He Chu San felt this was simply a great miracle of life—he had ridden in drunkard Xia Liu Yi’s car and returned alive to Kau Lung Walled City. Alive! A! Live!
—In the end, it was only because it was late at night and there were few people and few cars that he had managed to have such great luck.
Xia Liu Yi suddenly slammed on the brakes by the roadside, then slapped the steering wheel and waited for He Chu San to get out.
He Chu San let go of the roof grab handle he had been clutching tightly, undid his seat belt, and opened the car door on legs gone weak. After thinking about it, he still felt uneasy. “Brother Liu Yi, how are you going back?”
“None of your business. Get lost,” Xia Liu Yi said.
The moment He Chu San recalled the terrifying sight of him spinning the steering wheel wildly at the intersection just now and going in circles on the spot over and over, his vision went black. After thinking about it, he still sat back in without fear of death. “Brother Liu Yi, I’ll keep you company while you drive home. I don’t feel at ease letting you go alone.”
“I’m not going home!” Xia Liu Yi narrowed his eyes and shoved him out at random, then grabbed his schoolbag and threw it out too. “Hurry up and get lost!”
“Not going home? Where are you going?” He Chu San found this very strange. Holding his schoolbag, he staggered to his feet, but Xia Liu Yi had already leaned over and slammed the door shut with a snap.
He Chu San tugged at the car door twice and could not open it. When he discovered that Xia Liu Yi had actually locked the door from inside, he immediately felt something was wrong. “Brother Liu Yi? Open the door! Where are you going alone?”
Inside, Xia Liu Yi sneered at him and raised a middle finger—showing that this underworld boss, who usually loved to put on airs and act proper, truly was very drunk this time—then opened his mouth and said four words. Judging from the shape of his mouth, they were, “None. Of. Your. Damn. Business!”
He Chu San pounded the car window twice with no response. Seeing Xia Liu Yi pull the gear shift and about to step on the gas, in desperation, he turned his head and threw himself right in front of the car!
He sprawled there in disarray in front of the car, threw his schoolbag onto the hood, straightened up, and raised both arms, striking the pose of a mantis trying to stop a chariot. Boss Xia did not notice this little mantis for a moment and subconsciously stepped on the gas. With a heavy bang, He Chu San’s entire figure disappeared!
Xia Liu Yi’s mind exploded with a boom. He swiftly stepped on the brakes and hurriedly rolled down the window to look—He Chu San, covered in dust and dirt, had tumbled onto the ground several steps away and was flailing there as he got up, looking as though nothing much had happened.
Xia Liu Yi stuck his head out and cursed loudly, “Little bastard! Do you not want your life?! What are you doing blocking the front?!”
He Chu San staggered to his feet, not even caring about picking up his schoolbag, still stubbornly blocking the car. “Brother Liu Yi, you can’t drive like this anymore!”
“None of your damn business! Get lost!”
“How is it none of my business?! I don’t want to see something happen to you! Stop fooling around, Brother Liu Yi! Get out!” This mixed-up brat whose dog guts reached the sky actually shouted at him with a serious face.
Xia Liu Yi’s blood surged upward, and he slammed his fist hard onto the horn. “Beep—!”
He Chu San helped himself manually, slapping both hands against the hood of the car with a “smack—!” Then he lifted his head and glared angrily back at him—actually not losing out in the slightest.
This fucking little bastard who had eaten the heart of a bear and the guts of a leopard! Xia Liu Yi clenched his teeth for a long while, hardening his heart to step on the gas again… but in the end, he could not bring himself to harden his heart.
He irritably struck the horn again, frowning as he said, “What are you fooling around with me for? I have something to do. Don’t block me!”
“What is there that you have to do right now? It’s already this late! And you’re this drunk. What exactly are you trying to do?!”
Xia Liu Yi glared at him for a long while. The alcohol rose along with his blood, and his mind began to grow heavy. He leaned back against the seat and said irritably, “Don’t bother with me. You’re really annoying. Every time I see you, my head hurts…”
He Chu San softened his voice. “Brother Liu Yi, I really don’t feel at ease letting you be alone. Where exactly are you going? Can I go with you?”
Xia Liu Yi lifted his arm to cover his face, and like he was talking to himself, muttered in a low, irritated voice, “All of you, don’t fucking come. All of you, get away…”
He Chu San walked to the driver’s side, bent down, and clasped his limp right arm, coaxing softly, “I won’t bother you. Just let me ride with you while you drive, all right? I don’t feel at ease with you driving alone. Once we get out of the car, you can go wherever you want and do whatever you want. I’ll stay in the car and won’t get out. Is that okay?”
Xia Liu Yi covered his face and said nothing, as though he had fallen asleep. He Chu San could only shake his arm and keep pleading softly, “Brother Liu Yi…”
“…”
Holding his little schoolbag, which was as dusty and dirty as he was, He Chu San sat back in the passenger seat. Expressionless, Xia Liu Yi stepped on the gas.
For a time, the atmosphere was dead silent. The two of them said nothing, one driving, the other staring wide-eyed at the road. Only occasionally could He Chu San be heard reminding him, “There’s a railing on the left.”
“…”
“You want to go up the mountain? Turn right here.”
“…”
“Don’t drive too fast around the bend. You’ll rush off the cliff.”
“…”
“Don’t drive too fast! Brother Liu Yi!”
“What the fuck are you yelling for! Are you the boss or am I the boss!”
“…”
You’re exactly missing a boss to discipline you! Willful, reckless underworld man! He Chu San thought indignantly, but did not dare say it aloud.
The winding mountain road was utterly empty, with no traveler ahead and no ghost behind. The Benz twisted and wobbled all the way, stopping and going, before finally coming to a halt in front of a seaside villa where the cold wind rustled eerily.
Xia Liu Yi shifted gears, pulled out the car key, and at once, even the car lights, their only source of illumination, went out, leaving all around them dim and dark.
The moon was dim and the stars were sparse. The sea wind battered the car windows with a whooshing sound, and the remnants of yellow joss paper on the iron railing at the villa gate fluttered and rose with a shiver, as though waving at them.
“Don’t get out!” Xia Liu Yi said, opening the car door and staggering outside.
He Chu San climbed up and clung to the car window, watching as Xia Liu Yi stumbled toward the gate of that eerie, terrifying villa, then sat down leaning against the iron railing.
After sitting there blankly for a while, he lowered his head, took out a lighter, lit a cigarette, and stuck it into the gap of the iron railing. Then he lowered his head again and lit another, holding it in his own mouth.
The night was too dark, and Xia Liu Yi had parked too far away. He Chu San could only see him vaguely, unable to make out the expression on his face, and could only see the brightening and dimming glow of the cigarette tip. Against the background of that huge, frightening villa, Xia Liu Yi’s figure was thin and his face indistinct. He sat there silently without saying a word, looking as if he were about to be swallowed in one mouthful by the cold, dark monster behind him.
He Chu San had never been here before, but clever as he was, as long as he thought about the place Xia Liu Yi would go after getting drunk on his “birthday,” then saw how luxurious and abandoned this villa was, he could roughly guess where this place was.
No wonder he had insisted on personally driving him back. In truth, he had wanted to come by here along the way and take a look.
He Chu San silently sighed in his heart, tilted his head against the seat, stared at Xia Liu Yi, and also fell into a daze.
Dazed and muddled, he did not know how much time had passed before he began to doze off. His head dipped hard and struck the car window, instantly jolting him awake. He hurriedly clung to the car window and looked outside. The glow of the cigarette was long gone, and Xia Liu Yi’s dark, shadowy figure still sat in the same place, not moving in the slightest.
He Chu San hesitated for a moment, then quietly pushed open the car door and walked over with light steps.
He walked into the whooshing sea wind and came before the iron railing. Xia Liu Yi leaned there with his head lowered, as though asleep, his suit jacket wide open, exposing the thin shirt beneath.
He Chu San gently crouched down and tentatively patted his arm.
Xia Liu Yi’s head remained lowered, without the slightest movement. All that came from him was the sound of even, long breathing.
He Chu San tried tugging him once, but could not pull him up. Afraid of waking him, he could only stop.
He sat down close beside Xia Liu Yi, tucked his jacket for him, then discovered that aside from the extinguished cigarette butt, he was also clutching something else in his hand.
He Chu San carefully peeled open his hand and peeled out the greeting card he had given him.
In the dimness, he could faintly see that the words “Happy Liu Yi” on that awkward, ugly birthday cake had all been blurred by inexplicable water stains.
—That day was June 1st. It was the first time in my life I ever ate cake. I felt that day was the first birthday of my life. I told him I would follow him for the rest of my life, because following him meant there would be cake to eat.
He Chu San’s heart suddenly trembled! His hand loosened, and with a whoosh, the sea wind blew that greeting card far away. In the blink of an eye, it disappeared from sight.
He Chu San had no way to chase after it. In a panic, he turned his head and happened to see Xia Liu Yi’s lowered face. His side profile was cold, clear, and thin, the corners of his mouth drooping slightly in a somewhat lonely curve.
This underworld man who loved to play cold, cool, and ruthless in front of outsiders was always irritable, willful, domineering, reckless, endlessly tolerant of him, seemingly fierce but in truth concerned, and also, like now, inadvertently fragile in front of him.
Holding a birthday party, finding an excuse to reward the brothers under him, with singing girls and dancing, pools of wine and forests of flesh, laughter and play, had all been a pretense he put on for his brothers to see. The real him would only drive up the mountain alone late at night, sit before an abandoned and desolate villa, silently smoke a cigarette, shed tears over a greeting card, and then fall asleep without a sound.
He did not know what he counted as in Xia Liu Yi’s heart, but this reckless, lawless underworld man had appeared in his life with such swaggering arrogance, charging wildly through his heart, expanding territory and opening borders, until in the end, he had forcibly occupied an entire kingdom—otherwise, how could he, like now, feel such unbearable panic and pain in his heart just from looking at Xia Liu Yi like this?
He could not help raising his hand, gently touching Xia Liu Yi’s cold, slightly damp eye corner with his knuckle.
This man said he wanted to grow Xiao Qi Hall into the greatest gang in the jianghu. He was making up for another underworld boss’s life, and also searching for an outlet for his own guilt and pain. But expanding territory, scheming against one another, fighting and killing—was that truly the life this man, who liked skewering fish balls while watching movies, drinking beer while eating chicken hotpot, and dragging university students along to play billiards, wanted?
Aside from that, what else was he living for?
He Chu San let out a long sigh, spread his arms, and gathered all of Xia Liu Yi into his embrace, letting that lowered head rest against his chest.
Then he lowered his head and gently pressed his face against the top of Xia Liu Yi’s messy hair, which carried the smell of alcohol.
…
At dawn, Xia Liu Yi was awakened by the faint cries of seagulls. He frowned impatiently and spent a great deal of effort before finally prying open his eyelids, which seemed to have stuck together.
What entered his eyes was a stretch of deep-blue sea behind the palm trees. The first faint rays of morning sun trembled as they scattered over the horizon, and several silver-white seagulls circled round and round through the warm red glow, flying toward the sky.
This waking scene was far too dreamlike, leaving his hungover mind completely muddled. He stared blankly for quite a while before feeling that something was wrong with his body—not only did his head ache dully and his whole body feel sore, but more importantly, a certain spot on his chest felt itchy and numb, extremely unpleasant.
Boss Xia lowered his head and saw that his wrinkled suit jacket was wide open, exposing the thin shirt beneath. Someone’s dog paw was pressed against it—this time with different fingers, the middle and ring fingers—pinching one of his precious little points right through the shirt.
Xia Liu Yi flew into a rage and swung his hand, once again fiercely scraping He Chu San’s dog paw away!
But He Chu San’s other arm was wrapped around his waist, half his face flattened against Xia Liu Yi’s shoulder. At this moment, he only murmured groggily, unconsciously rubbed his face against Xia Liu Yi’s shoulder, and continued breathing evenly.
University Student He had been tormented by an underworld hooligan for an entire night, tired and sleepy and depressed and heartsore. How could he possibly have the energy to care about the anger of a human-shaped pillow?
Xia Liu Yi shook him twice but failed to wake him. He had half a mind to slap him awake, and his bear paw had already swung right up beside He Chu San’s face, but in the end, he still did not bring it down—this brat’s face was covered in eye boogers. It would dirty his hand!
He pushed He Chu San aside and stood up by supporting himself on the iron railing. By now, the morning sunlight had already reached the roof of the seaside villa, and the snow-white roof reflected golden light, a fresh and dazzling color.
Xia Liu Yi lifted his head and narrowed his eyes, staring in the direction of that light for a long while, his eye rims faintly heating… When he lowered his head again, he was once more that expressionless, calm, and composed boss.
He bent down and lifted He Chu San’s arm with one hand, dragging this mixed-up brat who slept like a dead pig upright, propping him against his shoulder, and hauling him back to the car with much dragging and pulling before tossing him into the back seat. Then he himself sat in the driver’s seat, rolled down the window, and lit a cigarette.
As he casually breathed out smoke rings, he leaned his head back against the seat and looked through the rearview mirror at He Chu San’s peaceful and innocent sleeping face.
Last night, he truly had been drunk out of his mind to have brought this kid here. But every word this kid had said, every thing he had done, every look he had given him—he still remembered them all.
Even that final light embrace had left him with one vague, indistinct impression.
It was not that he was overly sensitive. He Chu San truly had crossed too far over the line, beyond the bounds of brotherhood.
Xia Liu Yi tiredly rested his arm across his forehead and slowly, lengthily breathed out a wisp of insubstantial white smoke.
…
Boss Xia was at the tender age of twenty-five. His first love, to whom his heart had secretly belonged for more than ten years, had only just died, and he was devoted entirely to his career with no heart for romance. As for a brat still wet behind the ears, that was even more utter nonsense among utter nonsense. Dangerous feelings like these were best strangled in the cradle as early as possible.
That said, although he called it strangling, he had no intention of playing any of that hating you, fearing you, hiding away, never seeing each other again in the jianghu sort of thing—usually, the more diligently one hid, the more it proved one cared. Boss Xia believed he did not care in the slightest about the secret admiration of such a little brat. So he would still do whatever he should do. If he should ask this kid out to eat, he would ask this kid out to eat; if he should teach him billiards, he would teach him billiards; if he should keep trying to force him to manage the accounts for him, he would keep trying… He only kept a small thought in his heart, wanting to let this kid taste some meat.
He decided that this mixed-up brat, bold enough to reach the sky, had read himself stupid and had little social contact. After finally having a boss cover him—though this kid refused to acknowledge him as boss—he had temporarily mistaken brotherly loyalty for a racing heart. Before he had even tasted the flavor of girls, he had already gone down the road of being interested in men.
—Boss Xia, wait a moment. Are you sure you are not talking about yourself?
All right, let us set aside for now the matter of Boss Xia committing the great outrage of beating the author. After making this firm judgment, he became increasingly concerned about He Chu San’s development. Whenever he had nothing to do, he would plan this or that kind of occasion for his family’s little A’San to experience the joy of fish and water.
Manager Ma called him eagerly to report to his chairman, “Boss, that brat surnamed He must have eaten dog guts. He said he won’t play billiards with you on Sunday afternoon.”
“Studying for exams again? Didn’t he go to the bank for an internship?” Xia Liu Yi was skewering a cheese sausage on the other end.
“He said that last week, you found some pretty girl to give him close-contact instruction, and he accidentally sprained his hand, and it still hasn’t healed! I think he’s definitely pretending, Boss! This kid’s making excuses to hide from you! Give the word, and I’ll immediately drag him out and cut him down!”
“Cut what! Can you afford to pay if you cut him broken?! Drag him over to watch a movie with me.”
And so, that Sunday afternoon, He Chu San was miserably “dragged” into the underworld company’s private luxury cinema. He was still wearing an old shirt washed pale, but his little schoolbag had been replaced by an old leather bag that clearly looked as though it had been scavenged from a secondhand market, and there was also a pair of glasses perched on his nose.
“Finally read yourself blind?” Xia Liu Yi lay on the Hawaiian lounge chair and expressed his concern.
“The manager said I look too young and need to wear glasses to bluff people,” He Chu San said. “These are plain lenses.”
Xia Liu Yi scoffed and pushed the bowl of fish balls over to him. He Chu San obediently skewered one. “Brother Liu Yi, take your time watching. I’ll read my thesis materials beside you and won’t disturb you.”
Xia Liu Yi was long since used to his ability to hold both hands up with all his strength and tilt his head back to read even while squeezed standing on a bus, so he was too lazy to cut him down. He only casually swept a glance over the gauze wrapped around the index finger of his left hand. “Fuck! You really know how to put on an act. This is a ‘sprain’?”
“No, I cut it yesterday while working.”
“Cut it? Aren’t you serving dishes at a café?”
“I started learning to chop vegetables last month. Uncle Hua’s café moved outside the Walled City, and business is very good, so they don’t have enough hands.”
Xia Liu Yi gave a disapproving scoff, then turned his head and continued watching the movie.
This was the winter of 1990. The relocation work for Kau Lung Walled City had entered its middle stage, and most residents had been allocated government-compensated housing and compensation payments. Father He, an undocumented person who had wandered into the Walled City decades earlier, had also smoothly obtained permanent residency because he had lived in Hong Kong for seven full years, properly becoming a member of this sea-borne city. And according to the size of those two little run-down rooms stacked one above the other at home, they had been allocated a unit in a tenement public ownership housing building near Kowloon City Pier.
It was just that Father He was still an unlicensed dentist and had not been able to obtain legal qualifications to practice medicine. He could not open a clinic outside, so he could only be forced into retirement. Fortunately, He Chu San had smoothly found an internship, and each month, he had one or two thousand dollars to help supplement the household. Uncle Hua’s old signboard, the new Hua’s Café, happened to be open downstairs from the tenement building, so aside from interning at the bank four days a week, He Chu San still worked at the new Hua’s Café during the rest of his spare time.
Today, he should originally have been serving dishes despite his injury too, but once noon had passed, amid Uncle Hua’s roaring, he tucked his old briefcase under his arm and fled like smoke, voluntarily arriving at the entrance of the billiards room to be dragged away to accompany the boss.
Xia Liu Yi sprawled arrogantly on the chair watching this year’s blockbuster, A Moment of Romance. Andy Lau raced motorcycles in the parking lot amid screams that shook the heavens, mad and fearless, handsome beyond all bounds. Boss Xia commented with disdain, “Tch, what does this count for? I got tired of playing like that ages ago.”
“You raced motorcycles before?” He Chu San asked.
Xia Liu Yi gave a cold laugh and showed off. “At sixteen, I was a tyrant of Kowloon City. I never lost at the racetrack!”
He Chu San frowned slightly and asked worriedly, “Nothing ever happened, right?”
“…Of course not!” said Xia Liu Yi, who later broke his leg, was locked up by Azure Dragon for two months, and from then on was strictly forbidden from touching motorcycles.
This fucking little fox looked as though he could see through people’s hearts, staring at him for quite a while with a very complicated and strange gaze. Only when Xia Liu Yi was about to fly into embarrassed anger did He Chu San sigh with an air of old maturity. “It’s good nothing happened.”
Boss Xia heavily slapped the armrest of the chair, and He Chu San immediately shut up, lowered his head, and focused on reading.
By the small desk lamp Xia Liu Yi had specially had someone place on his tea table, he rustled through the thesis materials in his hands until he finished reading them, then carefully folded two large pages of notes and put them away together with the materials into his briefcase. When he lifted his head to look, Boss Xia had already tilted his head and fallen asleep.
Xia Liu Yi had accompanied several newly appointed inspectors drinking last night and socialized until the middle of the night, so halfway through the movie, he had already begun dozing off. Fortunately, he had only seen the romantic relationship between the protagonist and the rich young lady, and had not witnessed the ending where the protagonist, gravely wounded, perished together with his enemy.
The delicate-featured girl ran barefoot through the wind in her wedding dress, while the gangster, covered in blood, lingered at death’s door and gave his final convulsions. A young singer softly sang A Brief Tenderness:
Sweet words can’t explain it—this is no happy ending.
The yearning of life is never clear… why must one stay awake…
He Chu San silently straightened, leaned closer to Xia Liu Yi’s chair, and slowly bent down in the darkness… only to pick up Xia Liu Yi’s jacket, which he had casually thrown to one side, and gently cover him with it.
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