Yimate had been going through a rough patch these past few days.
Ma Rui sat in his office regretting his decisions so badly he could barely contain himself.
If he had not wanted to make things difficult for Weijie and knock Yan Su Ang down a peg back then, he never would have signed Xiao Bai. But ever since Xiao Bai arrived, Yimate’s feng shui seemed to have been possessed by something evil. The scandal between Feng Ya Lun and Xiao Bai had been the opening through which the evil entered, and from that point on, everything had spiraled completely out of control.
In the past, Ma Rui had read the newspaper every morning to keep himself informed. It was not exactly an indulgence, but occasionally seeing reporters lavish praise on the artists under his company had certainly been soothing to both body and soul. These days, however, he had to make his wife screen the papers first. If there was any terrible news, she would break it to him gently.
This morning, that precaution finally proved useful.
His wife had conveyed the scandal between Xiao Bai and Yan Su Ang in the most tactful language possible.
This was no longer merely a scandal. Xiao Bai was betraying his own side and colluding with the enemy!
The more Ma Rui thought about it, the angrier he became. Even when Gao Qin walked in, Ma Rui did not bother giving him a pleasant expression.
Since Gao Qin was the cousin of Xiao Bai’s manager, Ma Rui instinctively lumped the lot of them together, conveniently forgetting that he himself had been the one who recruited Xiao Bai into the company in the first place.
Gao Qin glanced at the magazine lying on Ma Rui’s desk and more or less guessed what had happened. “Did you have tiger penis and deer antler soup for breakfast? You’re awfully fired up.”
Elio’s Notes: Tiger penis and deer antler were traditionally associated with potent “warming” and virility-enhancing tonics. Gao Qin is playing on 火气, which can refer both to excessive internal “heat” and to a hot temper.
“See for yourself.” Ma Rui flung the magazine down in front of him with a smack.
“Biweekly, huh.” Gao Qin casually flipped through it. “I was wondering why they’d been so quiet. Turns out they were saving everything up for an anniversary issue so they could dump it all at once.”
“Dump it all at once?! Look at this yourself! Last time it was Feng Ya Lun, this time it’s Yan Su Ang. What the hell is going on with that Zeng Bai? Did he come to this company to work properly, or did he come here to hook rich guys and find himself a boyfriend?!”
Gao Qin’s expression immediately darkened. “Boss, did you clean out a toilet this morning? Why is everything coming out of your mouth so foul?”
“Then how do you expect me to put it?” Ma Rui opened the magazine and stabbed a finger at the first page. “‘Great God Secretly Meets Xiao Bai, Lunch for Two.’ ‘Great God Worries Over Xiao Bai, Charges into Hospital.’ ‘Great God Concerned for Xiao Bai, Assistant Comes to the Rescue.’ ‘Great God Misses Xiao Bai, Hotel Rendezvous.’ It’s already turned into a whole series! I’m afraid I’ll open my eyes tomorrow morning and see, ‘Great God and Xiao Bai, Lovers Finally United—Church Wedding!’”
“Series complete, happy ending. Isn’t that nice? Audiences love happy endings.”
“I don’t care. You go tell Xiao Bai and warn him not to keep fooling around with Yan Su Ang! I don’t mind him having scandals, but every single one of them keeps being with men… Is that—is that—is that even proper?”
Gao Qin rubbed his nose.
“And get him a different manager. Find him a woman. Even if another scandal breaks, at least stop making every rumor Brokeback, Brokeback, Brokeback. Feng Ya Lun used to be the same way—nothing but gay rumors. It took forever for him to finally hook up with Zhou Min Li. I thought the Heavenly King and Heavenly Queen would naturally end up together, but then Xiao Bai appeared and suddenly the bright moon was shining into the ditch! Fuck!”
Elio’s Notes: 断背, literally “Brokeback,” became Chinese internet slang for male-male romance after Brokeback Mountain. Ma Rui’s “bright moon shines into the ditch” refers to the saying “I set my heart on the bright moon, but the moon shines into the ditch,” describing affection or devotion being directed somewhere else.
“You even know ‘the bright moon shines into the ditch’?”
“I also know, ‘I raise my head to gaze at the bright moon; I lower it and think of home’! Anyway, back to the point. You handle this. If it really can’t be fixed, then we just won’t use Xiao Bai anymore. I’m tired of living on edge every single day.”
“What about Feng Ya Lun?”
“What about Feng Ya Lun? Didn’t I already tell him to take some time off?”
“There still has to be a limit. You’re not planning to exile him indefinitely, are you?”
Ma Rui sighed. “That depends on how accepting the public is. You know perfectly well that besides drunk driving, he’s also suspected of assaulting a police officer. We managed to settle the matter for now, but there are still aftereffects. Didn’t a police officer die in the line of duty during a shootout not long ago? The public image of the police is incredibly positive right now, so people especially dislike anyone who goes against them. And Feng Ya Lun had to go and sacrifice the individual for the greater good by volunteering himself as the perfect negative example. What else can I do except give him a long vacation?”
“You mean it’s only temporary?”
“We’ll see.” Ma Rui answered vaguely. “Take care of Xiao Bai first.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll hold a press conference.”
Ma Rui thought about it. “All right. But I won’t attend.”
“You weren’t scheduled to attend in the first place.”
“……Fuck. Would it kill you to say something polite for appearances’ sake?”
“No. But not saying it won’t kill me either.”
The Boundless Sea and Sky Forum exploded again.
Ever since Xiao Bai had appeared out of nowhere, Boundless Sea and Sky seemed to be permanently sitting at ground zero.
One wave had barely subsided before another rose.
Feng Ya Lun’s “Golden Pairing” thread had only just cooled down when another poll appeared asking who should be Great God’s destined Heavenly Queen—
Feng Ya Lun (Reason: Great God is Feng Ya Lun’s ideal spouse. If Feng Ya Lun isn’t Great God’s ideal spouse too, then he’ll end up single!)
Xiao Bai (Reason: One great and one little, one God and one Bai. If they don’t match, who does?)
Zhang Jia Jia (Reason: Great God’s golden partner and his best on-screen couple! They’re the classic example of loving each other even unto death in Seizing Hatred!)
Xie Ying (Reason: Great God’s former rumored girlfriend. She’s an old flame, so of course she has to come out and PK the new love.)
Great God (Reason: Great God should pair with himself and experience a little Narcissus-style self-admiration. All mortals can move aside.)
The Fans at Large (Reason: Better to share the joy than enjoy it alone! Great God should be a public resource!)
Zhou Min Li (Reason: This person is only here to fill out the numbers. If you accidentally click her, blame the joke.)
Elio’s Notes: 神后 is a fandom coinage combining 大神, “Great God,” with 后, “queen/consort,” hence “Great God’s Queen.” The “Great God” option uses 水仙, literally “narcissus,” as fandom slang for pairing a character with himself, alluding to Narcissus and self-love.
At first, Zhang Jia Jia’s votes shot far into the lead, with Xie Ying and the Fans at Large following close behind. Zhou Min Li was, as expected, dead last.
Then noon passed and the fujoshi awakened from their slumber. Feng Ya Lun and Xiao Bai immediately began charging up the rankings.
To support their chosen candidates, netizens made huge numbers of photo albums and videos. The most famous included the following—
- Falling for Great God—Yan Su Ang and Feng Ya Lun Through Thick and Thin.
Elio’s Notes: The Chinese title 为大神沉伦 deliberately writes 沉伦 instead of the normal 沉沦, “to sink/fall deeply,” substituting 伦—the Lun in Feng Ya Lun’s name.
It contained numerous photos of the two appearing together at programs and events.
If their eyes happened to meet, those were the blazing flames of love.
If one looked at the other while the other turned away, those were the indulgent flames of love.
If neither of them looked at the other, those were the awkward, stubborn flames of love.
In short… as long as the two of them appeared in the same photograph, everybody else was scenery, a shameless third wheel, or the endless mountains and rivers cruelly standing in the path of true love!
Since Xiao Fu Ping had accidentally blocked their love far too many times, he was gloriously crowned “Lightbulb Xiao,” becoming the first innocent casualty of the entire affair. —Amen.
Elio’s Notes: 电灯泡, “electric lightbulb,” is Chinese slang for a third wheel—the unwanted extra person intruding on a couple.
- Best Partners—From Screen to Life. (Featuring Great God and Jia Jia.)
The creator cut apart scenes from all the productions Zhang Jia Jia and Great God had acted in together, then reassembled them into a completely new epic of past lives and present lives—so thoroughly transformed that even the directors and editors of the original productions would not have recognized it.
Many supporters declared that even if Great God and Zhang Jia Jia never ended up together in reality, this video was enough for them. They believed they could keep covering their ears while stealing the bell and deceiving themselves all the way to the grave. —Amen.
- The Love Story of Great God and Xiao Bai.
The creator of this one was the most irresponsible creator of them all, because they had simply copied the magazine photographs and the dialogue the magazines had invented.
At the same time, however, their work was also the most authentic and authoritative, because those photographs had definitely not been digitally composited.
Of course, once gossip magazines became the authoritative source, everyone could imagine just how absurd this “research project” had already become.
A moment of silence for the forum moderator. —Amen.
- The Fans at Large adopted a word-bombing strategy.
The entire thing was pure wish-fulfillment fanfic, and sure enough, it bombed the forum so thoroughly that people were stepping on landmines left and right and tumbling into bottomless pits.
From then on, wails echoed across the forum and memorial threads appeared without end. —Amen.
- Thank You, Great God. (The Story of Great God and Xie Ying.)
Every single supporter of this proposal was a Xie Ying fan.
One fan with the username “Thank You for Your Love” tried to persuade the entire world, through an extravagantly tragic story, that Great God and Xie Ying had been forced apart by circumstances beyond their control. The tale included family pressure, illness, misunderstandings caused by a third party, and numerous other complications.
Elio’s Notes: Xie Ying’s surname 谢 also means “to thank,” and 谢谢 means “thank you,” which makes both “Thank You, Great God” and the username “Thank You for Your Love” into small name puns.
Quite a few netizens were moved to tears. They were practically ready to point at the heavens and curse fate for being so unfair—why did Xie Ying alone have to suffer eight lifetimes’ worth of bad luck, to the point that even drinking water would somehow get something stuck between her teeth? Just then, an author from an original-fiction website arrived with an army of readers after tracking the culprit across the internet and furiously condemned “Thank You for Your Love” for stealing her story and merely changing the names.
And so the topic ultimately transformed into a colossal debate over whether stealing fiction counted as theft!
As for how that debate ended, since it had nothing to do with the scandal, there was no need to waste words on it here.
In short—Amen.
Zhou Min Li—This answer is a trap. Voters beware of burst water pipes.
The replies beneath it were filled with people berating the original poster for being morally bankrupt enough to make jokes about water pipes.
Water pipes have dignity too!
Thanks to pure contrariness, Zhou Min Li’s votes unexpectedly experienced a small surge.
The poll ran for twenty-four hours. By the time it closed, the forum had received 21,098 votes in total. The results were as follows—
Feng Ya Lun 3,541 votes
(Supporters: When Ya Lun had his poll, Great God came over and teased our Ya Lun. This time, we’re definitely teasing him back!)
Xiao Bai 4,202 votes
(Supporters: I swear on my grandfather’s name—this is the truth! The truth!)
Zhang Jia Jia 6,985 votes
(Supporters: A man and a woman are the true path. Two men together are against humanity.)
Xie Ying 1,511 votes
(Supporters: No matter how formidable the love rivals are, victory always belongs to the tragic heroine in the end. For details, please consult the many Korean dramas available.)
Great God 1,594 votes
(Supporters: Great God must always fight for first place!)
The Fans at Large 2,411 votes
(Supporters: Monopolies are shameful!)
Zhou Min Li 854 votes
(Supporters: We’re helping the disadvantaged.)
Zhang Jia Jia once again proved the irresistible power of an on-screen couple.
Some media outlets with too much time on their hands even called Zhang Jia Jia’s victory a warm-up for this year’s Best Actress race.
—Heaven only knew what one had to do with the other.
Yimate’s press conference was eagerly anticipated by reporters.
Both Feng Ya Lun and Xiao Bai were currently standing right in the eye of the storm.
The reporters had noticed that ever since Xiao Bai joined Yimate, the company’s media exposure had far surpassed that of the other talent agencies. Some busybody had even compiled statistics: during the month before Xiao Bai joined, Yimate’s share of media appearances had been only 18.7 percent. After he joined, it had shot all the way up to 43.3 percent, at a speed comparable to Shenzhou 7.
Elio’s Notes: Shenzhou 7 was China’s 2008 crewed spaceflight mission. The comparison is a deliberately ridiculous way of saying Yimate’s media exposure had rocketed upward.
Backstage, Xiao Bai looked at Feng Ya Lun, who was sitting leisurely to one side playing a game on his phone, then at Gao Qin, who was quietly smoking. “Am I still going on stage later?”
“No. You’re coming up with me.” Gao Qin stubbed out his cigarette. “Do you know what the reporters are going to ask you?”
“Mm. About Yan Su Ang.” Xiao Bai did not really understand what anything between him and Yan Su Ang had to do with those reporters, but Jia Zhi Qing had looked so grave that it was probably something serious.
“Do you know how to answer?”
“Tell the truth.”
Gao Qin glanced toward Feng Ya Lun. “Oh? Then if somebody asks what your relationship with Yan Su Ang is, what will you say?”
What relationship? Xiao Bai wondered in confusion.
If he had never made that trip to the neighboring city, he would have answered “friends” without the slightest hesitation. But now he was no longer certain. Yan Su Ang’s hot-and-cold attitude toward him was simply too confusing.
“Xiao Bai.”
“Mm?”
“Friends.”
“Huh?” Xiao Bai blinked. How does he know we’re friends?
Feng Ya Lun smiled without any warmth in his eyes. “At Yimate, whenever anyone is involved in a scandal, whether they’re male or female, old or young, enemy or friend, alive or dead, they’re all ‘friends.’ That’s the standard answer. Right, good… friend?”
Gao Qin said, “You should be grateful we have a standard answer like that. Otherwise, you would’ve thought yourself into a bald donkey eight hundred years ago.”
Elio’s Notes: 秃驴, literally “bald donkey,” is an old mocking term for a Buddhist monk. Gao Qin is using it absurdly here to say Xiao Bai would have thought so hard over the answer that he went bald—which is why Xiao Bai is still puzzled by the expression at the beginning of the next chapter.
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