Futile Devices Scans

After Li Si was allowed out of bed, he endured another ten days inside the county yamen before finally finishing both his medicine and his fill of porridge.

The county physician came to take his pulse and felt his empty, flattened stomach. He declared that there was nothing seriously wrong with him now. Li Si could eat moderate amounts of warm, nourishing food and take part in battle within reason. There was no need to keep him shut inside the county yamen every day.

Having received his pardon, Li Si joyfully pulled on his leather armor—carefully refraining from wearing that constricting mail shirt again—strapped the Tang-style saber at his waist, slung his bow and arrows over his back, mounted Big Black Ghost, and galloped toward the southern city gate to help Brother Xiao fight.

The horse’s hooves clattered swiftly toward the southern gate. He arrived just as the gates were opening and Zhang San was withdrawing from the rockfall front line with several wounded soldiers. The waiting medics immediately swarmed forward to treat the injured.

Several drops of blood still stained Zhang San’s face, and the treasured saber in his hand had acquired several more small nicks. Right in front of the surrounding soldiers, he spread his arms and drew Li Si into his embrace as though no one else were present.

Zhang San asked, “Why have you come?”

Li Si’s eyes shone. “To help you fight.”

It was still long before sunset, but the Xiao army had gained nothing and had sounded the retreat early. Zhang San laughed. “Little fool, you came too late! Today’s fighting is already over. Come earlier tomorrow! Though we burned another two of their siege carts today, so they’ll have to haul replacements up from below the mountain. There may not be any fighting tomorrow either.”

Zhang San was in an excellent mood. He vigorously wiped the grime and blood from his palm on the hem of his robe, tucked a loose strand of Sisi’s hair back into place, and continued smiling. “Did the physician examine you? You don’t have to drink porridge anymore?”

Li Si nodded.

“Come. Return to Elder Sister’s house with me. I asked her to prepare you a good meal.”

–

The two removed their armor, mounted Big Black Ghost, and leisurely made their way back to Elder Sister’s house. Brother-in-law opened the courtyard gate and, seeing such a tall and powerfully built black horse for the first time, was frightened into shrieking twice. “Wife! Wife!”

Madam Zhang stood before the chopping board and brought her cleaver down with magnificent force, chopping something cleanly in two. She looked up and scolded angrily, “What kind of cowardly man are you? Even a horse frightens you?”

Big Black Ghost swaggered into the courtyard, gave Brother-in-law a contemptuous “Neigh!” and looked around with his head tossing. Then he walked straight toward the stove, stretched out his neck, and tried to snatch a radish from the vegetable basket.

Madam Zhang struck the back of her cleaver against his neck. Big Black Ghost screamed, “Aah!” in fright, backed away several steps, and bounded behind Zhang San. The gaze he directed at Madam Zhang was filled with shock and fear.

Madam Zhang cursed at him, “Look at that sneaky black face of yours! One glance tells me you were raised by that wastrel Third!” She turned toward Li Si, her expression instantly becoming warm and amiable. “Good Si’er! Goodness, you’ve been starved thin these past few days. Come to your sister.”

Li Si walked forward. Madam Zhang selected a slender, tender radish and stuffed it into his hand. “Good boy. Take it and feed the horse. Don’t let him come near the stove again, or the fire may burn him.” Her face changed again as she shouted, “Third, come chop the meat!”

Zhang San was accustomed to being scolded by her and went over cheerfully to obey her orders. Madam Zhang cursed him while rubbing his face with a cloth to wipe away the blood and mud. Li Si fed the little radish to Big Black Ghost. Brother-in-law gathered some fresh cabbage and nervously fed it to him as well. The entire family was harmonious and happy.

–

After the time it took an incense stick to burn, a fragrant pot of braised meat was placed on the table. Li Si bit his lip to hold back his drool and peered wide-eyed into the pot. In the rich, dark-red sauce rolled several pieces of meat he had never seen before. They looked like chicken necks and smelled exceptionally fresh and delicious.

Without his younger brother taking the lead, Li Si was unwilling to eat first. He waited longingly until everyone had taken their seats and lifted their chopsticks before picking up a piece of “chicken neck” and eagerly stuffing it into his mouth.

It had a slight chew, while the meat itself was fine-textured, tender, and springy, far more flavorful than chicken neck.

He had no idea what kind of meat it was. He simply lowered his head and ate with all his might, saying nothing as fragrant happiness overflowed from his entire face.

Brother-in-law, however, asked while eating, “Wife, this meat is so fragrant and tender. What exactly is it? Third said when he brought it back that it was the skinned neck of a wild chicken, but what sort of wild chicken has such a long neck?”

Elder Sister said, “Just eat it. It won’t poison you.”

Zhang San suppressed his laughter beside them.

Only after Brother-in-law had swallowed an entire piece of “wild chicken neck” did Zhang San say, “Brother-in-law, I asked the hunters to catch some snakes. We took the venomous ones to use in battle. The rest weren’t poisonous, so we might as well eat them.”

Brother-in-law: “…”

Elder Sister shouted, “Hey! Hey! Don’t you dare spit it out! What a waste! Swallow it back down! What kind of cowardly man are you? Even snakes frighten you?”

–

The family enjoyed a fragrant meal of snake meat. Apart from Brother-in-law, who was thoroughly terrified, the other three ate very happily.

After dinner, it was still early. Zhang San, however, was burning with impatience and had no intention of staying to chat with Elder Sister. He waggled his eyebrows meaningfully at Elder Sister and Brother-in-law. “Eating too much snake meat can make you… make you overheated. You two should turn in early!”

Before Elder Sister and Brother-in-law could understand what he meant, he seized the little colt’s hoof with one hand, grabbed the big horse’s reins with the other, and slipped away as fast as his feet could carry him.

–

Li Si had eaten too much and felt overly full, so riding would have been uncomfortable. Zhang San therefore led him on foot all the way back to the county yamen. Big Black Ghost clopped behind them, dissatisfied with how slowly they walked, and occasionally nudged Zhang San’s backside with his muzzle.

Zhang San nearly stumbled from one of those shoves. He turned and raised his fist as though to strike Big Black Ghost, only to be sprayed across the face with saliva. Wiping his face in a miserable state, he cursed, “Why don’t you dare act wildly in front of my sister? You bullying coward!”

Commander Zhang was certainly not “weak.” But after Li Si returned to the capital, he had left Zhang San with nothing to remember him by. Zhang San had named the horse “Big Black Ghost,” which bore some relation to “little fool” and at least allowed him to think of Li Si whenever he saw the animal. Moreover, the horse was both a relic of General Sun and highly intelligent, making him naturally lovable. With both reasons combined, Zhang San indulged and pampered Big Black Ghost excessively.

Elio’s Notes: Big Black Ghost (大黑鬼) playfully echoes Zhang San’s nickname for Li Si, Little Fool (小愣鬼). Both names share the ending 鬼, while big and little form a matching contrast, so the horse’s name serves as a reminder of Li Si.

Big Black Ghost already possessed a proud and carefree temperament, so he became even more unruly with Zhang San.

Big Black Ghost did not behave rudely toward Li Si. Instead, he shamelessly nudged Li Si’s hand. Li Si searched inside his robe but had nothing to feed him, so he pulled a handful of grass from the roadside and held it out one blade at a time. Big Black Ghost narrowed his eyes slightly and did not purse his lips to snatch at it, obediently drawing each blade into his mouth one by one.

Watching beside them, Zhang San laughed and said to Li Si, “What kind of immortal are you who fell from heaven? People are drawn to you, and horses are drawn to you too.”

Li Si did not know he had long since become a little banished immortal in Brother Xiao’s heart. Hearing the praise, he felt somewhat embarrassed, lowering his lashes and merely smiling.

As he continued smiling, he began to feel hot from walking. He tugged at his collar, intending to remove his outer robe.

“Don’t take it off,” Zhang San said. “The wind is strong on the mountain at night. Be careful not to catch cold. Let’s walk faster. We’re nearly back.”

–

The two hurried back to the county yamen and returned Big Black Ghost to the stable. Li Si tugged uncomfortably at his collar, feeling increasingly hot and restless. His face had also reddened and begun to burn.

He thought he had contracted another strange illness or eaten something bad, and he worried that he would once again be confined indoors to drink medicine and eat porridge. Brother Xiao, however, wore a wicked smile. He hurriedly pulled Li Si into the bathhouse for a rinse, and the two returned to the main room dripping wet.

Brother Xiao lit the oil lamp, bolted the wooden door, then turned around and rubbed his hands together with a wicked grin.

“Hehe! Little fool, are you hot?”

Feeling unbearably restless, Li Si nodded miserably, unable to understand why Brother Xiao was so delighted.

Brother Xiao pounced like a tiger and pressed him onto the large bed, lying intimately over him as he laughed. “You should be hot! Snake meat strengthens a man’s virility!” Lowering his head, he whispered beside Li Si’s ear, “The first time I took care of myself was after eating this. I nearly died from holding it in back then! Hahaha!”

Li Si did not know what “strengthening virility” meant. Like “the passion between men,” it was not something Grandma or Second Uncle had ever explained, nor had any military text taught him. But when he saw Brother Xiao rise with a wicked smile, strip away his clothes, and touch him everywhere, his little horsewhip immediately responded—and he understood at once.

His breathing deepened. He allowed Brother Xiao to kiss and stroke him while tilting his head back to return Brother Xiao’s kisses.

Burning like dry firewood catching flame, the two first used their hands on each other, somewhat easing the restless heat.

Brother Xiao straddled him, took a heavy bite from his cheek, and laughed. “Little fool, today I’ll teach you something even more pleasurable. Just lie there and enjoy yourself. Don’t accuse me of bullying you.”

The moment Li Si heard the words “I’ll teach you,” he became extremely vigilant, immediately recalling all those occasions when Brother Xiao had pretended to understand things he did not…

–

Sure enough, Brother Xiao first showed him a breathtaking sight he had never seen before.

The blazing sun shone while countless flowers bloomed. Li Si’s eyes gleamed at the sight, his breathing quickening as his head spun.

While Li Si was utterly entranced, Brother Xiao suddenly lowered himself without the slightest warning.

“Aah!”

The pain nearly made Li Si leap from the bed. Pushing and dodging, he hurriedly separated them. Brother Xiao was in no better condition. His face had gone white from pain, and he sat crookedly on the bed, equally shocked.

Li Si was hurt, angry, and worried about him all at once. He pressed Brother Xiao down, spread him open, and carefully inspected the injury—fortunately, the area was merely red and slightly swollen, with no bleeding.

Furious, he gently probed and massaged the injury with his fingers while scolding, “Big tiger! Big liar!”

Brother Xiao even sounded aggrieved. “What did I lie to you about now? I didn’t bully you!”

Li Si lifted his head and glared at him. “Give me the book Lulu gave you! You can’t even understand it! You’re only copying things blindly!”

Brother Xiao: “…”

After remaining stunned for a long time, Brother Xiao coughed awkwardly. “How did you know there was a book?”

“Give it to me!”

“All right, all right. Don’t be fierce. Why are you suddenly so temperamental?”

Brother Xiao rose to retrieve the book, only for Li Si to press him back down and scold fiercely, “Lie down and rest! Don’t catch cold! I’ll get it. Where is it?”

“Cough. It-it’s beneath my inner clothes.”

Li Si fiercely pulled the thin blanket over him and tucked it securely around him. Only then did he jump from the bed himself and search for the sacred manual of intimacy.

–

Li Si carried the oil lamp to the bedside as well. The two squeezed beneath the blankets and leaned shoulder to shoulder, opening their eyes wide and studying earnestly—the first page of the illustrated manual’s “second volume” indeed depicted that exact position.

Zhang San pointed at the little figures. “Look, it truly goes in through ‘there.’ I didn’t do anything wrong! I only sat down myself because I was afraid of bullying you… Could it be because your horsewhip is too large? Look, it’s twice the size of the one in the picture. Who could endure that? If your Brother Xiao weren’t in such good health, I might have split open just now…”

He continued chattering, but Li Si ignored him. He opened his eyes wide and “read” the book attentively. After examining it over and over, he noticed that beside the “bed” in the illustration was clearly a flat little porcelain box. Its lid was open, revealing something resembling ointment, while an extremely tiny character for “oil” was written upon the container.

“What is this?” Li Si asked, pointing at it.

“How would I know…”

Li Si angrily glared at him again, his entire face saying, You didn’t know, yet you still sat down! Zhang San had no temper left beneath that glare. Knowing he was in the wrong, he sheepishly turned his head away.

Li Si wrapped the blanket securely around him, then climbed from the bed and began dressing. “I’ll go ask Lulu.”

No matter how thick-skinned Zhang San was, even he felt somewhat embarrassed. “Cough. You’re going to ask him about this so late at night?”

Li Si said, “Then we’ll rest tonight and not do anything.”

Zhang San said, “Then hurry and ask!”

–

Li Si was both annoyed and amused. He finally understood why Elder Sister cursed and struck Brother Xiao every time she saw him—with Brother Xiao’s reckless, slapdash nature and habit of swallowing knowledge whole without understanding it, the closer one was to him and the more one cherished him, the more likely he was to anger them senseless.

Pulling his clothes around himself, Li Si hurried to the side courtyard. It was actually still early. Chen Lu had not gone to bed and was studying by candlelight. Seeing Brother Sisi come seeking knowledge in the middle of the night, he immediately shared everything he knew without reservation.

–

Before the time it took an incense stick to burn had passed, Li Si returned carrying a small jar in the fold of his robe.

“I asked Elder Sister Wu for sesame oil. Lulu said sesame oil works, and vegetable oil does too. Once the war is over, it would be best to go to the pleasure quarter in Kuiyuan City and buy the specially prepared ointment. He said to use plenty. Brother Liu previously thought he was wasting oil and refused to let him use more, so they caused a slight injury.”

Zhang San looked sheepish. With Brother Liu’s painful experience serving as a warning, he no longer dared pretend to be entirely confident and obediently followed Instructor Li’s directions. Armed with the precious manual, a precious teacher, and precious oil, the two calmed themselves and studied carefully, working earnestly at the matter… and finally succeeded in accomplishing the good deed.

–

From that moment onward, rivers overturned and seas surged as dragon and tiger entwined.

Once Brother Xiao discovered the pleasure in it, his wild nature rose again. He pressed Li Si beneath him and wanted to ride him. Li Si did not fight him over who should be above or below. From beneath, he admired the rise and fall of two mountain peaks, coaxed Brother Xiao not to hurry, supported his waist, and guided him to lower himself more slowly.

Both released long sighs.

As Brother Xiao lowered himself, he swept a hand across his forehead, brushing his sweat-soaked, disheveled hair backward and revealing his entire mature, heroic face.

He lowered his eyes and gazed down at Li Si from above, a sly smile in his damp eyes. A drop of sweat fell from the tips of his tousled hair and landed burning hot upon Li Si’s chest.

He slowly bent down and coaxed in a deep, hoarse voice beside Li Si’s ear, “Little colt, be good. Start running.”

Li Si’s heart trembled, and he obediently began to “run.” An endless golden field of wheat surged over him and swallowed him whole.

–

Both were in the prime of youth, vigorous and full of hot blood. Each possessed extraordinary stamina, and they had also eaten an entire pot of snake meat. They unexpectedly battled passionately throughout the entire night, exhausting every trace of energy in their bodies.

Only when the sky began faintly to brighten did they finally sound the retreat, both dizzy and completely drained.

Zhang San rested his face beside Li Si’s ear and rubbed against him drowsily, his voice hoarse as he sighed, “Little fool, how are you so skilled… You should have been the one reading that book from the beginning. There are more positions later on. You should learn—snore…” He began snoring contentedly.

Li Si, dripping with sweat, wrapped his arms around him. Not only his body but even his face was densely covered in tiger-tooth marks, as though he had been stamped all over. His back also felt itchy and sore, but he was so exhausted and dazed that he paid it no mind.

He wanted to rise and wipe Brother Xiao clean, but the moment his hand reached the edge of the bed, he too drifted confusedly to sleep. Before long, Brother Xiao, still sleeping soundly, dragged him back. The two tangled together once more and fell messily into dreams.

–

Cook Wu knocked on the door several times throughout the day, but there was no response. All she heard were two alternating sets of snores.

Boss and Young Master never usually snored this loudly. Had they fallen ill, or were they simply exhausted? Worried, she called her husband over to take a look. Her husband could not push open the door, so he lifted the window covering and secretly peered inside. With a startled cry of “Good heavens!” he hurriedly lowered it again and turned toward his wife. “They’re perfectly fine, perfectly fine! Don’t disturb their sleep.”

–

The two slept until evening. The sky had been faintly bright when they fell asleep, and it was faintly bright again when they opened their eyes. Still muddleheaded, Li Si thought he had barely slept at all. His stomach was unbearably hungry, and he wanted to ask Elder Sister Wu for breakfast.

He climbed up in a daze and tried to push the languid Brother Xiao awake. In the dim light, Brother Xiao’s head rested against his chest, his sleeping face entirely satisfied, yet his cheeks were burning hot. No matter how Li Si shook him, he would not wake.

Li Si’s heart sank. He hurriedly touched Brother Xiao’s forehead, and the heat made his heart leap.

“Brother Xiao? Brother Xiao!”

⸻

The county physician had been eating dinner when he was summoned. Carrying his medical chest and biting down on a baked flatbread, he hurried over.

This physician was in his thirties and lacked the calm composure of the elderly physician at Tianmen Pass. Hearing that Commander Zhang had fallen ill, he felt as though the sky above Ant County were collapsing. “What happened to Commander Zhang? Was he injured? Where is the wound?”

Envoy Li had wrapped Commander Zhang as tightly as a rice dumpling. He knelt beside the bed, his face red and the rims of his eyes red as well. Nearly frantic, he said tearfully, “I examined him carefully. He has no injuries! But he-he has a fever! It wasn’t cold last night, so he shouldn’t have caught a chill. It’s my fault for not wiping away his sweat. I fell asleep. It’s all my fault…”

The physician found this somewhat peculiar. Then he looked at Envoy Li’s suggestive appearance, with bite marks covering his face and neck, and his eyes widened as he understood most of the situation. He coughed several times and asked the equally anxious Cook Wu and her husband to leave.

He lowered his voice and asked Envoy Li, “Cough. Did the two of you engage in… marital relations last night?”

Envoy Li nodded.

The physician asked, “Did-did you leave it inside?”

Envoy Li nodded again.

The physician coughed repeatedly. “Envoy, that substance cannot be left inside. After intimate relations, it must be removed…”

Envoy Li exclaimed, “Eh?!”

The physician was deeply embarrassed. Envoy Li looked young, ignorant, and completely innocent. By all appearances, Commander Zhang must have been the one bullying him, yet the person who had something “left inside” was Commander Zhang. The physician felt that he had glimpsed Ant County’s greatest secret and feared Commander Zhang might kill him to silence him once he awakened in humiliation. After taking Commander Zhang’s pulse, he left behind a dose of medicine and several instructions, then hurriedly fled the county yamen as though he had never come at all.

–

After indulging himself fully throughout the night, Zhang San developed a high fever and did not wake until the following morning. Li Si remained beside the bed watching over him, wringing out a wet cloth to cool him and wipe away his sweat. He did not dare close his eyes all night.

When Zhang San finally opened his eyes and awakened in a daze, he saw Sisi lying beside the bed with tear-blurred eyes, calling softly, “Brother Xiao, do you feel better?”

Zhang San had no idea what had happened. Thinking he had merely slept, he felt perfectly well. He reached out to touch Li Si’s face and coaxed hoarsely, “I feel excellent. What’s wrong? Why are you crying again?”

Li Si burrowed his face against Zhang San’s shoulder and inhaled with guilt and tenderness. Then he raised his head. “It’s good that you’re awake. I have something to give you.”

“Mm?”

With reddened eyes, Li Si turned and searched through the luggage he had brought from the capital.

The morning light was faint. His back was straight and tall, while the side of his face was bathed in the glow, making him appear gentle and moving enough to set one’s heart pounding. Zhang San struggled to suppress his own racing heartbeat as he watched Li Si take out a flattened lotus-leaf parcel. When Li Si opened it, a small white flower, pressed dry and treasured for a long time, lay upon it.

Beneath the small white flower, within the flowing morning light, rested a larger dried blossom. Its color remained vivid red and its petals were still full, faintly preserving the proud, uplifted appearance it once possessed upon the branch.

With tears in his eyes, Li Si held out the monthly rose he had brought from the capital and said gently, “It’s for you. May I place it in your hair?”

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