After learning that Zhi Li had returned, Chu Hao Yu gathered everyone to come over to his house. Ke Bu tucked his face into his scarf, leaving only his eyes exposed as he sized up Chu Hao Yu’s home. He hadn’t expected Chu Hao Yu’s family to be this wealthy. Dressed casually, Chu Hao Yu appeared at the front door and enthusiastically waved everyone over. “Yo, long time no see. Happy New Year, everyone.”
“Yutai, stop pretending to be a good person and let us in already. It’s freezing.”
“I don’t remember inviting a brown bear.”
Beside him, Gong Zhu looked equally surprised. “So it’s Ke Bu. You scared me. I thought some stranger had been following us the whole way.”
“You’re only noticing now?”
“Who told you to dress like a sumo-wrestling ninja?” Ying Xiu Jie said.
“Zhi Li, say something for me too.”
“Who are you?”
“Now you’re pretending not to know me?”
A sheepdog suddenly appeared at Zhi Li’s feet and began rubbing its face against his leg. Chu Hao Yu crouched down and clapped his hands at the dog. “Chesty, come here.” So it was Chu Hao Yu’s dog, and what a ridiculous name. Yet Chesty merely glanced at Chu Hao Yu coldly and remained glued to Zhi Li’s feet. Chu Hao Yu was outraged. “Chesty, I’m your owner! Why are you clinging to that heartless man who’s only visited two or three times?” Looking at the dog, Ke Bu finally noticed its swollen belly. “So it’s a female dog. Is she pregnant?”
“Yeah. She should be giving birth soon.”
Zhi Li stared at Chesty’s stomach, then at Chu Hao Yu, then back at Chesty’s stomach, then at Chu Hao Yu again. “Your child?”
“How is that even possible?!”
Ke Bu rubbed his temples. “This is bad. An evil image just appeared in my head.”
Clutching his own head, Ying Xiu Jie looked even more distressed. “Me too. You’re disgusting. I thought you only liked women. I never imagined you and a dog…”
“S-Stop talking. Even I have a mental image now,” Zhou Xin He said, blushing.
“Erase those disturbing images from your minds! That’s disgusting.”
The moment they stepped inside, warmth enveloped them. Ke Bu removed his coat and scarf and hung them by the entrance, finally looking like an actual human being again. Looking around Chu Hao Yu’s house, he asked, “Where are your parents?”
“They went out shopping. Come on, make yourselves at home.” Chu Hao Yu brought over hot tea and snacks. “Xin He, You Yan, just treat this place like your own home. Here, you can take off your bras and underwear too. It’ll be more comfortable.”
“You really can say things like that with such a sunny smile.” Ke Bu bit into a cookie. Zhou Xin He immediately edged farther away from Chu Hao Yu, blushing, while Su You Yan propped up her chin and looked at him. “No.”
“Why?” He actually had the nerve to ask.
“Because today, underneath, I’m wearing… absolutely nothing.” Su You Yan enunciated each word slowly. Everyone immediately sprayed tea from their mouths. Chu Hao Yu put on a lecherous expression, blood poured from his nose, and he collapsed to the floor. That technique was far too effective against perverts.
“He’s going to bleed to death at this rate,” Ke Bu observed, looking down at Chu Hao Yu.
“Probably,” Ying Xiu Jie agreed while looking at Chu Hao Yu sprawled on the floor. Then he turned his head. “What’s this?”
“It looks weird.” Zhou Xin He picked up a bamboo cylinder sitting on the coffee table. It was filled with bamboo sticks wrapped in paper. Having finally wiped away the nosebleed and regained his composure, Chu Hao Yu explained, “My family bought this fortune-drawing tube because it looked fun. Want to try it? Drawing a good fortune should improve your mood.”
“Nothing else to do. Might as well test our luck.”
Everyone drew a fortune stick. Ke Bu secretly peeked at Zhi Li’s. Zhi Li unfolded the paper, revealing a large black character: MISFORTUNE. Ke Bu immediately snickered from behind him. “The heavens really are fair. Looks like your luck has finally run out. Ahahaha! On such a vibrant spring day, this news is like a refreshing breeze decorating my life. Zhi Li, your era has finally come to an end.”
“Are you sick?” Zhi Li tossed the paper into the trash can. One after another, everyone unfolded their fortunes and found the exact same large black character: MISFORTUNE. Ying Xiu Jie grabbed Chu Hao Yu by the collar. “Don’t tell me every stick in this thing says Misfortune?”
“How could that be? Yesterday Chesty bit out a FORTUNE stick.” Chu Hao Yu’s words struck everyone like a bolt from the blue. He dropped to his knees, clutching his head. “My luck is actually worse than a dog’s?! I no longer have the strength to keep living.”
“Your will to live is surprisingly fragile.” Ke Bu wagged a finger. “Blaming others because you didn’t get a good fortune. That’s pretty pathetic for a man.” Ke Bu unfolded his own slip. Since so many people had drawn Misfortune, his chances of drawing Fortune should be much higher.
GREAT MISFORTUNE!! Ke Bu immediately hurled the fortune tube at Chu Hao Yu’s head. “This thing is definitely rigged! Why did everyone else get Misfortune while I got Great Misfortune?”
“Be careful. Your forehead is shrouded in darkness. Judging by appearances, you’re a wicked-hearted man who has committed countless evil deeds. Benefactor, those who commit many injustices bring about their own destruction.”
“That’s just a personal attack.”
Just then, Chu Hao Yu’s phone began ringing. “Onii-chaaaan~ Ahh~ Onii-chaaaan~ Ahh~~ Stop it~”
Elio’s Notes: Onii-chan (お兄ちゃん) is Japanese for “big brother” or “older brother,” in a familiar, cutesy register. The ringtone deliberately plays up an exaggerated anime-style tone.
“Where did you even find a ringtone that disgusting?”
After hanging up, Chu Hao Yu glanced out the window. Snow was still falling. “My mom wants me to buy something from the supermarket. What a pain.”
Ke Bu stood up. “I’ll go. I can’t exactly freeload at your house all day.”
“You just want an excuse to recover from the emotional trauma of drawing Great Misfortune.”
“Shut up!”
Ke Bu tossed his coat at Zhi Li. Zhi Li stood up and put it on. From behind them came a chorus of whistles. “Confess! Confess!”
“How much more childish can you people get?”
“We’re just matching the mood.”
After shopping, the two of them carried the groceries back. Ke Bu held a white plastic bag in one hand and a carton of hot milk in the other as he sat on a park bench and stretched out his legs. “Warm in the palm of your hand. If you love her, of course it has to be Youlemei.”
Elio’s Notes: Ke Bu is parodying a well-known Youlemei milk-tea advertising line. The melodramatic slogan is why Zhi Li immediately tells him to drink his milk normally.
“Please drink your milk like a normal person.”
“Come on, it’s New Year’s.” Footprints scattered across the ground blurred beneath the falling snow. Clumps of snow weighed down the tree branches until they fell to the ground. The sky looked like a silver net cast over the entire world. Ke Bu sucked noisily at the last of his milk before tossing the empty carton into a nearby trash can. He shrank his neck deeper into his scarf.
“Cold?”
“Freezing.” Ke Bu felt as though even his teeth were chattering. Then his hand was gently taken. Their fingers intertwined. Zhi Li’s hand was cold enough to make Ke Bu’s heart skip a beat. “Can’t be helped. Sometimes you have to match the mood and be romantic for once.” Ke Bu leaned his head against Zhi Li’s shoulder.
“That must be very difficult for you.”
“It’s not so bad. Not so bad at all.”