Some people believe that anyone who still thinks the world is beautiful and warm can only do so because they have never experienced its darkness or pain. They haven’t learned how cruel the real world can be, so that kind of belief is nothing more than childish naïveté.
Strangely, I see it exactly the opposite way. It is precisely because we have experienced painful things that we should believe happiness will eventually come. What are we supposed to do instead? Cling to every tragedy and every hurt, spend every day miserable and depressed, curse society for being so unfair, and complain that our whole lives have been nothing but hardship? Believe that deception and scheming exist everywhere, that no one deserves to be trusted and no love is worth entrusting ourselves to, until those narrow beliefs slowly turn us ugly, jaded, and calculating? If that is what people call maturity, then maturity is terribly disappointing.
Everyone should keep one untouched sanctuary inside their heart. No matter how difficult life becomes, there will always be something worth being happy about. Maybe a friend you haven’t seen for a long time suddenly contacts you. Maybe you unexpectedly meet someone you like. Maybe you stumble across that food you’ve wanted to eat forever. Maybe your favorite brand suddenly has an enormous sale. Maybe you score headshot after headshot in a game. Maybe you unexpectedly find an old diary or something you had nearly forgotten at the back of a cabinet. Maybe… there are countless possibilities. No matter how small it is, that moment is still your own little piece of happiness.
Everything seemed as though it were about to end, yet also as though it were beginning again. Mai Ding was happy because he could clearly feel Wu Xin gradually beginning to accept him. Apparently, this visit to An Zi Yan’s family home had yielded quite a lot. Unfortunately, the moment he escaped one problem, he fell straight into another. Somehow, he was suddenly getting married in only a few days, and he wasn’t mentally prepared at all. An Zi Yan’s announcements always caught him completely off guard.
Marriage? How were they supposed to get married? He hadn’t even imagined what the wedding would look like, yet they were already supposed to make it happen? A wedding happened only once in a lifetime. It was incredibly important! He hadn’t planned anything properly. Who were they inviting? What kind of fireworks should they have? His mind was completely blank. The more Mai Ding thought about it, the more agitated he became. He paced restlessly around the room before rushing to the computer to look at other people’s weddings for inspiration. Before long, he had several windows open at once. One minute he was researching what food to serve the guests, the next he was trying to figure out what kind of emcee they needed. Mai Ding had never dealt with anything like this before and was rapidly becoming overwhelmed. When An Zi Yan returned to the room after breakfast, Mai Ding glanced at his perfectly calm expression. Anyone looking at him would think he wasn’t one of the people getting married.
“You’re not nervous at all?” Mai Ding asked without taking his eyes from the computer. If only he could grow several extra pairs of eyes.
“Nervous about what?”
“How can you even ask that? Nervous about what? We’re getting married in a few days, and there are still so many things we haven’t arranged! Not to criticize you, but you’re exactly the kind of person who thinks of something and immediately does it. Out of nowhere, you announce we’re getting married without preparing anything. Let me tell you right now: if you think you’re giving me some cheap, pathetic wedding, forget it.”
Mai Ding wasn’t actually wrong. An Zi Yan really was the kind of person who did whatever entered his head. If Mai Ding’s car accident hadn’t frightened him so badly with the possibility of losing him, An Zi Yan wouldn’t have suggested marriage this early. Originally, he had intended to wait until after graduation. “What wedding? Don’t we just need a piece of paper?”
Mai Ding’s eyes nearly popped out. “In your dreams! You think you can marry me with one piece of paper? I want a huge wedding. Cake, flower children—whatever other people get, I’m not missing a single thing.”
“You’re a man. Can’t you keep it simple?”
“What’s wrong with being a man? A man can’t choose the wedding he wants? A man can’t have cake? A man can’t have flower children? A man can’t throw a bouquet for other people to catch? What kind of logic is that? Where is it written that only women are allowed to have those things? I look down on that kind of thinking!”
An Zi Yan had made one casual remark and Mai Ding had managed to lecture him for half the day. It was a shame he hadn’t become a teacher.
“Why are you getting so worked up?”
“I’m getting married! How could I not be worked up? Tell me, should we register first or hold the wedding first? Where do we register? After the wedding, when are we going to the Maldives for our honeymoon? How many days are we staying? When we come back from the honeymoon, do we need to buy a new apartment?” Mai Ding grabbed his head and fired off question after question in mounting frustration. When no one answered, he finally turned around. An Zi Yan was already gone. Mai Ding knew it. At a crucial moment like this, that guy was completely unreliable. Every important responsibility had fallen on Mai Ding’s shoulders.
As for invitations, Mai Ding didn’t have many friends to begin with. He had gradually lost contact with most of his old friends after they all went away to university. It was difficult to find time to meet, and eventually they simply drifted apart. Some friendships were pitifully fragile. Now he had to call everyone one by one. It was still the New Year holiday, so who knew whether anyone would even be available? Li Ming, Zhou Ge, Ellen, Xiao Si, Su Xiao Mi, Yan Yan… who else? Only then did Mai Ding realize just how pathetically few friends he had. No matter how hard he racked his brains, he couldn’t think of another person. Wouldn’t the wedding be terribly deserted? And where should they hold it? For convenience, maybe they should find somewhere unusual within the city. Ahhh, this was so annoying! Why were there so many things involved in getting married?
Mai Ding spent every waking moment thinking about the wedding. He thought about it while eating. He thought about it in the bathroom. He thought about it constantly. His eyes became bloodshot, and at night he couldn’t sleep. Instead, he remained at the computer fiddling with wedding ideas, randomly joining BL fangirl groups and gay men’s chat groups to ask people for creative suggestions. The clacking keyboard made it impossible for An Zi Yan to sleep, so he finally grabbed his pillow and threw it. The pillow struck Mai Ding in the head. Mai Ding turned around. His face was pale, his expression so agitated that he looked almost frightening. “What?!”
Of course, An Zi Yan wasn’t someone who could be frightened that easily. “What do you think? Get in bed and sleep.”
“Sleep? How am I supposed to sleep when we’re about to get married?”
“You’re sleeping whether you can or not.”
“Then at least help me think!” Mai Ding jumped from the computer to the bed and knelt over An Zi Yan’s legs on top of the blankets. “Do you think we should use earth tones or warm colors for the venue? And should we hire a professional photographer, or just let someone take pictures casually?”
“Have you looked at yourself lately? What pictures are you planning to take? Publicity stills for a horror film?”
“I’m panicking. I’m so frustrated. I keep feeling like there are a million things I haven’t finished, and I can’t control myself. There’s so much pressure, especially because I’m marrying you. Half of me keeps worrying you’ll change your mind halfway through, and the other half is terrified something will go wrong with the wedding. Even if everything goes smoothly, what if it still isn’t perfect? I want the best possible ending.”
“Calm down.”
Mai Ding gripped the blanket with both hands and shouted, “How am I supposed to calm down? I’m about to marry you! How do you expect me to calm down?!”
An Zi Yan sat up and covered Mai Ding’s mouth. “You’re seriously testing the decision I made.”
Mai Ding anxiously pulled An Zi Yan’s hand away and lowered his voice. “I already told everybody. If you dare run away from the wedding, what am I supposed to do?”
An Zi Yan didn’t even want to respond anymore. It was the middle of the night, yet the man in front of him was so wound up he might as well have been shot full of adrenaline. In a few quick movements, An Zi Yan stripped off Mai Ding’s outer clothes and dragged him beneath the covers. Mai Ding had barely tried to move when An Zi Yan gave him a cold stare. “Either sleep or die!”
Mai Ding immediately stopped moving. He obediently closed his eyes, but as soon as they were shut, all those thoughts began racing around his head again. Finally, he sat up. “An Zi Yan, how many tiers do you think the wedding cake should have?”
An Zi Yan clenched his fist. Mai Ding continued anyway. “And should there be two little figures on top of the cake, or a heart?”
What happened afterward cannot be known. Early the next morning, An Su ran into An Zi Yan’s room and found him leisurely brushing his teeth. Normally, she would have heard Mai Ding’s voice ages ago, but today the room was strangely quiet. An Su found it suspicious. “Where’s Mai Ding?”
“I sent him to the afterlife.”
An Su didn’t understand, so she walked into the bedroom to investigate for herself. The sight before her was magnificent. Mai Ding had been wrapped from head to toe in the bedsheet like a giant zongzi and was completely unable to move, with something stuck over his mouth as well. The moment he saw An Su, he immediately gave her a pleading look. An Su pursed her lips and, with obvious reluctance, walked over and freed him. Mai Ding ripped the thing off his mouth and complained furiously, “We’re about to get married! I can’t believe he still went all-out on me. What the hell?” He rubbed his shoulder.
“How long have you two been together? Do you seriously still believe he’s the kind of person who’s harsh on the outside but softhearted underneath?”
“He doesn’t have a heart at all! Last night there was a shoulder throw, a spinning back kick, a push kick, a roundhouse kick, a jumping kick, repeated single-leg kicks, repeated double-leg kicks—it was completely, completely unreasonable! All I did was ask him one tiny question. What did I ever do to deserve this?”
“Oh, well. He’s probably getting closer to marrying you, so his mood is getting worse and worse.”
“Bah! What’s that supposed to mean? Marriage? Right! I’m getting married! There are still so many things I haven’t done. Where are we ordering the cake? What about wedding favors? Should the food be Western or Chinese? And the officiant! Aaaah! What am I going to do? What am I going to do?” Mai Ding grabbed his head and began anxiously pacing back and forth. An Su turned to An Zi Yan, who had just walked in. “What’s wrong with him?”
“Pre-wedding syndrome.”
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