Futile Devices Scans

Night had deepened, and the county yamen gates were locked tight. Zhang San led Li Si inside to kill Daoist Ma, but he did not head directly for the wall around the rear courtyard where the Daoist was staying.

That afternoon, he and Chief Constable Liu had exchanged a meaningful look. Zhang San knew Liu Wu wanted to use their hands to get rid of the demon Daoist and would probably make the defenses convenient for them. Still, one could never be too cautious. Concerned that Liu Wu might have received other orders from the County Magistrate and set a trap, Zhang San carefully led Li Si around the entire yamen first. Only after confirming that no troops lay in ambush outside did they climb in through the side courtyard used by the clerks on duty.

The side courtyard was pitch-black. Only a small room in the farthest corner still showed candlelight. Zhang San poked a tiny hole in the window and saw the junior clerk who had grabbed Chief Constable Liu that afternoon.

The clerk was working by lamplight, surrounded by a tall pile of household registers and holding a brush as he copied something. He had clearly worked himself senseless, however, and his head kept nodding as he dozed off.

Zhang San and Li Si did not disturb him. Soundlessly, they followed the wall, slipped along the empty corridor, passed through the main hall, and crept toward the rear courtyard.

There was no ambush there either. But in the silence came a series of impossible-to-ignore snores, rising and falling so dramatically that they could be heard clearly from the middle of the courtyard.

Li Si had listened to those snores for several days and knew them well. He pointed toward the sound and whispered, “Pighead.”

Zhang San looked. It was indeed coming from the right wing room.

Chief Constable Liu had not deceived them in the slightest.

Zhang San first led Li Si toward the servants’ room outside the right wing, intending to deal with the Strongman’s two subordinates before anything else.

He carefully drew his saber and slowly pried open the window with the blade. The two slipped inside one after another. The Strongman’s men were sleeping soundly on two small beds, snoring away themselves.

Zhang San stepped forward and raised his saber, only for Li Si to suddenly wrap both arms around his waist and drag him backward.

Confused, Zhang San looked back and mouthed something at him. The room was far too dark for Li Si to make out a word, so he stubbornly kept pulling.

Zhang San caught his chin, tugged his face closer, and whispered beside his ear, “What is it?”

Li Si’s ears immediately heated again. He hurriedly shook his head. “Don’t kill them.”

They weren’t the ones who breathed the fire. Their crimes don’t warrant death.

“Fine, fine. I won’t kill them. Let go of me.”

Li Si obediently released him.

Zhang San went back, rolled the two men over, and knocked each unconscious with a sharp chop. To make sure they could not wake up and cause trouble, he tied their hands with strips of clothing and kicked the weapons beside their beds underneath them.

The two opened the door and moved to the neighboring right wing room. Since the Strongman’s snores were loud enough to shake the place, there was no need to bother sneaking through a window. They simply pushed the door open and walked straight in.

The Strongman formed a small mountain beneath the quilt, sleeping in complete comfort and without the slightest vigilance. His thunderous snores practically made the bed tremble.

They did not even need to whisper in each other’s ears this time.

Zhang San glanced back. “Kill him?”

Li Si thought for a moment. “Don’t kill him. Beat him.”

“Beat him?”

“He deserves it.”

Zhang San sheathed his saber, freeing both hands, and grinned. “How do you want to beat him?”

Li Si went to the foot of the bed and groped around until he found the Strongman’s foot wraps. He rolled one into a ball and stuffed it into the man’s mouth.

The Strongman had been sleeping with his mouth wide open, singing his carefree song of slumber. When the filthy cloth suddenly plugged his mouth, he inhaled one deep, concentrated breath of stink and woke up instantly.

The moment his eyes opened, he found two grim plague gods standing beside the bed like emissaries from hell come to collect his soul.

He nearly jumped out of his skin.

His eyes bulged, and frightened, feeble mmph, mmph sounds came from behind the foot wrap. He threw off the quilt and tried to rise, only for Li Si to grab his head and press him straight back down with one palm.

Zhang San rolled up his sleeves and happily stepped forward, driving a heavy punch into the Strongman’s fat belly.

MMPH—!

Once Zhang San had enjoyed himself, he reached along the quilt and pinned the Strongman’s struggling hands at his sides.

Then Li Si rolled up his own sleeves.

Thud-thud-thud-thud!

A rapid barrage of punches hammered into the Strongman’s belly.

Mmph mmph mmph mmph!

The Strongman’s screams were trapped in his throat. After enormous effort, he finally spat the stinking foot wrap out and opened his mouth to call for help.

Li Si promptly stuffed it back in.

Zhang San stepped in and landed another heavy punch.

“Hel—mmph! Mmph mmph mmph! Mmph! Mmph mmph mmph! Mmph! Mmph mmph mmph!”

The two took turns pummeling him through several rounds. By the end, his eyes were crooked, his nose askew, and foam bubbled from his mouth. Finally, his eyes rolled back and he fainted.

Li Si still had not had enough and wanted to throw a few more punches, but Zhang San laughingly dragged him away. “Little colt, that’s enough. Kick him a few more times and he really will turn into a dead pig.”

Zhang San had been calling him “little colt” all day. Li Si had assumed it was simply a Hedong way of saying “little cavalryman.” Only now did something finally sound wrong.

He seriously corrected him. “It’s little cavalryman.”

Zhang San laughed so hard he could not stop.

Li Si froze.

Then understanding finally dawned.

Furious, he punched Zhang San in the shoulder. “Big tiger!”

He remembered Zhang San laughing at him like a “little donkey” while they climbed the rubble. So Zhang San had already changed the nickname to “little colt” all the way back then!

Li Si punched him again. “Big bug!”

“Hahahaha! All right, all right, don’t be angry. Good little horse. Big Bug will take you to kill the big horse.”

——

Zhang San was still laughing after they left the wing room. Walking ahead, Li Si turned around to glare at him several times.

They crept toward the left wing room. Zhang San was still completely relaxed; his saber remained at his waist, not even drawn. Li Si had his own saber in hand, but he was not particularly vigilant either.

The Daoist had a long face, a scrawny body, and looked too weak to truss a chicken. Now that he had lost his Guardian Strongman and stood alone, either one of them could have crushed him with a finger.

Both therefore let their guard down.

Li Si pushed the door open and stepped inside.

A lethally dangerous slash came straight at him.

The blade swept upward from below, aimed to send his head flying.

Li Si twisted aside in time, but his left shoulder was still cut open. A drop of blood splashed across Zhang San’s smiling face.

Zhang San’s smile froze.

His movements did not.

He seized the attacker’s wrist and stopped the second slash aimed at Li Si. Gripping the man’s arm, he smashed it violently against the doorframe, knocking the saber from his hand.

The man was no weakling. The instant he lost his weapon, his knee drove upward and sent Zhang San stumbling into the corridor. The two immediately tangled together beneath the eaves.

Li Si raised his saber to help him.

A second burly soldier burst from inside the room and swung at Li Si’s back. Li Si heard the rush of air behind him and shifted aside.

Their blades immediately crashed together.

As the four men fought, Daoist Ma seized the chance to flee the room, opening his mouth and shrieking, “Help! Save me!”

Damn—this is bad.

Chief Constable Liu had not lied to them. What even Liu Wu had not known was that after nearly being killed that afternoon, Daoist Ma had become frightened and cautious enough to call two soldiers into his room as guards.

The beating they had just given the Strongman had made too much noise. It had awakened both soldiers, who had simply lain in wait for the attackers to come.

These men had all been carefully selected from the military rolls by the Commander. Some had distinguished themselves in martial drills; others had already fought in real campaigns and possessed considerable experience.

They were far harder to deal with than Pighead.

Having lost the initiative, Zhang San and Li Si were temporarily tied up in the corridor.

Daoist Ma fled toward the courtyard entrance, shouting as he ran.

Just then, someone came rushing in from outside.

In the darkness he could not see where he was going and crashed headfirst into Daoist Ma. The two skinny men cried aiya! and tumbled to the ground together.

It was the junior clerk from the side courtyard. He had been staying up late going through the household registers for people aligned with Fire and had rushed over when he heard the commotion.

The clerk carried no weapon. After crashing to the ground with Daoist Ma, all he had in his hands were two hollow wooden clappers used by the county yamen to mark the time.

He began pounding them together.

Clack! Clack!

Still sprawled on the ground, he shouted with all his strength, “People! People! Assassins!”

Only a few strikes later, the yamen runners guarding the jail in the outer courtyard arrived, all charging inward with sabers in hand.

The entire county yamen erupted into pandemonium.

Even the twenty soldiers sleeping in the duty rooms outside woke up, pulled on their padded coats, opened their doors, and poked their heads out to listen.

Only then did Zhang San and Li Si finally drive back the two soldiers before them.

The situation had become a complete mess: Daoist Ma and the junior clerk were tangled together on the ground, the yamen runners had reached the entrance to the rear courtyard, and the soldier whose saber Zhang San had knocked away was already turning back to retrieve it.

Zhang San urgently shoved Li Si toward Daoist Ma. “Move! Now!”

Then he drew his own saber and blocked both soldiers by himself.

Li Si had no time to worry about him.

Obediently, he rushed straight at Daoist Ma.

Daoist Ma shrieked hoarsely. In his panic, he shook a concealed fire tube from his sleeve and released a blast of flame at Li Si.

Fire surged skyward and rushed toward his face.

Li Si did not retreat even half a step.

He charged straight into the flames.

One slash split the blue-and-red fire apart.

Carrying the murderous force of smoke and flame with him, his blade plunged directly into that wide-open horse mouth.

The blade twisted.

His hand jerked upward.

Half of Daoist Ma’s face split apart.

Blood sprayed violently, and his body, trailing black smoke, toppled backward and struck the ground without moving again.

Li Si stood over the corpse, his expression icy, blood dripping from the point of his saber and flames licking at his padded coat, like a god of war descended to earth.

The yamen runners who had charged inside stopped dead, stunned beyond reaction.

Zhang San threw off the two soldiers and rushed over through the confusion. While running, he stripped off his own padded coat and wrapped it around Li Si, smothering the little flames still burning across his clothes.

Then he shoved him outward. “Go!”

Bare-chested, Zhang San scooped the terrified junior clerk from the ground as easily as grabbing a chicken and pressed his blade to the man’s throat. “Everyone move!”

The clerk had just been sprayed with Li Si’s blood and, an instant later, found Zhang San’s saber against his neck.

His entire body went limp with terror.

Zhang San dragged him along until both his feet left the ground, and the clerk simply stared ahead, frozen dumbstruck.

Holding him hostage, Zhang San and Li Si hurried through the main hall and headed straight for the front courtyard.

The yamen runners and the two soldiers chased behind with drawn sabers, shouting, “Stop, thieves!”

The other soldiers had all come out of the duty rooms and stood in a loose cluster across the front courtyard, directly blocking the path ahead. Their weapons had been confiscated, and they had no idea what was happening, so they had grabbed whatever wooden objects they could find—court batons, brooms, stools, chairs—and now stared nervously at Zhang San and Li Si.

The two pursuing soldiers shouted from behind, “Stop them! They killed Daoist Ma!”

Still carrying the clerk, Zhang San roared, “That demon Daoist caused the deaths of the Commander and more than twenty of your comrades! You still want to follow him? The moment his life is in danger, he’ll sell yours to save himself!”

Li Si raised his voice too. “The Commander ordered me to kill him before his death! I acted under orders!”

The soldiers had no idea whom to believe.

They hesitated.

When Li Si came at them with his saber, they simply took the opportunity to move aside and open a path.

Zhang San and Li Si rushed for the gate. One carried the hostage while the other lifted the heavy bar, pulled the doors open, and strode out.

——

The two soldiers’ resolve had wavered, and they did not pursue them beyond the county yamen. Only the yamen runners, dutiful to the end and unwilling to let two men who had raided the yamen escape—especially while carrying off a clerk—followed at a cautious distance.

Zhang San and Li Si ran without stopping.

Bare-chested in the freezing wind and dragging the junior clerk along, Zhang San still moved with remarkable ease and even found breath to ask, “How’s your shoulder?”

“I’m fine.” Li Si draped Zhang San’s padded coat over him while they ran.

Zhang San stretched out an arm to put on the sleeve.

Distracted, he failed to notice the junior clerk biting him on the arm.

The clerk twisted around and tried to escape, only for Zhang San to seize his hair knot and drag him back. “Where’re you going? You’ve got some nerve, biting me!”

“I—I can’t… run anymore… let… let me go…”

“I’m helping you loosen up your muscles and bones. The Xiao army is coming. With those skinny little arms and legs, how’re you going to fight?”

The clerk had never imagined that being a civil clerk might somehow require him to go onto a battlefield and kill enemies. He flailed both thin arms, desperately trying to break free.

Li Si glanced back and saw the two struggling, with Zhang San’s coat hanging around him for ages without actually getting put on.

So Li Si grabbed the clerk over to his own side.

Running behind them, Zhang San finally managed to slip his arms into the coat and laughed. “Little colt, what’s this? I’m only allowed to tease you, not anyone else?”

Li Si had never considered that possibility.

He froze, unable to answer.

After running another two blank steps without figuring out what to say, he simply tightened his grip on the clerk and ran faster.

The clerk gasped, “Slow… down… can’t… breathe… help…”

——

The three reached the lit southern gate tower.

Chief Constable Liu had deliberately stationed himself at the entrance to the inner barbican that night, intending to secretly let them out after they killed the Daoist.

Instead, from a distance, he saw Li Si running toward him while dragging the junior clerk, who was panting so hard he looked half-dead.

Chief Constable Liu stared. “A-Lu! Why are you here?”

The clerk gasped, “They… killed…”

Li Si dragged him to a stop before the gate.

Liu Wu quickly caught the clerk, whose arms and legs had gone limp, and rubbed his chest to help him catch his breath.

The clerk clutched Liu Wu’s sleeve, almost in tears. “They… killed… Ma… and… grabbed… me…”

Chief Constable Liu said, “Didn’t I tell you to hide in your room tonight and not come out no matter what you heard?”

The clerk looked utterly stunned. “Checking… household… registers… head… dizzy… forgot…”

Zhang San had now caught up, and the yamen runners appeared around the corner behind them.

Zhang San immediately snatched the clerk back and bared his two sharp tiger teeth at Chief Constable Liu.

Liu Wu understood in an instant.

He raised his voice and began acting. “Bold thieves! Release Clerk Chen at once!”

Zhang San roared fiercely, “Open the gate! Or I’ll kill him!”

Li Si had never tried to look fierce before. But with the yamen runners almost upon them, he copied Zhang San and bared his teeth.

He had no tiger teeth.

So he worked very hard to make an entire neat row of little white teeth look threatening.

“Open the gate!”

Chief Constable Liu turned and pulled the mechanism for the inner barbican gate. “Don’t do anything reckless! Don’t hurt him!”

Zhang San and Li Si shoved Clerk Chen into the inner barbican. The archers atop the wall all drew their bows downward, but Liu Wu followed behind and shouted, “Don’t attack! They have Clerk Chen! Open the city gate!”

The heavy gates opened a narrow crack.

Zhang San and Li Si pushed Clerk Chen outside, skirted the horse-trap pits and caltrops, and stumbled downhill.

Chief Constable Liu chased them for a distance. Once they had passed beyond the archers’ range, he called softly, “Honored officers! You can give him back now!”

Zhang San shoved the half-dead Clerk Chen backward.

Chief Constable Liu hurriedly caught him.

They had been strangers brought together by chance, briefly allied for a single night.

Now they went their separate ways.