Futile Devices Scans

The war remained urgent, so they could not stay long. Zhang San and Li Si had to hurry back to Ant County that very day. The physician instructed Li Si not to leave his bed for five days and to avoid strenuous activity for half a month. Senior General She therefore ordered the soldiers to construct a stretcher and carry Envoy Li back to Ant County through the secret passage at the mountain’s summit. The details need not be recounted.

–

Let us return to the Xiao camp earlier that same night.

Just as General She had surmised, the commander Zhang San had attempted to assassinate that night was named Wan Yan Zong Han, also known as Mo Han. He was the son of the Xiao State Chancellor, a man in his thirties and a renowned Xiao general of tremendous ambition and illustrious military achievement.

Five years earlier, he had presented a proposal before the Xiao court, declaring that the Northern Lang Kingdom’s allotted time had run out and strongly urging the founding emperor of Xiao to raise an army and destroy it. In doing so, he sounded the death knell of the Northern Lang Kingdom. He led troops in fierce campaigns against Northern Lang, not only helping Xiao ultimately conquer it but also forcing the Western Xia Kingdom to submit a memorial acknowledging itself as a vassal. His might had shaken all four directions.

During Xiao’s present southern invasion of Great Xuan, the Xiao Second Prince served as commander-in-chief, while Mo Han was deputy commander. The Second Prince took the more convenient eastern route, where almost nothing obstructed him besides the Yellow River. Mo Han, meanwhile, commanded the western army and sank his teeth into the far tougher bone—the major stronghold of Kuiyuan City.

Kuiyuan had obstructed him for months. The Second Prince had already attacked the capital, extorted vast quantities of gold and silver, and returned north in triumph, yet Mo Han remained trapped beneath Kuiyuan’s walls.

Now that the Second Prince had returned north, Xiao and Xuan appeared on the surface to be negotiating peace, while the course of the war remained uncertain. Mo Han had not withdrawn north. Instead, he continued stationing his army at Kuiyuan, still determined to seize the city after besieging it for half a year and thereby aid Xiao’s future campaign to destroy Great Xuan entirely.

He had never expected that before the stalemate at Kuiyuan could be resolved, the western camp would suffer defeat after defeat at a tiny mountain city.

–

Driven by suspicion, Mo Han simply led troops personally to attack the little mountain city. Instead, he was humiliated by an assassin during the night, losing half his right ear and having his head wrapped in a medicinal bandage already seeping blood.

While he was still simmering with anger, a frantic report came from outside the tent: the five hundred Iron Pagoda cavalrymen sent in pursuit had also fallen into an ambush and had been almost completely annihilated.

Mo Han’s expression turned cold, and his teeth ground audibly.

At the very height of his fury, he instead calmed down. He neither flew into a rage and punished his subordinates nor sent another force in pursuit. Instead, he ordered the troops to remain in place and strengthen their vigilance.

He paced back and forth inside the tent, righted the table the assassin had split apart, pieced the shattered terrain map back together, and forced himself to study it calmly.

He was now absolutely certain that the little city on the mountain had some connection to Tianmen Pass. Otherwise, how could Tianmen Pass have known he had stationed troops here? How could its forces have known to cooperate with the assassin from the mountain city, lure his men deep into an ambush, and destroy the pursuing Iron Pagoda cavalry?

The assassin’s deep voice echoed in his ears—

“…Remember me well. My name is Zhang San, commander of Ant County on the mountain…”

“Zhang San.” He ground out the name through clenched teeth. Just as he had never heard of “Ant County,” he had also never heard of any celebrated Xuan general named “Zhang San.”

The name was far too ordinary, like some A’Yang or A’Gou found anywhere across the grasslands. Could it be an alias?

Deep in thought, Mo Han used the overturned table as a camp stool and sat down without noticing, continuing to contemplate with a deep frown…

—when a sharp pain suddenly stabbed through his buttocks!

–

“Gwaaah!!!”

The camp was heavily guarded, with more than a dozen personal guards forming a full circle around the little tent. Every one of them heard the Deputy Marshal’s shriek, as mournful as a crazed crow.

The group swarmed inside and saw the     Commander-in-Chiefsprawled facedown on the ground, clutching his backside and screaming endlessly. He seemed to have been struck by some hidden weapon, but no one could see exactly what had hit him.

Several personal guards rushed over, held the     Commander-in-Chief down, and lifted the armor over his rear—only to find a mountain snake biting each side of his buttocks!

“Quickly! Quickly! Pull them off!” Mo Han screamed.

Several bolder guards seized the snakes by their necks and smashed them dead against the ground. Everyone looked at the two mountain snakes. Each was about two fingers thick and as long as a forearm, with emerald bodies and red-green eyes. They plainly looked venomous. When they hurriedly pulled down the Commander-in-Chief’s trousers, both halves of his buttocks were rapidly swelling into huge purple lumps, with blood pouring continuously from the wounds.

Mo Han cried out in agony as his vision darkened. “It must have been that filthy Zhang San! He released venomous snakes in my tent! Summon the physician! Quickly, summon the physician!”

–

Before long, an army physician rushed over. TheCommander-in-Chief lay dazedly facedown on the bed, both swollen halves of his backside exposed, while anxious subordinates crowded around him.

The armored hammer wielder also waited anxiously inside the tent. The female archer entered and took one look, nearly blinded by the gleaming red buttocks, then hurriedly turned around and withdrew outside.

The physician threw himself beside the bed, examined the situation, and cried, “There’s venom! It must be sucked out immediately!” With that, he revealed a filthy mouth full of yellow teeth and prepared to begin sucking.

The Commander-in-Chief screamed, “Keep your mouth away from me! Not you! Your mouth is probably poisonous too!”

The personal guards throughout the tent looked from one another, then back again. Finally, the armored hammer wielder gritted his teeth and steeled himself. “Commander-in-Chief! If you do not find this subordinate repulsive, I am willing to suck out the venom for you!”

The Commander-in-Chiefforced his eyes wide and peered into the man’s mouth. Looking around and seeing that there truly was no better candidate, he too could only grit his teeth and harden his resolve. “You… you do it…”

–

By morning, the venom had been completely removed. The Commander-in-Chief’s backside remained swollen, and the armored warrior’s mouth had swollen too.

The physician announced that although the snakes were venomous, their poison was limited and would not prove fatal.

—That “Zhang San of Ant County” had not meant to kill him. First, he had entered the camp to humiliate him once; then ambushed his forces and humiliated him a second time; and finally released snakes to humiliate him a third time.

—If this could be endured, what could not?

Mo Han lay facedown on the bed, his buttocks exposed to the morning breeze while blood seeping from his ear stained the pillow and bedding. Unable to suppress his towering fury any longer, he twisted his head toward his officers and roared, “Reorganize the army and divide it into two forces! Attack ‘Ant County’ and Tianmen Pass simultaneously! Kill them until not a blade of grass remains—!”

–

Beneath Yuquan Mountain, beside the Wen River, war once again ignited between one city and one pass.

The exchanges between attackers and defenders consisted of the same familiar measures: shouted challenges and demands for surrender, bows and crossbows and catapult stones, ladders and siege carts, flooding and fire attacks… The details need not be recounted.

While Mo Han was fighting fiercely on both fronts, the southern camp surrounding Kuiyuan City sent a report—a Xuan reinforcement army had arrived from the south. It looked pitifully weak, with scarcely any horses and nothing but poorly equipped infantry. It had originally been stationed at Yuci County. This ragged reinforcement army had remained motionless for many days, only to launch a sudden attack the previous night and retake Jiao County from Xiao control.

The southern Xiao camp had more than ten thousand troops, most of them elite. But if it marched several dozen li south to recapture Jiao County, there would be no troops left to guard the area surrounding Kuiyuan City. They therefore sent a report asking the Commander-in-Chief how to proceed.

Mo Han heard that the Xuan army flew banners bearing the character “Li.” He did not know what obscure and nameless junior commander had appeared this time, but the army was so feeble that he doubted it could cause much trouble. He ordered the southern camp to remain in place and firmly guard the route leading north from Jiao County to Kuiyuan.

In any case, Jiao County was merely a small county town with low walls and no strategic terrain. It stood on no important route and was no major stronghold, making it extremely easy to capture. Even if the Xuan army had seized it back, their success would only be temporary and was no cause for concern. Once he took the city and pass here, it would not be too late to turn his army back and crush those ragged reinforcements.

–

This seemingly insignificant little battle need not be recounted either.

Returning to Ant County on the mountain: with its advantageous terrain and its two defensive lines—the rockfall and the city gate—it could still barely withstand the Xiao army’s ferocious assaults.

Commander Zhang led the army in unending battle. Envoy Li, however, whose stomach had been injured, could only obey the physician’s orders and remain idly confined inside the county yamen. To him, this was far more miserable than fighting!

For the first five days, he was not even permitted to eat vegetables! He could drink only white—no, yellow—millet porridge. After five days of it, his little face was nearly as yellow as wax. Worse yet, the physician would not even allow him to leave the bed during those days. He could only lie there all day with his eyes wide open, staring uselessly into space.

Brother Xiao was busy with the fighting and naturally could not come keep him company. County Commandant Liu and Junior Clerk Chen were also so busy their feet scarcely touched the ground. Cook Wu and her husband, along with Elder Sister and Brother-in-law, all had to cook military provisions and mend uniforms for the soldiers. No one had much spare time to look after him.

He could only lie alone in bed, reading the military texts Junior Clerk Chen had found for him until he could recite them backward…

Out of sheer boredom, even the tiny figures illustrated in the books seemed to come alive and begin fighting noisily throughout his room, at least lending him a little sense of company…

–

On the sixth day, Elder Sister and Brother-in-law found time to visit him and brought a pot of cabbage and mutton porridge.

The meat was dried mutton specially sent by Young General She, who wanted Li Si to recover his strength. Zhang San had taken it to Elder Sister and asked her to cook it. Supplies were scarce during wartime, and there were only a few pieces of dried meat. Elder Sister tore them into thin strips, soaked them until soft, and simmered them in the porridge with finely crushed cabbage. Just before serving, she drizzled in several drops of sesame oil and sprinkled a handful of dried sesame seeds over the top.

Li Si had eaten yellow porridge and drunk bitter medicine for several days, yet had sensibly uttered not a single complaint. His little face had grown thin, withered, and listless as he lay pitifully in bed. The moment he smelled meat, however, both eyes shone brightly.

He climbed out of bed himself, thanked Elder Sister and Brother-in-law, then hurriedly buried his entire face over the bowl and ate with tears in his eyes, deeply moved.

Elder Sister and Brother-in-law watched from the side, their hearts aching. The couple remained with Fourth until he finished eating and spoke privately with him for a while. Zhang San happened to find time to return and visit Sisi. Once Elder Sister learned exactly how Fourth had been injured, she caught that bastard Third and gave him another vicious scolding!

—I told you not to wrap him so tightly! You squeezed my perfectly good Si’er until he vomited blood!

Zhang San was scolded for nothing.

In the judgment of the two She generals, who understood warfare, the matter could not truly be blamed on Commander Zhang. Had he not hung a shield over Envoy Li’s chest and wrapped him in two layers of armor, the hammer would have broken his ribs and injured his chest. By preserving Envoy Li’s heart and lungs, he dispersed the force of the blow. Envoy Li’s stomach was injured by the shock instead, and the tight armor squeezed him until he vomited. It was sacrificing the lesser to preserve the greater and had actually been a wise decision.

Yet Zhang San himself still believed everything was his fault. Not only had he failed to protect Sisi properly, he had even caused Sisi to be injured while saving him.

Worse, he had personally watched Sisi vomit blood and faint in his arms. The terror had nearly scattered his soul and left him with a lingering fear.

While enduring Elder Sister’s scolding, he shamelessly pulled Sisi into his arms and buried his face against Sisi’s shoulder, too full of precious relief and lingering terror to speak.

Seeing him reduced to such a cowardly state, Elder Sister could no longer continue scolding. She sighed and left the room with Brother-in-law, allowing the young couple some privacy.

–

Li Si had not seen Brother Xiao for two or three days and missed him terribly. When Brother Xiao tightly embraced him from behind, he relaxed and nestled his whole body into that embrace, leaning against Brother Xiao’s warm chest until his own heart felt warm too.

His thoughts were completely different from Brother Xiao’s. He had no idea how badly Zhang San had been frightened. He had just eaten until comfortably full, and now Brother Xiao was holding him like this, so he could not have been happier. After being held for a while, he turned his head and clung to Brother Xiao, demanding kisses.

Brother Xiao kissed him gently, neither biting nor sucking, only lightly touching Li Si’s lips as though the slightest extra pressure might crush him.

After kissing him for a while, Brother Xiao cupped his face and stroked it with a sigh. “You’ve grown thin.”

How could he not grow thin when he spent every day lying down and drinking porridge? Li Si did not care. He kept clinging to Brother Xiao’s mouth and kissing him, while his hand slipped into Brother Xiao’s collar and felt around. It was not that lust had gone to his head; he had simply missed him terribly and wanted more tenderness, more “intimacy.”

Brother Xiao allowed him to kiss and touch for a while, then coaxed him to stop. He withdrew to shut the door, lowered the window covering too, then pulled Li Si onto the bed and said, “Lie down.”

Li Si did not know this was called “indulging in daytime debauchery.” He obediently lay down and let Brother Xiao pleasure him through one round.

–

Afterward, Brother Xiao poured tea to rinse his mouth. Li Si curled his body and panted comfortably, but one hand covered his stomach.

Brother Xiao set down the teacup and hurried over to rub his taut abdomen. “Does it hurt?”

Li Si had felt too much pleasure and was now both comfortable and uncomfortable. He wrinkled his face and said, “A little.”

Zhang San had not known that this also counted as the physician’s “strenuous activity,” pulling at the muscles of the waist and abdomen and putting pressure on the already injured stomach. Feeling Sisi’s faintly trembling abdomen beneath his hand, he was once again consumed with guilt.

Seeing the torment on his face, Li Si quickly pulled him down and embraced him, rubbing against him as he said, “Only a little. It felt very good. I still want more. This time, I’ll help you…”

But Brother Xiao refused to continue. He kissed Li Si’s forehead tenderly and coaxed him, “Once you’re healed, we’ll take our time. Brother Xiao will teach you something even more comfortable then. All right?”

Li Si remembered the terror he had felt when Zhang San touched his backside before. His eyes widened, and he shrank back slightly, only to be pulled into Brother Xiao’s arms again.

Brother Xiao coaxed him softly, “Don’t be afraid. I won’t bully you then. I’ll let you do it.”

Li Si did not know what exactly he was supposed to “do,” and when it came to this sort of thing, he did not particularly trust Brother Xiao. But seeing how distressed and uneasy Brother Xiao looked, he could not bear to retreat any farther. He tightly embraced Brother Xiao in return and nodded with an “Mm.”

Like two little sparrows, they gently pecked kisses at each other for a long while.

–

According to the physician’s instructions, Li Si could now leave his bed, though he still could not engage in strenuous activity. Brother Xiao would not permit him to go outside, so he could only remain confined within the county yamen like a little golden canary-colt kept in a cage by Brother Xiao. Each day, he performed whatever small tasks he could manage without aggravating his stomach—helping Cook Wu prepare food for the soldiers, assisting Junior Clerk Chen in counting military supplies, bathing and brushing Big Black Ghost, trimming and grooming him, and feeding the messenger pigeons in the loft.

The county yamen’s pigeon loft had been exceptionally lively these days. Every night, it was filled with cooing pigeons arriving and departing from every direction, making it resemble an aerial courier station.

Li Si read and translated the messages with Junior Clerk Chen each day and helped organize military intelligence. The two gradually came to get along extremely well.

Chen Lu had originally been somewhat afraid of the cold-faced Envoy Li. Now, he finally discovered that Li Si merely had a blank expression but an obedient heart and was actually very easy to get along with. He therefore became lively around him too.

Li Si was simple-minded, quiet, and sparing with words. He neither gossiped nor judged and disparaged others. Chen Lu trusted him and became very close to him, chattering endlessly every day and telling him thoughts he could not share with anyone else. Within only a few days, he had revealed his entire history with Brother Wuzhi over the years!

–

When the two compared their ages, they discovered that Chen Lu was actually half a year younger than Li Si. Just like Qiao Shen, he therefore affectionately began calling him “Brother Sisi.”

“Brother Sisi, you have no idea how many years I’ve loved him! I nearly suffocated keeping it inside!” Chen Lu said while sweeping.

The two were cleaning the county yamen’s stable together, both wearing cloths over their faces to keep out the dust. Big Black Ghost did not want to squeeze into the stable with them and was wandering alone around the courtyard outside, sniffing everywhere as he prepared to find Cook Wu, nudge and pester her, and beg several baked flatbreads to eat.

Li Si carried a bucket and splashed water across the ground. Chen Lu continued sweeping the muddy filth away with loud swishes and said, “He still thought I was foolish and wanted to remain ‘brothers’ with me for a lifetime. I’ve known far more than he has since I was little! I simply pretended not to say anything!”

Li Si nodded and praised him earnestly. “Lulu, you’re very clever. Brother Xiao says you’re clever too. He says you’ve read many books and are capable of accomplishing great things. He says you could become a county magistrate or an important official in the future.”

Chen Lu swept his broom through the air with carefree disdain, looking like a little old man who had seen through worldly affairs and regarded rank and riches as dung.

“I don’t want to become a county magistrate! County magistrates are transferred every three years. Wouldn’t that mean I’d be sent away? I’ll learn from my grandfather and remain a minor clerk in the county yamen for my whole life, while Brother Wuzhi remains a minor commandant. Then the two of us can hide here and stay together forever, can’t we?”

An expression of wow appeared on Li Si’s face. Lulu truly was extremely clever!

In that case, he could also become some minor clerk, minor commandant, or personal guard beside Brother Xiao. Then he too could remain with Brother Xiao forever!

Would that not be far better than serving as some wretched commander, managing officer, or superintendent in the capital and spending every day guarding those foul and corrupt members of the imperial household?

–

Chen Lu looked around and saw that the area surrounding the stable was quiet and deserted. Big Black Ghost had also gone to the rear courtyard to pester Cook Wu for food.

He put down his broom, turned toward Li Si, and asked softly, “Brother Sisi, speaking of which, did that illustrated manual I gave the Commander help the two of you?”

Li Si asked blankly, “What illustrated manual?”

“Why, the one with lots and lots of… pictures! The Commander never showed it to you? You two never tried anything from it at night?”

Li Si shook his head blankly. “I’ve never seen it. Tried what at night?”

Chen Lu spread his hands. “That business people do in bed! The Commander didn’t know how to be intimate with you and was desperately anxious about it. He even went to ask Brother Wuzhi and made him furious.”

Li Si became even more bewildered. He had never known that although Brother Xiao acted so assured every night, saying he wanted to “try” this and “teach” him that, he actually had no idea how to be intimate either.

Elder Sister’s words immediately echoed in his ears once more: “Don’t be fooled because he is a few years older than you. He is accustomed to putting on an act. Sometimes he understands nothing at all…”

Li Si finally understood. His eyes widened as he exclaimed loudly, “Oh!”

—So he had only half understood everything and had been putting on an act!

—No wonder it sometimes felt so good and sometimes hurt so badly!

—Big tiger! Big liar!

Chen Lu sighed. “Ah, I should have expected it. The Commander and Brother Wuzhi are both illiterate and have barely read any books. He probably couldn’t even understand the pictures, so there was no relying on him! I should have given that illustrated manual to you. Ant County is remote, and manuals like that are extremely difficult to buy! I saved money for a long time and pleaded with a traveling peddler for ages before he sold it to me at a slightly lower price. That was my one precious copy! Brother Sisi, you cannot let it go to waste with the Commander. Find him and ask for it. You should learn it yourself!”

Li Si looked at the clever Lulu and nodded earnestly. “Mm!”

Previous

Main

Next