When Su Ruhan arrived at Chun Nuan Pavilion, he immediately sensed something was off. Everyone wore expressions of lingering fear and worry. Realizing that something must have happened, Su Ruhan headed straight toward the room where Mu Xueshi was resting.
Sun Ye was standing at the door, deep in thought. When Su Ruhan approached, Sun Ye looked at him with a trace of helplessness on his face.
“What happened?” Su Ruhan asked.
Sun Ye let out a soft sigh, his brows knitting slightly. “We went to the Third Prince’s bedchamber earlier. Something happened. Ever since he came back, he’s been sitting in the room alone—ignoring everyone, not eating, not taking his medicine.”
Su Ruhan could vaguely guess what had occurred. He didn’t press for details and went straight inside.
Mu Xueshi sat alone on the bed, hugging his legs, staring at the floor. It was unclear how long he had been sitting like that. His obsidian-like eyes were hollow and lifeless. Even when he heard the door open, he didn’t look up or speak. His head hung low—pitiful beyond words.
Su Ruhan’s heart tightened as he walked over.
Mu Xueshi noticed the hem of Su Ruhan’s robe and knew it was his master. Though he desperately wanted to gather himself and act as he usually did, he simply couldn’t. His mouth felt as heavy as if weighed down by a thousand pounds—he couldn’t even form a single word.
Su Ruhan placed a hand on Mu Xueshi’s forehead; it was covered in a fine layer of sweat. Squatting down, he met Mu Xueshi’s gaze, trying to pull him out of that withdrawn state.
“Drink your medicine—you still have a fever,” Su Ruhan said, his tone carrying both firmness and gentle persuasion.
Mu Xueshi neither refused nor agreed. He simply remained sitting there, motionless.
It was the first time Su Ruhan had seen Mu Xueshi like this. The Mu Xueshi of recent days had also been withdrawn, but this was completely different. The fragility in Mu Xueshi’s eyes was unmistakable—not slight, but profound.
Outside, the sky was clear. A faint warm breeze drifted in through the window—but by the time it reached the bedside, it seemed to turn cold.
At last, Mu Xueshi spoke.
“Master, I left food for you in the kitchen.”
Su Ruhan was momentarily stunned, his expression softening instantly. He gently stroked Mu Xueshi’s soft hair and asked, “Have you eaten?”
At the word “eat,” the floodgates of Mu Xueshi’s painful memories burst open. The image of those bloodied severed hands and the scene of Princess Wenyang forcing her foot into Qingyun’s mouth replayed vividly before his eyes.
Seeing Mu Xueshi’s lips dry and cracked, Su Ruhan turned to pour him a bowl of water. But in that brief moment, he suddenly heard two heavy thuds, and his heart clenched.
Sure enough, when he turned back, Mu Xueshi was violently slamming his head against the wall.
“Ahhh—!”
Su Ruhan immediately restrained him, shouting, “What are you doing?!”
A large bruise instantly spread across Mu Xueshi’s forehead. He didn’t explain himself and continued struggling under Su Ruhan’s grip, writhing like a fish. Su Ruhan didn’t know what he intended, but seeing his frantic state, he couldn’t let go. Yet the moment his hold loosened, Mu Xueshi slammed his head against the wall again.
Blood instantly smeared across the wall.
Su Ruhan completely broke down. He dragged Mu Xueshi over and pinned him against his own legs. Mu Xueshi could no longer move; blood flowed down from his forehead, his lips murmuring incoherently. Su Ruhan quickly called for Sun Ye.
When Sun Ye entered and saw the scene, his expression changed drastically. He instinctively thought to fetch the imperial physician, but recalling what had just happened—Princess Wenyang clearly intended to drive Mu Xueshi to ruin—no one in this courtyard would likely be willing to help. Instead, Sun Ye summoned Qingya and Qingzhu to bring medicinal cloth and ointment, preparing to bandage him.
“You want to die?” Su Ruhan’s gaze darkened. “Just because you’re in pain, you want to die?”
Mu Xueshi turned his face away. “I don’t want to die… I just want to become stupid.”
“Become stupid?” Su Ruhan’s voice sharpened. “Who said they would go to the place where Mu Xueshi’s soul rests to pay respects? Who said they would find the real murderer of his father? Just because you’ve suffered a grievance, you can abandon all reasons to live?”
Mu Xueshi didn’t listen. He continued struggling. When he realized Su Ruhan still held him firmly, he shouted, “But living like this is worse than dying! I know I deserve this—I know I’m detestable—but why can’t there be even a little mercy? Why can’t I be given a way to live…?”
“What is a way to live?” Su Ruhan asked, staring into his eyes.
“To let me know… that I still have value beyond just being punished…” Mu Xueshi said, his face filled with despair.
“Who said you’re being punished? Who said you have no value? Or have you never truly understood why you’re enduring all of this?”
“He said it—the Third Prince said it. He said I have no value… he said it…” As Mu Xueshi spoke, his face turned deathly pale. His words caught in his throat, his gaze beginning to scatter.
Su Ruhan quickly helped steady his breathing. At this point, no words would work—whether provocation or encouragement, Mu Xueshi wouldn’t hear them. Many things Su Ruhan had kept to himself, unwilling to say—but seeing the situation, he knew he had to make Mu Xueshi face some clarity.
Just then, Sun Ye returned with medicinal cloth and medicine. Qingya and Qingzhu had wanted to help, but Sun Ye knew they would only break down in tears, so he handled it himself.
Seeing Mu Xueshi sitting on Su Ruhan’s lap, his face pale and terrible, Sun Ye felt his own heart sink.
Just as he was about to act, Su Ruhan said, “I’ll do it.”
Sun Ye felt a trace of discomfort. Seeing how close Mu Xueshi and Su Ruhan were, he couldn’t help but think of the Third Prince. Though he knew Su Ruhan was a man of propriety, seeing his usual stern demeanor replaced with such gentleness toward Mu Xueshi stirred complicated thoughts.
“What is it?” Su Ruhan asked when Sun Ye didn’t move.
Sun Ye couldn’t voice his thoughts. He simply handed over the items and left.
Su Ruhan glanced at Sun Ye’s retreating figure, his gaze complicated.
Turning back to Mu Xueshi, he saw that he had calmed down—but his stillness was like stagnant water. Just days ago, though sorrowful, Mu Xueshi still had some light in his eyes. Now, he was like a lifeless fish—no reaction no matter how Su Ruhan looked at him.
Sighing, Su Ruhan carried him onto the bed and carefully bandaged his forehead. Mu Xueshi was obedient like a child now—but the desolation in his eyes aged his otherwise lively face.
“Perhaps… you’ve misunderstood His Highness.”
Mu Xueshi showed no reaction, as if he hadn’t heard.
Su Ruhan continued regardless. After finishing the bandage, he sat down, poured himself tea, and spoke as if to himself:
“From the time I came to know His Highness until now, it has been over a decade. In my memory, he has never laughed, nor truly been angered by anyone. Yet just days ago, when you left this body, he complained to me for the first time. He said—why don’t you remember him anymore?”
Mu Xueshi’s long lashes trembled slightly, and a flicker of emotion returned to his eyes.
“You can think back—when you first came here, your temperament changed completely, yet His Highness never forced you to recall the past. But in these recent days, he has used every means to make Mu Xueshi remember everything from the past two months. I believe… if he hadn’t forced Mu Xueshi to take the shaman’s medicine and pushed him to recall those memories until his mind collapsed… perhaps his soul would not have disappeared like this…”
Mu Xueshi suddenly felt a sharp pain in his chest, and tears streamed down just like that.
“I can only say this much—I’ve already said more than I should. Don’t bring this up lightly in front of His Highness,” Su Ruhan said as he walked back to Mu Xueshi’s side and looked at him. “I just want to tell you—no one is asking you to atone. This way of living is something you chose yourself. Perhaps… you can compensate His Highness in another way. No matter how you do it—once you’ve fallen in love with him, you’re destined to endure far more than others.”
After saying this, Su Ruhan turned and walked toward the door. Mu Xueshi quickly turned his head and called out, “Master!”
Su Ruhan originally intended to leave just like that, but in the end, he couldn’t harden his heart. He turned back and looked at Mu Xueshi, who was already completely different from before. Having seemingly understood Su Ruhan’s words, he was now struggling to sit up.
“Master, say a little more. What you said made me feel much better,” Mu Xueshi said, much of the expression on his face already restored.
“I won’t say more. Go bang your head against the wall—it’ll make you feel even better.”
Hearing Su Ruhan’s sarcasm, Mu Xueshi’s handsome face flushed red. He hurriedly assured him, “I won’t do it anymore, I won’t! I just want to hear you talk—say a little more.”
“No more. If there’s anything, it’s better for you to ask His Highness yourself.”
Hearing this, Mu Xueshi didn’t press further. He got off the bed, put on his shoes, and hastily threw on his clothes, tugging at every corner of them, looking as if he were about to visit someone.
Su Ruhan hadn’t expected Mu Xueshi to recover so quickly. Just moments ago, he had looked as though he couldn’t bear to live, and now he seemed alive again. In the end, he was still like a child—his thoughts simple and clear. If the Third Prince had been just a bit more straightforward, the two of them wouldn’t have suffered so much between them.
“Master, let’s go to Linhan Palace to pay respects,” Mu Xueshi said, heading toward the door.
Su Ruhan grabbed him. “Are you in any condition to go? You should rest first.”
“It’s fine. A few words from you are more effective than any medicine.”
At this moment, Mu Xueshi looked at his master with renewed admiration. Before, he had only thought Su Ruhan was skilled—capable of anything. Now, he felt that even his words carried weight. Though he rarely spoke, when he did, every sentence struck straight to the heart.
Although his mind was still muddled, Mu Xueshi had already untangled some things. As for exactly what, he couldn’t say. He hadn’t thought about what to do next either. Yet somehow, in this hazy state, he couldn’t help but feel a rising sense of happiness.
As he stepped out of the room, Qingzhu ran over quickly and asked anxiously, “Young Master Xue, what happened to your forehead?”
“I tripped inside just now—it’s nothing serious anymore. Don’t worry,” Mu Xueshi said with a smile.
Seeing that Mu Xueshi had regained his vitality, everyone in the room couldn’t help but feel relieved. They didn’t know what kind of magic Su Ruhan had used—when he went in, he brought out a lively Mu Xueshi.
“Master, the food I saved for you has gone cold. Just leave it—I’ll make you another portion when we come back,” Mu Xueshi said, pulling Su Ruhan toward the door.
Sun Ye stood at the entrance, looking at the two of them, his expression slightly heavy.
“You’re going out?”
“Yes, we have something to take care of,” Mu Xueshi replied.
Sun Ye was clearly reluctant to let Mu Xueshi leave again. After all, he had the Third Prince’s orders, and the situation in this courtyard was no longer what it had been before.
Su Ruhan saw through Sun Ye’s thoughts and gave him a reassuring look. “Don’t worry—we’ll be back soon. You don’t need to follow. If the Third Prince asks, just say I forced you to stay.”
“That won’t be necessary,” Sun Ye said with a faint smile. “I trust you.”
The reason Su Ruhan didn’t want Sun Ye (隼曳) to follow was because he didn’t want another person to know about Mu Xueshi’s soul-transmigration. The matter was complicated—the fewer people who knew, the better.
Watching Mu Xueshi and Su Ruhan chatting and laughing as they walked away, Qingzhu nudged Qingya and whispered, “Don’t you think Young Master Xue seems happier with Guard Su than with His Highness? Every time His Highness appears, Young Master Xue ends up falling ill—but when Guard Su comes in, he gets better.”
“Shh… you mustn’t say things like that,” Qingya said anxiously.
“I’m not talking nonsense! Think about it—Young Master Xue cooked and even saved a portion just for Guard Su, but didn’t think of His Highness. And those severed hands sent over at noon today—wasn’t that because His Highness was angry that Young Master Xue didn’t think of him, so he sent them as a warning?” Qingzhu said confidently.
Hearing this, Qingya also felt it made some sense. Not just Qingzhu—many servants had noticed that Mu Xueshi had been very close to Su Ruhan these past few days. But while they might think it, they dared not say it aloud. Qingya, in particular, worried about Qingzhu’s loose tongue.
“Qingzhu, remember this—never, ever say such things. If His Highness hears it, who knows how furious he’ll be.”
“But right now, His Highness only has that princess in his heart. Even if he hears it, it probably won’t matter,” Qingzhu argued.
Qingya tapped her forehead. “If I tell you not to say it, then don’t. I’m doing this for your own good. If you really say something and trouble comes, don’t expect me to help you.”
Seeing Qingya’s serious expression, Qingzhu grew uneasy and, under her gaze, could only nod.
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