Ke Bu didn’t even know what date it was. People who drifted through their days in a haze rarely bothered looking at calendars. The pounding on the door was deafening. Ke Bu opened his eyes with a frown, extremely displeased with the uninvited guest who had woken him up.
He slowly opened the door, and Chu Hao Yu walked in first. “Yo. We agreed to meet at your place today.”
“Agreed with who? Why didn’t I know?”
“With them. Now you know.” Chu Hao Yu looked full of energy. Ke Bu had no desire to know what method he had used to become so energetic. Chu Hao Yu looked around the messy living room. “You spent New Year here alone?” As soon as he asked, he seemed to realize it might have been the wrong question. “You should’ve said something. You could’ve spent New Year at my place. My family can afford to feed a dog, so obviously we could afford to feed you too.”
“Get out.”
“Just you two? No one else is here yet?” Ying Xiu Jie walked in. Chu Hao Yu jumped when he saw him. “It’s winter! How did you manage to get this tan in such a short time?”
“Darker looks more manly.”
The others arrived one after another. Zhou Xin He, ever the perfect wife-and-mother type, began helping Ke Bu clean up the apartment. Gong Zhu surveyed Ke Bu’s home. “Now we’re only missing You Yan and Lord Zhi Li.”
“We’re not in a hurry. Xin He, after you finish cleaning, make us something to eat.”
“Stop ordering people around and help too. As for Zhi Li, he…” Ke Bu began while pulling open the curtains.
“You Yan, finally!” Chu Hao Yu interrupted him. “Let me secretly tell you something. Ke Bu is so pitiful. He spent New Year at home alone. Who knows how many times he secretly cried? Think about it—what can a person do alone in a room besides ‘comfort himself’? He must be starving for it by now. Until Zhi Li gets here, whatever you do, don’t go near him.”
“If you’re going to whisper, lower your voice,” Ke Bu said, glaring at him.
“See? Sexually frustrated people have especially bad tempers.”
“Didn’t I already tell you to get out?”
Efficient as always, Zhou Xin He didn’t take long to leave the living room spotless before starting on the food. Everyone except Ke Bu and Su You Yan stared at the open front door, waiting for Zhi Li. Then the bedroom door opened. Zhi Li walked past them, entered the kitchen, opened the refrigerator, and took out some milk.
The others stared at him, their reactions coming a beat late. “Z-Zhi Li, where did you come from?!”
“The bedroom.”
“You slept here last night? When did you get here?”
“The day winter break started.”
“You spent the entire New Year in this room that looks like a dog kennel, eating this garbage?” Zhang Luo’s wording was already enough to irritate Ke Bu, but Chu Hao Yu’s next words irritated him even more.
“Ke Bu, Ke Bu. You usually act like you have no wants or desires, but who knew your appetite was this huge? You wouldn’t even let him rest during New Year. Without any parents around to supervise you, how many times did you do it? Come on, how many? Don’t tell me even the sofa I’m sitting on…”
“I’m not you!”
“You’re still denying it? Look, Zhi Li’s already drinking milk to replenish his strength.”
“He drinks milk every morning!”
Dish after dish was brought to the table until everyone was crowded around it, squabbling like children over who got to sit in front of their favorite dishes. Su You Yan, who had somehow gradually become one of Zhi Li’s trusted confidantes, discussed the trip arrangements with him. “The train tickets are booked for tonight. We’ll come back after five days. I’ve already prepared your change of clothes.”
Ke Bu, who had been eavesdropping beside them, objected. “Why can’t we just soak in a hot spring somewhere nearby? Why take a train? Isn’t that exhausting?”
“What’s the point of going somewhere close? We could do that anytime,” Chu Hao Yu objected to Ke Bu’s objection.
“Doesn’t it cost money?”
“Didn’t you get any New Year’s money?”
“We’re already university students. You people still get New Year’s money?”
“We’re students! Students receiving New Year’s money is perfectly natural! New Year’s money is the entire reason I celebrate New Year!” Chu Hao Yu looked like a national hero.
Gong Zhu pulled out ten yuan and put it in Ke Bu’s bowl. Ke Bu threw the money back at him. “Are you giving alms to a beggar? Fifty yuan or more only. I refuse to accept anything smaller!” Ke Bu looked like a noble and righteous great man.
While Ke Bu was arguing with Gong Zhu, Chu Hao Yu and Zhang Luo exchanged glances. They quickly finished eating, abandoned their bowls, and left the table. Ke Bu wasn’t careless enough to miss it. He immediately noticed the two of them trying to enter his bedroom.
“What are you doing?”
“Touring your boudoir. We’ll see if we can find any dirty books while we’re at it.”
“Search all you want. There’s nothing like that in there.” Ke Bu looked completely unconcerned and continued eating.
Ying Xiu Jie’s bowl was piled into a little mountain as he continuously stuffed food into his mouth. “I seriously don’t understand them. How can they be interested in those things and that kind of stuff? Doesn’t seem manly at all.”
“I think you being completely uninterested is even less manly. Can you deal with your virginity problem first? The older you get, the more women are going to laugh at you.” Faced with such an open conversation among the guys, Zhou Xin He kept her head lowered and said nothing.
“What are you talking about!! Virgin’s urine wards off demons and ghosts! Go ahead and laugh at me now. Hmph. When you run into a ghost or a jiangshi someday, don’t come begging me for some urine.”
Elio’s Notes: 童子尿 literally refers to “virgin boy’s urine.” In Chinese folk superstition, it can be treated as something capable of warding off ghosts or evil spirits. Ying Xiu Jie is, naturally, taking this belief very seriously for his own purposes.
“I absolutely won’t.”
Gong Zhu frowned. “Can you people be a little more civilized while we’re eating?”
Chu Hao Yu’s hand emerged from the bedroom holding a half-used bottle of lubricant. “Zhi Li, I’ll put this in your bag for you.”
“Mm. There’s another bottle under the pillow. Throw it away. It smells bad. And also—”
Ke Bu clapped a hand over his mouth. “Stop talking!”
Su You Yan took out her notebook and wrote something down while murmuring, “Zhi Li doesn’t like Brand X.”
“You stop writing too!!”
“If something is reimbursed from the club funds, buying the wrong thing wastes money.” Su You Yan kept writing.
Ke Bu glared furiously at Zhi Li. “Buy this kind of thing with your own money!” Zhi Li lightly bit the palm covering his mouth, forcing Ke Bu to let go.
“I don’t care about that.”
“Care a little!” Just imagining Su You Yan recording every single purchase made Ke Bu feel as ashamed as if he were standing naked in the middle of the street. He turned toward her. “You Yan, you haven’t shown the ledger to anyone else, right?”
Su You Yan looked back at him seriously. “What are you talking about? These are everyone’s club funds. I have always upheld the principles of openness, fairness, and transparency. I don’t want any of you suspecting me of embezzling the money.”
“So what you mean, put simply, is that everyone has seen it!”
Gong Zhu waved a hand. “What’s the point of saying that now? We’ve been discussing you two behind your backs for a year. We’ve even made several bets on when you’d buy lubricant.”
The corner of Ke Bu’s mouth twitched, his entire expression going rigid.
Zhang Luo walked out of the bedroom wearing Ke Bu’s loose boxer shorts over his pants. “Ke Bu, lend these to me. I’ll give them back when we graduate.”
“Get out!”
“Such a bad temper first thing in the morning. Zhi Li, didn’t you satisfy him?”
Zhi Li raised his eyes thoughtfully. The instant Ke Bu noticed, his expression transformed into an exceptionally refreshing smile. He clasped both hands together. “Please don’t think about anything and don’t take any action. You have already satisfied me so thoroughly I’m about to explode.”
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