The things a husband and wife do… how are two men supposed to do them?
Xiao Bai thought about the question for the entire night, to the point that when he recorded Xiao Bai’s Guest Room the next day, dark circles had formed beneath his eyes.
His partner, Lin Bi Wei, had arrived at the studio early that morning and brought a large bag of fruit, which she was handing out one by one. Seeing him come in, she quickly selected a large, bright red apple for him.
Xiao Bai stared blankly at the apple, then suddenly asked, “How do apples grow?”
Lin Bi Wei laughed. “On trees, of course.”
“Do they enjoy the process of growing?”
“……”
Lin Bi Wei froze too.
And so, the first thing Chen Fei saw upon entering the studio was the two hosts staring blankly at each other.
He knew both of them were scandal-generating machines, but surely they could not generate one this quickly. Could two people really form a romantic connection just by looking into each other’s eyes? His head began to ache.
“Cough, cough, cough.” Chen Fei walked over to Xiao Bai and coughed heavily.
Xiao Bai turned. “Ah…”
Chen Fei immediately cut him off. “I checked. The station has already issued your salary.”
Xiao Bai said, “I was only going to say hello.”
The corner of Chen Fei’s cheek twitched. “And then casually ask what happened to your salary.” Experience. This was experience speaking.
Xiao Bai asked in confusion, “Does my salary belong to you again now?”
What did he mean, again?!
Chen Fei decided that today he absolutely had to clear up this wrongful accusation. “Your salary has never been my responsibility!”
Xiao Bai gave an “oh,” then looked even more confused. “Then why did you control my salary before?”
Who controlled your salary?! You were the one constantly chasing me for it!
Chen Fei said indignantly, “That was because you chased me too hard.”
“……”
Lin Bi Wei had only just emerged from her stunned state when she immediately entered an even deeper one.
Director Chen? Xiao Bai?
Could they…???
She seemed to understand a little why the completely unknown Xiao Bai had suddenly kicked Luo Pei Jue aside and taken the hosting position on GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR. So this was the backing behind him.
If this got out, it would definitely be major news.
Lin Bi Wei secretly glanced at Chen Fei and Xiao Bai. Seeing that neither of them was looking her way, she quietly breathed a sigh of relief.
Xiao Bai’s Guest Room was primarily a promotional program for television dramas.
Chen Fei had already accumulated plenty of experience working with Xiao Bai: remain calm when something shocking happened; when something shocking did not happen, remain calm anyway; and if absolutely necessary, simply pretend to faint. Armed with this enlightenment, he was willing to risk his life to make the first episode a success by inviting the male and female leads of the currently popular drama The Legend of the Black Lady—Zhou Min Li and her rumored boyfriend, Yuan Shi Hua.
On their second meeting, Zhou Min Li’s impression of Xiao Bai had improved considerably. The central cause of their conflict, Feng Ya Lun, had already gone abroad, and that whole storm had passed ages ago. Naturally, there was no reason for her to keep clinging to the matter. Besides, with Xiao Bai’s current popularity and connections, insisting on going against him would do her no good.
To demonstrate goodwill, she had specially brought a commemorative T-shirt from The Legend of the Black Lady production. A large group photo of the entire crew was printed across it. Naturally, she and Yuan Shi Hua were surrounded by everyone else in the most prominent center position.
“Xiao Bai.” To display her graciousness, she deliberately walked over to him.
In the distance, Chen Fei was discussing camera positions with the cameraman. The corner of his eye twitched, and he immediately turned around.
He did not mind if Xiao Bai and Zhou Min Li tore into each other. He only minded if they did it off camera. It had to happen on the show so the ratings would benefit!
Xiao Bai turned around dazedly. Seeing who it was, he was startled. “You’re… ah, the one beside the subway… Zhou Min Li.”
“……”
What did he mean, the one beside the subway?
She wasn’t scalping train tickets!
The smile that had just appeared on Zhou Min Li’s face immediately sank. The T-shirt crumpled and twisted in her hands.
Xiao Bai remembered that Gao Qin seemed to have mentioned today’s guests recently, but between Yan Su Ang’s lifetime proposal and Jia Zhi Qing’s theory about “the process,” he had completely forgotten.
“Hello.” She was at least someone he knew, so Xiao Bai was still happy to see her.
Zhou Min Li knew the entire production crew was waiting to watch them clash, but why should she give them what they wanted? She could only swallow her anger and put her smile back on. “Please take care of me later. Be merciful with that mouth of yours.”
Xiao Bai said, “You’re too polite.”
So far, things had gone reasonably smoothly. Zhou Min Li was fairly satisfied with his attitude and decided not to hold his earlier slip against him. She handed him the T-shirt. “This is a commemorative shirt our production made. Limited edition.”
Xiao Bai happily took it, held it against himself, then pointed at the picture and praised it. “This cartoon is really beautifully drawn.”
“……”
A cartoon?
Zhou Min Li’s eyebrow twitched as she stared at the place his finger was pointing—
Her face.
“……”
Fine. Very fine. If he refused the toast and insisted on drinking the punishment wine, she was not someone easy to bully either. She officially declared the peace talks over. War would continue.
Zhou Min Li snatched the shirt back with a swish and smiled through clenched teeth. “Zeng Bai, let’s work well together later.”
Xiao Bai looked at her worriedly. “Your face is crooked.”
When Zhou Min Li stomped over to the sofa in her high heels, everyone in the studio worried she might punch a series of holes through the floor.
Fortunately, while NCC’s lights were not very sturdy, its floors were.
Fortunately, today’s host was Xiao Bai rather than Gossip Kid.
So he continued sitting perfectly healthy in the host’s seat, innocently looking at Zhou Min Li across from him.
Lin Bi Wei looked at Zhou Min Li’s almost flame-spewing eyes and nervously whispered beside Xiao Bai’s ear, “Did you offend her before?”
Xiao Bai said, “I don’t think so. She even gave me a T-shirt just now.”
Lin Bi Wei looked at his empty hands.
Following her gaze, Xiao Bai looked at the T-shirt in Zhou Min Li’s hands and whispered, “My T-shirt…”
Zhou Min Li’s fingers tightened, crushing it into a ball. “Something like this kind of car-toon isn’t fit to be shown in public. You’d better not take it.”
Xiao Bai comforted her. “It’s fine. Cartoons are more valuable when they’re abstract.”
Abstract?!
Was he saying she looked like something Picasso painted?
The smooth hair lying across Zhou Min Li’s shoulders showed signs of standing straight up.
Everyone except Xiao Bai waited nervously for her small universe to explode.
Yuan Shi Hua happened to enter the studio at that moment. Chen Fei immediately threw himself toward him in emotion. “You’re finally here.” His expression and tone were as devout and sincere as Tang Sanzang meeting the Buddha or Sun Wukong meeting Guanyin.
Yuan Shi Hua was overwhelmed by the welcome. “I’ve wanted to come for a long time. I just never got an invitation.”
Chen Fei sweated deeply. “That’s normal. This program didn’t exist before today.”
“……”
After greeting Xiao Bai and Lin Bi Wei, Yuan Shi Hua sat down beside Zhou Min Li.
Zhou Min Li’s blazing fury immediately melted into a pool of gentle spring water.
Chen Fei seized the opportunity to begin recording.
Yuan Shi Hua briefly introduced the plot of The Legend of the Black Lady.
In Xiao Bai’s summary, it was the story of a black python spirit abducting and deceiving an innocent respectable man.
Seeing Zhou Min Li’s face begin to darken, Lin Bi Wei hurriedly smoothed things over. “It’s a beautiful love story. The male lead eventually falls in love with the python spirit, and their feelings are mutual. It really is a beautiful fairy tale.”
Yuan Shi Hua said, “Mm. The director is already preparing to rush out a sequel. The main story will revolve around the child of Xuan Mo Zhu and Jia Xian.”
Lin Bi Wei enthusiastically said, “That definitely sounds interesting.”
Xiao Bai asked in confusion, “Can a human and a snake have children?” If a human and a snake could produce a child, then perhaps that could help solve the mystery of how two men did the things married couples did.
Yuan Shi Hua choked.
Who examined the scientific feasibility, existence, or realism of an absurd mythological story like this? As long as it was entertaining, wasn’t that enough?
Zhou Min Li sneered. “Would you like to try?”
Xiao Bai asked blankly, “But you’re fake. You’re not really a python spirit.”
“……”
Who said she was supposed to try it? She meant he should go find a snake and try!
Zhou Min Li trembled with fury. Xiao Bai’s response made it sound as though she had been trying to seduce him—and he had rejected her to her face.
Xiao Bai remained immersed in the previous question. He murmured, “Ah… could Nüwa have been a human-snake hybrid?”
While subtly soothing Zhou Min Li with one hand, Yuan Shi Hua smiled. “Maybe humans and snakes are both malformed children born from Nüwa—one grew the wrong kind of head and the other grew the wrong kind of legs.”
“……”
Looking at everyone’s expressions, Yuan Shi Hua seemed to realize he had made an extremely cold joke and hurriedly tried to recover. “But the theme of The Legend of the Black Lady is still love. I’m sure everyone will enjoy it.”
Lin Bi Wei suddenly asked, “Did your love continue outside the drama too?”
Chen Fei finished wiping sweat for her and inwardly shouted his approval.
Digging into someone’s privacy might not be kind, but audiences these days loved unkindness. Under the circumstances, one could only follow the current.
Yuan Shi Hua smiled. “Does the Guest Room ask questions like that too?”
Lin Bi Wei acted coquettishly. “Oh, just treat it as a personal question and satisfy my curiosity. I’m a loyal viewer of The Legend of the Black Lady too. I really hope the Black Lady and Jia Xian can end up together.”
Yuan Shi Hua glanced at Zhou Min Li and smiled ambiguously. “Wait for the sequel. Let our son tell you.”
By “our son,” he was obviously referring to their characters’ child. But Xiao Bai’s mind was entirely occupied by the words how do they do it, so without thinking, he asked, “How did you make him?”
“……”
Zhou Min Li already hated him enough to want to smash the table, even though there was no table between them.
Yuan Shi Hua also lost his composure and looked somewhat embarrassed.
Xiao Bai finally realized that his distracted state was causing everyone a great deal of trouble. He hurriedly said, “Peanuts, rice flowers—if even flowers can produce rice, it’s perfectly normal for you two to produce something half human, half snake.”
Lin Bi Wei propped her head in one hand, trying her best to keep the camera from capturing her face.
Her experience was naturally nowhere near Shi Da Ming’s level, so the frozen atmosphere remained frozen for a very long time.
When recording finally ended, Zhou Min Li stomped over in her high heels without caring about dignity anymore and pointed at Xiao Bai’s nose. “I never expected a grown man like you to be so narrow-minded!”
Xiao Bai flinched beneath her looming face. “Is it really that narrow?”
“Of course!”
“Then…” Xiao Bai thought miserably for a moment. “I’ll do chest-expansion exercises every day from now on.”
“……”
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