Futile Devices Scans

Night had already grown deep, and the county yamen gates were locked tight. Zhang San took Li Si with him, intending to sneak in and kill Daoist Ma, but he did not head directly for the rear courtyard wall where Daoist Ma was staying.

That afternoon, he had exchanged looks with the young constable and knew the young constable wanted to borrow their hands to get rid of this demon Daoist. He would likely make things convenient for them in terms of defense as well. But one could never be too cautious. Worried that the young constable might have received the county magistrate’s orders and set a trap, Zhang San still led Li Si carefully around the entire county yamen, confirmed there were no ambush troops outside, then finally climbed in through the side courtyard where the clerks were on duty.

The side courtyard was pitch-black. Only a small room in the farthest corner still had candlelight. Zhang San poked a small hole in the window and saw the young clerk who had tugged at the young constable that afternoon.

Inside, the young clerk was reading by lamplight, facing a tall stack of registry books, holding a brush and copying something. But he had already copied until his mind was dazed, his head bobbing as he dozed off.

The two did not disturb him. Soundlessly, they moved along the wall, followed the empty corridor, passed through the main hall, and crept toward the rear courtyard.

There was no ambush in the rear courtyard either. In the silence, however, there was a series of snores impossible to ignore—snores that twisted and rose and fell dramatically, so clear that they could be heard from the middle of the courtyard.

Li Si had listened to those snores for several days and was very familiar with them. He pointed toward the direction of the sound and whispered, “Pighead.”

Zhang San looked and saw that it was indeed the right wing room, so he knew the young constable had not deceived them at all. He took Li Si first toward the servants’ room outside the right wing, preparing to deal with the Strongman’s two subordinates first.

Zhang San carefully drew his saber and slowly pried open the window with the blade. The two entered one after the other and saw the subordinates sleeping soundly on two small couches to the left and right, also snoring loudly.

Zhang San stepped forward and raised his saber, only to be suddenly dragged backward by Li Si’s arms around his waist. Zhang San turned back in confusion and mouthed something at him. But the room was too dark for Li Si to see anything clearly, so he stubbornly kept dragging him back.

Zhang San pinched his chin, pulled his face over, and whispered beside his ear, “What’s wrong?”

Li Si’s ears heated again. He quickly shook his head. “Don’t kill them.”

The fire had not been breathed by these two, so their crimes did not warrant death.

“Fine, fine. I won’t kill them. Let go of me.”

Li Si obediently let him go. Zhang San returned and flipped the two men over, giving each of them a hand chop to knock them unconscious. To prevent them from waking and causing trouble, he tied both their hands with clothing and kicked the weapons by their beds under the couches.

The two opened the door and left the room, walking to the neighboring right wing room. Since the Strongman’s snores were so loud, there was no need to sneak in through the window. They simply pushed the door open openly and walked inside.

The Strongman formed a little mountain under the blankets, sleeping carefree and unguarded, his thunderous snores shaking the bed.

This time, there was no need even to whisper in each other’s ears. Zhang San looked back and asked quietly, “Kill him or not?”

Li Si thought for a while. “Don’t kill him, but beat him.”

“Beat him?”

“He deserves to be beaten.”

Zhang San sheathed his saber, freeing both hands, and laughed. “How do you want to beat him?”

Li Si walked over and groped around the foot of the bed until he found the Strongman’s foot-wrapping socks. He rolled them into a ball and stuffed them into the Strongman’s mouth. The Strongman had his mouth wide open, singing his carefree song of sleep, when Li Si suddenly blocked it. He inhaled a thick, rich breath and was instantly stunk awake!

When he woke, he saw two dark plague gods standing beside the bed, like envoys from hell come to collect his soul. The moment his eyes opened, half his soul was hooked away! The Strongman’s eyes bulged, and from beneath the sock came frightened, weak “Mm-mm” sounds. He lifted the blanket to get up, only for Li Si to grab his head and press him back down with one palm.

Zhang San rolled up his sleeves and happily stepped forward, slamming a heavy punch into his fat belly!

“Mmph—!”

After Zhang San had his fun, he reached along the blanket and pinned the Strongman’s struggling hands at his waist. Then it was Li Si’s turn to roll up his sleeves. With rapid thuds, he hammered a full set of quick punches into the Strongman’s belly!

“Mmph mmph mmph mmph!”

The Strongman’s screams were all blocked in his throat. After much difficulty, he finally spat out the stinking sock and was just about to call for help when Li Si stuffed it back in. Zhang San followed up and punched him heavily again.

“Help… mmph—! Mmph mmph mmph! Mmph—! Mmph mmph mmph! Mmph—! Mmph mmph mmph!”

The two took turns lining up to beat the Strongman through several rounds, beating his eyes crooked, his nose askew, and foam from his mouth. Finally, his eyes rolled back, and he fainted.

Li Si was still unsatisfied and wanted to add a few more punches, but Zhang San pulled him away with a laugh. “Little colt, that’s about enough. If you kick him a few more times, he really will become a dead pig.”

Li Si had been called “little colt” by him for an entire day and had always thought it was a dialect version of “little cavalryman.” Only now did he finally realize something was wrong and seriously corrected him. “It’s little cavalryman.”

Zhang San could not stop laughing.

Li Si froze, then finally realized what was going on. Furious, he punched Zhang San in the shoulder. “Big tiger!” He remembered that when Zhang San had mocked him for being like a “little donkey” while climbing the rubble pile, he had already changed to calling him little colt. Angrily, he punched him again. “Big insect!”

“Hahahaha! Alright, alright, don’t be angry. Good little horse, Big Insect will take you to kill the big horse.”

——

Zhang San was still laughing after leaving the wing room, and Li Si, walking ahead, looked back to glare at him several times. The two crept to the door of the left wing room. Zhang San still wore an easy expression, his saber still hanging at his waist and not even drawn from its sheath. Though Li Si held his saber, he was not particularly alert either.

That Daoist had a long face, a thin frame, and no strength to truss a chicken. Now that he had lost his Guardian Strongman and stood alone without help, either of them could press him to death with a single finger. As a result, both of them were somewhat relaxed. Li Si pushed the door open and entered.

What greeted him was an extremely dangerous slash! It came from below upward, meant to send his head flying.

Li Si turned sideways in time, but his left shoulder was still cut open. A drop of blood splashed onto Zhang San’s smiling face.

Zhang San’s smile froze, but his movements were extremely fast. He clamped down on the other party’s wrist and stopped the second slash aimed at Li Si. Gripping the man’s arm, he smashed it hard against the doorframe, knocking the saber from his hand.

The other man was no pushover either. The moment the saber left his hand, his knee drove upward fiercely, kicking Zhang San into the corridor, where the two tangled together under the eaves.

Li Si raised his saber to help. From inside the room, a second burly man darted out and also raised his saber to hack at Li Si’s back. Li Si heard the wind and shifted aside. The two immediately crossed blades and began fighting fiercely.

As the four men fought, Daoist Ma seized the chance to flee from the room, opening his mouth and neighing, “Help! Save me!”

Zhang San inwardly cursed that things were bad. The young constable had not lied to them, but even he had not known that after nearly being killed that afternoon, Daoist Ma had grown frightened and cautious, calling two soldiers to guard him inside the room. The commotion from beating the Strongman just now had been too loud and had awakened these two soldiers, who had then waited in the room like men waiting beside a tree stump for a rabbit, ready for the attackers to arrive.

These soldiers had all been carefully selected by the Command Envoy from the military registry. They either had outstanding martial skill in drills or had gone out to war before and possessed rich experience. They were far harder to deal with than Pighead Strongman. Zhang San and Li Si had lost the initiative and were temporarily held back in the corridor.

Daoist Ma shouted while running outside, nearly slipping out of the rear courtyard.

Just then, someone rushed in from outside the courtyard. In the darkness, his face could not be seen, and he crashed headfirst into Daoist Ma, knocking him to the ground. The two thin men cried out and tumbled together. It turned out to be the young clerk from the side courtyard who had been staying up late to select fire-aligned household registrations. Hearing the commotion, he had run over.

The young clerk had no weapon. After falling to the ground with the Daoist, he held two hollow wooden clappers used in the county yamen to mark the time. Striking them together with loud thuds, he lay on the ground beating them and shouting with all his might, “People! People! There are assassins!”

After only a few strikes, the yamen runners guarding the prison in the outer courtyard also arrived, all carrying sabers and charging furiously inside.

Now things were lively. The whole county yamen was thrown into chaos. Even the twenty soldiers sleeping in the duty rooms outside were awakened. They put on their padded coats, opened the doors, and poked their heads out to listen.

Only now did Zhang San and Li Si force back the two soldiers in front of them. Seeing the current situation—Daoist Ma and the young clerk tangled together on the ground, the yamen runners having reached the entrance to the rear courtyard, and the soldier whose saber Zhang San had knocked away turning back to pick it up—

Zhang San hurriedly shoved Li Si toward the Daoist. “Move! Hurry!” Then he drew his saber and blocked both soldiers alone.

Li Si had no time to worry about him. Obediently, he rushed straight toward Daoist Ma.

Daoist Ma shrieked hoarsely and, in his panic, shook a mechanism fire tube from his sleeve, unleashing a blaze of flame at Li Si. Raging fire shot skyward and surged toward his face.

Li Si did not retreat in the slightest. He charged straight into the sea of fire. One slash split the blue-red flames apart. Carrying smoke-scorched killing intent, the blade stabbed straight into that wide-open horse mouth.

The blade twisted, then his hand lifted.

Half of Daoist Ma’s face was split apart. Blood sprayed violently outward, and his body, trailing black smoke, collapsed backward and fell motionless to the ground.

Li Si stood before his corpse, expression icy, the tip of his saber dripping blood, his padded coat bathed in fire, like a war god born into the world. The yamen runners who had rushed in were all stunned in place, unable to react for a moment.

Zhang San shook off the two soldiers and rushed over amid the chaos. As he ran, he stripped off his own padded coat, wrapped it around Li Si, extinguished the little flames raging across him, and pushed him outward. “Go!”

Bare-chested, he grabbed the terrified young clerk from the ground like catching a chicken and held a blade to his neck. “Everyone move!”

The young clerk had just been splashed with blood by Li Si and then immediately had his neck seized by Zhang San. He was so frightened his entire body went limp. Zhang San dragged him along until both his feet left the ground, and he stared blankly, stunned as a wooden chicken.

The two held the clerk hostage, quickly crossed the main hall, and headed straight for the front courtyard. The yamen runners and two soldiers chased behind them with sabers, shouting as they ran, “Thieves, stop running!”

In the front courtyard, the soldiers had all come out from the duty rooms and were standing loosely together in the courtyard, just blocking the path ahead. Their weapons had been confiscated, and they did not know what had happened, so they had picked up wooden tools like court batons, brooms, stools, and chairs, nervously watching Zhang San and Li Si run out.

The two pursuing soldiers shouted from behind, “Stop them! They killed Daoist Ma!”

Zhang San carried the young clerk and roared sternly, “That demon Daoist caused the deaths of the Command Envoy and more than twenty of your comrades! Are you still going to follow him? Once life and death are at stake, he’ll only sell your lives!”

Li Si also raised his voice. “The Command Envoy ordered me before his death to kill him! I acted under orders!”

The soldiers did not know whether they should believe the two of them. Hesitating, they made no move. Seeing Li Si hacking with his saber, they simply took the opportunity to dodge aside and open a path.

The two took the chance to rush to the gate. One carried the hostage, while the other lifted the door bar, pulled open the gates, and strode away.

——

Those two soldiers’ hearts wavered, and they did not continue chasing out of the county yamen. Only the yamen runners, loyal to their duties, did not dare let these two night-raiding bandits escape, and because they were worried about the kidnapped clerk, they followed at a distance.

The two ran wildly without stopping. Zhang San faced the cold wind bare-chested, dragging the young clerk along, yet his steps were very light, and he even had the leisure to ask Li Si, “How’s your injury?”

Li Si said, “It’s fine.” While running, he draped Zhang San’s coat back over him.

Zhang San stretched out an arm to put on the sleeve, but without paying attention, the clerk bit his arm. The clerk took the chance to turn and try to flee, only for Zhang San to seize his hair bun and drag him back. “Where are you going? You’ve got guts, daring to bite me?”

“I, I can’t… run anymore. Let… let go…”

“I’m helping you stretch your muscles and bones. The Xiao Army is coming. With those skinny arms and legs, how are you going to fight?”

The clerk had never imagined that, as a civil clerk, he would have to go to the battlefield and kill enemies. He waved his two skinny arms, desperately trying to break free.

Li Si looked back and saw the two of them pulling and struggling, Zhang San’s coat hanging over him for ages without getting properly worn. So he grabbed the clerk over to his own side.

Zhang San ran behind, smoothly putting on his coat while laughing. “Little colt, so I’m only allowed to tease you and not anyone else?”

Li Si had not expected it could be because of this. For a moment, he froze, unable to reply. He blankly ran another two steps, not knowing how to respond, and simply tightened his grip on the clerk and ran even faster.

The clerk: “Slow down… can’t… breathe… help…”

——

The three ran to the foot of the lit southern city gate tower. The young constable was intentionally guarding the entrance to the inner barbican tonight, waiting for the two of them to kill the Daoist so he could secretly let them out. As a result, from far away, he saw Li Si dragging the young clerk along with agile strides, while the latter was gasping for breath and had nearly lost half his life from running.

The young constable said, “A’Lu! Why are you here?”

The clerk panted endlessly. “They… killed…”

Li Si dragged the clerk to a stop before the gate. The young constable quickly supported the clerk, whose limbs had gone limp, and rubbed his chest to help him breathe.

The clerk clutched the young constable’s sleeve, his voice almost tearful. “They… killed… Ma… and… grabbed… me…”

The young constable said, “Didn’t I tell you to hide in your room tonight and not come out when you heard movement?”

The clerk looked stunned. “Selecting… household… registrations… head… dizzy… forgot…”

Zhang San had now also run over, and the figures of the yamen runners appeared around the corner behind them. Zhang San snatched the clerk back and bared two sharp tiger teeth at the young constable.

The young constable instantly understood and loudly began acting. “Bold thieves! Release Clerk Chen at once!”

Zhang San roared fiercely, “Open the gate! Or I’ll kill him!”

Li Si had never pretended to be fierce before, but seeing the yamen runners about to catch up, he copied Zhang San and bared his teeth. He had no tiger teeth, so he worked hard to look fierce with a neat row of small white teeth. “Open the gate!”

The young constable turned to pull the mechanism for the inner barbican gate. “Don’t act recklessly! Don’t hurt him!”

The two pushed and shoved the clerk into the inner barbican. The archers on the city wall all drew their bows downward, and the young constable followed behind to stop them. “Do not attack! They have Clerk Chen! Open the city gate!”

The heavy city gate opened a narrow crack. The two pushed the clerk out, circled around the horse-trap pits and iron caltrops, and staggered downhill. The young constable chased after them for a stretch. Seeing that they had run beyond the archers’ range, he called quietly, “Honored officials! You can return him to me now!”

Zhang San shoved the half-dead clerk backward, and the young constable quickly caught him in his arms. These few people had met only by chance and briefly allied themselves, then each went their separate way.

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