LW – Chapter 8.6: New Grudges and Old Hatreds

Tao Mo’s illness repeatedly relapsed. His fever rose and fell, coming and going, and only stabilized after tormenting him through roughly three such cycles.

Everyone in the county yamen was run off their feet. Rumors even began spreading among the servants that this county magistrate would once again fail to survive the year.

At the time, Old Tao and Hao Guozi were constantly running around Tao Mo, so although they heard those rumors, they had no time to concern themselves with them. Once Tao Mo’s condition stabilized, Hao Guozi immediately took out the register and began settling scores.

The county yamen descended into another bout of chaos. Yet this particular commotion somewhat dispelled the sickly atmosphere and added a measure of liveliness.

Although Tao Mo’s fever had subsided, illness came like a collapsing mountain and departed like silk being drawn from a cocoon. Once his constitution had weakened, it could not be restored in a day or two. For the time being, he could only recline in bed and allow Old Tao and Hao Guozi to take turns bringing him tonics and nourishing soups.

Tao Mo was so sick of them that he felt nauseated, yet he could not bear to disappoint their good intentions. He could only pinch his nose and force everything down.

After five or six days of this, he finally could not endure it any longer and asked, “Has Gu She… not come at all?”

Hao Guozi, who was blowing on a spoonful of tonic to cool it, raised his head irritably. “Who knows? It has already been several days, yet he has not even sent word about whether the matter succeeded.”

Tao Mo’s expression dimmed. Then, clinging to a thread of hope, he asked, “Then does he… know I have returned?”

“Of course he knows,” Hao Guozi said. “I returned the carriage as soon as I came back.”

Tao Mo remained silent for a long while before softly saying, “Oh.”

“However…” Hao Guozi paused, his eyes unconsciously darting toward the window.

Seeing his nervous expression, Tao Mo also grew tense. “What happened?”

Hao Guozi said, “Although Gu She did not come, Gu Xiaojia came two or three times. He also brought some medicinal ingredients, saying they were from Young Master Gu. But Old Tao sent them all back.”

“Ah? He sent them back? How did he send them back?” Tao Mo anxiously grabbed his hand.

Hao Guozi’s hand trembled, spilling the medicine from the spoon directly back into the bowl. Startled, he hurriedly said, “Young Master, do not worry. Although Old Tao refused to see him, he still observed proper courtesy. He said something about not accepting rewards without merit. In any case, he did not embarrass the other party.”

Tao Mo silently withdrew his hand and sighed. “Someone as proud and aloof as he is must have felt terribly uncomfortable.” Gu Xiaojia had come two or three times, which meant that even after meeting with refusal, he had returned to try again. For Gu She, that must already have been exceedingly rare, must it not?

His fingers lightly gripped the bedsheet, scratching three shallow marks into it.

“Young Master?” Hao Guozi waved a hand before his face.

Tao Mo caught his hand. “Help me prepare the carriage!”

“Now?” Hao Guozi frowned.

Tao Mo said, “He sent over so many medicinal ingredients. Whether out of sentiment or propriety, I ought to visit and thank him personally.”

Hao Guozi said, “But Young Master has not yet recovered from your serious illness. You should not leave the bed.”

“It was only a minor illness. You people merely nursed it into a serious one.” As Tao Mo spoke, he prepared to throw off the quilt and get out of bed.

“Then drink the medicine first.” Hao Guozi pushed the tonic toward him while inwardly considering how to stop him.

Tao Mo accepted the medicine and swallowed it in several large gulps without even looking at it.

“Ah, I still have other things to do later. Why not let Old Tao take Young Master?” Inspiration struck Hao Guozi, and he immediately tossed the troublesome matter away.

But Tao Mo’s plan was precisely to keep Old Tao from learning of this. How could he allow Hao Guozi to ruin it? He immediately caught him with his other hand. “Whatever it is, you can do it after we return. Tell them I approved it. Go prepare the carriage first.” He paused, then gave a special warning. “Do not let Old Tao know.”

Hao Guozi’s scalp prickled. He could only leave to prepare the carriage, inwardly regretting his loose tongue.

Tao Mo rose and put on his outer robe.

After lying in bed for several days, getting up so suddenly made his head feel heavy and his feet light. Both feet seemed to be stepping upon clouds, unable to find any strength for a long while. He finally managed to steady himself against the bedpost when Hao Guozi returned again.

“The carriage is ready so quickly?” Tao Mo froze.

Hao Guozi shook his head. “Someone has come to visit Young Master.”

Tao Mo’s eyes lit up. “Gu She has come?”

“No.” Hao Guozi sighed lightly. “It is Young Master Yi Yu. Peng Xiang came several times before, but I told him Young Master was ill and sent him away. I did not expect Yi Yu to come personally this time.”

“Ah.” Tao Mo hesitated, then felt his way back to the bed and said softly, “Invite him inside.”

“Young Master is not going to the Gu residence?” Having escaped one predicament only to fall into another, Hao Guozi could not describe what he felt.

“I can go later just as well,” Tao Mo said. “Invite Yi Yu in first.”

Hao Guozi left.

Tao Mo leaned against the bed for a while. Just as his eyelids began growing heavy, he heard the faint sound of footsteps slowly approaching from afar. He opened his eyes in a daze and saw a figure dressed in a white brocade inner robe beneath a vivid green gauze garment step inside.

Tao Mo’s eyes widened.

The pearl-set jade hairpin in Yi Yu’s coiffure flashed brilliantly. He wore makeup today, somewhat rich and vivid, yet it made his refined features appear even more striking. “You are ill, so I came to see you.”

Peng Xiang stood behind him as usual, gently supporting him by the waist and helping him sit upon the chair beside the bed.

“My apologies for failing to welcome you,” Tao Mo said, struggling to sit a little straighter.

The corners of Yi Yu’s lips lifted slightly. “Look at how unfortunate the two of us are. Either I am lying in bed when I see you, or you are lying in bed when I see me.”

Tao Mo smiled bitterly.

Yi Yu sighed softly. “What a pity. We have never had the opportunity to lie in the same bed.”

He spoke so explicitly and expressed himself without leaving the slightest room for retreat, leaving Tao Mo nowhere to hide. He could only lower his head in silence.

Even when Tao Mo had once been infatuated with Yi Yu to the bone, their physical contact had gone no further than the accidental brushing of fingers when raising and clinking their wine cups. It was not that he had been unaware that Yi Yu was no longer chaste, nor that he had failed to understand that Yi Yu’s alternation between intimacy and distance was merely a means of temptation. It was only that Tao Mo had sincerely wished to spend the rest of his life with him. Therefore, he had been unwilling to share physical intimacy with him in a place of pleasure and be reduced, in Yi Yu’s heart, to another pleasure-seeking guest merely playing along.

Yet at that time, he could never have imagined that circumstances would later take such a sudden turn for the worse.

Huang Guangde had unexpectedly used Yi Yu as a reason to move against him, and Tao Mo’s father had even lost his life at the prefectural yamen while trying to save him!

At the height of his pain and hatred, he had hated Yi Yu as well. He had hated him for watching coldly from the side. He had hated him for preferring to submit insincerely to Huang Guangde rather than risk everything alongside Tao Mo! Yet that hatred had only been temporary. Once his many emotions gradually settled, he suddenly understood that all his pain and hatred had merely been meant to protect himself. Because from beginning to end, the person he had truly hated was himself!

Had he not been obsessed with wine and pleasure, had he not accomplished nothing, had he not spent his days in idleness…

His father would never have departed with such desolation, unwillingness, and regret!

“Wuwen,” Yi Yu called softly.

Tao Mo raised his head and only then realized that tears had somehow blurred his eyes, leaving everything before him distorted and hazy.

Something cool touched his lips.

Startled, he drew back and hurriedly wiped his eyes. Just in time, he saw Yi Yu slowly retreating.

“You…” Tao Mo stared at him with wide eyes.

Yi Yu turned to Peng Xiang. “Leave the item here. You may go outside first.”

Peng Xiang frowned, faint unwillingness visible on his face. In the end, however, he still placed the yellow cloth bundle he carried upon Yi Yu’s knees and withdrew through the door.

Yi Yu’s hand stroked the bundle almost reluctantly as he said softly, “You guessed correctly. When Huang Guangde intended to harm you back then, I knew about it.”

Tao Mo’s heart tightened.

“But he did not do it because of me, much less because of you,” Yi Yu said. “He wanted your father’s rice business. Do you remember the famine that year? Most rice merchants raised their prices one after another. Only your father stubbornly refused to follow them. Not only did he refuse to raise his prices, he lowered them and sold rice cheaply.”

“I remember,” Tao Mo said. “I also remember that Huang Guangde specially presented my father with a plaque bearing the words ‘Benevolent Merchant’ and praised him extensively.”

“Praised him? Hah.” Yi Yu sneered. “He praised him only because your father had performed a charitable deed and won the people’s hearts, leaving Huang Guangde no choice. Did you know that many of the rice merchants who raised their prices were Huang Guangde’s people?”

Tao Mo stared at him in shock.

“From that moment onward, your father became a thorn in his eye and a splinter in his flesh,” Yi Yu said. “He had always racked his brains for a way to strike at your father. What happened with you was merely an excuse.”

Tao Mo’s heart began pounding violently. Only after a long while did he ask, “When did you learn this?”

“I knew from the very beginning,” Yi Yu said. “He had always been one of my regular patrons. But because he was an official, he could not visit openly, so he often secretly sent a sedan chair to fetch me in the middle of the night. Back then, he still cared about his reputation and hoped to rise to a higher office, so he handled everything extremely cautiously. But over the next few years, for some reason, he gradually became utterly unscrupulous.” He paused and looked at Tao Mo, who had been struck speechless by this succession of revelations. “So if you blame me or hate me, you have every right to.”

“No. I do not blame you.” Tao Mo pressed his palm against the corner of the quilt and allowed his tears to fall one by one upon its surface. The wrenching pain in his chest made even his voice tremble. “All of this was my fault. I brought it upon myself and cannot blame anyone else.” Even if Huang Guangde had only used him as a means of attacking his father, it was still Tao Mo who had given Huang Guangde an excuse. Otherwise, given his father’s caution, perhaps Huang Guangde would never have found an opening to exploit.

At the thought, Tao Mo bitterly regretted ten thousand times over that he had not simply taken his own life back then! Had he done so, at least his father might still be alive…

The one who should have survived was his father!

Yi Yu gazed at him with boundless pity in his eyes, though it was impossible to tell for whom.

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