Spring swept in with an unstoppable air. It had grown warmer, and the green leaves, flowers, and even the dark, gloomy teaching building had become brighter. The pen turning between his fingers fell onto his book. Ke Bu propped up his chin, his whole person looking lazy. He glanced at the teacher tirelessly imparting knowledge, then let his gaze fall on Zhi Li. That slender nape, that clean profile, those long lashes became even more beautiful in the ambiguous light. He liked the word beautiful, and liked even more placing that word on Zhi Li. He deserved to have it.
The sharp sound of the bell rang out, and the quiet classroom began to fill with noise. Zhi Li noticed the gaze directed at him and turned his head. Just as their eyes were about to meet, Ke Bu hurriedly looked away.
Ke Bu did not particularly entangle himself in questions about love. Do you love me? Have you ever loved someone more than me? Do you love me more than I love you? Will there be a day when you stop loving me? Ke Bu believed that clinging to such questions was itself a way of alienating love. He did not understand what the true meaning of love actually was; he simply wanted to be with him without any distracting thoughts, without limits, without asking for anything more.
He took out a book borrowed from the library and flipped through it. Although he was not as fond of reading as You Yan, Ke Bu had his own preferences. He liked Nietzsche: obscure and difficult words, bold language, even somewhat mad and arrogant, yet able to strike a chord. “I walk upon the road fate has prescribed for me. Although I am not willing to walk this road, apart from walking it filled with grief and indignation, I have no other choice.”
Ke Bu thought of his foreign teacher from high school. At that time, his English had been terrible, and he had almost been unable to communicate with this foreign teacher who did not understand much Chinese. But once after class, this foreigner with red hair and white skin had planted both feet on the bottom of the teacher’s desk, smoking, with eyes that seemed to contain everything and also nothing at all. That state had left a very deep impression on Ke Bu.
Out of his curiosity toward foreigners back then, Ke Bu sent this foreign teacher text messages. Every time he sent a message, Ke Bu had to spend a long time looking up translations online. The foreign teacher asked Ke Bu what author he liked, and Ke Bu gave a brief answer: Nietzsche. The foreign teacher laughed and began with “A-HA,” then told him that the first book in his life had been written by Nietzsche.
Finally, the day before the foreign teacher left, he gave Ke Bu a disc. On the cover was a sentence written in black marker. A classmate picked it up and translated it beside Ke Bu: “Although you often cannot express the words you want to say, I know what you want to say.” That sentence became something that still moved Ke Bu many years later.
For some reason, he had suddenly remembered such trivial things from so long ago. By the time he came back to himself, Zhi Li was already sitting beside him. His fingers took the book from Ke Bu’s hand, and he glanced at the cover. “Nietzsche?”
“Mm.” Ke Bu answered lightly. Right now, he did not want to encounter a line like, With that little act of yours, you’re still pretending to be cultured by reading this kind of book? After all, Zhi Li had never been stingy with either his tenderness or his poisonous tongue.
“Here, my greatest suffering is loneliness… This loneliness is due to an individual’s inability to reach a consensus with the world. When I arrive at the heights, I find that I am always alone. No one speaks with me. The lonely depths of winter make me tremble. What exactly do I seek in the heights?”
Ke Bu looked at Zhi Li with quite some surprise. “You’ve read it too?”
“Back in middle school, I suppose.”
“I don’t remember ever seeing you holding any book back in middle school.”
“That,” Zhi Li placed the book back into Ke Bu’s hand, “I had just come back from the library the day I met you.” One had no choice but to believe that fate also had such a thing as coincidence. Ke Bu looked at the time on his watch. The class bell was about to ring, wasn’t it? Zhi Li had just stood up when Ke Bu called after him. “Hey, are you free this Sunday?”
“No.”
“May I ask if you’re free this Sunday?”
“Why?”
“Let’s go out and have fun.”
“Have fun?”
Ke Bu forcefully pushed Zhi Li away from the seat. “You should be secretly delighted. I’m kindly inviting you on a date.” Ke Bu said proudly. Zhi Li tilted his head and asked in confusion, “Is this the kind of thing one needs to be secretly delighted about?”
“Don’t use that expression to attack my self-esteem.”
“What?”
On Sunday, Ke Bu stood with both hands in his trouser pockets, waiting for the bus. Of all people, Chu Hao Yu actually appeared. “Yo! You two, are you going into town? What a coincidence. I’m going to buy some things too. Let’s go together.”
“You really have the nerve,” Ke Bu said with a face full of reluctance.
“What kind of attitude is that? Even if you’re unwilling, Zhi Li hasn’t said so, right?” Chu Hao Yu grinned cheekily and slung an arm over Zhi Li’s shoulder. Zhi Li looked silently at the hand on his shoulder, and Chu Hao Yu tactfully withdrew it. The bus slowly pulled up to the platform. Ke Bu got on. Zhi Li got on. Chu Hao Yu got on and stood by the bus door.
“Hao Yu.”
“What is it?”
“I’m going to kick you. Is that alright?” In the instant before the door closed, Zhi Li kicked Chu Hao Yu off the bus. Ke Bu asked calmly, “Isn’t that a little bad?”
“I asked for his opinion.”
“True.” Zhi Li walked toward an empty seat and sat on the aisle side. After putting in the fare, Ke Bu walked over beside Zhi Li and sat down in the window seat. So he still remembered. These tiny little things had accumulated into habits between the two of them.
The bus moved forward slowly, students laughed and joked, and outside the window was familiar scenery. Ke Bu pressed his face against the bus window. “Zhi Li, male, good-looking, excellent grades, outstanding in many ways, can’t stand heat, only drinks mineral water and milk, occasionally tries coffee, has a very high threshold for humor, is very possessive, has a mouth that’s both sweet and wicked. Doesn’t like thin noodles, doesn’t like having his head touched, doesn’t like doubled-up words, doesn’t like being called baby, doesn’t like vanilla-flavored popsicles, doesn’t like gourds and melons, like winter melon and bitter melon, doesn’t like sweets, especially candy, doesn’t like using emoticons when chatting on QQ, doesn’t like chatting on the phone. Likes saying the word ‘what,’ likes blue, likes drawing even though he’s terrible at it, likes teasing people, likes a boy named Ke Bu. He likes very few things, so that boy named Ke Bu doesn’t need to worry about being squeezed out with no place left.”
After saying that long string of words, Ke Bu looked through the window at Zhi Li’s reflected face. “How was that? My six-year summary report on you. Ask away.”
“What?”
“In this situation, you’re supposed to say ‘answer,’ not ‘what.’ What does Ke Bu dislike most?”
“Cold, exercise, lamb, innocence, idol dramas, family.” Ke Bu froze for a moment, then curled his lips. “What does Ke Bu like?”
“Dressing like a bear in winter, money, things that don’t waste physical strength, shouting nonsense, mocking other people, going to bed half-resisting and half-willing, family.”
“Hearing you say it like that doesn’t make me happy at all.” Ke Bu said through gritted teeth, “Looks like you’re perfectly aware that the things I like don’t include you.”
“You only asked about things you like.” The bus jolted over a stone in the road, and Zhi Li’s voice mingled with the heavy wheezing of the engine, the noisy chatter, the sounds of snoring, and Ke Bu’s heartbeat. “You didn’t ask about what you like most.”
“You’re way too confident! But it looks like you also like that Ke Bu guy quite a bit, since you can rattle off his preferences so easily.”
“Maybe. Good thing he isn’t here, otherwise if he saw me together with you, he’d get jealous.”
Ke Bu burst out laughing, his face pressed against the window until it was squeezed out of shape, leaving a faint mark behind. The bus arrived at their destination. Ke Bu jumped off and stretched lazily.
Next, what exactly were they supposed to do on a date? Ke Bu took a small slip of paper from his clothing bag: walk around, eat, walk around again, eat again, watch a movie, go home. Tsk, tsk. This schedule was truly emptily fulfilling.
“Is there anything you want to buy?”
“No.”
“I can buy it for you.” Wasn’t that supposed to be his line? Ke Bu thought indignantly. Since you won’t open that noble mouth of yours, I’ll remind you. Zhi Li thought for a moment. “A sports car.”
“How could I possibly afford that!!!”
“Then don’t ask.”
“Anyway, let’s go to the bookstore first and buy the books You Yan asked us to get.”
The two of them walked to the bookstore. Ke Bu pulled some distance between them. “Because of your attitude, I’ve decided we’ll act separately. Goodbye.” Ke Bu was the first to disappear among the shelves.
After taking You Yan’s books, Ke Bu poked his head out and made sure there was no sign of Zhi Li, then picked up a blue sketchbook and placed it at the very bottom of the stack.
When the clerk was about to ring them up, Ke Bu called out, “Yahoo.” Zhi Li looked at Ke Bu coldly. “Don’t do embarrassing things when you’re with me.”
Only after seeing the clerk put the sketchbook into the bag did Ke Bu finally relax and roll his eyes at Zhi Li. “Sorry for being so embarrassing.”
After Zhi Li paid, Ke Bu carried the books out of the bookstore. “At a time like this, shouldn’t you be carrying them?”
“Don’t you have hands?”
“Do you understand date etiquette or not?” Ke Bu threw the books into Zhi Li’s arms.
After they finished the other boring things, the movie was over too. The two of them walked out of the cinema. Ke Bu glanced at the freezer outside a small shop and moved closer. “I didn’t expect them to start selling popsicles already this season. Boss, give me two.”
The two of them stood in front of the bus stop holding popsicles. At this hour, there was no one left at the bus stop heading back to school. The only sound remaining was Ke Bu crunching ice between his teeth. “Wow, so cold.” With the vanilla-flavored popsicle in his mouth, Ke Bu said, “Oh right, I remember you still owe me one yuan fifty for the popsicle from last time.”
“That wasn’t a flavor I liked.”
“You shameless welcher. I’ll keep nagging you until you pay me back.” Ke Bu bit into the ice again, then reached into the bag Zhi Li was carrying and pulled out the sketchbook. “It’s for you, as a gift for our first date.”
Zhi Li looked at the blue sketchbook. “This is the return gift.” Zhi Li bent down, and just as their lips were about to touch, Ke Bu blocked his mouth with the back of his hand. “Right now, it isn’t a flavor you like.” There was still a faint trace of vanilla left in his mouth. Zhi Li pulled down Ke Bu’s hand. “Then I’ll make do.” Zhi Li’s breath melted away the vanilla flavor and melted away that chill as well.
The next day, Ke Bu tossed the bag of books to Su You Yan. Su You Yan counted the books, then took one out from inside and threw it to Ke Bu. Ke Bu caught it. On the hard cover, the author’s name was written in gold: Nietzsche.
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