Ke Bu finished the rest of his milk, crushed the carton into a ball, and tossed it into the trash. Across from him, Zhi Li was biting the straw while reading an instruction manual. Sometimes, Ke Bu found Zhi Li’s reading preferences utterly baffling. Ordinary people usually read romance or martial arts novels, while more mature people might read books like One Hundred Shortcuts to Success. You Yan read classics. Only Zhi Li could spend ages reading random things like freshman handbooks and air-conditioner manuals.
Ke Bu rested his chin on the table. Beneath it, he trapped one of Zhi Li’s legs between both of his own and swayed it from side to side. “Do you have any plans for summer vacation?”
“Yes.” That answer was somewhat unexpected.
“With whom?”
“You Yan.” That answer was even more unexpected. Ke Bu had thought he would hear his own name. Tightening his legs around Zhi Li’s, Ke Bu said, “Well, well. I knew there was something going on between the two of you. Adulterer and adulteress! Committing such a heinous betrayal—can you face the heavens above or your ancestors below?”
Zhi Li glanced at Ke Bu, then returned his attention to the instruction manual. Su You Yan walked in. Ke Bu hurried over and grabbed her shoulders. “You Yan, nothing good comes from being the other woman. Once your reputation is completely ruined, don’t blame me for not warning you. Before Zhi Li defiles you, you should hurry and find some random man to defile you first.” Su You Yan kicked Ke Bu in the knee, and he immediately dropped to one knee. She dusted off her shoulder and looked at Zhi Li. “I told you before. This is what happens when he goes more than five days without being disciplined. These people are simply itching for a beating. The moment their wounds heal, they forget the pain.” As she spoke, she even took out her notebook and added another mark against Ke Bu.
“It was only a joke. Why take it so seriously? What are you two doing over summer vacation?”
The matter had begun three days earlier. In the middle of the night, Zhi Li received a call from Lan Yin. Without even glancing at the display, he hung up immediately. The phone rang again, so Zhi Li switched it off. Less than a minute later, Chu Hao Yu came knocking on the door with a yawn. “Zhi Li, someone’s calling for you.” Chu Hao Yu handed him the phone and went back to sleep.
Zhi Li’s expression was terrible as he answered. “Hello.”
“Baby, it’s me.”
Zhi Li hung up, turned off Chu Hao Yu’s phone, and lay back down. Before long, Ying Xiu Jie came knocking with a yawn. “Zhi Li, someone’s calling for you.” This time, Zhi Li’s expression became exceptionally ugly. He knew that with Lan Yin’s personality, this would never end unless he answered her.
“What is it?”
“Is that any way to speak to me? I carried you for ten months and went through untold suffering to give birth to you.”
“‘Casually gave birth to me’ would be closer to the truth. Get to the point.”
“Keep your summer vacation free. During the break, plenty of students will come to Yinguo Town for vacation, so I’m opening a themed restaurant because I’ve been bored lately. You and Su You Yan have already been reserved as servers. Everyone else can wash dishes. I’ll pay your wages properly.”
“You’ve squandered all your money, haven’t you?” Zhi Li exposed the truth in a single sentence.
The mention of this immediately infuriated Lan Yin. “That bastard actually froze my cards and refuses to give me living expenses. When he checked the credit card statements, he accused me of spending recklessly and told me to reflect on myself. He gave me only two choices: one, beg him; two, kneel down and beg him. Not a chance. Who does he think I am? From now on, we’re cutting ties with him. He took my money, so I’ll take his son.” Lan Yin sneered.
Even after Lan Yin openly revealed her scheme to use him as a bargaining chip, Zhi Li remained completely unmoved. “You were the one who insisted on keeping your money with him. Hurry up and choose the easier path. Kneel down and beg him. Stop bothering me.” Everyone in this family was rather cold-blooded.
“What kind of attitude is that?” Lan Yin waited for a long while after speaking, but there was no response from the other end. She raised her voice into the receiver. “Wake up.” Zhi Li was startled awake, his brows knitting even more tightly. He said impatiently, “Did it never occur to you that discussing this with me during the day would be easier?”
“What kind of joke is that? I sleep during the day. Who has time to talk to you about something like this?”
“I sleep at night.”
“So you’re planning to take your father’s side, are you?”
“Neutral.”
“No, no, no! Between him and me, you can only choose one. No, no, no! You can only choose me.” Lan Yin began acting shamelessly spoiled. There was only one person in the world with whom she would behave this way: her dearest baby boy.
“You’re so noisy. Fine, I understand.” After saying that, Zhi Li hung up.
Ke Bu was dissatisfied. “Why do we have to wash dishes?” He only dared complain here. Even if someone lent him a hundred lives, he would never dare grumble in front of Lan Yin. Su You Yan closed her notebook and returned it to her bag. “Perhaps the assignments were decided according to temperament.”
“What did you say?!”
“I said they were decided according to temperament. Do you have a problem with that?”
“I just didn’t hear you clearly.” Only now did Ke Bu realize there were far too many people he could not afford to provoke. No matter what, he was still technically a member of Zhi Li’s family, yet his status had not improved at all. Lan Yin, Su You Yan, Dora—and they were all women. Just as he was thinking this, cries of condemnation came from outside. Chu Hao Yu raised his fist in righteous indignation and shouted like a hot-blooded student activist from an earlier era, “Down with Ke Bu! Revitalize China!”
Ke Bu folded his arms and looked at him coldly. “So what you mean is that I’m the one dragging China down?”
Chu Hao Yu pointed at Ke Bu. “Put him in a pig cage and drown him!” Ke Bu could not understand the source of Chu Hao Yu’s anger. Chu Hao Yu quickly continued, “Your mistress came to the classroom looking for you. I told her you were here. She’s waiting outside now.”
“My mistress?” Ke Bu grew even more confused. His first reaction was to look at Zhi Li and raise his fist. “May the heavens bear witness to my innocence.” Another hot-blooded declaration. A woman appeared outside the window. When Ke Bu saw her, he stopped joking, and his expression became somewhat strained. It was the beautiful woman dressed in black who had come looking for him shortly after the semester began. Ke Bu stood rooted in place, unsure what to do next. Zhi Li kept his head lowered over the instruction manual and turned another page. “Go.”
“Mm.”
Ke Bu walked outside, worried that the smile on his face might appear too stiff and expose something. He and the woman stood side by side in the corridor. Neither of them spoke. Ke Bu decided to break the silence first. “It’s been a while.”
“Mm. My company transferred me out of town for work for a while.”
Silence followed once more. Ke Bu could feel his palms sweating. His feelings toward this woman were extremely complicated: guilt, resistance, and affection. Yet the emotions could not blend together and instead ran chaotically through his body. The woman smiled and reached out to straighten Ke Bu’s hair. “Ke Bu, do you hate me?”
Ke Bu could not immediately answer such a direct question. Instinctively, he looked into the classroom. Zhi Li still had not raised his head. Ke Bu understood clearly that just as he would not investigate or interfere in Zhi Li’s family affairs, Zhi Li would likewise never interfere in his. This was the boundary between them. Neither had the right to make decisions about the other’s family.
The woman turned her gaze downstairs and watched the students coming and going. She said leisurely, “I’m already twenty-seven. How many more years do you expect me to wait? A woman’s resentment can run very deep.” She smiled as she spoke. Ke Bu bit his lower lip tightly. “You know I’m not the one who decides this. It has nothing to do with me.”
“You’re lying. Look into my eyes. You know perfectly well that everything depends on you.”
Ke Bu turned his head away and suddenly felt nauseated. He felt disgusted—disgusted with himself. A profound sense of self-loathing gripped his entire body. Only after a long while did he force out the words, “I’m sorry.”
The woman began to cry. Tears simply spilled down her face. She seized Ke Bu’s shoulders tightly. “Don’t say you’re sorry. Why is it always ‘I’m sorry’? Ke Bu, you can’t do this to me. You can’t do this to your father, and you can’t do this to yourself. You’re torturing three people. Let go. I’m begging you, let go. You understand perfectly well that your family can never return to the way it was.”
“I’m sorry…” Ke Bu’s face was pale. He could not feel the pain in his shoulders, and the nausea grew even worse. The woman quickly calmed herself, wiped away her tears, and smiled. “I’m sorry about just now. I’ll leave first. I’ll come and see you again when I have time.” The woman turned around. Ke Bu reached out, wanting to call her back, but no sound came out.
He slowly returned to the hideout. Chu Hao Yu asked thoughtlessly, “How did you make that beautiful lady cry…” Before he could finish, Su You Yan drove her elbow into Chu Hao Yu’s stomach and dragged him away by the collar.
“Where are we going? I haven’t finished talking yet.”
“To check how well your grave is coming along.”
Ke Bu stood motionless in the doorway with his head lowered. Only after a long time did he speak. “Hey, Zhi Li, what exactly am I holding on to? Does what I’m holding on to still have any meaning?” The woman’s name was Ding Luo Yuan. She was the older girl who had lived next door to Ke Bu’s family. In the past, when his parents went to work, they would leave Ke Bu in Ding Luo Yuan’s care. Once, Ding Luo Yuan had been Ke Bu’s favorite older sister. She always bought him things to eat and was gentle, considerate, and beautiful. But Ke Bu had not been the only person who thought so. His father, Ke Qin, had felt the same way. As Ke Bu gradually grew older and slowly came to understand relationships between men and women, he would never forget what he had seen when his kind mother asked him to deliver freshly baked cookies to Ding Luo Yuan. The two of them had been sitting close together on the sofa, looking at photographs. They discussed something and exchanged smiles from time to time, like an intimate couple.
When Ke Qin saw Ke Bu, he stood up and acted as though nothing was wrong. “You’re here. Sister Ding and I were just looking at photographs from when she was little.”
Ke Bu’s expression was cold. “Really? They must be very nice.” Ke Bu remembered—remembered his mother’s face, which had aged somewhat for his sake, and then looked at Ding Luo Yuan’s youthful face. The woman he had once regarded as his closest confidante had ultimately betrayed him.
It was only many years later that Ke Bu understood that Ding Luo Yuan loved his father, and his father loved her in return. His mother had merely been a woman introduced through a matchmaking arrangement, merely an ordinary woman without any flattering description placed before her name. But some things could not be forgiven simply because love existed. Even though Ke Bu understood everything, he could not let go. He was unwilling to accept it. He refused to believe that two people who had been together for more than ten years had never shared even the slightest love. Nor could he tolerate a woman only a little older than himself becoming his mother. To Ke Bu, she was merely the older girl from next door. She could never replace his mother. Ke Qin and Ding Luo Yuan had never married because Ke Qin felt guilty toward Ke Bu. Ke Bu knew that perhaps everything would proceed smoothly if he simply gave his approval, and the two people who loved each other could finally be together. But he could not do it. He did not know why. He simply could not forgive them or let it go, even as one year after another passed.
Zhi Li closed the instruction manual and raised his head to look at Ke Bu. Ke Bu stared back at him. “I think I’m terribly selfish. I’m torturing other people because of my own feelings. Will you hate me?”
“Why would I hate you? I’m still waiting for you to help me dispose of stolen goods, keep watch for me, hold my matches, and dismember bodies for me—although I don’t particularly trust your skills enough to believe you could do it without anyone noticing.”
Those words had been spoken so very long ago, yet Zhi Li still remembered them. Ke Bu could not help smiling. He walked over and bumped his head into Zhi Li’s chest.
“Really? No matter how selfish or terrible I become, you won’t hate me?”
“That’s precisely what I like about you.”
“Really?”
“Of course I only said it to comfort you.”
“Bastard!!”
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