On a summer evening, the nearly spent sun had only a faint ember of light left. It shone through the living room windows onto the gleaming floor, leaving behind a neat rectangle of pale orange.
Jiang Ji happened to be standing in that patch of light. The outline of his profile was edged in gold, and through Lu Xingyan’s blurred vision he looked almost like a divine statue, carrying an air that inspired reverence.
“It’s not his fault.”
After a brief moment of distraction, Jiang Ji quickly regained his composure. As always, he steadied the situation almost immediately. “A relationship isn’t one person’s responsibility. I bear a large part of it too, but that isn’t the point—”
He held Lu Xingyan tightly, knowing that if he let go now, his younger brother would collapse and be unable to stand again.
“The point is that Lu Xingyan and I are dating. We genuinely love each other.”
A strange silence filled the living room.
“Most of what he said just now was nonsense meant to clear me of responsibility. Very little of it was true,” Jiang Ji said. “Mom, Uncle, this happened so suddenly that I don’t know how to explain it to you. Actually, there isn’t much to explain. It’s simply a fact: we want to be together, and we hope you can understand.”
We.
You.
Jiang Ji had not gone over to their parents’ side. He could not stand by coldly and let Lu Xingyan bear everything alone.
This might not be a good time to come out, but after hesitating for so many days, he had not found a moment with any better odds. What was coming would come sooner or later, unless he could bring himself to give up and crush the heart that loved him most.
At some point, the cooking in the kitchen had stopped. The sudden quiet made the heavy atmosphere even more oppressive, and the surroundings fell completely still.
Jiang Wanyi asked, “How long have you two been together?”
“Only recently. Not very long,” Jiang Ji said. “He’s liked me for a long time. I fell for him later, but regardless of who felt it first, we’re serious.”
“You—”
Jiang Wanyi raised a hand and pointed at him, then lowered it again and tightly gripped one corner of her clothes until the back of her hand turned bluish.
This was a habitual gesture of hers whenever she was nervous or afraid.
What was she thinking? That her peaceful, happy life had suddenly spun out of control? Or that the son she had always been so proud of had somehow gone down the wrong path?
Jiang Ji’s throat tightened. He murmured, “I’m sorry.”
“Mom, I know this is difficult for you to accept all at once. Can you give Lu Xingyan and me some time? We’re family. Whatever happens, we can talk it through. You should calm down first. As for people outside the family… we don’t particularly care whether we make it public.”
The implication was that they would keep it private and not bring embarrassment to the family.
Jiang Ji’s words carried weight. In Lu Yong and Jiang Wanyi’s eyes, he was very different from Lu Xingyan. He was mature, steady, sensible, and measured. He never acted recklessly and could be held accountable for the promises he made.
Lu Xingyan coming out might make someone wonder, Has something gone wrong with this kid’s head? But Jiang Ji coming out was an entirely different matter.
The two elders were speechless. After a long while, Lu Yong finally said, “If one of you were a girl, then fine. Everything would be easy to deal with. But how can two men work?”
Jiang Wanyi’s expression was a mess. Unable to bear looking at them, she turned her face away.
“It’s not as simple as you think,” Lu Yong said. “Your mom and I aren’t ancient relics. We know there are plenty of gay people nowadays, and same-sex marriage is even legal in some countries. But no matter where else it’s legal, this is China. You can’t get married here, you can’t have children together, and you can’t escape social pressure. Even if you keep it hidden and never come out, people will still gossip about why you aren’t getting married or having children and make up all sorts of nasty rumors…”
“Dad!” Lu Xingyan interrupted with reddened eyes. “You and Auntie got married and had children. Did that stop people from gossiping about you?”
He spoke bluntly. “I don’t care what other people say! People who mean me well won’t slander me behind my back, and people who mean me harm will find something to gossip about no matter what I do!”
“…”
That was true, and Lu Yong had no way to refute it, but seeing his two sons holding each other still made him deeply uncomfortable.
He claimed he was not an old-fashioned fossil, but in truth, he was.
Lu Yong lit a cigarette and paced anxiously around the living room. Jiang Wanyi’s gaze followed her husband’s back, her expression shifting unpredictably.
Seeing that they had stopped arguing, the housekeeper came over and cautiously asked whether they still wanted dinner.
“No,” Jiang Wanyi said. After a few seconds, she carefully reminded her, “Aunt Huang, whatever you heard, pretend you didn’t hear it. Don’t tell anyone.”
“Of course. Don’t worry!” The housekeeper resisted the urge to glance toward the side and withdrew from the living room properly.
Only then did Lu Xingyan relax slightly. His rigid muscles loosened, and he let almost all his weight fall bonelessly against his brother.
He suddenly felt very cold. His tears had stopped, but cold sweat broke out belatedly across his body.
It was like someone plummeting from a great height, moments away from being smashed to pieces, only to be caught at the last instant. He was safe. He was not going to die. His senses came back to life, and the cold wind seemed to make even his soul tremble, so instinctively he clung to the only source of warmth beside him.
—Jiang Ji.
“Bro.” Lu Xingyan wrapped his arms around Jiang Ji’s waist, lowered his head into the crook of his neck, and rubbed against him. “You’re so good to me.”
Jiang Ji lifted his face and gave him a look that clearly said their parents were still watching.
Lu Xingyan did not care. “If they’ve got the guts, they can kick us both out. Who’s afraid of who?”
“…”
Now that he had something to rely on, he dared to say any nonsense that came to mind. He thought he had kept his voice low, but Lu Yong, who was already silently fuming, heard every word. He grabbed a teacup and hurled it over. With a crash, it shattered beside Lu Xingyan’s feet, scattering shards of glass across the floor.
“I’ve spoiled you too much!” Lu Yong snapped. “I’ve raised you all these years like some kind of ancestor! Good things never seem to happen to this family, but when something goes wrong, you never miss your share!”
Lu Xingyan instinctively talked back. “What have I done wrong? Have you ever had to worry about my grades or anything else? I don’t even spend as much allowance as Sun Cheng. Haven’t I been easy enough for you to raise?”
“Sun Cheng has a girlfriend!” Lu Yong shouted. “He can marry someday, have children, and carry on the Sun family line! What about you? You don’t care about the family business, you won’t get married or have children, and you don’t even care how your father feels. What the hell are you? You little bastard!”
As though that still was not enough, Lu Yong smashed every cup on the coffee table. The living room floor became a complete mess, and he was about to start throwing something else when Jiang Wanyi quickly stopped him.
Lu Yong had always been mild-tempered and rarely lost his temper this badly. Clearly, his anger was not directed at Lu Xingyan alone; he simply could not bring himself to call Jiang Ji out by name.
“That’s enough. What are you making such a fuss for?” Jiang Wanyi said. “Don’t you know what kind of temper your own son has? He’s not deliberately trying to make you angry. What good does losing your temper do? Can it solve anything?”
From the corner of her eye, Jiang Wanyi shot Jiang Ji a look that was far from friendly. After remaining silent for a while, she told them to leave. “You two go out and eat tonight. We need some time to calm down. Jiang Ji, I’ll talk to you alone later.”
“…Okay.”
Jiang Ji did not say anything more. He took Lu Xingyan’s hand, grabbed the car keys, and left.
It was the final moment before the sun completely burned out. The thin evening clouds along the horizon were soaked in the last glow of sunset, dyeing everything within sight a deep crimson.
Night fell. Jiang Ji and Lu Xingyan got into the car and set off without any particular destination.
The calmer of the two drove: Jiang Ji. He looked steadily ahead, no worry visible on his face, as though the matter had already been settled. But Lu Xingyan knew the trouble had only just begun.
“I shouldn’t have made my dad angry earlier,” Lu Xingyan said remorsefully. “I thought he couldn’t hear me…”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Jiang Ji said. “He was upset and wanted somewhere to vent it. No matter what you said, he would’ve found a reason to argue.”
“But what happened today was because of me.” Lu Xingyan explained, “I left the printed photo album in your room, and your mom found it. I’m sorry.”
“…”
Jiang Ji glanced at him. Lu Xingyan was looking down, his fingers tightly clenched together, his face full of guilt. But those emotions were only on the surface. Jiang Ji could tell there was something else troubling him underneath.
“I’m not angry, Lu Xingyan.” Jiang Ji reassured him. “Even without that album today, we would’ve had to get through this sooner or later. Are you still scared by what happened?”
Lu Xingyan did not answer immediately, his expression conflicted. “Kind of.”
Perhaps he simply did not have enough sense of security. After waking from the overwhelming relief of being chosen by Jiang Ji earlier, he was still uneasy. “I keep wondering whether I forced you into this.”
“What?”
“Everything happened so suddenly. I wanted to take all the blame myself, and I acted way too desperately. Did you only—because you saw me completely alone and felt sorry for me—”
“Stop.” Jiang Ji cut him off. “If you want a hug or a kiss, just say so. You don’t have to act pitiful and beat around the bush to get me to indulge you.”
Lu Xingyan: “…”
The traffic lights ahead changed colors. After one green light came three reds. Their luck was terrible.
Jiang Ji kept one hand on the steering wheel and placed the other over Lu Xingyan’s hand. “I’m not that kindhearted, Lu Xingyan.”
Their fingers intertwined as Jiang Ji said quietly, “Don’t you know by now? I would never sacrifice myself just because I pitied someone. I’m not running a charity.”
The red light seemed unbearably long. Watching the numbers count slowly down, Jiang Ji thought that perhaps he really had given Lu Xingyan too little sense of being loved.
Before today, he had still been considering pulling away. He hid whatever emotions he could hide and suppressed whatever he could suppress, treating love as nothing more than another desire he could control at will.
But when the crisis truly came, Jiang Ji realized that the desire he had been suppressing had not weakened at all. Instead, it had intensified, whipping up a hurricane inside his normally calm heart and stirring every unsatisfied longing from the past twenty years of his life.
Every toy. Every pair of shoes. Every trip he had been unable to take because he lacked the time or money. Every moment he had envied how easily other people seemed to live—
“Because I love you too.” Jiang Ji’s expression remained calm. “If I want something, I’ll make sure I get it.”
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