Just when Mai Ding felt the atmosphere had become unbearably awkward, Grandpa An came downstairs. “Xiao Ding, you’re here.”
Mai Ding looked up, immediately smiling as he went over to support him. “Grandpa, Happy New Year.”
“Good, good. Happy New Year to you too. When did you get here? You should’ve told Grandpa beforehand.”
“Just now.”
An Zi Yan stood and gave Grandpa An his seat on the sofa. Grandpa had heard the earlier conversation too. Smiling, he said to Wu Xin, “It’s New Year’s. If you have something to say, say it properly. Things between these two have already come this far, so stop making everyone miserable. What’s the point? They’ve reached this stage already. Can’t you let it go?”
Wu Xin snorted and stopped talking. Grandpa An’s arrival truly allowed Mai Ding to breathe again. An Su came downstairs after changing clothes, apparently still brooding over An Zi Yan calling her fat. She sat beside An Xun, checked the time, and rubbed her stomach. It was almost noon. “I’m hungry.”
Mai Ding’s eyes lit up. His chance to prove himself had arrived. He jumped to his feet. “H-How about I cook today?”
An Zi Yan lifted his chin. “Kitchen’s over there.”
Mai Ding darted into the kitchen. Once he had escaped the living room, he actually felt much more relaxed. The kitchen was an eye-opener. It was enormous and stocked with every kind of food imaginable, including plenty of things Mai Ding had never seen before. He rolled up his sleeves, turned on the tap, and began washing vegetables. An Su leaned against the kitchen doorway. “You’ve really got guts, showing up here.”
The sudden voice startled Mai Ding. When he realized it was only An Su, he relaxed. Compared with Wu Xin, An Su no longer seemed particularly frightening.
“You think I wanted to come? An Zi Yan forced me. What are you doing in here?”
“Checking whether you poison anything halfway through.”
“As if I’d dare. I’ve never been able to afford offending anyone with the surname An. Ah, at home I already have to work like a slave for An Zi Yan. Now I come here and have to serve his whole family too. What kind of miserable fate is this?”
“My brother treats you that well. You should be satisfied.” There was obvious jealousy in An Su’s voice.
“How does he treat me well? He bullies me every chance he gets.”
“As far as I know, he’s willing to watch those fantasy movies with you, lets you play his piano, gives you flowers… An Zi Yan—my brother—is actually willing to do things like that for you. I have no idea how much dog shit you stepped in during your last life to get this lucky. Of course, don’t ask him to go to the zoo with you. Going to the zoo is probably the thing he hates most in the world. A monkey scratched him there when he was little.”
An Su’s words left Mai Ding floating on air, and he couldn’t help feeling a little shy. “You really think so?”
“Look at that shameless lovestruck face. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. My mother isn’t that easy to win over. You seriously think cooking her one meal will make her fling open the doors of her heart to you? There isn’t a single thing about you that meets her standards for a daughter-in-law.”
“You’re belittling me.”
“I’m not belittling you. You really are that unimpressive. What exactly do you have? An angel’s face? A devil’s body? A distinguished family background? None of the above. You don’t even have the equipment to give birth.”
“I have a kind heart.”
“And what the hell is that good for? This is the real world. If you can’t show my mother something concrete and make her understand that you have what it takes to be worthy of An Zi Yan, she’ll never feel comfortable handing over the son she spent all these years raising.”
Mai Ding fell silent. An Su patted him on the shoulder. “Of course, my brother has already decided on you, so technically you can ignore my mother’s feelings completely.” With that, she left the kitchen.
Mai Ding continued chopping vegetables, his thoughts descending into chaos. Something concrete? What counted as something concrete? Did he actually have anything that could prove he was worthy of An Zi Yan? He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn’t even notice An Zi Yan standing behind him.
“Hey.”
Mai Ding’s hand jerked, and the knife sliced his finger. The cut wasn’t deep, but blood seeped from the narrow wound. An Zi Yan frowned and cursed. “Can’t you ever be more careful?”
“I was thinking about something.”
“Thinking, my ass. Come out. I’ll see if there are any Band-Aids around.”
An Zi Yan turned to leave, but Mai Ding grabbed him. “I suddenly really want to go to the zoo. Will you go with me tomorrow?”
Faced with such a completely random question, An Zi Yan hesitated, then finally replied impatiently, “Fine. Tomorrow, right?”
Mai Ding threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around An Zi Yan’s neck. So even if it was something An Zi Yan hated most, as long as Mai Ding asked, he would still agree. Mai Ding began grinning like an idiot. “I lied. I was just asking. I don’t even like zoos.”
“Are you insane? Let go of me. Don’t get that smell all over my clothes. You stink of vegetables.”
Mai Ding released him and followed him outside, pinching his injured finger. The entire family watched as An Zi Yan roughly rummaged around for something, then just as roughly tore open a Band-Aid.
“I told you not to squeeze it.”
“It hurts less when I squeeze it.”
“You’re still squeezing. Move your hand.” An Zi Yan slapped Mai Ding’s hand away and wrapped the Band-Aid firmly around the cut. It hadn’t hurt much before, but after An Zi Yan’s treatment it actually hurt worse. Mai Ding frowned. “Can’t you be gentler?”
“Whether I’m gentle or rough, it’ll hurt.”
“But it hurts more when you’re rough.”
“Done. You can go back to cooking now.”
Did this guy have even the slightest shred of humanity? Mai Ding had just cut his finger, and this was the treatment he got? Muttering under his breath, he returned to the kitchen. An Xun and Wu Xin had watched the entire exchange. Even an idiot could see how concerned An Zi Yan was about Mai Ding. Bai Xiao Si had once tumbled down the stairs and he hadn’t even raised an eyebrow. Compared with Mai Ding, Bai Xiao Si really had it rough.
Back in the kitchen, Mai Ding returned to his earlier train of thought. Suddenly, something occurred to him, and he perked up. After finishing the meal, while everyone else was eating, he pulled An Zi Yan aside. “Give me your car keys. I need to go home and get something.”
“What?”
“Something really important. You’ll understand when I bring it back.”
“No.”
“I swear on my life that I’ll definitely come back.”
“No.”
“It really is important. Just trust me this once.”
An Zi Yan stared at Mai Ding. Mai Ding looked back at him with complete seriousness, practically begging. They remained locked in a standoff for a long time before An Zi Yan finally pulled out the car keys. “Don’t take too long.”
“Yes, sir. And explain things to your family for me. I’ll be back before tonight.” With that, Mai Ding hurried out through the back door so no one at the front could stop him and bombard him with questions.
When Wu Xin found out, she said disdainfully, “Does he have any manners at all? He comes whenever he feels like it and leaves whenever he feels like it. What does he think this place is?”
An Zi Yan glanced at Wu Xin but said nothing. He was already too tired to argue. If she refused to accept Mai Ding, then so be it. Mai Ding, however, was nowhere near as open-minded as An Zi Yan about such things. He wanted everything to work out perfectly.
Mai Ding drove for a long time before finally reaching home. Ignoring his parents’ astonishment, he began rummaging through boxes and cabinets. He gathered an enormous bagful of things, sweating from the effort. Then, after hurriedly saying goodbye to his parents, he loaded everything into the car and left again. He looked delighted, repeatedly glancing sideways at the bag as he drove. This was something concrete. He was going to prove to Wu Xin that maybe he really could be worthy of An Zi Yan.
By the time darkness fell, Mai Ding was exhausted from spending nearly the entire day in the car, but he still stroked the garbage bag beside him as though it contained priceless treasure. These really were the treasures he had collected since childhood and carefully preserved all these years, never willing to take them out. If An Su’s words hadn’t suddenly reminded him of them, he never would have been rude enough to abandon An Zi Yan’s family and make a special trip home to retrieve them.
Mai Ding adjusted the heater and rubbed his tired eyes. The snow had made the roads wet and slippery, so he forced himself to stay alert and slapped his cheek with his right hand. In the cold night, the female radio host spoke in a soft, sweet voice: “It’s another new year. Maybe you still haven’t found that person. Listening to music alone, traveling alone, reading alone—those days are free, but lonely too. There’s no one to whom you can say the things lovers say, and no one there to listen. You can only watch through the glass as other people walk together in each other’s arms while you remain alone on the other side. Even when you open your diary, you don’t know whose name to write down or what stories there are to record. Of course, I’m not saying we can’t live without love. But with love, perhaps we can live a little more happily. Loneliness itself isn’t frightening. What’s frightening is becoming so accustomed to loneliness that you surrender your right to love. Perhaps you’ve already found that person. If so, don’t worry too much about the future. Maybe one day they’ll betray you. Maybe one day they’ll hurt you. But those things belong to the future. Treasure the time you have together now. Maybe instead, one day they’ll love you even more. Maybe one day they’ll marry you. The road ahead is unknown. No one can guarantee they’ll stay together forever. What matters most is allowing yourself to experience love. Now, please quietly listen to this next song.”
Mai Ding turned up the volume and listened to the beautiful blues song.
An Zi Yan, even if the world ends, I’m still going to be with you.
No one can promise they’ll stay together forever—but you’re the exception. You have to promise me.
As he rounded a bend, another car came speeding toward him. Its glaring headlights blinded Mai Ding. He jerked the steering wheel, only to discover that on the slick road his tires refused to obey. He closed his eyes and was met with a violent impact. Before Mai Ding could process what had happened, the airbag exploded open. Blood began running from his head as his consciousness gradually blurred. Freezing air poured through the shattered car window, while the blues song continued playing, echoing through the darkness.
An Zi Yan had been sitting on the sofa waiting for Mai Ding when his phone rang. As he listened, his expression grew steadily worse. He shot to his feet, grabbed An Xun’s car keys, rushed out the door, and drove toward the hospital. So this was what it felt like to be afraid of losing someone. For the first time, An Zi Yan understood the feeling with brutal clarity. He regretted it. He regretted not going home with Mai Ding. He regretted not spending more time with him. He regretted all the promises he had yet to fulfill. There were so many things he regretted. He absolutely could not accept losing Mai Ding. Absolutely not. This feeling was unbearable, pressing down on him until he could no longer think calmly or rationally.
When An Zi Yan arrived at the hospital, he looked somewhat disheveled. After being told that Mai Ding had merely hit his head and suffered a mild concussion, with no other serious injuries, he finally breathed a sigh of relief. He slowly walked into Mai Ding’s hospital room. Mai Ding lay on the bed with his eyes closed and his head wrapped in gauze. The sound of the door opening woke him. His head hurt slightly, and when he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was An Zi Yan. “An Zi Yan, why do you look so awful?”
“It’s nothing.”
Mai Ding pushed himself upright. “Did your family think it was rude of me to suddenly leave? Are they saying we can’t be together anymore?” he asked anxiously.
An Zi Yan pulled Mai Ding into his arms and held him tightly. “You… why can’t you ever stop making people worry?”
“Didn’t I ask you to explain it to them?” The two of them were talking about completely different things.
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You’re never driving again. Remember that. Never.”
“Why?”
“Because I won’t let you.”
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