That summer in middle school, the sound of cicadas rang endlessly through the air. There was no wind, no trace of coolness. Scorching heat and drifting dust eroded the world itself. The house was very quiet. Dirty dishes were piled in the sink, the clock on the wall had stopped moving, and only one pillow remained in the room. Ke Bu sat on a stool, staring at the sheet of paper placed before him, his face completely expressionless. After a long while, he lifted his head and looked at the two people standing in front of him.
“I understand.”
After saying that, he stood up. The stool tipped backward with a dull crash. Without even turning his head, he opened the door and left.
The crowd on the streets shoved against Ke Bu as they passed by. Even though there were so many people, the loneliness felt terrifying. He had nowhere he wanted to go and no desire to arrive anywhere. The thing weighing heavily in his chest was obviously painful, yet it still could not pour out through his eyes.
Who said sadness always led to tears?
What was this powerless feeling?
In this world, even life itself was frighteningly short-lived. Taken away by time, taken away by illness, taken away by pain, taken away by one’s own hands.
What exactly lasted forever?
Ke Bu slammed his fist heavily against the wall, ignoring the shocked looks from passersby. The skin on his knuckles scraped open, faint traces of blood visible beneath. Ke Bu gave a bitter smile.
What was with this tragic storyline?
Reality?
A cruel reality so unbearable people didn’t even want to look at it.
Ke Bu slid down to sit on the ground, curling up his legs, resting both hands on his knees. His gaze drifted aimlessly through the passing crowd, numbly watching people continuously appear and disappear before him.
Finally, his attention was caught by a boy sitting at the bus stop.
The boy’s clean white clothes resembled his entire being. A beautiful face, vividly clear yet strangely blurred and unreal. This beautiful young man boarded none of the arriving buses. He simply sat there coldly, as though detached from the mortal world itself. Everything about him was impossibly beautiful.
Ke Bu remembered seeing that face before.
It was Zhi Li, someone from the same school, a name often discussed by girls.
Ke Bu found his mouth tasteless. A sudden urge to speak to someone boiled through his blood, driving him to stand up and buy two popsicles from a nearby store before walking toward the beautiful boy.
As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Zhi Li occupied his entire field of vision.
Standing before him, Ke Bu held out one popsicle.
“This isn’t me treating you. We’re splitting the cost equally.”
A completely inexplicable opening line.
Those were the first words Ke Bu ever said to Zhi Li.
Zhi Li looked cautiously at the popsicle, then at Ke Bu, who tilted his head with a smile as bright as blooming flowers.
“What’s with that look? I’m not evil enough to poison you.”
Zhi Li said nothing and accepted the popsicle.
Ke Bu sat beside him, eating his own popsicle.
“This spot is really cool. Summer really is meant for eating ice cream.”
“It’s not a flavor I like.”
“Do you even understand social interaction?”
“What benefit do you have that would make me bother using social skills on you?” Zhi Li stated the fact indifferently.
Ke Bu was startled by how sharp Zhi Li’s comeback was, then burst into laughter.
“You’re seriously realistic, Zhi Li. What do you think I look like?”
“Ordinary.”
Ke Bu bit into his popsicle, as though confirming his own prediction.
“You’re way too direct! Seriously, you really don’t seem to understand which things should be said and which shouldn’t. Let me kindly remind you then: with that personality and a face like yours, there’s a very high chance other guys will get jealous of you.”
“Worry about yourself instead.”
Still as indifferent as ever.
“A normal guy like me doesn’t have those kinds of worries. But…” Ke Bu crushed the ice in his mouth, tilted his head back to swallow it, then looked at Zhi Li. Bright sunlight seemed to shine in his eyes.
“But… I really like your personality. In this world, only by seeing reality clearly can people avoid living too painfully.”
The popsicle in Zhi Li’s hand slowly melted, droplets falling onto the ground. He looked at Ke Bu, at his dark pupils, at the brightness hidden in his eyes.
Ke Bu stood before a shop window display, with Zhi Li standing about a meter away beside him. Both of them watched the news playing on the television inside the display window. It was reporting on a certain male celebrity coming out and admitting he was gay.
Ke Bu touched his lips, reddened by the cold popsicle.
Loneliness.
A terrifying loneliness crawled up around Ke Bu’s heart. He wanted to grab hold of the boy beside him. He didn’t understand why. He simply wanted to hold onto him tightly.
Just him.
Only him.
“So two guys can date each other after all,” Ke Bu said with sudden realization as he turned his head sideways. “Zhi Li, want to try it with me?”
For some reason, that joke slipped out of his mouth.
The other party gave no response. Just as Ke Bu awkwardly tried to take the words back, Zhi Li’s voice arrived like beautiful musical notes.
“Okay.”
It was an answer Ke Bu had never imagined.
“Don’t misunderstand. Of course, it’s only with the mentality of giving it a try. If either person ends up liking someone else, then we break up immediately. Even if we’re dating, I won’t make strange demands. It’ll just be in name only. I’m just curious whether two men can really date each other.”
Ke Bu hurriedly explained himself.
But the truth was simply this:
He wanted to use the name of “dating” to keep Zhi Li by his side.
Even if it lasted only one day.
Even if only for a little while.
He didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Zhi Li stretched out his hand. “Deal.” Ke Bu also reached out his hand, and the two immature hands clasped together, forming this special agreement built upon lies.
Ke Bu lay sprawled across the exercise equipment in the park, his legs hooked through the metal bars for support. He struggled through a single sit-up before collapsing back down again, squinting at the sun hanging in the sky and covering his eyes with one hand.
“My parents divorced today.”
There was not the slightest trace of sadness in his tone.
“Then I win, don’t I? My parents divorced yesterday, one day earlier than yours.”
“No one’s competing with you over that.” Ke Bu looked at Zhi Li through the gaps between his fingers. At last, he understood why he had wanted to talk to him, why he had wanted so desperately to keep him by his side.
It turned out that what he saw in Zhi Li was the same color as himself.
“Hey, Zhi Li, my name is Ke Bu. Remember that name, okay?”
“Hey, Zhi Li, you’ll stay with me, right?”
“How long?”
Ke Bu thought about it for a while before shamelessly asking for the impossible.
“Stay until I grow old. Old enough to forget there was ever someone like you.”
Zhi Li said nothing and stepped backward twice. Ke Bu thought Zhi Li was leaving, abandoning him. The only support he had managed to grasp amidst the emptiness would leave him just like his shattered family had.
He scrambled to his feet in panic and grabbed onto Zhi Li’s clothes, his voice trembling and fragile.
“Zhi Li, don’t go. Zhi Li, don’t go. Zhi Li, don’t go.”
The words repeated over and over like muttering prayers.
Yet Zhi Li still left.
Ke Bu crouched on the ground, completely at a loss.
How stupid.
To place all his vulnerability into the hands of a stranger.
And now, that stranger had left too.
“Hey.”
Zhi Li lightly kicked the tip of Ke Bu’s shoe.
Ke Bu looked up in surprise. Zhi Li crouched down as well, took Ke Bu’s hand, and placed a bandage over the wound from earlier. Ke Bu frowned.
“If it hurts, then say so.”
It was only a single sentence.
Too inexplicable.
Far too inexplicable.
Tears burst from Ke Bu’s eyes as he slammed his head into Zhi Li’s chest, knocking Zhi Li backward onto the ground. Warm body heat. The scent of laundry detergent. Ke Bu clutched tightly at Zhi Li’s clothes as he cried uncontrollably. Zhi Li patted his head like he was soothing a child.
“You’re seriously troublesome. I only told you to speak if it hurts. I never told you to cry.”
Ke Bu’s shoulders shook violently, tears pouring down nonstop, yet he could not stop himself from laughing through them.
“So do you actually want to cry or laugh?”
“If you didn’t say such strange things, I’d probably want to cry.” Ke Bu lifted his head from Zhi Li’s chest. “Zhi Li… why?”
Why come back?
Why go this far?
Was he really this pathetic now, begging others for sympathy?
The corners of Zhi Li’s lips curved into a mesmerizing shape, like white flowers blooming and drifting through the air itself. Perfect and without flaw. That smile etched itself deep into Ke Bu’s memories forever.
Zhi Li raised his hand, curled his thumb and middle finger together, and flicked Ke Bu lightly on the forehead.
“Because starting today, I’m your man.”
After that, life did not actually change much. It was only knowing that this title existed. Only knowing that Zhi Li existed. Meeting occasionally, chatting occasionally. Faint and indistinct, close yet distant.
For Ke Bu, that was enough.
Comforting enough.
Natural enough.
He chose the high school Zhi Li attended. He chose the university Zhi Li attended.
A relationship that existed in name but had already lost its substance.
Just a childish joke between two boys.
Yet who could have imagined that it would bind the two of them together so deeply?
Futile Devices Scans 
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