Futile Devices Scans

Everyone set down their belongings. Li Si removed the tiger-fur cloak and hat as well, and they all retreated beneath the corridor to continue warming themselves by the brazier they had been using earlier.

Zhang San kept his head lowered and said nothing. Madam Zhang said nothing either. Madam Zhang’s husband did not dare speak. Li Si was not fond of talking. The young master had no idea what to say. An awkward silence filled the room, broken only by the crackling pop-pop of burning firewood in the brazier.

After a long while, Madam Zhang suddenly said, “You did his hair?”

She was referring to the identical bird’s nest sitting atop Li Si’s head.

Zhang San nodded sheepishly.

“You never knew how to comb hair properly, even when you were little. Such a handsome young man, and you’ve ruined the whole thing.”

Zhang San nodded again.

“I stayed in the old house Father and Mother left behind and took in a live-in husband because I was afraid you’d come home and not be able to find your family. I waited year after year, and not even a single letter came. I know you can’t write, but couldn’t you at least have found someone to write one for you?”

Keeping his eyes lowered, Zhang San replied, “Second Brother died a terrible death. At first I didn’t dare write. I didn’t dare let you know. Later I heard the compensation would be sent home, so I figured you must have learned about it anyway. I never amounted to anything. I fought in wars for years and was only ever a common soldier. I thought that one day, when I became a great general, I’d come back and make you proud…”

He raised his eyes and finally worked up the courage to look at his elder sister.

“I’m a Militia Commissioner now…”

To his complete surprise, his sister leapt up and delivered a fierce slap straight across his face!

The blow knocked Zhang San backward onto the ground. Li Si hurried forward to help him, but one glance at Madam Zhang’s furious expression made him shudder. His hands landed on Zhang San’s arms, yet he did not dare pull him up.

Madam Zhang exploded. “Do you think I care whether you become a great general? Do you think I care whether you become some damned Militia Commissioner? Ever since you were little, you were just a greedy little rascal who loved eating and playing! Why would I care whether you amount to anything? All I ever wanted was for you to be safe! I wanted you not to lose a battle and throw away your life! I wanted you not to desert the army and become a bandit in the mountains and end up being hunted down! I worried about you day and night, and what filled your head? All this nonsense! Making me proud?”

She stepped forward and grabbed Zhang San by the ear. Li Si immediately let go of his arm and shrank aside. The brother-in-law and the younger brother also retreated to the side, too frightened to move or even breathe loudly.

Madam Zhang dragged Zhang San by the ear and shoved him toward the window. “This is your idea of making me proud? You worthless little brat! You good-for-nothing! You made it all the way to your own doorstep and still didn’t dare come inside to see me! Sneaking around like a thief in the middle of the night and breaking my window!”

Zhang San felt as though his ear was about to be torn off. The moment he saw her reaching toward the corner for a broom, childhood memories of bamboo-shoot beatings on his backside came rushing back. He immediately cried out, “Sis, I was wrong! I was wrong! I was wrong! It hurts! It hurts!”

He dropped to his knees and hugged her around the waist.

“Sis, I’ll never do it again… I thought I’d never see you again. I really thought I might die in Kuiyuan at any moment. That’s why I came secretly to see you one last time… Sis, I missed you so much… Sis…”

Madam Zhang burst into tears as well. She threw the broom aside, and the tiger-like brother and sister threw themselves into each other’s arms, crying loudly together.

The remaining three people in the room finally breathed sighs of relief and hurried over. The brother-in-law offered comfort. The younger brother poured tea. Li Si wanted to rub Zhang San’s swollen red ear, but he did not dare get too close to Madam Zhang and hovered nearby, hesitating and fidgeting.

⸻

The group sat around the brazier and spent the entire night reminiscing.

The Zhang siblings had lost their parents young, and Madam Zhang had raised both younger brothers by herself. The year both brothers were forcibly conscripted, she had already been twenty-one. In Great Xuan, women often married at fifteen or sixteen, so she was already considered late to wed. She was strongly built and fiery-tempered—not exactly the delicate bride most men dreamed of—but she was honest, kind, hardworking, and practical. Plenty of local men still came seeking her hand. Afraid her brothers would not be able to find home if she married elsewhere, she rejected many proposals before finally taking in a husband from the north as a live-in son-in-law—the skinny husband sitting before them now.

All these years, she had continued working as a butcher’s assistant. Her husband was frail and earned money by weaving straw sandals and other straw goods to sell at the market. Though the couple had never had children, and everyone assumed the problem lay with the husband, Madam Zhang never minded. They were hardworking, thrifty, and compatible in temperament. Their life was poor but peaceful and loving.

The conversation eventually turned to the young master’s background.

His name was Qiao Shen, and he truly was the impoverished imperial clansman from that impoverished household in Kuiyuan. Before the Xiao army surrounded the city, bandits had abducted him and hidden him in the abandoned village west of the city. The bandits had never expected his family to be so destitute, nor had they anticipated the siege would begin so quickly. They were forced to flee west with him to the abandoned fortress, intending to keep him imprisoned until the siege ended before demanding ransom.

Though he was an imperial clansman, he had lost both parents young. His household was often so poor that there was barely food to eat. All the servants eventually left except for one loyal old steward. The two survived by writing letters to relatives and begging for assistance. His poor diet and living conditions left him undersized, but he had been diligent in his studies from childhood and was both intelligent and mature for his age.

When he had been imprisoned alone in the small cellar, Cook Wu helped him escape. He had escaped from the county magistrate’s rear garden as well. However, he was filthy and thin and did not receive the treatment reserved for “assassins.” The servants assumed he was a beggar who had crawled in through a dog hole. They did not believe he was any kind of young master and merely beat him before throwing him out.

After wandering about, starving, he eventually collapsed outside Madam Zhang’s home. She brought him in and treated him as another younger brother, caring for him for more than twenty days.

⸻

Qiao Shen was astonished to learn that the Emperor had specifically dispatched Li Si and his companions to escort him to the capital. Though born a Central Plains native, he had been raised in the north and had never seen the Central Plains. He also worried constantly about the old steward still trapped in Kuiyuan and did not truly wish to leave the north. However, Madam Zhang and her husband both urged him to leave the war-torn region. If he were safe, the old steward would feel much more at ease. Furthermore, if he managed to establish himself in the capital, he could bring the old steward there to live comfortably once the war ended.

Though uneasy, he eventually agreed.

The ancestral jade pendant was the key proof of his identity and should have been returned to him. However, the county yamen constables all claimed they had found only Li Si’s Imperial City Directorate envoy token and no jade pendant. Li Si assumed he must have lost it during the chaos of the previous day and blamed himself greatly. Qiao Shen repeatedly reassured him, while Zhang San promised to help search for it.

Qiao Shen also learned that Cook Wu—the woman who had helped save his life—had come to Ant County as well. He wished to personally thank her, but Zhang San feared complications if too many people at the county yamen learned his identity. He advised Qiao Shen to remain hidden for the time being and said he would convey the gratitude on his behalf.

⸻

The group talked deep into the night. Concerned about Li Si’s injuries, Zhang San said he should be taken back to the county yamen to rest and that they could visit his sister again the next day. As for Qiao Shen, he would remain at the house for now.

Zhang San told him, “Once Envoy Li’s injuries improve in a few days, he’ll escort you south to the capital.”

Li Si had been mostly silent all night, listening quietly. At those words, his head snapped up, and he stared fixedly at Zhang San.

Zhang San ignored the look and continued speaking with Qiao Shen.

Qiao Shen then said, “Third Brother, if you’ve come to Ant County as Militia Commissioner, I assume you’ll be recruiting troops. When I escaped, I found some things in the tunnels that might be useful to you.”

Zhang San arranged to explore the tunnels with Qiao Shen the next day and then hurriedly left with Li Si.

⸻

The road home had already been covered in snow, making the stone streets slippery. Under normal circumstances it would not have mattered, but Li Si was injured and struggled to walk.

Zhang San wanted to carry him on his back, but Li Si’s chest was covered in whip wounds that would only hurt more. So he wrapped an arm around his waist and lifted him into a bridal carry instead. The two were nearly the same height, and wrapped in the tiger-fur cloak, Li Si looked like a furry tiger cub. Zhang San could not help smiling to himself.

Li Si carried a lantern in one hand and draped the other over Zhang San’s shoulder. Feeling him shaking with silent laughter, he asked, “Am I heavy?”

Though Li Si looked lean, he was tall and strongly built—not like the skinny brother-in-law back at the house. He was hardly light.

Zhang San answered honestly with a grin. “Not light.”

Li Si immediately tried to climb down, only to receive a smack on the lower back.

“Stop moving. I can carry you. I was just thinking about the husband my sister picked. Skinny as a reed. A strong wind could probably blow him away. What exactly does my sister see in him?”

Zhang San had only been making idle conversation, but Li Si considered it seriously.

“Brother-in-law is kind.”

The brother-in-law was timid and talkative, but he was also thoughtful and considerate. Earlier, while everyone had been talking, he had noticed Li Si was injured and weak and had specially placed a cushion on the chair so he could sit more comfortably. He had even filled a warm hot-water bottle and given it to him to hold.

Li Si buried his face in Zhang San’s shoulder and spoke in a muffled voice.

“Brother-in-law knows how to care for people.”

Zhang San laughed.

“You little thing. What do you know about caring for people? Have you ever even been promised in marriage?”

Li Si shook his head. He had heard the phrase when Grandmother and Second Uncle chatted. Grandmother had told Second Uncle to find a wife who knew how to care for people. Such a wife would understand warmth and cold, know how to look after others. Someone like the brother-in-law, presumably.

Still buried in Zhang San’s shoulder, he added in that same muffled voice,

“You know how to care for people too.”

The smile froze on Zhang San’s face.

Li Si meant every word sincerely. He was simply offering genuine praise, with no hidden meaning. Yet Zhang San did not respond for a very long time.

The wind whispered through the snow. Snowflakes rustled softly. Even the sound of their heartbeats disappeared into the storm where no one could hear them.

After a long silence, Zhang San suddenly said, “Little Fool, once your injuries improve in a few days, head back to the capital. There’ll probably be fighting here soon. It won’t be safe.”

Li Si froze. His eyes lowered, and a trace of sadness surfaced from the darkness.

He did not understand why Zhang San had suddenly said such a thing. Earlier in the courtyard, he had said the same thing. Zhang San was urging him to leave.

They had only just found each other again.

From morning until night, they had not even spent a full day together.

The arms holding him were so warm and tight, yet the words spoken were distant and cold.

⸻

Li Si’s beast-like instincts were not wrong. After returning to the rear compound of the county yamen, Zhang San truly became more distant. After settling Li Si in his room, he actually intended to sleep in the neighboring room.

Wrapped tightly in blankets, Li Si struggled to free one hand and grabbed the corner of Zhang San’s robe.

“I can’t sleep.”

“You slept all day. Of course you can’t sleep. If you can’t sleep, then just lie there with your eyes closed.”

Li Si, never one to understand tact, spoke bluntly.

“I can’t sleep if you’re not here.”

Zhang San remained unmoved.

“You’re a grown man. Stop acting spoiled.”

He stuffed Li Si’s hand back beneath the blanket, blew out the lamp, and left.

Li Si lay in the darkness with his eyes wide open, filled with the bewilderment of someone who had just been abandoned.

Back in the dungeon at Kuiyuan, Zhang San had carried an entire blanket downstairs in the middle of the night just to sleep beside him. If anyone was acting spoiled, Zhang San had started it!

⸻

The county yamen servants had no idea that Militia Commissioner Zhang and Envoy Li normally slept together, so they had prepared a separate master bedroom for Zhang San.

The room had once served as the county magistrate’s temporary residence when he first arrived in Ant County. He had left his legal wife back in Jiangnan and brought only three concubines with him. Since nights were livelier with more people around, the bed had been made especially large.

Zhang San lay face-down on the bed, his backside sticking up. The wound behind his shoulder had split open and healed, healed and split open again, leaving him with no choice but to sleep on his stomach. The enormous bed felt empty.

And so did his heart.

Of the two of them, Zhang San was the older one, so naturally he thought more about such things. He himself knew that the closeness between him and Li Si over the past several days had gone too far—Brother Xu had noticed it, the Zhou brothers had noticed it, and perhaps even Liu Wu had noticed it.

Li Si was innocent and ignorant. He thought it was acceptable to hold anyone’s hand as a form of comfort. He thought two grown men could sleep on the same bed every night. He did not even understand the boundaries between men and women, much less the boundaries between men and men.

But as the older one, Zhang San could no longer shamelessly pretend not to know.

He always claimed he had no interest in men, and over all these years he had never once been attracted to another man. Because Li Si blushed and grew shy so easily, he often teased him, treating it all as harmless amusement. Yet somehow, as he played and joked, improper thoughts had begun to take root.

He did not know where those thoughts had come from or when they had first appeared. Before he had even realized it himself, they had quietly begun to grow. Like a spark on the grasslands, once it slipped beyond control, it became a raging sea of fire.

Today, while feeding Li Si his medicine, he had finally failed to resist taking advantage of him…

He was nothing but a bandit. A beast. An animal!

Covering his face, he groaned in regret.

But what else could he have done? The fool was unconscious and could not swallow the medicine. Other than… well… what else was there to do?

And that little fool was always burying his face in Zhang San’s shoulder and acting spoiled. His lips would brush against him again and again, warm and soft… Could he really be blamed for not being able to withstand that?

He scrubbed at his own shameless face in frustration. It felt so hot he thought he might rub it raw. Even his ears rang with the sound of his own heartbeat—thump! Thump! Thump! Every time he opened his mouth to breathe, it felt as though his heart might leap right out.

Yet the moment he realized he had developed such improper thoughts, another fear followed close behind—he could not continue being this close to Li Si.

Because Li Si would be leaving soon. He had only come to Kuiyuan on official business in the first place and would depart in a few days. Once he returned to the capital and reported in, rewards would surely await him. Perhaps even high office and generous salaries. The little colt had already flown onto a high branch and become a magnificent phoenix. Once he was enjoying wealth and prestige in the capital, what chance would there be of him ever returning to this bitterly cold northern land?

There was no “future” between them.

No. They did not even have a “present.”

All those crooked thoughts in Zhang San’s heart, those thoughts worthy of a bandit, a beast, an animal—none of them existed in Li Si’s heart. Li Si simply trusted him completely and relied on him completely. He regarded Zhang San as a kind, caring elder brother, no different from Brother Xu or his brother-in-law.

Everything was merely Zhang San’s own moment of weakness, his own wishful thinking.

The more he thought about it, the colder the hot blood in his veins became. His racing heartbeat gradually settled as well. Letting out a long sigh, he buried his face in the pillow and prepared to fall asleep in this miserable, cowardly state.

⸻

Who would have guessed that a faint, slow creeeak… came from the doorway. A gust of icy wind slipped into the room along with it. Zhang San looked up and saw Li Si standing in the doorway beneath the pale moonlight, wrapped in bandages and medicinal dressings—and wearing nothing but a thin underrobe!

Zhang San nearly jumped out of his skin. He sprang from the bed, dragged Li Si inside, and shoved him bodily beneath his quilt.

“Have you lost your mind?! Do you know how cold it is outside? Why didn’t you even put on the tiger-fur cloak? What did you come over here for?”

Li Si was so cold he seemed half-frozen. He shivered for a long while before finally saying, “Cold. Couldn’t sleep.”

Zhang San was both annoyed and amused. “That’s complete nonsense. Your room has a heated brick bed. Cold my ass. My room’s colder than yours. Go back.”

Li Si made a sound of agreement.

“Mm.”

He clearly accepted the logic. Yet he remained bundled inside the quilt without moving an inch.

Zhang San gave him a shove.

Li Si drew a sharp breath and muttered from beneath the covers, “My wounds hurt.”

That made Zhang San laugh despite himself.

“They didn’t hurt while you were walking all the way over here? You’re nothing but a little clingy thing!”

Li Si answered with another obedient:

“Mm.”

Clingy then. Fine. He still refused to move.

Though Zhang San sounded fierce, he no longer dared push him around. He stood beside the bed for a while, but the room was cold enough that he eventually lifted the quilt and climbed in himself. The bed was large enough that the two of them could lie side by side and stretch out comfortably.

The quilt, however, was only so large.

In the end, they still had to huddle together beneath it, squeezed warmly against one another.

As he crowded together with Li Si, Zhang San sighed.

“Little Fool, this isn’t good.”

Li Si had no idea what was supposed to be wrong. His arm pressed against Zhang San’s, warm and reassuring. Zhang San could worry about his own problems while Li Si enjoyed himself.

So he simply replied,

“Mm.”

Zhang San sighed again.

“You don’t understand. I’m a bad person.”

Li Si thought to himself: You bully me all the time, laugh at me, and then ignore me. You really are bad.

“Mm.”

Zhang San sighed a third time.

“We’ve only known each other for… what, nine days? And in a few more days, you’ll be leaving.”

After a long pause, Li Si finally answered.

“Mm.”

“Once you leave, there’s no guarantee we’ll ever meet again in this lifetime.”

“…”

This time no answer came from Li Si’s side for a very long while.

Knowing how easily Li Si cried, Zhang San turned over and reached out to touch his face.

Sure enough.

Tears were falling steadily.

“Don’t cry, don’t cry! Ah, my fault! I said the wrong thing. Forget it, forget it!”

Zhang San hurriedly rolled over and pulled him into his arms, patting his back gently and pressing his head against his chest as he coaxed him.

Li Si stopped crying immediately.

Zhang San thought to himself: So be it. Let me be bad. There are only a few days left anyway. At worst, I’ll just keep myself under control and stop taking advantage of him.

“Alright. I won’t chase you back to your room. Just sleep here.”

Li Si became completely rigid.

He did not react at all.

Nor did he say a single word.

Puzzled, Zhang San cupped his face in both hands. In the darkness he could not see anything clearly, but the skin beneath his palms was burning hot.

“What’s wrong?”

“…”

“Li Si?”

“…”

“What now? Have you gone stupid again? Wake up! Hey! Ah!”

Li Si had become so thoroughly foolish that no amount of shaking could wake him. Zhang San himself had not rested for two days and was exhausted. After shaking him for a while, he eventually drifted off to sleep without realizing it.

Li Si sat there in a daze in the darkness for a long time.

Then, equally muddle-headed, he drifted off to sleep as well.

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