“Baji” Wang Guang Qi was the team captain for the Tears of a Man cast.
“Guaji” Qian Yong Jing led the other team, which had been thrown together from members of two singing groups.
The moment the program started, the two captains began trading barbs.
Wang Guang Qi looked disdainfully at the opposing team. “Our side is overflowing with star power. We’ve got an internationally renowned director and international superstars. You people can’t compare.”
The Tears of a Man cast smiled modestly.
Qian Yong Jing refused to concede. “Our side is the new generation! We have the future, we have youth, and we have future international superstars!”
“Yeah!” The team behind him erupted enthusiastically.
Wang Guang Qi looked gloomily over his shoulder. “Why do none of you look happy?”
Qian Yong Jing immediately said, “Because they’re standing in your camp while their hearts are over here with me. They actually want to join my side.”
Film actors rarely appeared on variety programs; television actors and singers did so more often. Wang Guang Qi swept his gaze across his own team and, finding no familiar faces who appeared regularly on variety shows, had no choice but to turn toward Yan Su Ang. “Great God, viciously refute him for me.”
Yan Su Ang had just opened his mouth when Qian Yong Jing eagerly trotted over. “Great God, that barbecue you treated me to last time was delicious.”
Yan Su Ang smiled. “Anytime, anytime.”
Wang Guang Qi jumped up. “Why didn’t I know you two went out for barbecue?”
Qian Yong Jing said, “Because Great God originally wanted me to call you and invite you, but I lied and told him you were working.”
Wang Guang Qi glared at him through clenched teeth. “And in reality?”
Without the slightest remorse, Qian Yong Jing answered, “In reality, you were curled up at home eating instant noodles.”
Wang Guang Qi said proudly, “I don’t eat instant noodles.”
Qian Yong Jing immediately said, “You can’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Then nobody will hire you for instant-noodle commercials.”
Wang Guang Qi hurriedly tried to repair the damage. “Producer, cut that part and let me redo it.” He turned toward the camera and gave it an extraordinarily enthusiastic smile. “I eat instant noodles every day. Apart from instant noodles, I don’t eat anything else.”
Yan Su Ang suddenly said blandly, “Actually, I think it would be better if you said you don’t eat instant noodles.”
Wang Guang Qi and Qian Yong Jing both froze. “Why?”
“Because if even somebody who normally refuses to eat instant noodles starts eating this particular brand, wouldn’t that make the advertising hook even stronger?”
Wang Guang Qi and Qian Yong Jing looked at each other, then simultaneously gave him a thumbs-up. “Great God really is Great God. A true master.”
Qian Yong Jing suddenly said, “Haven’t we ignored the main host for a really long time? Is that okay?”
Wang Guang Qi looked toward Xiao Bai, who was sitting on top of a giant grape prop, and whispered, “He looks like he’s spacing out. It’s probably fine.”
Qian Yong Jing said, “Then why don’t we just leave him alone?”
“Why?”
“That way we can get more screen time.”
“Oh, that makes sense.” Wang Guang Qi had just finished speaking when he looked toward the monitor. “Wait. I don’t think the camera is filming us.”
Qian Yong Jing pushed him toward Xiao Bai. “Move closer. Closer. That’s how we get into the shot.”
Wang Guang Qi suddenly said, “Xiao Bai’s face is really white.”
“That’s why he’s called Xiao Bai.”
“I want to touch it.”
Qian Yong Jing frowned. “That seems inappropriate.”
Wang Guang Qi looked astonished. “You actually think something is inappropriate?”
“Mm. I’d rather give him a kiss.”
“……” Wang Guang Qi said gravely, “Shouldn’t that be my job? I’m Baji. You’re Guaji.”
Elio’s Notes: 吧唧 (bāji) can imitate a smacking sound, including the sound of a kiss, which is why Wang Guang Qi claims kissing rights based on his nickname.
Ignoring him, Qian Yong Jing looked enthusiastically at Xiao Bai. “How about letting big brother give you a kiss?”
“Ah!”
At the sudden cry, everything around them went silent.
Qian Yong Jing turned toward Lian Jue Xiu, who had abruptly crouched halfway down. “Director Lian, are you okay?”
Lian Jue Xiu glared furiously at Yan Su Ang, then slowly stood upright. “I’m fine. Tying my shoelace.”
Qian Yong Jing suddenly shouted “Ah!” and crouched down too.
Wang Guang Qi asked, “What are you doing?”
“I’m tying my shoelace too.”
Wang Guang Qi spat, “You’re wearing leather shoes! What damn shoelaces?”
Qian Yong Jing said sincerely, “No shoelaces is fine. What matters is tying yourself tightly to the director’s good side.”
The producer shouted, “Cut!”
Wang Guang Qi looked at Qian Yong Jing. Qian Yong Jing looked at Wang Guang Qi. After gazing deeply into each other’s eyes for three seconds, both simultaneously lifted their heads and stared at the ceiling.
The producer stormed over. “What are you two doing?! How much film did you waste on that endless stretch of nonsense?”
Qian Yong Jing looked aggrieved. “Couldn’t help it. The words were coming out too smoothly.”
Wang Guang Qi said, “Brother Zhong Yao used to rush over, punch each of us once, and throw us back into place.”
Qian Yong Jing sighed. “The opportunity to speak this freely today is just too precious.”
Wang Guang Qi looked at him with deep sympathy. “Exactly. Once my mouth opens, I feel like I can’t stop.”
Qian Yong Jing was about to continue when the producer’s vicious glare forced the words back down his throat.
“Xiao Bai.”
Xiao Bai woke from his daze.
“Why aren’t you talking?”
“They aren’t saying the lines in the script.”
“……”
Qian Yong Jing looked at Wang Guang Qi. “What script?”
Wang Guang Qi said too, “There’s such a thing?”
The producer’s head felt ready to split apart. “The two of you are the reason this program’s ratings keep dropping.”
They asked in perfect unison, “Why?”
“Because the audience gets a headache listening to you!” The producer impatiently waved them away. “Go, go, go! Both of you, stand over there! I need to talk to Xiao Bai alone.”
Qian Yong Jing leaned against Wang Guang Qi’s shoulder and wailed, “We’ve fallen out of favor.”
Wang Guang Qi put an arm around him and sighed. “Nothing we can do. The new waves of the Yangtze push the old waves forward, and the old waves die on the beach. Xiao Bai is young and beautiful. We’re old and faded. That’s reality.”
Xiao Bai suddenly said, “Only your skin is yellow. You aren’t really that old.”
Qian Yong Jing nearly spat blood. “If we were that old, we’d be carrying oxygen tanks around. Why would we still be here?”
Wang Guang Qi suddenly clutched his head. “The lights are too bright. I’m dizzy. Give me some oxygen.”
Qian Yong Jing said, “Damn it! Don’t think you can use artificial respiration as an excuse to steal my first kiss.”
“You still have a first kiss?”
“My eighty-ninth first kiss is still intact!”
The producer finally lost patience. “Are you two going to get lost or not?”
“Getting lost.” Wang Guang Qi and Qian Yong Jing held hands like two wronged little wives and walked off to the side.
The producer drew a deep breath and was just about to speak to Xiao Bai when two cries of “Ah!” sounded one after another, followed by a burst of crashing and clattering. The studio erupted into chaos.
Watching heads bob frantically in every direction made the producer’s headache even worse. He roared, “What happened?!”
A staff member imitated his volume and shouted back, “Gossip Kid got hit by a falling light!”
The producer no longer even had the strength to swear. “How many of them?”
“One. Wang Guang Qi.”
The producer breathed a sigh of relief.
The staff member continued, “But when Wang Guang Qi fell, he knocked Qian Yong Jing over. Qian Yong Jing seems to have twisted his ankle.”
The producer swayed weakly. “What are all of you standing around doing?”
“Watching.”
The producer completely exploded. “Watching my ass! Call an ambulance!”
Escorted by the sympathetic and concerned gazes of everyone present, the two brothers in misfortune known as Gossip Kid once again set off on the road to the hospital.
Gao Qin summarized the situation. “If I were their manager, I’d definitely find a hospital willing to hire them as spokespeople.”
Jia Zhi Qing agreed. “Mm. While he’s at it, he could negotiate a discounted VIP card for them. It’d make all their future visits much more convenient.”
Gao Qin said, “The advertising slogan could be: ‘Once you leave, you’ll want to come back.’”
“……” Jia Zhi Qing’s conscience suddenly awakened. “Wouldn’t that hospital go bankrupt?”
“Then change it to, ‘You’ll never want to leave.’ That way they’ll have a stable customer base.”
“……”
There’s Always a Higher Mountain had originally been built around three hosts.
Zhong Yao controlled the overall program while the two members of Gossip Kid each led one team and kept the atmosphere lively.
Now Xiao Bai was new and obviously had not yet found his footing, while Gossip Kid were veterans—but had very quickly encountered another kind of problem. The producer could only lament his terrible luck.
“Xiao Bai, it looks like Gossip Kid won’t be coming back anytime soon.” The producer was beginning to regret having been so harsh earlier. If he had known, he would have endured them as background noise instead of chasing them over there. But who could have predicted a light would fall? At the thought, the producer’s temper flared again. “Where’s the lighting technician? Where’s the head of the props team?”
A staff member replied, “The executives summoned them upstairs.”
The producer wiped his face. “Then forget it. Even if they come back down, they probably won’t survive long.”
The staff member asked, “Are we still recording today?”
“Of course!” He would stake his own head on the fact that the Tears of a Man cast would only appear once. If they failed to record today, there would not be another opportunity. Tears of a Man might not have been released yet, but it was already extremely hot. Several of its leads were major stars, though Zhang Jia Jia’s absence still made the lineup feel slightly incomplete.
Lian Jue Xiu glared impatiently at Yan Su Ang. “This is what you call good publicity?”
“Of course.” Yan Su Ang’s expression did not change. “Gossip Kid’s accident will absolutely be front-page news tomorrow. Naturally, our exposure goes up too.”
Lian Jue Xiu looked at him sideways. “Don’t tell me you predicted Gossip Kid would have an accident.”
“Not this time. But judging by how often they end up in the hospital every few days, I’ll probably be able to predict the next one.”
“……”
The producer grabbed Xiao Bai. “In a minute, choose one person from each team to act as captain. Then forget the script completely and improvise.”
Xiao Bai froze. “Improvise?” Even the first time he appeared on GO! GO! SU… SUPER STAR, Chen Fei had given him a script. Yet this producer was actually telling him to improvise?
The producer instructed him solemnly, “Don’t worry. This isn’t live. If anything goes wrong, we can fix it. We have editors in post-production. It’ll be fine.”
Xiao Bai nodded.
“Right. Who are you going to choose to lead the two teams?”
“Yan Su Ang and Lian Jue Xiu.”
The producer immediately saw Xiao Bai in a new light. They were indeed the two biggest names present. He had not expected Xiao Bai to think of splitting up the two teams like that, but it was actually a good idea. It would also keep the Tears of a Man cast from losing too badly and embarrassing themselves.
“All right. We’ll do that.” The producer looked at him approvingly. “How did you think of it?”
“I know them better.”
“……Oh.”
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