年高考三年模拟), one of China’s best-known exam-prep series for high-school students.
Yang Shuyi nodded. “Oh. Okay.”
Shao Wu did not even dare look at him. He turned away and struck up meaningless conversation with Zhu Jingjing while Yang Shuyi went back to his “special seat.”
Shao Wu knew he had just lied to Yang Shuyi.