Outside the room, the wind was bitterly cold. Inside, the person he loved was sharing passion and intimacy with another woman. Only a single door separated them, yet it felt like the difference between heaven and earth, plunging him into an icy abyss and leaving him unable to breathe.
Ning Xuan could not understand it. Why had things suddenly become like this, without the slightest warning? He once heard someone say that love had nothing to do with right or wrong, nor with reasons. Either it existed or it did not. It was an impulse, a desire. Perhaps it lasted only for a moment, perhaps it endured forever. It was like gambling, except there was no winning or losing, no gain or loss—only a feeling. If you believed you had been hurt, then you had been hurt. If you believed it did not matter, then it did not matter. At that moment, Ning Xuan did not know which kind he was. His heart instantly turned cold. After one frozen pause, he could no longer even remember whether it was still beating.
It was nothing like the scenes described in romance stories, where the sky collapsed and the earth shattered. Nor did he feel the urge to cry until his voice broke, as though he could not survive until tomorrow. Even Ning Xuan himself was surprised by how calm he remained.
“Ning Xuan…” Qing Zhu, who had hurried after him, called softly as he looked at Ning Xuan standing expressionlessly before the door, still holding the posture of someone about to push it open.
The sounds of pleasure continued endlessly from inside. The woman’s wanton moans, the man’s low breaths, mingled with the sounds of bodies colliding and the creaking of the bedframe. The intensity required no explanation.
Ning Xuan suddenly found himself laughable. He no longer understood what he had been hoping for, what he had been pursuing, or what he even was now. His fingertips, still unable to withdraw, trembled uncontrollably. They were numb with cold, yet paradoxically burned with a sharp sting. His ten fingers were connected to his heart, and yet only his fingertips hurt. He slowly clenched his hand into a fist. Such a simple movement seemed to drain all his strength, leaving him exhausted as he closed his eyes. It felt as though only by doing so could he temporarily shut out the reality before him.
Seeing that Ning Xuan remained silent and outwardly calm, as though nothing had happened, the people who had rushed over did not know whether they should feel relieved or worried.
The sounds of pleasure continued without end. With the atmosphere frozen in such a state, everyone felt increasingly uneasy.
“It’s late already, and it’s freezing out here. You should go back and rest. There are enough people here. There’s no need for one more person to stay,” Yi Shu said. He had no idea what else to do and only wanted Ning Xuan to leave first and calm down.
In truth, those who had served the prince for years had seen everything. They would never claim to fully understand the prince’s thoughts, but they could usually guess the purpose behind his actions. Ever since Ning Xuan had been transferred to the main courtyard, many things had become matters that could only be understood but never spoken aloud. Everyone saw what was happening and simply minded their own business. Thus, Ning Xuan’s favored status and the many changes in Feng Xuanyi were not entirely unexpected. Even the intimacy and affection that existed without any formal status were things they had seen before. Others might have tried to take advantage of the situation and curry favor, but not the seven of them. They had seen such things too many times. Were affairs like this rare within the prince’s manor?
As long as one paid attention, observed carefully, and asked a few questions, the outcome was always obvious. A master was a master, and a servant was a servant. The line separating them was thin, but it was an abyss that could never be crossed. Yet those who found themselves suddenly showered with affection by a master inevitably became intoxicated by it and clung to their fantasies. They convinced themselves that the kindness was real, that whatever they personally experienced must be true. Thus, the distance between soaring to great heights and crashing to the ground was only a single thought away. The distance between heaven and hell was not actually very far. But when that countdown to disaster finally reached you, there was nowhere left to run. If you accepted it, at least you could enjoy the brief beauty of a flower blooming for a moment. But if you resisted and refused, then all that awaited was an endless abyss.
After seeing enough of it, people learned to accept it. Once they accepted it, they became accustomed to it. Everyone took what they needed. That was fate. The only difference was that one person happened to be a prince of immense status, power, and authority, while the other was merely a servant who did not even know who his parents or siblings were.
There had been many opportunities when they could have warned him, but words invited trouble. In this manor, it was better to keep one’s head down and mind one’s own affairs. Managing oneself was difficult enough. Everyone had their own fate. Perhaps the two parties involved were perfectly willing participants, each getting what they wanted. If an outsider interfered, they might only create trouble for themselves. After all, Ning Xuan was currently the prince’s favored companion. A single whispered word in the prince’s ear could easily ruin someone. Thus, everyone chose silence and acted as though they knew nothing.
Yet Ning Xuan had always felt different to them. Despite receiving such extraordinary favor and affection, he displayed no greed, ambition, or vanity. He remained blunt, fearless, and utterly incapable of flattering anyone. Moreover, the prince’s behavior during this period had been so unusual that even the seven long-serving attendants who had followed Feng Xuanyi for years were repeatedly left speechless in astonishment. For a time, they had genuinely believed this situation might be different. Yet in the end, fate was still fate. What was meant to happen would happen eventually. The only uncertainty was how long it would take. Just as they themselves were still servants, no matter what clothes they wore, they could never become princes.
“Brother Yi Shu, what are you saying? I’m not sick, injured, or afflicted by any disaster. If I abandoned my duties for no reason, who knows how Steward Mo would punish me if he heard about it? Everyone else is here, so naturally I cannot be absent. Of course, if I happen to doze off or get distracted in the middle of things, I’ll have to trouble Brother Yi Shu to look after me a little.” Ning Xuan smiled as though nothing were wrong, joking and chatting casually with Yi Shu. If not for the fact that the smile never reached his eyes, and those once-bright dark pupils had become utterly lifeless, like a stagnant pool of dead water, Yi Shu might have believed the past three months had all been a dream.
Before Yi Shu, Yi Xuan, Qing Zhu, or Mo Qi could react, Ning Xuan walked directly to the spot that had been left vacant when Yi Shu stepped away. Under the astonished gazes of everyone around him, he lowered his eyes and stood there. Never before had he appeared so obedient, so dutiful, and so perfectly devoted to his responsibilities.
Yi Shu and Yi Xuan exchanged helpless, confused glances. They could hardly drag Ning Xuan away by force. Besides, they had already done what they could. Whether he wanted this life, whether he could endure it, was not for them to decide. With that thought, everyone returned to their positions. The night around Liu Xiang Pavilion grew quiet once more. Yet because even the sound of falling snow bending tree branches could be heard so clearly, the intimate sounds from beyond that single wall—the seductive gasps and shameless words—seemed infinitely amplified, echoing through the night.
Contrary to the calmness he displayed on the surface, Ning Xuan’s heart was in complete turmoil. Perhaps even he could not measure the storm raging within him. If the earlier numb silence had been caused by the sheer shock of reality striking too suddenly for him to react, then what he felt now was the true awakening—the realization, the disbelief, and the grief.
Listening to those sounds of pleasure ringing so clearly in his ears, it felt as though the scene itself were unfolding right before his eyes. Memories of the past months flooded back one after another. Sweet words, tender moments. Even at this exact time yesterday, the person held in Feng Xuanyi’s embrace had been Ning Xuan. Yet now everything had changed. There was a beauty in his arms, but she was no longer yesterday’s beloved.
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