Futile Devices Scans

By the second day, Chu Shao Yang had clearly received guidance from an expert, because he came up with an endless variety of ways to order Fu Xi Yan around.

Boiling water, fetching water, gathering firewood, cooking, washing dishes… Judging by his attitude, there was no such thing as work that could not be finished—only people who had not yet been worked to death.

Although Zhou Geng Geng and Zhou Zhong Xin secretly helped him, they could not make it too obvious. Fu Xi Yan still had to handle most tasks personally. After two consecutive days, he barely had time to sleep. Several times, he dozed off on horseback and nearly fell.

Zhou Geng Geng harbored plenty of resentment over this and could not resist muttering and grumbling. Only then did Fu Xi Yan learn that before their departure, Fu Xuan had swallowed his pride and presented Chu Guang with a generous gift. Chu Guang had accepted the gift and responded with plenty of pleasant words, yet this was what he ultimately did. If things continued this way, by the time the procession reached Luoyang, all that would remain of plump Fu Xi Yan would be a thick mound of yellow earth.

No matter how he thought it over, he could not simply sit still and await death.

Contemplating his predicament, sorrow welled up inside Fu Xi Yan, and he could not resist composing a rap:

Living under another man’s eaves,

While the rotten roof keeps dropping tiles,

Rather than let them smash me flat,

I’d better find a giant umbrella and hide under that.

Where’s the umbrella at?

Where the priciest tents are pitched—that’s where it’s at!

At that moment, Fu Xi Yan felt sincerely grateful for his defective eyesight. Had he not “taken a fancy” to Lou Bai Zhan at first glance in Zizui Tower, he would never have met the Third Prince, much less sat down to eat and chat with him.

Thinking back upon the few traceless strokes of flattery he had delivered at the dining table that day, each had been so subtle and so perfect that the Third Prince must surely still be savoring them now. As long as Fu Xi Yan manufactured a chance encounter, the two of them should be able to establish contact immediately.

However, apart from riding on horseback the first day, the Third Prince had spent the rest of the journey inside a carriage with the Third Princess Consort. Fu Xi Yan circled the outer perimeter twice and discovered several obvious openings. He was just preparing to take advantage of the dark and windy night to accomplish his goal when the camp suddenly erupted into commotion. The disturbance appeared to originate from the area where the accompanying families were stationed.

Fu Xi Yan’s heart tightened. Could something have happened to the Third Prince?

While everyone was speculating wildly and growing increasingly uneasy, Chu Shao Yang arrived on horseback. Chu Guang favored his own people and had already promoted him to Company Commander. As the saying went, the county magistrate was less troublesome than the official directly overseeing you. As a second-generation manager, Chu Shao Yang naturally commanded a certain amount of authority.

He wasted no words. After selecting a group of experienced former Yulin Guards and leaving behind the order, “Hold the camp,” he shot away at the head of the group like an arrow.

Most of those left behind were workplace newcomers like Fu Xi Yan who had entered through the back door. Every one of them was young and backed by an unyieldingly powerful family. They possessed no understanding of workplace wisdom and assumed employment was just like serving in the Jinwu Guard—as long as the superior was absent, there was nothing wrong with chatting and exchanging gossip.

Rumors quietly began to spread.

Fu Xi Yan could not have cared less. His prison warden had finally left, so he seized the opportunity to catch up on his sleep.

Before falling asleep, the story he heard was that the Third Princess Consort had suddenly fallen gravely ill. By the time he awakened, it had evolved into the Third Prince having an affair with the daughter of an official from the Ministry of Works. The Third Princess Consort had unfortunately caught them in the act, become overwhelmed by fury, and vomited three sheng of blood. The imperial physician was helpless, so Chu Shao Yang had taken men to search for a renowned doctor.

Fu Xi Yan had barely concluded that this story made no logical sense—out in the wilderness, what renowned physician would dare accept a case even the imperial physician could not treat?—when someone immediately filled in the plot hole.

“You may not know this, but Peijie Town lies not far from here, and Willowwood Manor is located within it. Every year around the Qingming Festival, the manor lord holds a Universal Relief Assembly and invites physicians to provide free treatment and medicine to impoverished families. This tradition has continued for generations and become widely renowned, attracting many master physicians who came because of its reputation and eventually settled there. Over time, it became known as Apricot Grove Town, and people seek medical consultations there every day.”

Once he said this, quite a few people present remembered the place. Fu Xi Yan also recalled that his family had once invited a physician who seemed to have come from Peijie Town.

Now that the story had a specific location, everyone revisited the Third Prince’s scandal and found it increasingly convincing.

One moment, they condemned the official’s daughter for being shameless and immoral; the next, they envied the Third Prince for enjoying the blessings of two women; after that, they criticized the Third Princess Consort for being narrow-minded.

Fu Xi Yan did not know whether any of the Third Prince’s men were nearby. If there were, remaining completely silent would not look good, so he said, “Does Company Commander Chu not possess a mouth, or does he lack sufficient money? Why would he need to bring an entire crowd along merely to invite a physician and bolster his courage? Besides, the physicians of Peijie Town may not be especially skilled.”

Someone asked unconvincedly, “How would you know?”

Fu Xi Yan smiled. “I hired one before.”

The crowd immediately changed the direction in which they were cracking their metaphorical sunflower seeds and began wondering why someone as young as Fu Xi Yan had needed a physician.

Ancient people might have hidden and evaded the subject of losing weight, but to Fu Xi Yan, it was the sort of topic over which people could create a discussion group and encourage one another. He immediately began recounting his experiences without pause.

All manner of strange exercise equipment and every conceivable variety of weight-loss diet left the listeners dumbfounded.

While Fu Xi Yan paused to drink some water and moisten his throat, someone voiced the question everyone present was thinking. “Then why haven’t you lost any weight?”

The water in Fu Xi Yan’s mouth suddenly tasted bitter. He raised his head toward the sky and sighed. “I’d like to know that too.”

“I know a medicinal diet. My aunt tried it, and it worked extremely well. I just don’t remember the whole recipe. I’ll ask her for you later.”

“My mother also has a prescription. She passed it to my elder sister. I’ll ask about it too.”

“…”

For a moment, the camaraderie between fellow soldiers shone brilliantly throughout the crude camp. Apart from Fu Xi Yan, no one noticed that the topic had veered so far off course that not even a Category Seventeen typhoon could blow it back.

After breakfast, everyone packed their belongings and waited to depart. Yet it was not until noon that a single rider returned alone and headed directly toward the Third Prince’s tent.

Even the least perceptive among them could tell that something had gone badly wrong. Instead, no one dared continue discussing it. For a time, the entire camp fell silent, with only birdsong, chirping insects, and the sound of horses chewing grass.

Based on the countless television dramas and novels he had consumed, Fu Xi Yan also formed a few guesses. Unexpected incidents generally amounted to only a handful of possibilities: assassination, betrayal, brawling, poisoning, sudden illness, theft, or someone going missing.

Every one of those possibilities threatened Chu Guang’s head, not his. Fu Xi Yan leisurely lay down and prepared to take an afternoon nap. He had barely closed his eyes when Chu Guang’s confidant mercilessly ordered him back up.

“The Commander summons you.”

Well, well. This was truly Wang Po looking after Wu Da Lang—nothing good could possibly come of it.

Elio’s Notes: Wang Po and Wu Da Lang are characters from Water Margin. Wang Po helps arrange the affair that ultimately leads to Wu Da Lang’s murder, so “Wang Po looking after Wu Da Lang” implies that nothing good can come of the situation.

Fu Xi Yan rubbed his eyelids, yawned, drank some water, then went to relieve himself before leisurely following along.

The confidant stared at him in disbelief. “Why—why do you have so many things to do?”

Fu Xi Yan replied righteously, “Meeting one’s superior is an enormously important occasion! Were we not living under such crude conditions, I would bathe and burn incense for three days before presenting myself.”

The confidant thought, Like hell I believe you!

Following him, Fu Xi Yan entered the heart of the camp for the first time. Guards stood every three paces and sentries every five, creating far tighter security than usual. Unfortunately, he did not encounter Zhou Geng Geng or Zhou Zhong Xin along the way. If something happened to him, there would not even be anyone to summon reinforcements.

At that thought, he could not help slowing his steps. The confidant, who had been constantly monitoring his movements, immediately turned and glared at him.

Fu Xi Yan said wearily, “I’m tired. I’m tired.”

The confidant snapped, “We’ve only walked a few steps!”

Fu Xi Yan said aggrievedly, “You’re walking by yourself. I’m carrying three people along with me. How can that be the same?”

The confidant stared at his enormous body and was momentarily speechless. Only after walking another seven or eight steps did he remember that Fu Xi Yan’s legs were as thick as an elephant’s, with one equal to three ordinary legs. What difference could there possibly be?

Unfortunately, the tent was already directly ahead of them, so that brilliant rebuttal was destined to die before birth.

He could not resist glaring at Fu Xi Yan once again.

Fu Xi Yan was bewildered by the glare. They were merely chance acquaintances who had traveled a few dozen paces together. Where had this resentful expression of I’m pregnant and you’re the father come from?

However, his attention was quickly drawn to the strange atmosphere outside the tent.

Logically, since this was Chu Guang’s tent, the guards outside should have belonged to the Brocade Guard. Yet at a rough glance, the Third Prince’s personal guards seemed more numerous and occupied the more crucial positions. Even if the Third Prince had merely come over for a visit, this arrangement seemed somewhat like the guest usurping the host’s place.

Fu Xi Yan turned toward the confidant, but the man pretended not to notice. He merely instructed Fu Xi Yan to wait outside before entering to announce him. A short while later, the confidant emerged with another man.

Fu Xi Yan recognized him as the guard who had left with Chu Shao Yang the previous night and returned alone that morning.

Seeing the man’s ashen complexion, Fu Xi Yan wanted to ask a few questions, but the confidant urged him inside.

Upon entering the tent, Fu Xi Yan swiftly surveyed the scene.

The Third Prince sat imposingly in the seat of honor, while the tent’s actual owner had lowered his head to pick up books. The silence inside was so complete that it felt sinister.

Fu Xi Yan drew a deep breath and was just preparing to “open his mouth wide in shock” when the gloom vanished from the Third Prince’s face. With practiced ease and perfect naturalness, he greeted him. “Xi Yan, you’re here. I never expected that after traveling together for so many days, we would only properly meet today.”

Seeing the expression on his face that clearly said, Stop pretending—I already know that you know who I am, Fu Xi Yan could only silently abandon the carefully rehearsed progression of emotions he had been preparing: “shock,” “confusion,” “disbelief,” “delight,” and “reverence.” He stood humbly to one side.

Chu Guang watched coldly from nearby and said with a smile that did not reach his eyes, “Had His Highness not informed me, I would never have known that my esteemed nephew Fu was already acquainted with him. If I had known sooner, I should have transferred you to His Highness’s side from the beginning.”

Fu Xi Yan had previously wanted to seek the Third Prince’s assistance by relying upon his status as a son of a count’s estate and asking for a personal favor. Yet now it seemed as though the Third Prince intended to promote him instead.

That reversed the balance of supply and demand between them. Fu Xi Yan did not wish to assume the worst of others, but the filthiness of the human heart could produce absurdities beyond anything a kind person could imagine or predict.

The kindhearted Little Fu replied quietly and humbly, “I was merely fortunate enough to meet His Highness once.”

Chu Guang said, “You were born into a loyal and righteous household and have also earned His Highness’s favor. Clearly, neither your character nor your fortune is lacking.”

Fu Xi Yan inwardly sensed danger. Once a superior began sweet-talking you, it meant some troublesome matter everyone else desperately avoided was about to be thrown into your hands. He hurriedly said, “I cannot compare to even one ten-thousandth of Brother Shao Yang.” Bah!

Chu Guang smiled ambiguously. “Why be modest? Back in the Yulin Guard, when Shao Yang competed with my esteemed nephew Fu, the two of you ended in a draw.”

Fu Xi Yan: “…”

Ah. So he had come to collect a debt. His father was always saying children were debts from a previous life. Could Chu Guang possibly want Fu Xi Yan to acknowledge him as his father?

Not knowing how to respond, he could only look expectantly toward the other decision-maker present.

The Third Prince misunderstood his meaning and immediately declared, “Naturally, I trust you. If even you cannot be trusted, then I truly do not know who can.”

Fu Xi Yan: “…” In the end, he had entrusted his hopes to the wrong person. This powerful thigh might be long, but every step it took landed in a pit.

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