There was an unfamiliar fragrance in the hotel bathroom, spreading through the steam from the hot shower. Lu Xingyan barged beneath the spray and tightly grabbed Jiang Ji’s hand.
He did not look entirely clear-headed, but his eyes were full of genuine feeling. His animal-like gaze was moist, anxious, and full of expectation, as though if Jiang Ji did not kiss him in the very next second, he would die of heartbreak.
Jiang Ji had no shortage of admirers, yet he had never experienced the feeling of being liked so vividly, and before today he would never have imagined that Lu Xingyan would be the one to give him that experience.
And all Jiang Ji had done was casually lie to him a few times, yet Lu Xingyan had fallen for it completely and could hardly have been more foolish.
“Do you even know what you’re saying?” Jiang Ji suspected this idiot was already suffering from brain fog.
Sure enough, Lu Xingyan seemed not to hear him at all, his mind still stuck on what had just happened—he had finished saying “I like you,” so now it was Jiang Ji’s turn.
“Say it,” Lu Xingyan urged softly. “Do you really like me?”
“…”
Jiang Ji laughed. “I do.”
Before the words had even fully left his mouth, Lu Xingyan suddenly surged forward and pushed Jiang Ji against the wall.
The slick, cold bathroom wall made Jiang Ji shiver as Lu Xingyan pressed him firmly against it; it was as though this man had two personalities—“obedient” and “completely unrestrained”—and could switch between them anytime, anywhere.
After playing with Lu Xingyan for so many years, Jiang Ji had suddenly discovered a new kind of fun today.
“I do like you,” Jiang Ji added, “just not that much.”
The person in front of him immediately stiffened and looked aggrieved again. “What do you mean?”
“I only like you a little,” Jiang Ji said. “It was a little more than that before, but what you did tonight made me very unhappy.”
“…”
Seeing Jiang Ji’s displeased expression, Lu Xingyan immediately lowered his head. “I was wrong. I didn’t know you were testing me. I thought you really had something going on with him… I didn’t mean it. Bro, Jiang Ji, don’t be mad at me, okay?”
Jiang Ji looked reluctant. “Fine. I’ll consider forgiving you.”
As though he had just been granted a pardon, Lu Xingyan’s tightly wound arms immediately relaxed.
With his hands on Lu Xingyan’s shoulders, Jiang Ji could clearly feel him tense whenever he was threatened and relax whenever Jiang Ji relented; he really was like a toy held in Jiang Ji’s hands, so much fun that it was becoming a little addictive.
“You go out first. I’m taking a shower.”
“Can’t we shower together?” Lu Xingyan asked, looking at him eagerly.
“No,” Jiang Ji said. “Wait outside. You can shower after I’m done.”
Lu Xingyan had never been this obedient in his life. He dutifully left the bathroom but did not go far, waiting quietly by the door like a large dog faithfully waiting for its owner.
Jiang Ji saw him in the bathroom mirror, and an indescribably strange feeling came over him.
—Twelve years ago, when he first heard the name “Lu Xingyan,” he never could have imagined they would end up like this.
Jiang Ji had only been thirteen at the time when he learned that his mother had fallen in love with a widower who had a son three years younger than him named Lu Xingyan.
Jiang Wanyi had said, “That child was spoiled growing up and has a willful temper. I’m worried the two of you won’t get along.”
“Don’t worry,” Jiang Ji comforted his mother. “He’s just a little kid—how could he possibly bully me? Anyway, I won’t provoke him; if he picks a fight, I’ll stay out of his way and just let my younger brother have his way.”
Jiang Ji meant it sincerely: he was willing to put up with a little for his mother’s sake, and even if Lu Xingyan really did bully him, it would not matter much.
But he had not expected Lu Xingyan’s talent for being annoying to far exceed anything he had imagined; Jiang Ji’s resolve broke the very first time they met, when he gave Lu Xingyan a cold look, and after they moved in together, he hardly ever smiled at him either.
As the saying goes, people ought to have some self-awareness; Jiang Ji made his dislike so obvious that even someone as stupid as Lu Xingyan should have known to stay away, shouldn’t he?
But no—the more setbacks Lu Xingyan encountered, the more determined he became, inexplicably finding new ways to cling to him; if they went three days without arguing, it was as though ants were crawling all over his body, until eventually Jiang Ji became completely desensitized to him and could not even be bothered to react.
If Lu Xingyan had been a girl, Jiang Ji might have guessed that he was interested in him.
But Jiang Ji realized his own sexual orientation relatively late, and before he even knew that homosexuality existed, he had already grown accustomed to this pattern of his younger brother clinging to him and picking fights; later, no matter how outrageous Lu Xingyan’s behavior became, Jiang Ji no longer found it strange or thought anything more of it.
It was only today that he finally realized Lu Xingyan genuinely liked him.
—When had it started?
Had Lu Xingyan been attracted to him from the very beginning, or had his feelings slowly changed into something else?
That idiot Lu Xingyan probably could not explain it himself.
Jiang Ji finished showering and dried himself with a bath towel. The “large dog” waiting outside the bathroom immediately brightened when he saw him, apparently still not recovered from his brain-fogged state.
“Go shower,” Jiang Ji said. “I’m hungry. I’ll order something while I wait. What do you want?”
“Anything’s fine; I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
While Lu Xingyan showered, Jiang Ji went to retrieve his phone from his clothes.
It was almost eleven already, and when he opened WeChat he found several messages from both Yang Pusong and Tang Lei asking after him; Jiang Ji replied to Tang Lei first, making up an excuse for why he had left early, then replied to Yang Pusong with some polite insincerity: “I’ll treat you to a meal sometime.”
Yang Pusong knew better. “No thanks. I’m afraid your younger brother will get jealous again.”
“…”
Just great—Lu Xingyan was probably going to become notorious throughout Jiang Ji’s entire social circle.
Jiang Ji browsed the delivery apps but found nothing he wanted to eat, so he called the hotel and ordered two bowls of beef noodles; they arrived just as Lu Xingyan came out of the shower, and the two sat down at the table to eat.
Jiang Ji had not eaten dinner and was already starving, but the gentleman beside him seemed able to live on love alone; he had probably spent the whole shower letting his imagination run wild again, and getting drenched with water had done nothing to clear his head, while even his eyesight seemed to have deteriorated because he picked up a pair of still-wrapped chopsticks and tried to use them on his noodles.
Jiang Ji snatched them away and unwrapped them for him, mocking, “Try not to eat through your nose.”
Lu Xingyan touched his burning ear and, the moment he opened his mouth, asked yet again, “Jiang Ji, do you really like me?”
Jiang Ji said, “…”
How many times was he going to ask?
“I still don’t feel like it’s real.” Lu Xingyan lowered his head and stared at the scallions floating on the surface of his soup. “Can’t you explain it in more detail—what do you like about me, when did it start, how much is ‘a little,’ and can’t you like me a little more…”
His voice grew quieter and more hesitant until he finally looked up again, fixing Jiang Ji with those animal-like eyes.
Jiang Ji suspected Lu Xingyan knew perfectly well how likable he looked like this and had therefore stopped running his mouth and started acting pitiful. But judging from his current state, it was not really an act—he was unconsciously trying to please him.
There was no reason not to play with a toy delivered right into his hands, so Jiang Ji kissed him and said, “I don’t know when it started either—how can something like feelings ever be explained clearly?”
Lu Xingyan found that perfectly reasonable. “Then what do you like about me?”
“You’re handsome,” Jiang Ji said. “You’re the best man around me—you’re young, smart, get good grades, are good at games, and have lots of followers.”
Lu Xingyan bristled, embarrassed and annoyed. “Stop stealing my lines.”
“You still remember them?” Jiang Ji marveled. “Looks like your brain isn’t completely broken yet.”
“…Yours is broken.” Lu Xingyan took this as flirtatious banter and lowered his head to eat a couple of bites of beef noodles. How strange—these noodles actually tasted sweet; had they added sugar?
Forget it—whatever flavor they were, they tasted good anyway.
Lu Xingyan finished his noodles as quickly as possible, set down his chopsticks, wiped his mouth, and began staring eagerly at Jiang Ji again.
They had been given the same amount, but Jiang Ji had only eaten a third of his; Lu Xingyan did not rush him and simply watched in silence, as though seeing Jiang Ji eat noodles were itself an immense pleasure and he could remain dazed and lovestruck like this until the end of time.
Jiang Ji desperately wanted to laugh but managed to hold it in, pushing his bowl toward Lu Xingyan. “Feed me.”
“Huh?” Lu Xingyan froze. “Isn’t that a little… a little too sappy?”
“…”
So even he knew it was sappy; Jiang Ji deliberately turned cold. “Lu Xingyan, you don’t want to?”
“I do!” Lu Xingyan surrendered instantly, holding the bowl in his left hand and lifting noodles with a slightly trembling right hand to feed his older brother.
Jiang Ji ate a few bites from his hand, but even he could no longer stand how mushy it felt and took the chopsticks back to resume eating by himself.
Lu Xingyan cautiously asked, “Was I bad at feeding you?”
“It was fine,” Jiang Ji said. “It would’ve been better if your hand wasn’t shaking.”
“I’m nervous.” Lu Xingyan blinked, then suddenly leaned over and stole a kiss while Jiang Ji had his head lowered over his noodles. “Jiang Ji, you really do like me?”
Jiang Ji said, “…”
Again. Was this guy going to chant the same line in his dreams tonight too?
Jiang Ji had long heard that some people became stupid once they fell in love, but he had never heard of anyone becoming this stupid. Lu Xingyan truly was in a league of his own when it came to losing his head over love—did he really love him that much?
Jiang Ji finished his noodles and picked up his phone to skim through his work emails. He was not actually in the mood for work, but when his phone chimed, habit made him check.
Lu Xingyan, ever the imitator, also picked up his phone to check his email, but his inbox contained nothing except Steam sale advertisements and Apple billing receipts. He pretended to study these boring messages professionally, then caught sight of Jiang Ji putting his phone down and immediately did the same, saying, “Bro, you still haven’t answered me…”
“How many times do you want me to answer?” I should buy you some walnuts to nourish your brain, Jiang Ji thought.
Lu Xingyan did not actually need an answer that badly; he simply could not think of any new way to act spoiled, so he kept asking the same thing over and over because he wanted more responses from Jiang Ji.
Jiang Ji did not give him one, but met his eyes with a deliberately ambiguous look.
The hotel’s soundproofing was excellent, and outside the windows on the twenty-third floor everything was silent; not the slightest sound came from the hallway or neighboring rooms either. They suddenly ran out of things to say and sat quietly across the table, looking at each other.
Lu Xingyan had never really known what love was supposed to feel like.
Whenever he still had enough reason left to examine it, it was not there; yet whenever it appeared, all his reason vanished and his mind turned to mush.
What was Jiang Ji thinking?
“Bro.” Lu Xingyan instinctively moved closer to his older brother, wanting to kiss his face, the bridge of his nose, his lips; to touch the neck where he himself had left bite marks; to hold his waist, hold his legs, press him into his arms, and continue everything they had left unfinished earlier.
“Bro…”
Lu Xingyan murmured it again, feeling as though he had been poisoned by love and was completely unable to tear himself away from Jiang Ji. He wanted not only to kiss him, touch him, and hold him, but also to be kissed by him, touched by him, and held tightly in his arms.
“What are we now?”
Still thoroughly muddled, Lu Xingyan arranged himself into the most obedient posture imaginable and dropped to one knee beside Jiang Ji’s feet as though proposing marriage. “How about we date?”
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