The Xiao army had lost many scaling ladders and siege carts to the fire, and sure enough, they remained quiet for several days.
County Commandant Liu had not seen Commander Zhang for two days. Clerk Chen reported that he had fallen ill, though it was only a minor ailment and he would recover within three to five days. County Commandant Liu was guarding the rockfall with the troops to prevent a surprise attack from the Xiao army and could not spare the time to visit him.
Early on the third morning, County Commandant Liu was dozing against a boulder when he heard the clop-clop of hooves along the mountain road. Raising his head, he saw Envoy Li leading the great black horse carefully around row after row of horse traps, following the narrow path left along the cliff wall.
No one was riding the horse. Instead, it was pulling a small cart.
The cart had no enclosed compartment, only a crude wooden slatted bed originally used to haul grain and stones. It was nowhere near large enough to hold a grown man properly, so two long legs dangled boldly over the railing, swaying with the cart’s movement.
County Commandant Liu hurriedly climbed to his feet and went forward to meet them. Looking into the cart, he saw that it had been lined with a thick layer of dry grass, soft bedding, and several large pillows. The Commander lay sprawled across them with both legs swinging, a thin quilt loosely draped over his body.
The Commander’s face was slightly flushed, clearly showing that he still had a fever, yet his expression was exceedingly contented, and he hummed a tuneless little ditty under his breath.
Seeing Liu Wu peer in at him, he even waved cheerfully in greeting. “Brother Liu, have you eaten?”
Worried about him, Liu Wu said, “Commander, if you’re ill, you should stay inside. Be careful of the cold wind.”
Commander Zhang drew in his long legs, rolled over, and sprang upright. Leaning over the wooden railing, he looked both relaxed and agile as he said carelessly, “Ah, what sort of illness is this? They say I had a fever for an entire day, but I feel as though I merely had a long sleep…”
At this point, Envoy Li turned and looked at him. The Commander shrank his neck, hurriedly pulled back the thin quilt that had slipped down, wrapped it around his shoulders, and amended his words. “Brother Liu is right. I shouldn’t catch the cold wind. I’m merely a little inconvenienced. Look, he won’t even let me ride a horse because he worries about me. Hehe!”
Liu Wu said, “You should remain indoors and recuperate…”
The Commander said, “How stifling it is inside! I was worried, so I came out to look around everywhere! Oh, right—look at this!”
He tilted his head. For once, the hair on top of his head had been arranged in an impeccably neat bun. At its base was pinned a palm-sized monthly rose. Its color remained fairly vivid, though it appeared to be a dried flower.
Blinking his eyes, the Commander asked with coy delight, “Sisi gave it to me. He brought it all the way back from the capital. What do you think? Is it nice? Do I look handsome?”
Liu Wu: “…”
The flower was beautiful, and the man was… handsome enough. But County Commandant Liu had only ever seen this tiger’s head drenched in blood. This was the first time he had seen it adorned with a flower. Like a fierce tiger suddenly eating vegetables, it possessed a strangely unsettling gentleness that raised goosebumps all over him.
Wearing a tender tiger’s smile, the Commander instructed Envoy Li to lead the horse in a circuit below the rockfall, dignifying the excursion as an “inspection of the defenses.” County Commandant Liu watched wordlessly. No matter how he looked at it, inspecting the defenses might indeed be important, but the Commander’s main purpose was clearly to show off the flower on his head.
–
Under the soldiers’ concerned inquiries and unanimous praise for the beautiful flower, the Commander departed in high spirits.
He showed it off at the southern gate and then at the northern gate. Wrapped in his thin quilt, he stuck out his backside and leaned over the edge of the wooden cart, grandly directing, “Let’s take a turn around the drill ground too. Zhou Qi and Zhou Ba are keeping watch in the mountainside tunnel and haven’t seen my flower yet.”
Li Si was not as skilled as Liu Wu at seeing through Zhang San’s thoughts. Early that morning, Zhang San had dragged his sick body out of bed, claiming he was worried about the city’s defenses and insisting on making an inspection. Only after Li Si had carefully wrapped and protected him did he agree to accompany him. Yet as they continued along the road, Li Si increasingly felt that something was amiss… It was not until he heard this sentence that he realized Zhang San had come out solely to show off the flower. Li Si said angrily, “Brother Xiao, don’t you feel the wind is cold? Doesn’t the jolting over the stone road make your body hurt? Go back and lie down to rest.”
Big Black Ghost also released a loud, impatient snort, furious that Zhang San was using a valiant warhorse like an ox pulling a cart.
Zhang San had not yet had his fill. “We’ve only been out for half a day. Why go back…”
Li Si frowned and glared at him. Zhang San instinctively became somewhat intimidated, though his mouth continued muttering stubbornly, “Don’t be so fierce. Why have you developed such a temper again? You used to be so obedient. One trip back to the capital, and the little flying colt’s wings have already hardened…”
Li Si could not outtalk him and did not argue. He simply led Big Black Ghost toward the county yamen. Though he heard Brother Xiao protesting repeatedly from behind, he ignored him completely.
Zhang San said, “Then I want to go home for lunch! My sister hasn’t seen my flower yet!”
Li Si: “…”
Big Black Ghost was turned around by the reins and obediently headed toward Elder Sister’s house after all. Zhang San chuckled twice, then lay back happily and contentedly upon the grass and bedding. He reached up and carefully smoothed the petals the wind had ruffled.
—In a while, he would show both Elder Sister and Brother-in-law. Hehe!
–
The cart slowly entered the narrow alley.
By then, the sun had climbed overhead and the weather had grown warm. Zhang San abandoned the thin quilt entirely and nimbly leaned over the railing with his backside in the air, peering eagerly ahead.
When they reached the little courtyard, Li Si stopped and turned back to help him down from the cart. Zhang San did not need his assistance and jumped down by himself.
The landing tugged at the muscles of his backside, producing a dull ache. He howled and could only follow the momentum by collapsing sideways into Li Si’s arms.
Li Si caught him nervously, his face full of worry and guilt. Zhang San merely laughed. “Why are you wrinkling your face? I think I’m doing much better than Brother Liu was! His legs trembled when he walked for several days. I could still ride a horse right now. Do you believe me?”
As though Li Si would believe him. Big liar!
But Li Si could not bear to scold him either. He felt extremely guilty, blaming himself for leaving so much inside and causing Brother Xiao to continue running a low fever even now. That place was still somewhat swollen, and he could not walk properly.
Li Si’s heart ached for Zhang San. Zhang San, however, was thick-skinned and tough-fleshed and did not care at all. He had spent years licking blood from the edge of a blade, following Grand Preceptor Tong into one humiliating defeat after another. He had experienced being gravely wounded, burning with fever, and hunted by enemy troops into the wilderness. Compared with those things, what did this amount to?
He had enjoyed himself for an entire night, devouring the delicious Sisi whole from beginning to end. All it had cost him was a long sleep and some discomfort in his backside. How could that possibly count as illness or injury? It was clearly nothing more than love’s itch.
Now he could fight properly, see Elder Sister every day, and hold an immortal in his arms. Neither heaven nor the mortal world could offer anything better. He was delighted! He was blissful!
–
Hanging from Sisi’s shoulder, he hopped and limped into the courtyard.
Sure enough, the moment Elder Sister saw him draped over Fourth and ordering him around, she began scolding. “Why are you bullying him again? Get off Fourth!”
Zhang San said, “I can’t get down. I’m ill, and my backside still hurts. Brother-in-law, quickly bring me a soft cushion and put it on a stool.”
There were four people in the courtyard, and two of them did not believe him. Brother-in-law was sewing, concentrating intensely on threading a needle. At the crucial moment, his hands were occupied, so he did not even raise his head as he said, “You need a cushion? It’s inside. Go fetch it yourself.”
Elder Sister also scolded him. “Why are you putting on an act? Wash your hands and come cut the vegetables.”
Third pretended not to hear. He hopped around the courtyard with a grin, pestering Brother-in-law for a cushion. Fourth, on the other hand, washed his hands and came over obediently and quietly to help Elder Sister cut vegetables.
Elder Sister raised her head for a look. That wastrel Third had sent Brother-in-law inside as well and was now standing there with his backside stuck out, idly rummaging through the sewing basket. He selected the sturdiest shoe sole and held it against his own foot to compare the size.
She rolled up her sleeves and strode toward him.
“Hey! Hey! What did I do wrong this time? My ear! It hurts, it hurts…”
“That’s for being lazy! That’s for bullying Fourth!”
“I’m truly ill! I had a fever! Touch me if you don’t believe me!”
Half believing him, Elder Sister placed her hand against his forehead and kept it there for a long while. “…You’re not feverish.”
Zhang San touched his own forehead in confusion. “Hey, you’re right. How did I recover so quickly? Hey! It hurts! It hurts!”
“That’s for pretending to be sick and deceiving Fourth into doing all the work! Look at you hopping around. How do you resemble a sick man?”
“Stop hitting me, stop hitting me! Be careful of the flower on my head! You’re wrinkling it! Sis, Sis, look—does this flower look nice? Is it handsome? I wore it here especially for you and Brother-in-law to see…”
The siblings created a commotion throughout the courtyard. When Li Si heard Brother Xiao cry out in pain, he looked up worriedly. Seeing that Elder Sister was merely tugging his ear and had not truly raised a stick to beat him, he relaxed and lowered his head to continue working intently.
Before long, Brother-in-law emerged from the house and said, “Here, Fourth. I brought you the soft cushion. Why are you cutting vegetables? Hurry and sit down. Let Third do it.”
Zhang San cried, “Brother-in-law! I’m the one who wanted the cushion! My backside hurts!”
Elder Sister said, “Putting on an act again!”
Zhang San said, “It truly hurts! Hey! When Sisi was hurting last time, all of you cared about him! Now that I’m the one in pain, why are you all acting like this?”
Elder Sister said, “What could possibly hurt? What wicked thing did you do this time? Were you beaten with military rods?”
Zhang San said, “I’m the highest-ranking person in the county. Who would dare beat me with military rods? They’d be rebelling… Cough. But I suppose I was struck by a rod. An enormous one—thick and long…”
His mouth was full of obscene nonsense. Elder Sister assumed he was babbling, and Brother-in-law did not believe him either. They still gave him the soft cushion to sit on. Perched atop it, he laughed and pestered Elder Sister and Brother-in-law into praising the flower pinned in his hair.
“Men in the capital all wear flowers like this. Sis, hurry and pin one on Brother-in-law too…”
After Li Si finished cutting the vegetables, he raised his head and saw the three of them laughing and squabbling in the courtyard. His heart felt peaceful, and he began smiling along with them.
–
No grand feast had been prepared that day. The family sat around the table, each with a bowl of plain mixed pulled noodles. The weather was hot and dry, with the sun blazing fiercely. Sitting beneath the eaves in the cool breeze, eating lightly dressed noodles and drinking a bowl of sour-plum soup was refreshing enough.
A disorderly handful of scallions had been stuck into Brother-in-law’s hair, making it look as though weeds were growing from his head. He muttered quietly, “Wife, this thing is green. It’s inauspicious…”
Elder Sister said, “What the hell are you afraid of? Are you worried this old lady will go outside and fool around behind your back?”
–
After the meal, Zhang San’s backside was uncomfortable, and he could not sit still no matter how he shifted. Li Si urged him to return to the county yamen and rest. The two left the courtyard while Elder Sister remained inside gathering the bowls and chopsticks. She heard Third pestering Fourth outside, demanding that Fourth “carry him onto the cart.”
“Zhang Lao San! Have some shame!” she shouted.
Zhang Lao San was lifted around the waist. Utterly shameless, he hung from Li Lao Si’s body and took a bite from his ear, bragging, “Sis! Look! Sisi may look thin, but he’s very strong!”
Elder Sister said, “Hurry up and get lost!”
Zhang San happily got onto the cart and rolled away.
–
After returning to the county yamen, both of them were drenched in sweat from the midday sun. Li Si once again “carried Brother Xiao onto the bed,” then brought a basin of water to wipe down both of their bodies.
Only after they had shut the door and finally had some time alone did the two properly take stock of their “battle results.”
Li Si appeared unharmed, but after he removed his clothes, tiger-tooth marks covered his entire body. Countless bloody claw marks also streaked his back, as though he had been scratched by a tiger throughout the night. They were both painful and itchy. He had actually felt uncomfortable all day but had silently endured it without saying anything. When Zhang San asked whether it hurt, he merely shook his head—he was more distressed that he had caused Brother Xiao’s fever and had no thought left for acting spoiled himself.
Zhang San also bore many colt-tooth marks, but a horse’s teeth were not particularly sharp, so they merely looked somewhat bruised. Amusingly, there were red marks Sisi had sucked across his shoulders, neck, and even his arms—yet his chest alone was perfectly clean. It had only been kneaded for a while, leaving the two little tips swollen.
Looking down at himself, Zhang San asked, “Why didn’t you bite here? Were you afraid you’d faint?”
Li Si was wiping those little tips for him. His face flushed bright red, and he bit his lip nearly hard enough to break the skin, lowering his eyes without saying a word.
Zhang San pretended he was about to press Li Si’s head into his chest again, frightening him into shrinking backward.
“Hahaha! Little lecher! What are you afraid of? I think you enjoy it so much you faint from happiness! Hehe!”
–
From then on, once the two had tasted carnal pleasure, they fought during the day and seized every spare moment to be “intimate.” Li Si was simple-hearted. Once he fell into the sea of love, he devoted his whole body and heart without the slightest reservation. Zhang San thought more deeply than he did and had once considered retreating, but he knew that life was short and true affection precious. Moreover, both of them were soldiers who lived with their heads tied to their belts, never knowing whether tomorrow would come. Every joyful day they gained was one more day earned.
During the day, they fought together with seamless coordination and exhilarating abandon. At night, their intimacy was just as harmonious and equally exhilarating. The treasured manual Junior Clerk Chen had given them gradually grew even more worn, and they learned every ingenious and unusual position it contained.
One day, they destroyed several more siege vehicles newly transported by the Xiao army. Zhang San estimated that the enemy would need several days to reorganize, so that evening he boldly took Sisi into the mountains through the northern gate. They did not go far from the gate and brought Big Black Ghost with them, so that if fighting broke out, they could ride back quickly.
After winding east and west through the mountains, their surroundings suddenly opened. Beside a small cliff was a clear spring that had collected into a little stone pool, just large enough for the two of them to squeeze inside and bathe together.
Zhang San tethered Big Black Ghost far away and allowed him to graze on the surrounding night grass. Then, unable to wait another moment, he took Li Si’s hand and broke into a quick run. When they reached the pool, the two swiftly stripped off their clothing and jumped in with two splashes, immediately beginning to frolic inside.
–
That night, the moon was full and brilliant, while the view beside the cliff was broad and unobstructed. The two knelt one behind the other at the edge of the pool. Panting, Li Si lowered his head and saw two small dimples at Brother Xiao’s lower back.
Brother Xiao had smooth skin and a handsome build, his back forming graceful curves and his backside round and firm. Those two shallow dimples nestled among the contours, each holding a tiny pool of spring water. Their small surfaces rippled violently beneath the raging storm.
Li Si released a deep breath. A bead of sweat fell from beside his cheek and dropped into one of those little pools, so hot that Brother Xiao’s lower back trembled.
Brother Xiao turned his head to look at Li Si, only to be pulled around with the movement. Water splashed violently throughout the stone pool, soaking the grass around it into a complete mess…
–
These brief moments of intimacy snatched amid the chaos of war need not be recounted in detail.
More than half a month had passed since Mo Han was humiliated three times by “Zhang San of Ant County” and ordered a concentration of troops to attack Ant County and Tianmen Pass separately, yet he had made almost no progress.
The Xuan reinforcement army to the south, flying the commander’s banner bearing the character “Li,” had shown no sign of advancing north either. It merely remained encamped around the small city of Jiao County. Mo Han secretly dispatched scouts to investigate. They reported that the army trained normally each day and had not requisitioned a single additional horse. It still appeared exceedingly ragged and destitute.
–
Several days later, this stagnant wind of war traveled eight hundred li by urgent dispatch and finally reached the distant capital.
The pro-peace ministers all submitted memorials impeaching Li Gang. They accused him of holding the empty title of Pacification Commissioner of Hebei and Hedong while uselessly commanding twenty thousand “troops.” He had claimed he would fight the Xiao army and relieve Kuiyuan, yet had remained in Jiao County for nearly a month, constantly claiming that he was “training his army.” In truth, they said, he was consuming military funds, refusing to fight out of cowardice, and deliberately delaying in every possible way.
A number of pro-war officials still remained in the capital. Although their ranks were lower than those of the peace faction and they were fewer in number, every one of them possessed a sharp tongue like Li Gang and fought heroically in battles of spittle. Thus, the two sides cursed each other endlessly in the imperial court.
The officials’ quarrelling made the emperor’s head buzz. In his heart, he too blamed Li Gang for failing to produce any victory for so long. Not only had Li Gang failed to rescue Kuiyuan and wasted military funds and provisions, but he had also needlessly offended Xiao, perhaps drawing disaster down upon them again. It might have been better not to attempt the rescue at all.
The emperor was already beginning to favor the peace faction. He intended to recall Li Gang and punish him for refusing to fight—but just as he opened his mouth, before the decree could be issued, the arguing officials before the throne suddenly cried out in alarm.
The emperor raised his head and saw Duke Protector of the State Qiao Shen spray a mouthful of blood across the great hall, frightening the surrounding officials into retreating a full step in unison.
The Duke Protector collapsed to his knees, his face deathly pale. Clutching his chest, his entire body convulsed as he continued vomiting blood. The sight frightened six of the emperor’s seven souls straight out of him.
The emperor hurriedly dismissed the court and ordered that the Duke Protector be carried directly into the inner palace. The imperial physicians and Perfected Master Shen Xiao both rushed over. A crowd surrounded the Duke Protector to treat him, while the emperor remained beside him without taking a single step away.
After a while, under Perfected Master Shen Xiao’s “ritual treatment,” the Duke Protector slowly regained consciousness. Tears filled his eyes as he grasped the emperor’s sleeve.
Qiao Shen trembled and pleaded through his tears, “Imperial Brother, my chest hurts terribly… It feels as though my breastbone has been gouged out, and I cannot breathe… The Perfected Master says my fate belongs to fire, and my Fire Vein lies in Kuiyuan… If anything happens to Kuiyuan, I fear my Fire Vein will be extinguished. I may not have long to live… and will no longer be able to remain beside Imperial Brother…”
The emperor was horrified and looked toward Perfected Master Shenxiao. The Perfected Master nodded repeatedly with a solemn air of absolute conviction.
The emperor hurriedly promised, “Brother Shen, don’t worry. Don’t be afraid. Nothing will happen to Kuiyuan. Your brother will immediately order someone to urge Li Gang to fight again, and I will not recall him.”
Qiao Shen wept. “Your little brother still cannot breathe… My heart-fire is too weak…”
The emperor said, “I’ll send another five thousand soldiers to reinforce Li Gang and deliver more provisions and supplies to him.”
Qiao Shen continued weeping weakly. Having obtained this promise, he lowered his head, leaned his face against Imperial Brother’s sleeve, and kowtowed in thanks. The sight softened the emperor’s heart beyond measure. He coaxed and helped Qiao Shen up, presenting a touching picture of profound brotherly affection.
⸻
Qiao Shen: My heart aches for giegie—I only ask that giegie let his heart ache for me too!
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