The orphanage stood in the suburbs. It had been built with donations spearheaded by local tycoon Luo Ding Ou, so it was named Ougai Orphanage—nothing to do with Europe, despite what many people assumed.
Yan Su Ang and Xiao Bai parked outside the gate, picked up the things they had brought, and walked in.
Since many people came to volunteer on weekends, the gatekeeper did not question them much. He simply had them register their information and ID details, handed them a brochure, and let them inside.
There were two two-story buildings in the orphanage.
The pale yellow one was where the children lived their daily lives, while the blue-green one housed the director’s and other administrative offices as well as classrooms and activity rooms for the children.
The children were currently playing in the open space between the two buildings, with three high-school-aged volunteers mixed among them.
Xiao Bai’s eyes darted around as he tried hard to find the two sisters.
Yan Su Ang set their things down and said softly, “I’ll go find the director. Wait here for me.”
Xiao Bai obediently nodded, his gaze still moving through the crowd.
Yan Su Ang stroked his head, then turned toward the blue-green building.
When the volunteers saw someone standing nearby with a huge pile of bags, they curiously gathered around. Once they came closer and saw Xiao Bai’s face, they could not help exclaiming, “Xiao Bai?!”
Xiao Bai smiled politely.
“Why are you at an orphanage? Are you filming something?” All three volunteers were girls. The moment filming was mentioned, they began tidying themselves while glancing around for wherever the cameras might be hidden.
Xiao Bai said, “We came to help out. We’re not filming.”
“We?” The volunteers looked at one another. “Did you come with your manager?”
Xiao Bai shook his head. “No.” He happened to turn and see Yan Su Ang walking out with an elderly woman whose hair was completely white. “I came with him.”
“……”
Great God?!
The instant the three volunteers saw Yan Su Ang, their bodies seemed to have been struck by an invisible acupoint attack. They stood frozen for a long time without recovering.
Yan Su Ang walked over to Xiao Bai and smiled as he nodded at the three volunteer statues.
The volunteers immediately came back to life.
The girl with braids said excitedly, “Good people really do get rewarded! Heaven, you have eyes after all!” Tears streamed down her face.
The girl with braids said even more excitedly, “It’s really him! It’s really him! I want to touch him so badly!” Drool practically covered the ground.
The girl with loose hair looked bewildered. “Xiao Bai… Great God… Xiao Bai? Great God?” Stars spun in her eyes.
Yan Su Ang introduced the elderly woman to Xiao Bai as the orphanage director.
Xiao Bai obediently said, “Hello, Director.”
The director smiled kindly. “I watch the shows you host quite often. They’re very interesting.”
“Thank you, Director.” Xiao Bai sounded a little distracted.
Yan Su Ang knew what was on his mind and quickly asked, “You didn’t find them?”
“Mm.” Xiao Bai hung his head in disappointment.
The director asked from the side, “Who are you looking for?”
Xiao Bai immediately explained the two sisters’ background.
The director understood at once. “Oh, you’re looking for the Ma sisters. They were adopted last week.”
Xiao Bai’s eyes widened. Delighted, he asked, “They found their own mom and dad?”
“Not exactly,” the director said. “But there’s a married couple from Shanghai who really liked them. They didn’t have children of their own, so they adopted both sisters together.”
Seeing Xiao Bai’s disappointed face, Yan Su Ang comforted him. “They found a good home. You should be happy for them.”
Xiao Bai stared at his toes and mumbled, “But now they can’t eat barbecue.”
The director laughed. “What does that matter? There are plenty of other children here. They’re very good at eating.”
Xiao Bai looked at the children, whose bright, curious gazes were fixed on him. His spirits immediately rose again, and he nodded hard. “Then let’s start.”
What Xiao Bai meant by “let’s start” eventually turned into “let them start”—the three volunteers.
Xiao Bai quickly became one of the children and started playing Eagle and Chicks with them in the open yard, while Yan Su Ang stood off to the side with the dignified air of an expert guarding the field.
It was not that Yan Su Ang did not want to join their game. It was because, just moments earlier—
Child A had said, “Brother Xiao Bai, let’s play a game together.”
Xiao Bai said, “Okay.”
Yan Su Ang leaned over. “You’re not inviting me?”
Child A looked at Xiao Bai, then at him, and shook his head. “You can’t play.”
Yan Su Ang froze. “Why?”
Child A answered seriously, “You’re too old. The director said people like her can’t run around because their bones will break.”
“……”
His age = the director’s age?
Yan Su Ang looked speechlessly at the director’s silver hair, practically glowing beneath the sun.
Once the grill was hot enough, the volunteers began putting food on the wire rack.
Under the social workers’ supervision, the children lined up neatly and headed toward the washrooms in the pale yellow building to wash their hands before eating.
Yan Su Ang took the dirty Xiao Bai by the hand and led him into the blue-green building to clean up.
Seeing Yan Su Ang holding his hand and washing it for him like he was a child—lathering soap over it, then rinsing it clean—Xiao Bai could not help saying, “I can wash my own hands.”
Yan Su Ang was enjoying himself. “Is it bad if I wash them for you?”
“It’s not bad…” It just felt a little strange. Xiao Bai stared at the two of them in the mirror, his thoughts drifting. For some reason, he suddenly remembered what Yan Su Ang had said that day—
“But he isn’t the man I have in mind.”
“If you had asked me that day whether I would spend my whole life with you, the answer would have been completely different.”
After washing Xiao Bai’s hands, Yan Su Ang was drying them with paper towels when he noticed Xiao Bai staring blankly without reacting. He touched Xiao Bai’s forehead. “Are you feeling unwell?”
Xiao Bai’s wandering gaze settled on his face. In a dreamlike voice, he asked, “Can we spend our whole lives together?”
“……”
Xiao Bai had finally begun seriously considering the question.
Yan Su Ang forcefully suppressed the excitement surging inside him and gave a small, gentle nod, afraid that showing too much excitement would scare Xiao Bai.
Ever since the wrap party, when he had said those words to Xiao Bai, he had been uneasy. Xiao Bai’s reaction had been too calm, as still as dead water. Yan Su Ang was afraid that Xiao Bai’s feelings toward him were just as unmoved, that everything had merely been his own wishful thinking and one-sided passion. Yet he had not dared ask Xiao Bai directly, because he feared Xiao Bai’s answer would tear apart the last fragile hope he had left. If that happened… he truly did not know what he would do afterward. He would never do anything to hurt Xiao Bai, but giving Xiao Bai up would be far, far too difficult. He did not believe he could do it. In fact, even when filming or work kept him away from Xiao Bai a little longer than usual, restlessness would build inside him. Letting go completely was unimaginable.
Xiao Bai waved a hand in front of his face. “What are you thinking about?”
Yan Su Ang’s gaze focused. “You.”
Xiao Bai asked in confusion, “But I’m right in front of you.”
“What about your heart?”
“……It’s inside my chest.”
Yan Su Ang said deeply, “I hope you’ll give it to me and put it inside my chest.”
Xiao Bai asked worriedly, “Do you have heart disease? Do you need a transplant?”
“……”
Children loved food like barbecue, especially when a whole crowd of them fought over the same piece of meat. The noise was like hundreds of sparrows shut together in one cage.
The three volunteers dutifully took charge of grilling, although naturally Great God and Xiao Bai received special treatment. The volunteers constantly opened the back door for them, secretly dropping an extra piece or two of meat or a chicken wing onto their plates.
Since Xiao Bai had to film There’s Always a Higher Mountain that afternoon and Great God had to attend a ribbon-cutting ceremony, they could only eat for a little while before getting ready to leave.
The volunteers and children were all reluctant to see them go. Fortunately, Xiao Bai promised to come back the following Saturday, which kept them from raising the roof.
When they reached the entrance, Yan Su Ang went to get the car. Xiao Bai suddenly remembered that he had left his phone in the washroom and hurried back for it.
Sure enough, the phone was still where he had left it.
He breathed a sigh of relief. Gao Qin had warned him that entertainers could not casually lose their phones because they contained many other entertainers’ numbers, and losing one could create a great deal of trouble for everyone.
He was just about to leave when he faintly heard voices through the wall.
The men’s and women’s washrooms in the pale yellow building were side by side. The women’s washroom was on the other side.
“What exactly is going on between Xiao Bai and Great God?”
That one sentence successfully stopped Xiao Bai’s feet.
“What else could it be? Haven’t the magazines already written everything? They must be a couple. Didn’t you see the way Great God looked at him earlier? If they aren’t lovers, I’ll chop my head off and let you use it as a chamber pot!”
“Your head doesn’t even flush automatically. It’d be more like a spittoon. Too low-class. I don’t want it.”
“Get lost.”
“But Xiao Bai seems like a really good person. He actually came here to volunteer.”
“Celebrities are all like that. Do one good deed casually and you’re guaranteed to be in the papers the next morning.”
“……Xiao Bai doesn’t seem like that kind of person.”
“Then does Great God look gay to you?”
“……”
The two volunteers came out of the washroom as they spoke. The moment they looked up and saw Xiao Bai standing blankly outside, they remembered everything they had just said and immediately turned pale.
The volunteer with two braids asked nervously, “Didn’t you leave? Why are you still here?”
“I came back for my phone.” Xiao Bai turned his palm over to show them the phone.
The volunteer laughed awkwardly. “Oh.”
Xiao Bai asked softly, “If two men spend their whole lives together… does that mean they’re gay?”
The volunteer with loose hair said, “They could also be father and son.”
The braided volunteer’s eyes shifted. “Why are you asking?”
Xiao Bai remained immersed in his thoughts. “Then being gay… is that wrong?”
“Uh, well…” The two volunteers looked at each other, beginning to understand the situation in front of them. So Great God and Xiao Bai were still in that hazy, ambiguous stage.
The loose-haired volunteer licked her lips. “It’s not exactly wrong. It’s just a more difficult road, especially here, and especially for public figures—celebrities and things like that. Hehe.”
Xiao Bai looked at them as though he partly understood and partly did not.
The volunteers nearly melted beneath his bewildered gaze. They almost wanted to throw themselves at him, hug him tightly, shield him from every storm, and prevent anything from ever hurting him. But before their impulse could become reality, Yan Su Ang’s voice poured over them like cold water.
“Xiao Bai.”
Xiao Bai’s body jolted, and he turned to look at him.
Their gazes met.
Yan Su Ang could clearly feel that something between them was changing, yet there was nothing he could do to control it.
On the way back, Xiao Bai was very quiet.
Several times, Yan Su Ang wanted to speak, only to swallow the words again.
It was not until they reached the NCC Television parking lot that he finally could not hold back. “When you said we could spend our whole lives together… were you serious?”
Xiao Bai came back to himself and turned toward him.
His large black-and-white eyes were clouded with bewilderment, helplessness, confusion, and countless other emotions, forming a faint layer of mist.
Pain twisted through Yan Su Ang’s heart. He gently pulled Xiao Bai into his arms. “It’s okay. I’ll wait for you.”
Xiao Bai’s chin rested against the firmness of his chest beneath the fabric, and his heart slowly began to settle. “If we’re like this… are we gay?”
Yan Su Ang trembled slightly. His arms tightened around Xiao Bai as though he wanted to press him into his own body. “By ordinary people’s standards, I am.” He paused before saying hoarsely, “You might become one too, or maybe… you never will.”
Xiao Bai gently pulled free and faced him with complete seriousness. “So if we spend our whole lives together, then we are?”
Yan Su Ang looked at him, a faint smile appearing on his lips, and solemnly nodded.
Xiao Bai lowered his head and stared at the hem of his clothes. His hands fidgeted for a long time before he finally said in a muffled voice, “Yan Su Ang.”
“Mm.”
“I think… I like you.”
“……Mm.”
“Every time I see you, I’m really happy.”
“Mm.” The corners of Yan Su Ang’s mouth rose higher and higher.
“But a lifetime is a long time.” Xiao Bai bit his lip. “I-I’m still not…”
Yan Su Ang placed a finger beneath his chin and gently lifted his face. The smile in his eyes seemed ready to fly free. “I told you. I’ll wait.”
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